Chapter 9

Sister Elizabeth

“Okay what about the story of Job?.” I asked Raven yet another question regarding her religion views.

“I personally think that he should have been left to die. I heard you are not supposed to cut your suffering time short. So to have Jesus heal some of these people was kinda discriminatory” Raven replied casually looking around the garden.

It was two days after I talked to Raven in church. My answer to her question was never accepted. I told her my views on gender equality and she said okay with a straight face. I tried to push but Raven decided to leave. After that, I managed to get her into some meaningful conversations. I invited her to do duties with me. I have only asked her to pray with me once and she honestly answered with a no.

I was disappointed because I thought I was getting her there. To a better point but then I didn’t have to rush her into faith. So two days passed and I invited her to come garden with me. She excused herself from Claire and Aurora who I believed were her friends in this convent.

“That’s not what the verse is about”

“I think that they should have wrote their stories with animal characters.”

“I… why would you say that!” I glared at the girl.

“Because animals seem to have some sort of thinking capacity and I think their lives are interesting. I love watching animal movies especially about dogs. Have you ever watched The Secret Life Of Pets?” Raven took the pick and stood over the clear space we wanted to make vegetable beds.

“Uh no. Here we don’t really watch movies that are not religious”

“It’s my comfort movie.” Raven shrugged.

“You get comfort from a movie?. When you are going through sadness, you watch the movie”

“No, when I watch a gut wrenching horror movie that leaves me shaken up, I watch the secret life of pets before sleep”

“Why would you watch something that makes you feel so terrible?” I questioned  in confusion.

“I can’t explain it but I love how I feel when I watch them. Horror movies carry this tension and this power to install fear in a person. The only stuff I can watch and be completely distracted from the world”

“It doesn’t sound pleasant”

“I have the best idea. I am going to make you watch something you can relate to”

“Horror?”

“It’s the less scarier ones. It’s called The Conjuring. If you watch the whole movie, I will attend 3 classes with the novices”

“You like making deals. Do you want to become a business woman after you have finished your studies?”

The smile on her face vanished with my words. She gripped the handle of the pick and shrugged in response before she started digging.

“Did I say something wrong Raven?” I stood up but stayed in place to avoid getting hurt.

I believe I angered her then by something I had said. I tried calling out again but the sound of her digging was louder than my voice. Allita came to inform me that Sister Mildred wanted to see me. It was always bad news when the oldest nun called.

I went to her quarters and knocked on her door before stepping in the sun lit room. The old woman was sitting by the window looking over the garden. I could see Raven from the window which meant she had been watching us. I grew nervous.

“Mother, you called for me”

“Yes, Elizabeth. Take a seat near me” She patted the empty space on her side. I followed her command.

“How are you feeling as of today?” I politely inquired.

“Like I’m living one of my last days. Have you made any progress with the girl?”

“Yes, it’s small but she seems to be listening to my teachings”

“You must succeed. Her father called and he is asking for drastic measures to be taken for the results he expects when he takes her back home.” The former Reverend mother rattled, her voice different with days.

“Are we doing this work for her father?. I thought we were just helping the girl, Mother” I phased, my tone doubtful.

“He…has made a huge donation to our church that is going to help us with the extention of the Convent.” Sister Mildred informed.

“But we can’t accept payment for the Lord’s work.” I verbalized in disapproval.

“It’s not payment. He is donating and all he asks for is help with his lost daughter. He is a loving father and losing his child to such a path is very hard for him. So we must do whatever it takes to change that girl’s way of thinking” Sister Mildred explained, determined about the issue.

“Well its taking time but I can see she is already making small changes” I convinced, having seen the progress in Raven.

“That’s why I called for you Elizabeth. You have a soft heart and sometimes you do not understand the measures we take to help those that lost their ways. Last time it took a huge toll on you my child. I have spoken to Sister Louise, she agreed to help the young girl”

“Sister Louise is part of the Charasmatic committee. They deal with the possessed” I frowned at the new information ℹ was just trying to process.

“Yes, they will handle her. They are busy for these next 9 days but after they will be handling the young girl. Only they can help her” Sister Mildred declared as a matter of factly.

I felt my heart sink. I had no idea why It frightened me to let Raven get the help she truly needs. The measures the charismatic sisters took on situations like hers, always produced eminent results. But I truly knew what they did. I knew it was painful.

There was a voice at the back of my head pushing to be heard but I ignored it and stared at Raven through the window as I carefully worded my thoughts,

“I think that would be best too”

It was clear they thought I was not capable of helping Raven. Maybe they were right.

I walked around the Convent talking to nuns  while I got ready to face Raven again. It was overwhelming to face someone who challenged my ways. Raven did not only challenge everything I believed in, she was against who I was  entirely. Ever since we met, I had questioned all I was taught. I had to make a place at the back of my head for all the doubts she placed in my head.

After an hour I walked back to the garden. She was not there, just a hole and the pick. I stepped closer to the hole she dug up and leaned in to to check how deep the hole was.

“This hole reminds me of my ex girlfriend. So wide” Raven spoke with her eyes closed.

“Do not say such things. What are you doing down there, get out” I scolded the young girl.

“Just getting my body used to being in a grave. I must say it’s pretty comfy even without the coffin” Raven wiggled her body around the soil.

“Do not joke about death” I reprimanded her deaf ears that never listened to me.

“Life is a joke, death is the only thing that makes sense in this stupid cold world.”

I stood there, my face blank.

“What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know. Do you think if I die in a convent, the big man will still take me to hell for my very small sins?” The girl pushed her arm under her head and her legs crossed on top of the other.

“You don’t get to decide if your sins are small or big. And your destination after death has nothing to do with where you died. Even if you die in church, how you lived is how you are judged”

“Even if I die tongue deep in a lady’s honeypot?”

I gave her a disapprove look.

“Get out of the grav… of the pit and come with me. I want to watch the choir practice for baptism day”

“No, thank you” Raven closed her eyes.

“So now you disregard your elders. Such manners you have”

“That shit don’t work on me” She lazily mumbled.

“Don’t use that language!”

“I wouldn’t mind dying. Down here I could just…Die”

Raven closed her eyes and started muttering words under her breath. In French. Then she adjusted her body lying straight with her hands beside her body. She took a deep breath then remained still.

I stood there for a while, she didn’t move.

“Raven”

Silence

“Raven get up here, you are going to make me late”

Silence

I studied her face. She looked so peaceful lying there. Even though she was beautiful, I couldn’t help but be saddened by the thought of someone like her dying. She gave me trouble more than she listened yet I did not wish death on her. Even if she was homosexual.

I felt ill the more I watched her so still.

“Okay then” I dipped my hand in the loam soil and gathered the particles in my palm then I stretched my hand on top and let the soil go right on top of her face.

She jumped up.

“Why would you do that Sister Elizabeth!” Raven brushed away the dirt from her face.

“I said let’s go.”

“Do you know how much work it takes to get my hair like this?. And my skin” Raven complained.

I chose not to roll my eyes at the girl as I walked away. She truly fascinated me most of the time. Other times just annoying. I walked away and trusted she got the message. I turned back once and she was following behind me with an unhappy scrowl.

Staring at her, my mind thought,

Please Raven just let go of your unnatural ways and they will never hurt you. God knows I already carry enough blood on my hands.

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