Chapter 30

“I’ll be outside in ten minutes” – Mackenzie

I know that I’m ready, but for some reason being given a time now has me questioning everything. Have I got my phone? Have I packed my chapstick, my credit card, did I remember to spray perfume and brush my teeth?

I quickly smell my sleeve and decide I haven’t sprayed enough.

I’ve been ready for half an hour, staring at myself in the mirror trying to work out of what I’m wearing is good enough, if it will wow Mackenzie the way I want it to. I want to take her breath away, or knock her socks off as the saying goes. I want to leave her completely speechless, simply because I want to show her how much effort I went to in order to impress her.

She won’t tell me anything about the date we’re going on. She’s told April and Faye because she wanted to make sure I actually liked what we’d be doing, and it was frustrating having to look at the smug, cheeky smiles my friends kept giving me all day yesterday.

She told me to be ready for around ten o’clock after the game yesterday, which we won by the way, and even refused to come to my house afterwards as she needed to make some final preparations.

I actually missed having her around, but with her being stubborn about it, she just discreetly kissed me before she left and told me that she’d see me tomorrow.

Tomorrow being today in approximately four minutes.

I don’t know why I’m freaking out so much, it’s only Mackenzie. It’s only the girl I’ve had feelings for, for the past few months, the girl who makes my heart race and my palms sweat.

“Oh who am I kidding?” I mutter to myself as I pull down on the fabric of my summer dress. The baby blue material looks good against my tan skin, and contrasts well with my dark locks. I make eye contact with my reflection and smile shyly, tucking a loose curl of my hair behind my ear as I take in my outfit. “I’m terrified.”

I admit, I feel like I’ve done well with picking my outfit. It only took me all of last night to decide on what to wear, and even after several changes of the mind this morning, I trusted my instinct and decided to wear what I planned. It’s a pale blue, figure hugging sundress with small angels on the material, with ankle high gladiator sandals. I feel pretty with my pale pink eyeshadow, fake eyelashes and winged eyeliner. I just hope that Mackenzie feels the same.

I grab my small clutch bag from its perch on my bedside table, the contents containing my phone, keys, card and gum. I glance at my perfume and decide to put it in my bag just in case I need to spray again at some point during the day. I bite my lip as I run through yet another mental checklist before rolling my eyes and leaving my room. If I’ve forgotten something now then it’s just tough and I’ll need to deal with it. The more I overthink the more I panic, so I just need to get a grip and move on.

I hop down the stairs two at a time before sliding to a halt at the sight of my dad engaging in conversation with Mackenzie at the front door. Not only am I surprised to see my dad actually home from work on a weekend for once, but I glance at my watch and notice Mackenzie is a couple of minutes early.

Thank God I stopped having an internal breakdown long enough to not need to be called down to the door. Then I really would’ve panicked.

I can’t help myself but just watch the two of them converse, my eyes studying Mackenzie as she talks to my dad. She’s looking amazing as per usual, a baggy T-shirt tucked into the front of a pair of loose, faded mom jeans with rips at the knees. I can see her converse underneath the cuffs in her jeans, and a pair of sunglasses are pushed back in her hair to keep her blonde curls from falling into her face.

She makes everything she wears look so effortlessly great that I know she could wear a trash bag and still look good.

My eyes drift to my dad as he laughs and jokes with the girl that has my heart wrapped tightly in a fist. He looks tired, his beard much more overgrown than he usually allows it, and his hair now long and curly. I sigh when I see that work is clearly getting on top of him, but I know his stubbornness won’t allow him to admit it. He’s where I get it from.

Seeing the way they get on makes my chest ache, because I want nothing more than for him to know he’s getting on with the girl that I want so much more than a friendship with.

Mackenzie’s eyes drift over my father’s shoulder and light up when they see me, forcing me to remove the tight look from my face and smile back.

I love when she looks at me like that.

My dad turns around and sees me, his face softening when he takes in my appearance. “Oh you look nice princess!” My dad gushes, raising his arm to allow for me to nestle into his side like I used to when I was much younger. The action brings me a great sense of comfort as his musky scent clogs my nostrils the way it used to when I was little, clinging to the inside of my nose like a distant memory. It reminds me of when my dad was around a lot more as I was growing up, how he’d hug me like this after every one of my soccer games and tell me how proud he was of me for keeping clean sheets, or making a great tackle.

