Chapter 16

Raven

“Okay we have skipped enough prayers”  Elizabeth chuckled wiping her mouth.

I blinked away the post orgasm effects and weakly sat up.

“I’m gonna get out of here” I slid my naked butt off her bed.

“Raven… We still need to talk about this” Elizabeth spoke with her eyes on my breasts, hungrily licking her lips.

“No, we don’t. I know what you are gonna say Elizabeth. You are a nun and this was wrong. I’m aware. I won’t say anything to anyone”

Elizabeth looked down at her hands.

“I know it’s wrong… I just don’t want to stop”

I was completely shocked by her words.

“Are you crazy?. We can’t let this develop into anything deeper. It will only lead to heartbreak when I leave”

“Then don’t leave…”

Did she hit her head on the wall when we were fucking?.

“No, I didn’t hit my head Raven but I just… you… I know, I know I sound crazy but… you didn’t feel what I felt, what I feel. You can’t walk out that door without promising to come back…”

Oh she was definitely crazy.

I finished dressing up then looked at the older woman. Lord she was beautiful. My heart sored just by locking eyes with her scared ones. Elizabeth was obviously feeling vulnerable after her first time and I was letting my own fear cloud my judgement.

“Elizabeth this is… if anyone found out we…this… I would lose everything. My family, my home, my dreams. Everything” I played with my fingers nervously.

“They don’t have to find out… I would be kicked out…they will hurt me if they found out. I could get killed Raven but…” Elizabeth stood from the bed, that crazed look back in her eyes “…I feel all these things for you. I’m scared and I don’t know what’s wrong right now” Her hands gripped me, her nails sinking into me.

Her eyes danced around again, she appeared to be lost, scared and confused. I had to put in mind that Elizabeth didn’t see this coming. Having sex with me, it was not something to take lightly when she had devoted her life to being celibate. I couldn’t imagine the chaos in her head.

“Nothing is wrong with us right?” Her voice was thick, her eyes dark.

I brought my lips to hers, I wrapped my arms around her and we kissed. She tried her best to put all her emotions into it and I did too. I felt it too, the attachment that had grown. We fought too much, we were too intense.

“I’m so scared” She whispered against my lips.

“We don’t have to make a decision right now. Don’t think about other people, think about how you are feeling and me” I rubbed her cheek, slowly calming her down.

I was glad she was not freaking out in a negative way. Like blaming me for the sex or bringing up her religion in a moment like this. She seemed less guarded, for once she didn’t look like she was better than me. For once she was not the saint and I was not the sinner.

“I am sorry I… uh choked you” Elizabeth kissed over my neck where I assumed bruises were visible to a naked eye.

“Why were you so angry?”

Elizabeth sighed moving back to the bed. I followed and sat next to her. I took her hand and interlaced our fingers.

“Everything just built up. You came out of the blue and questioned everything I believe in, who I am, what makes me, me. And the worst part was that you have some sort of influence over me. I couldn’t just brush you off or make my mind stop thinking about everything we talked about. And I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I didn’t want you near anyone and you kept pushing my hand. When realization hit that I had developed feelings, gotten attached to you, you were being too close to Claire. I just lost it…because…because you were meant to be so close to me” Elizabeth paused, dark eyes darting around the room as though she was trying to steady the moving lines we had crossed, then she looked back at me and said “You were given to me and I am meant to keep you, as my own sin”

I processed her words. They were somewhat poetic, a great sentimental deal. Though I should have been happy to hear them, I felt fear. The kind that warned me to bolt. Yet, I only cruised my body closer to her. As if to prove her words right. I was given away, to her.

“I think I liked you the second I got here but I didn’t want to admit it.” I sighed, unhappy with myself. But I went on, “Having you criticize me all the time, try to change me. It was like you were rejecting who I really am. I had no idea why I was doing what I was doing but I knew I wanted you to rethink the hate you had for people like me. For me”

There was silence, there was also The Loud.

The loud unspoken truths. It was lust, it was sin. Elizabeth was good…she had lived her whole life being good and now she had sinned, willingly.

I was her mistake, her temptation. I was her failed test and she did not want to let me walk away because she needed me in her grip. Obsessing over how she disobeyed her God, but loved it.

Broke a commandment and remorse was the last thing on her mind. No, Elizabeth wanted to do it again.

