Chapter 6

“What? I was just looking out for you.’ I said, telling her the same thing I had been trying to convince myself of all night.

“Looking out for me?” Thea repeated incredulously and I shrugged.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I figured, you’re new here and, as your roommate, I should help you out.”

“I don’t need any help!” Thea scoffed, not looking very pleased with me at the moment.

“Oh, I can see that!” I sneered, unable to contain my annoyance at the number of women she had been attracting throughout the night.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Thea frowned, now sounding a bit angry. Her right hand went to her hip, and my gaze fell, distracted by the movement—except I couldn’t get past the top swells of her breasts as her chest slightly heaved.

It took me a full moment to force my eyes away from that tempting view, and when I finally did, I had trouble concentrating on anything else but the soft red tint of her lips as they pursed. All of a sudden, I found myself wondering what they tasted like—and very much wanting to find out.

“Liv?” Thea asked uncertainly, feeling the shift in the air as I finally met her gaze.

My feet moved on its own accord, drawing me closer as I braced my palm on the wall behind her. I stared into her eyes, not knowing how to stop myself, but I watched Thea’s gaze drop briefly to my own lips and it was all the encouragement that I needed.

My free hand went up, my knuckles lightly grazing Thea’s cheeks as I closed my eyes and leaned forward.

“I think it’s time to take Kirsten home,” Alex’s laughing voice sounded loudly behind me. I felt the weight of my friend’s palm on my right shoulder as she turned me around, completely oblivious of what she had just interrupted.

“I don’t know what she’s been drinking,” Alex grinned at me tipsily as she cradled a shot glass in her hand. “But she’s had waaaay too much of it.”

I turned my gaze towards the dance floor and found Kirsten easily enough, flailing about and bumping, it seemed, to every single person around her. I looked back at Thea but she had already snuck away. My eyes scanned the room until I found her, grabbing her coat as she hurriedly left.

I let her go, knowing there was no way I could catch up to her now and it was probably for the best. I turned to Alex and took the shot in her hand, downing the warm, golden liquid as quickly as I could.

Rachel, remember? I stubbornly reminded myself as I let Alex lead the way. You like Rachel.

Still, the image of Thea’s soft lips and brown eyes haunted me for the rest of the night. It followed me even after Alex and I had made sure Kirsten got home safe and went our separate ways. It stayed with me even when I got back into the quiet loft, and while I was readying myself for bed, never letting up until I finally slept.

“Let’s all have dinner together on Christmas Eve before I go to work!” Rachel said, looking up from the dining table where she had been doing her bills.

It had been a pretty mellow Sunday morning so far, and all three of us were in the loft, doing our own things. Rachel in the dining area with her bills, Thea on the living room rug and packing stuff she was planning to send home, and I just reading a book on the sofa. The past hour had gone along quietly until Rachel had made her suggestion.

“What?” I asked absently from my position.

“Yeah, we could order in or, I could cook some pasta!” Rachel said, her voice definitely sounding more excited now. “And maybe Thea can whip some delicious dish up, and you… well, you could get the wine.”

Rachel grinned at me before turning to Thea. “What do you think?” She asked the dark-haired woman.

Most of my interactions with Thea since Friday had been a little weird, with neither of us being particularly keen on talking about what had happened—and both of us trying to pretend there wasn’t any tension between us now.

I couldn’t seem to get that almost-kiss—and what it would have felt like had it not been interrupted—out of my mind. Worse, my desire to see that kiss through always seemed to come back stronger whenever Thea was around, and it was all I could do to try and keep my focus on Rachel.

I watched Thea now hesitate as she considered the idea. In the end though, she couldn’t help but smile wistfully as she nodded at Rachel. “I think that sounds nice, actually,” Thea said.

And then Thea casted a furtive glance my way, although she still wouldn’t look me in the eye. “I mean, if that’s fine with you?” She asked me.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Rachel interjected. “You don’t have anything planned on Christmas Eve, do you, Liv?”

I did. I had planned on walking Rachel to work that night and finally telling her how I felt, but I also knew that a nice Christmas dinner with Rachel would fit that plan perfectly. While Thea also being there did give me pause—especially since I couldn’t seem to shake her effect on me now—I figured, if Thea could act like nothing at all had changed between us since that night, well then, so could I.

“Dinner sounds perfect.” I beamed at Rachel.

“Then it’s settled,” Rachel said, clasping her hands together. “I’ll make some pasta. Thea will cook something up. And you… well, you could get the wine.”

The smell of delicious food greeted me as soon as I entered the loft on Christmas Eve. The place seemed empty, however, and I looked around anxiously as I put the wine down on the table.