It hasn’t been like that for quite some time.

“Yeah, Alex. You look great.” Mackenzie beams at me once my dad lets me go. I can tell she’s holding back what she wants to really say based on the way she’s biting her lip a little too hard. “You ready to go?”

I nod my head and make my way towards her, not missing the way her hand slides across my hip and settles on the small of my back. My skin feels hot to touch, even though her palm is touching me through the fabric of my dress. I turn and wave at my dad as we head out the front door, my dad calling after me to have fun and keep him updated on when I’ll be back and if I’m staying over at Mackenzie’s afterwards.

Him mentioning that has my cheeks burning, knowing full well we both have different ideas of what will happen if I do.

I slide into the passenger side of Mackenzie’s car after she opens the door for me, the interior smelling exactly like her. I watch her as she walks around the front, swinging her keys around her index finger in such a casual way I can’t help but find it attractive.

She makes the simplest things just look good, and I can’t for the life of me work out how she manages it. Everything about her just oozes an attractive effortlessness, from the way she walks, to the way she pulls her sunglasses from out of her hair and onto the bridge of her nose.

And somehow I’m lucky enough to have caught her attention.

She slides into the car beside me and starts the engine, the gentle voice of Girl in Red coming from her speakers as she pulls out of my driveway, her hand gravitating to my thigh and resting against my bare skin. I hold my breath as her thumb strokes circles against my leg, before her fingers grip onto my flesh lightly and squeeze.

I can’t help but stare at her hand in shock. How can a hand be so goddamn attractive? Just from the large spread of her fingers, to the strong veins running across the top of her hand. The several rings on her fingers don’t help matters, the accessories only making her hands look even better, and my throat to dry up more. I think Mackenzie hears me gasp slightly when she lets her fingers trail closer to my inner thigh, her hand quickly shifting closer to my knee and further from where it was originally. I look at her to see her face is looking at the road but her eyes keep drifting to me, an unreadable expression on her face.

“Too much?” She asks me quietly, her gaze leaving the road briefly to roam my face, her hand starting to slide away from my leg entirely. I reach out on instinct, lacing my fingers between her slim ones and pulling our now interlocked hands into my lap, loving the way it makes her smile softly as she returns her eyes to the road.

“I’ll take that as a not too much.” She says quietly, the smile not leaving her face.

Not too much at all.

~•~

I was curious to know where we were going the second Mackenzie drove past the town border, but I didn’t bother asking because I knew that she definitely wouldn’t tell me. I watched quietly out of the window as we drove past fields and through busier towns, Mackenzie showing no sign of stopping or giving me a clue as to where we’re going. She offered me the aux but I declined, enjoying listening to the mixture of songs from Girl in Red, Lauren Sanderson and FLETCHER. I think I fell asleep briefly, the gentle rocking of the car lulling me into a sort of slumber that I was instantly woken from the second Mackenzie tried to remove her hand from mine.

It was only because we had arrived and she was trying to wake me.

“We’re here.” She grins, her free hand quickly swiping a stray curl of my hair behind my ear.

“Took us long enough.” I say back jokingly, stretching my arms above my head and clicking the joints in my shoulder. I don’t know how long I was asleep for, but the in has risen high into the sky, no longer a cloud blocking out it’s rays. The clock on Mackenzie’s dash says a little after twelve, meaning we’ve been driving for just under two hours. We’re way out of our town, somewhere I don’t recognise, and the thought makes me breathe a sigh of relief, as it means if I do pluck up the balls to hold Mackenzie’s hand, or be remotely affectionate with her, there’s a very small chance that someone we know will see.

I really like those odds.

I run my hand through my hair to loosen the curls I spent ages putting in before following Mackenzie out of the car, squinting slightly at how bright the sunlight is. The clouds that were in the sky back home really covered how brightly the sun is shining, despite the mid October weather.

“So,” I begin, letting Mackenzie slide her fingers through mine. “What’s on the cards for today’s date?”

Mackenzie smirks, that same, sultry smile where she bites her bottom lip slightly and looks at me with those eyes. Her grip on my hand tightens slightly as she winks at me before pointing behind her with her free hand. “I figured we could do something slightly less conventional than a dinner date with a movie at the end.”

