Chapter 4

RAVEN

After my very sarcastic disrespectful statement, the woman left in disgust so that was an accomplishment.

I knew I promised my mother to pretend to make it all easy but a strong part in me really did not like that woman. I never liked older people who liked to act like they knew everything.

Right after she left, another nun came to my new room to inform me that they were serving lunch. I was starving and in need of an environmental study. If things became shady, I would need to escape.

To be honest the place gave me serial killer movie vibes. Or maybe I just watched too many horror movies.

“My name is uh Allita” The girl who came to get me spoke to me for the first time.

Her body was stiff, hands digging nails in her palms. There was sweat on her forehead from the side angle. She looked completely terrified.

“Raven Gilmore”

She opened her mouth to speak, nothing but a choked out sound came out. The nun increased her pace turning over the corner as If I was gonna bite her. I followed behind in a steady pace.

As an overthinker, what I said to that woman started circling itself in my head. I should have never said that to her. That was out of line. Why did I say that?.

These people were not at fault, my father was. The nuns were probably raised to believe being gay is a sin, I could not blame them for saying such things though it hurt to hear.

“Here we are, just.. just find yourself a table to sit at. The food will be served in one big basin, one of you will dish in your plates a fair amount among the people on your table. Find somewhere with 5 people and make yourself the 6th” Allita explained then clutched her dress while walking away.

I knew she did not want to be seen with.me, in fact, none of them were willing to sit with me. They whispered amongst themselves and I noticed some stand up to join tables and add up to six.

I waited for them to get themselves sorted out, sitting alone was not the end of the world. I always went with the flow.

Finally when there was no longer movement, I looked around and found two nuns in white sitting alone. Everyone was in sets of 6 except for them and they didn’t seem to mind when I walked towards them.

“May I sit?” I asked.

“Yes!” One of the two said in excitement.

“Claire, tone it down” The other one who didn’t bother looking up scolded the excited girl.

“Please sit. We don’t mind. Ignore Aurora, she is grumpy today” Clare smiled genuinely, I could tell just by her behavior that she was one of those sweet welcoming people.

So I took a seat.

“What’s your name Sodomite?” The grumpy one, Aurora, rudely asked.

“Don’t call her that.” Clare scolded, eyebrows scrunched in-between with a glare in her brown eyes.

Clare was brown skinned with freckles. I could not see her hair but she was really cute.

“I’m Raven but you can call me Rave” I replied, choosing to ignore the name Aurora called me.

“I like your name. You can sit with us everyday until you go back home. You are welcomed here” Clare reached for my hand but Aurora pulled her away before our hands could touch.

“Stop Clare. You know what she is. She is here to change but she has not changed yet. She might take advantage of your kindness and prey on…”

“Stop talking Aurora” Claire raised her voice a bit which caused everyone to become silent.

“Claire it’s fine, I…”

“No! Aurora apologize to Raven. She didn’t do anything or say anything bad to you and you are being hateful. Who are you to judge Raven like that?”

The way Claire reacted left me in shock. It had not been 5 minutes since I sat down. Claire did not know me but she was defending me like we were close.

Why was she reacting like this?.

“You are causing a scene” Aurora placed her hand on the angry girl’s shoulder but Claire shrugged it off.

“We treat everyone with kindness. If you can’t apologize to Raven, I can’t…”

“Alright I’m sorry Raven, for being disrespectful towards you” Aurora cut the angry nun off. She was looking scared, as if whatever Claire was about to say, was her biggest fear.

The encounter was weird to me but food came and Claire got back to smiling again. Everyone was silenced for a Prayer then Claire dished out for us.

“So tell me how you spend your days, like your schedule” I asked both of them but my eyes stayed on Claire.

“We wake up and clean our rooms before our morning bath. Then morning prayer. Followed by morning studies since we are novices.” Clare replied, her voice barely above the whisper.

I had noticed how everyone was speaking in hushed tones while eating.

“What exactly are novices?”

“The word novice comes from Novitiate, one of the stages in formation to become a nun. So there are 5 stages of formation before we do our final vows. Aspirancy, Postulancy, Novitiate, Scholasticate, Temporary  profession then Perpetual Profession. So a Novice is a person going through the initial stage of formation training in religious order. For example, trainingto be Dominican nuns”

“So how long on this stage?” I played with my food while Claire and Aurora ate.

“2 years. Aurora and I are left with basically a whole year”

“8 months” Aurora grumbled.

“That’s the same as a year. Aurora is just too impatient to get to take her final vows so she can become one of…them”

Claire pointed towards the entrance where  nuns dressed in dark blue with black veils covering in front of their faces were walking in a queue passing by the entrance.

“Who are they?” I kept my eyes on them.

“Ask Aurora” Claire chuckled.

“They are Nuns of The Order of Preachers. The most respected among all of us”

“What makes them different from the rest?”

“Well they are…”

Claire was cut off by the bell. An actual bell in the hall way, the manual one people use on cattle. I decided then and there that I hated the icky sound.

“We have 2 more hours of studying, I believe you will be with Mother in the mean time” Claire got up along with Aurora who couldn’t wait to get away from me.

“See you later Claire” My lips tilted into a smile that was reciprocated by a toothy smile from the sweet nun.

Aurora glared at me as if to scare me then they walked away. The nuns that served everyone then came in to collect the dishes. Allita came back again.

“Mother Superior would like to see you now”

“Doesn’t she have a real name?” I stood up and followed Allita.

It seems to me that she was no longer shaken up by my presence. Which came as a relief on the grounds that being feared because of who I was, made me feel some type of way.

“She does but we all must address her with respect. You can call her Mother”

“I will do no such thing” I quickly denied the crazy idea.

“Then you will have to call her Mother Superior”

“Hmmmm no, not really. I just have to figure out what the woman’s name is” I spoke in full determination.

“Even if you do, you are not allowed to call our Mother Reverend by her name”

“Okay”

I decided to end the conversation by reason of not being interested in having an argument with a nun on my first day. Especially one that was easily scared by my presence alone.

Allita escorted me the main hallway then took a left turn where there was complete silence as we passed the doors. I only realized there were people behind those doors when I heard the sound of a page being flipped.

Allita stood in front of a door then knocked three times on the wooden floor. A muffled voice gave is permission to come in. Allita opened the door and stepped inside.

“Good Day Mother, I brought Raven as per your request” Allita sounded like a robot.

I added that to one of the reasons why I did not like the girl.

“Thank you Sister Allita. You can leave us now”

Allita turned and left me standing in front of the stoic woman.

“Please come , take a seat” She gestured at the chair upfront.

“Sure” I closed the door and then took a seat.

The office had a bookshelf, pictures of these people who looked ancient. I believed the other ones represented Jesus. My parents had that in our house so his face was familiar.

There were beads, different colors in different plastic pockets. The Reverend Mother was holding a needle and a thread arranging the glassy beads on it along with the mental cross symbols. She was crafting what’s called a Rosary.

“I..”

“Before you say anything. I want to apologize for what I said earlier. I didn’t mean to threaten you or anything.” I began to fidget in my seat.

“That’s alright. But what you said brings us to my question. I need to understand the root of the problem. I want to understand why you believe you are… that”

“A lesbian?”

“

Yes. Why do you believe you are a…Lesbian?”

■ ■ ■

I feel like this book is going too slow. I wanna get to the good parts already. The drama and the blood.

How are you doing?