Chapter 18

RAVEN

“Punishments?”

“Yes. How do you know Allita?” The girl sticked to her side of the dirty war.

It had some blood stains on it, a red hand palm that gave me a sick imagination of how it got there. There was a Bible, close to her knees that were now folded under her.

“When I came here, she was the one mother superior tasked with being my little bodyguard” I bitterly chuckled, a broken cough cutting me off when it felt like there was dust in my chest.

The walls were chirped, the dirty cream paint and cement coming off to leave the grey underneath. I covered my nose with the top of my sweatshirt, breathing in to suppress the nausea from getting the better out of me. Though the stench only got stronger, moist strong stench that stuck to my skin sipping into me.

“You get used to the smell” Rayana’s words only made this nightmare more scarier.

“How long have you been here?” I spoke under my shirt where I head pressed my head down to cover my nose.

“I don’t know. Maybe ten years”

“It can’t be, Claire was talking about you disappearing before I showed up. You cou….”

“Claire?. You know Claire too” Rayana’s eyes sparkled with tears as she crawled closer to me. “Is she okay?.”

The way she moved reminded me of a caged animal. The torn dress and the wounds only made my brain hurt from imagining what was in store for me.

“Yes. She is okay…actually th…” I stopped myself before I went further.

It finally came to me. Claire and Rayana’s connection. Whilst Claire was heartbroken about Rayana leaving her, the girl was locked in some dirty dangeon that smelt like death and rotten flesh. To tell Rayana that Claire had been kissing Aurora, would be like pouring salt on her gushes. Clearly, something went sideways the day they were supposed to run away.

“What?. What were you going to say?” She hung closer to me, her eyes wide with anticipation.

“She is the one who welcomed me when I first got here”

“That’s Claire. Sweet and soft.” A tear fell down her cheek as she sat there, her skinny arms shaking slightly.

“Where am I?”

“This place?. It’s where the charismatic sisters change the lost souls. They help you find the right path again” Rayana stared at me. Her dull eyes taking my appearance in.

“Have you?”

“Not yet, but I am getting close.” Rayana moved away from me then back to her corner.

Back to praying, tears down her cheeks as she begged, her hands joined together. Her knees dug deep in the concrete, steady through the pain. I still was not grasping the gravity of the situation.

Everything was still foggy and the stench only got stronger and stronger but something told me throwing up in the 7 by 7 space we were staying In would only make things worse.

So I waited, let my mind process all that had happened. I hugged my knees and buried my face on them searching for some comfort. When they come back, I would try to explain the misunderstanding.

I was not a rapist but it was my word against Aurora’s. A sinner VS a Saint.

Surely she had just panicked but would she let me go down for a crime I did not commit?. In my mind, I still thought they were taking precautions to keep other nuns safe. Once the misunderstanding was cleared, I would be free. But what did that look like?.

Home…was no longer home.

The memory of my father throwing my body against the wall served as a terrifying traumatic reminder that still made my muscle memory ache. My mother, my little sister. I wondered of my brother had been informed of my whereabouts. Our family tree that brunched out the neighborhood. My aunt Janice, I could only imagine the look on her face. Her eyes tight and mouth pinned up to her button nose. The words she would spread through.

‘Raven, the little pretender. Surely nobody would have seen this spirit coming into our family, Oh God save her soul from the bottom pits of hell’ then wiping her mouth with her blue handkerchief and shaking her head.

That was all they could say truly, my family were judgemental, extremists, bigots of all sorts. They believed they were only right. Their way was the right way and everything else was wrong. They judged, hate, put others down.

‘Oh Betty, you ought to have waited for marriage before fornicating.’

That was the word for sex when you did it before marriage. Having a child was a different kind of shame. They bullied, laughed and shamed. You would never get married now that you have tainted yourself.

That meant you are no longer a virgin and you should wait for a men who has slept with ten women to finally come and deflower you like some sort of doll made for him. Losing your virginity before marriage was a grave sin.