It’s rather cliche how I spin around and allow my eyes to widen at the fact that she’s brought me to a funfair.

It’s large, it’s loud and I’m so excited to be here. The fair stretches are far as the eye can see, the sounds and smells are intoxicating and hazing my brain with a level of excitement I haven’t felt in a very long time. I can see one of the rollercoasters nearly stretching the length of the fair in the background, and right through the front doors there’s a cotton candy stand that is making my stomach rumble.

“Oh my god. I haven’t been to one of these in ages.” I gush involuntarily, dragging Mackenzie behind me as I charge towards the admissions box, the queue to get into the fair.

I try to pull my money from my purse, but a stern look from Mackenzie has my movement pausing. She digs into her back pocket and pulls out enough money to get us a wristband each. She pays and then holds out her free wrist for the attendant to attach the band to. I do the same so I don’t have to let her hand go.

I grin slightly at her assertive side, watching her making my skin feel hot. Mackenzie doesn’t hide her dominance, but when she uses it on me I can’t help but blush.

I also may have to cross my legs a bit.

“Enjoy your day.” The attendant says cheerily to us, though his eyes linger slightly on Mackenzie in a way that makes me frown. He’s shorter than Mackenzie, skinny, and easily no older than fifteen or sixteen. He’s looking at her like she’s gods gift to this planet, which he’s not exactly wrong about, but the way she’s completely ignoring him and looking at me with that soft smile on her face?

That skinny little boy can keep looking at my girl, because I know he is in no way, shape or form her type. And that suits me just fine.

“Come on, I want some cotton candy.” She whispers in my ear as she pulls me under the entryway arch towards the fair.

~•~

This is the best date I’ve her been on in my life. I’ve never felt so carefree and unjudged before, it’s honestly just so freeing. I haven’t let go of Mackenzie’s hand for the whole date since she took hold of it outside of the archway, and we’ve both taken turns dragging each other around to the various food stalls and amusements.

I can’t remember the last time I was this happy.

Mackenzie makes me happy. She makes me realise that I haven’t been acting like myself for all those years, keeping myself hidden in a closet behind the homophobia and old fur coats. I haven’t thought about the prospect of being seen by someone we know, and honestly? I don’t think I could care any less right now.

I look lazily at my watch whilst we sit side by side on a bench. It’s a little bit after three and we’ve just gotten off the rollercoaster, my hair no doubt a mess due to the wind. It was so fast that the breath was forced from my lungs and my body was pressed right into the seat the whole time. When we lifted our arms into the air as the cart went flying down the drop, I thought my arms were going to be ripped off.

Rides like that are my favourite.

“What do you want to do now?” Mackenzie asks me as she lays her hand on my bare thigh, her thumb lazily tracing circles just underneath the hem of my dress. It’s hard to concentrate when the heat from her hand is spreading through my body like a wildfire, but I force myself to focus.

We’ve already done pretty much everything in the fair since we arrived three hours ago. Mackenzie bought us fast track passes so all of the rides we practically pushed to the front of every queue. We wasted nearly twenty dollars each in the penny arcades and we’ve tried our hands at a number of the smaller stalls that are rigged and steal your money. The only thing we haven’t really done is the Ferris wheel, but I don’t want to suggest it and come across cliche amongst other things.

Everyone knows that Ferris wheels are a little bit on the romantic side, and as much as I want to be romantic with Mackenzie I feel too awkward suggesting it. I know that we kiss and hold hands, and are now officially on a date, I still don’t really know where Mackenzie and I stand. I know it’s mostly my fault, as I never really let her truly know how I feel.

I let out a nervous breath as I steel my shoulders. I think it’s about time I do.

“Ferris wheel?” I state casually, and despite the shake in my voice I try to appear nonchalant as I steal a bit of her cotton candy from her bag.

Mackenzie’s hand stills for a split second before she jumps up from her seated position and offers it to me. I look at it dumbly for a second before her voice breaks me from my chance. “Well? Are you coming or not?”

I don’t know whether it was the way her lip was turned up slightly, or the way the afternoon sun hit her face just right, but looking at her, I felt all of my nerves seep from my body like water from a hole. A sort of peace came over me, and I never felt more comfortable with what I planned to do.