I sighed, looking down at our laced hands. They looked like bars to a cage. The suffocating cage where I had unlocked it’s doors and dragged both of us in, then locked us in, tossing the key far away. Elizabeth was the kind of woman who devoted herself to things she needed close. Her God and now me. Maybe the latter now came first.

But her commitment to me after sex did not scare me. Elizabeth had a side, one she had no idea of.

The one that choked me. Now that side terrified me.

Somehow, maybe she was made a nun to avoid this kind of chaos. Because her love was not the kind to share with the world. The kind of love that did not know when to stop.

“Just stay by me. I won’t…I don’t like who I am when I think about getting you by me” Elizabeth turned me to face her.

My heart swarmed at her words. Finally, someone who wanted to keep me close.

“It’s not like I can go anywhere. I’m your little project. Do you want wine?” I sidetracked from the main subject where she was trying to get me to agree that I was now hers and set it all in stone. It worked because she huffed at my words,

“Raven…no” Elizabeth untangled her fingers around mine, her eyebrows meeting in a disapproving frown.

“Come on, do they even notice?. I’m sure they will just think they forgot to place a new bottle. Besides, we need to celebrate” My lips curled in a mischievous smile, bringing myself closer to her.

“There is nothing to celebrate”

“Yes, there is. The deflowering of the superior nun” I wiggled my eyebrows but Elizabeth was clearly not amused by my antics.

“We need to get back, we skipped through 3 prayers already”

Elizabeth got up and began to dress. Each layer being placed on her body felt like betrayal. She was no longer the Elizabeth I saw, all I could think about was the way her body shook when she came.

Magnifique.

“Fine, but I’m getting the wine”

Elizabeth sighed. She was probably too stressed to deal with me.

“Meet me in my office afterwards”

She was back to the serious, saint acting nun. I was back to being the sinner not her sin. I watched her hide her hair away and then she left without looking at me once more. Maybe I should have never brought up the wine. It only opened her eyes from the 20 minutes honeymoon phase she was caught up in.

I knew that she was finally realizing what we had just done. It had sunk in and it was haunting her. She needed time away from me.

I waited for a while before I slipped out of her chamber and got in mine. I changed in my own clothes. Opting for something comfortable. Sweatpants and a t-shirt. I didn’t care.

The hallway was empty. I sighed in relief then continued to walk past the steps and turn on the corner. This one was empty too. They must have gone for prayer or for dinner. It just made things easier for me. I sneaked out the still open back door and made way to the church.

It was empty, every little step echoed through the long walls. I stepped over the steps going behind the alter and climbed over it, sitting on top so I was face to face with the locked tabernacle box. I took out the screw from my pocket and got to work.

It was simply unscrewing the screws from below then steadily took the bottle out. Then I screwed it back on. I jumped off the alter and made my way out of the church.

Not before saying thank you to the sculpture that seemed to be glaring at me. When I reached the entrance I came from, it was locked from inside. I forgot these nuns were hidden away, like little miracle virgins.

I rolled my eyes and made way to the window I used last time. It was not exactly a window, it was this huge space, I assumed left for ventilation. It led to the rosary room, which was always unlocked. I held on the huge wine bottle in my left hand then used my right to climb over the tree brunch. I placed the wine bottle on the open space I was meant to go through then stuck my foot in.

Bless the things I do for America.

I balanced myself and stretched my leg in and then another one but I lost my footing falling in, hitting hard on the floor. I groaned sitting up. I sighed getting back on my feet then grabbed the bottle and slowly went over the wall that hid me from being seen. I pushed only my head out so I could look if someone was in the Rosary prayer room.

To my surprise, someone…or someones….?

Two people were there, people I knew a little too well. One pressed against the wall and the other one who was doing the pressing…

And the kissing.

Aurora was doing the kissing and the pressing.

Clare was being pressed and kissed.

I should have seen that internalized homophobia was probably just gay panic. With the way Aurora was kissing my little Claire, she was definitely enjoying herself. I did not want to disturb but someone else did.

A nun, who opened the door and saw the two kissing. By the time they noticed and reacted, the nun was gone.

Gone to tell Mother Superior what she had seen.

☆ ☆ ☆

And then there was chaos…

Warning: The next following chapters will be very hard to read. Vividly detailed triggering events.

Proceed with a strong heart.