I jumped when I heard the metal door scrap against the floor. Rayana’s body stiffened and she stuck to the wall dread written all over her pale bruised face. Three nuns wrapped in white stepped in, barely glancing towards Rayana when they roughly grabbed my arms and forced me up.

I heard Rayana whisper something, her eyes on me. I turned my head since my arms were tightly held.

“Don’t resist” She whispered, her voice low.

If it was not for the look in her eyes, I would have believed they were taking me to just hear my side of the story. Her eyes were screaming for me, pitying me. I snapped my head back and watched as they opened they passed the door with many locks. They dragged me to a stairwell that descended down into the darkness. I tripped over as they dragged me, my arms ached. I turned around again to see where we were coming from.

It was dark.

Flickering lights that hung on the walls keeping just enough light to see where you are going. Until to the last step. Then they knocked the door and it was ripped open. An old woman was on the other side. A dark blue nun uniform. They were lines in between her eyes. Lines of cruelty. Even her eyes.

They were cold, dark. Her facial expression remained stoic.

“Place her on the floor” The old woman instructed and the nuns pushed me to the floor.

The room had crosses of a crucified man. Sculptured on them. They were about 6 of them. Then candles, books. Words written in a language I could not understand. There was a huge concrete basin that must have reached the height of my knees and hands joined together stamped in the concrete.

The nuns surrounded me and the door was slammed shut. The old nun did a cross sign then stepped over, her feet in front of me.

“It always happens at this stage, the devil. He takes advantage of people your age. That’s when you are lost, vulnerable and weak. He takes advantage when you are sad”

I stayed silent, unsure of what was expected. I could only wait for my turn to speak.

“You end up doing things you would never do but he makes you. He corrupts, it’s what he does. He enjoys causing suffering. Chaos, so he uses you to get more people to come to him. Using you to force that girl to be one of you”

I stayed still with my head held down. Resistance meant defiance. Then one of the nuns stepped away from me and I could only hear her footsteps.

“But God will never abandon you. He forgives those who have lost their way and send his sheep that dedicated their lives to serving him. He sends us to rescue you, to save you from the chains of evil. We are going to help you and you will be free”

I turned my head up when I smelt it. Frankincense. The nun had brought it close to me with a bowel of water.

The old woman held the book open. I head the sound of beads and I turned to see one the nuns holding a rosary with big round beads and the last nun was holding a wooden cross. What was happening?.

I cleared my throat, trying to withhold the coughing fit the Frankincense was going to send me in. They would pray for me and I would not resist that. We had done it many times with Elizabeth.

“Domine, miserere mei,
peccatoris indigni.
Concede mihi veniam
et gratiam tuam.
Domine, miserere mei
peccatoris indigni.
Concede mihi veniam
et gratiam tuam.”

They repeated the latin words and though it was strange. I could only focus on holding my breath to avoid breathing in the smoke coming in my face. My throat burned, that itch as if I wanted to sneeze but also cough until I felt water splash on my face and I gasped letting the smoke in. I began to cough, trying to make it better but it only got worse. I felt pain on my back, worse than when my father threw me against the wall.

I shrieked turning but I was hit across my back with beads that seem to burn and dog into my back. A scream splattered out of me and I felt it again. I crawled to get away but they pushed me down, their prayers got louder.

I scrapped the concrete, the burn in my naked ankles as the concrete tore away my skin while I tried to get away. Every hit felt like a hundred cuts. My back was wet and my head was spinning so much I heaved as the bile came. My ears rang as I let out screams, my head scrapping against the rough floor, I fell on my side and the pain cut through from the side of my face to my shoulder and chest. I screeched out moving my arm to shield myself but the next hit had me gasping and I threw up, choking on the bile as they kept whipping me with the rosary.

My eyes blurred and their words, the sounds of the beads coming together as they dug into my skin faded away with everything else.

“Domine, miserere mei,
peccatoris indigni.
Concede mihi veniam
et gratiam tuam.
Domine, miserere mei
peccatoris indigni.
Concede mihi veniam
et gratiam tuam.”

☆ ☆ ☆

It’s going to be okay. Our baby just has a rough few chapters and we will get her out soon.

What’s the worst that could happen?

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