I took her hand and let her interlace our fingers before she pulls me up.  I smile down at our hands as I let her guide us towards the large ferris wheel at the very back of the fair. I let my eyes fall on the crowds of people bustling around us, and I realise that nobody is looking at us in any way shape or form. There are no disapproving frowns, no glaring or harsh whispers. It’s like we’re not doing anything wrong in the eyes of anyone here.

What a relief.

When we get to the ferris wheel the normal queue is pretty long, so Mackenzie flashes our wristbands as we walk through the fast track gate. She manages to get us on the next available swing and we jump on quickly before it gets sent upwards, the swing taking us backwards and then up.

The swing isn’t very big, barely big enough for the two of us, so my bare leg is pressed tightly against Mackenzie’s jean clad thigh, and her arm is slung around my shoulders so that our arms can fit inside the wooden seat. I can feel her debating on whether or not she should draw on my skin with her fingertips, so I make the decision for her and shift slightly to the right and knock my shoulder into her hand.

I love the way she smiles softly to herself when I do.

As the swing climbs higher into the sky and the view starts to lay itself out to us like a fine piece of art on a canvas, I feel my nerves slowly climb back into my chest and clog the words I’m so desperate to say in my throat.

“Alex?” Mackenzie waves her hand in front of my face and I snap out of my near panic, a look on her face says she’s sloghtly concerned. “I said the view is nice and you were in your own little world. What’s up?”

“Be my girlfriend.” I blurt out, instantly regretting letting the words come out of my mouth in such an insensitive and brash manner. Its weird, but I suddenly feel a lot lighter despite standing on the brink of rejection, because I don’t feel like I’m trapping how I really feel inside of me. So whilst I feel like this, I just spill everything that I’m feeling.

“I know being with me exclusively is a risk because I’m not out, and because you’ll be my first girlfriend, but I want to try. I want to hold your hand in public and I want all of my friends to know that I completely belong to you, because I do. I hate when I have to watch Freya flirt with you and I can’t do anything about it because you’re not mine, but I really, really want you to be. I just want you to give me the chance to show you how much I ca…”

My rant is cut off by Mackenzie weaving her hands through my hair and pressing her lips on mine. My eyes widen in shock for a brief second before I melt into her, my eyes fluttering shut and getting lost in the way her lips taste like strawberry flavoured candy floss.

“You talk too much.” Mackenzie mutters when she pulls away, her forehead resting on mine and her lips teasing me with less than an inch of distance between mine and her own.

“Is that a yes?” I say breathlessly, opening my eyes to peer into her own.

“Of course it’s a yes, dummy.” She laughs, letting her thumb stroke over the skin on my cheek as I break out into a wide smile.

“Oh thank god for that.” I laugh as I pull her back in for a second kiss just as the ferris wheel starts its second full spin.

~•~

Hey guys.

Firstly I am so so so so sorry that I’ve made you wait this long for the chapter. I don’t want to seem like I’m coming up with excuses but there have been a number of reasons as to why I haven’t been writing as much recently.

Work has been really stressful at the minute, and I’ve been struggling to find the time to just sit down and write in between my ridiculous hours for work, trying to move into my new flat, and seeing my girlfriend.

I’ve also been struggling with my mental health recently, and whilst again this isn’t an excuse it is a reason as to why I have been struggling to find inspiration to write this.

Recently I had a conversation with one of my writer friends on wattpad and she gave me a pretty decent bit of advice. “Don’t tell yourself you have writers block, cuz it’s like giving yourself the excuse not to write.” – Pinksterr12 if you’re reading this, this chapter is definitely dedicated to you because you helped me find what I was looking for!!!

I decided to take this chapter the way I originally planned, even after scrapping it and rewriting it several times, but our babies finally got together!!!! EEEEEEEEEHHHHH its about time.

This is exactly the step I needed tp take with this book and now I know exactly where I want to go with it, so hopefully chapters will be more regular from now on.

ANYWAYS

Hope oyu guys enjoyed, thank you for keeping faith in me and sticking around, and I hope you guys continue to have faith and wait patiently for the next chaoter, as this story is FAR from finished.

With love,

Lauryn xoxo