Tonight was the night, after all. I would tell Rachel how I felt later this evening, hopefully Rachel would say she liked me back, and maybe then the fantasies of kissing Thea would finally stop interrupting my thoughts.

“Guys?” I called out as I took off my coat and hung it. “Where’s everyone?”

“Finally!” Rachel said as she appeared through the hallway, looking stunning in the mint green, with emerald-printed dress. I was surprised how good the color looked against the pink of her hair, and the way her complexion seemed even creamier as the dress highlighted her tall, well-proportioned frame. “You were taking so long, Thea and I decided to take the time to get ready. Come, help me set the table up!”

“Okay,” I said, immediately doing as she had told, and we both moved around the cupboards to get everything that we needed.

We didn’t really have any fancy dishes in the loft or anything, but Rachel had some nice wine glasses and I helped her take them down while I worked on my courage.

“Oh, hey, what time are you going to work later?” I asked when Rachel left the table to get the food, trying to sound as flippant as I could.

“Probably around 9:30,” Rachel replied from the kitchen. “My shift starts at 10 tonight. Why?”

“Nothing,” I said, deciding that this was my opening. “I was just going to a party around those parts later and I thought, wow.”

I had breathed the last word out as my voice trailed off, unable to do anything else but stare as Thea stepped out of her room and stood in the hallway entrance.

She wore a white, red-trimmed dressed that fit her perfectly, the soft cotton hugging all the contours of her body and showing off her tanned limbs. She wore her hair down tonight, those fine, dark strands silkily flowing past her shoulders and over the tops of her breasts. Her makeup was light, and the glossy, nude shade Thea wore on her lips had me wishing I had her back up against a wall like I did last time.

My eyes met hers, and maybe I was imagining things, but I thought I saw her breath catch a little as she gazed back at me. I couldn’t take my eyes away from what was in that look, my mind drawing a blank as my whole body froze with wanting Thea.

“You thought wow?” Rachel asked, effectively breaking the spell as she placed a roasted chicken at the center of the table.

I looked down quickly and cleared my throat as I thought up an excuse, completely forgetting what it was that I had been trying to say to Rachel earlier.

“I meant, wow! This looks delicious,” I commented on the food as I moved off towards the kitchen to get the other dishes.

My eyes drifted back towards Thea, unable to keep them off of her for long. She had started to walk into the dining area, looking anywhere but at me.

“Honey, you look gorgeous!” Rachel exclaimed, finally noticing Thea’s presence as I returned from the kitchen with the pasta and some beef-in-red-sauce dish that Thea had cooked.

Thea laughed, her cheeks slightly reddening as she returned the compliment. “Look who’s talking.”

Meanwhile, I stood there in my pair of jeans and gray pullover sweater.

We all sat down for dinner soon after, with Thea and Rachel talking through the delicious meal easily enough. I sat there, mostly silent as I tried to get myself to relax. I had had to sit right next to Thea since Rachel had taken the single seat across us, and I just couldn’t seem to focus on what was being discussed.

I kept getting distracted by Thea’s closeness—the warmth coming off of her skin, the scent of her perfume, each tiny movement she made—and I had had to constantly remind myself that we weren’t alone just to keep my hands off of her.

On top of that, my mind kept on admonishing me, reminding me that I was about to bare my feelings for Rachel in less than a couple of hours. I started to become increasingly aware of both the time and Thea’s closeness, those two things reducing me to a bundle of nerves by the end of the meal. The two women kept trying to join me in on the conversation but I was so strung out, I could only give one-line responses.

“Oh, I’m so glad we did this,” Rachel sighed now as she took a sip from her glass. “This just made my Christmas suck a lot less. I miss home. You know what I’d be doing if my boss wasn’t such a dick and I didn’t have to work tonight? I’d be home sipping hot cocoas with my nephews.”

“And what about you?” Thea asked in another attempt to include me. “Didn’t you want to come home this Christmas?”

“Not really.” I replied, reaching for my own glass instead of meeting Thea’s gaze.

It wasn’t a particularly touchy subject for me, but my increasing anxiety didn’t make me feel like talking about my divorced parents and why I preferred not to spend Christmas with them.

“Why not?” Thea pressed. The wine had done a better job relaxing her than it did me, and she propped her chin against the back of her hand as she smiled at me. “I mean, I can’t think of anything I’d like more than spending Christmas at home.”

I could have responded to her question better, but it was hard to think with Thea looking at me like that. Those deep brown eyes seared, wreaking havoc on my emotions, and I made a desperate grab for my control by trying to turn the question—and Thea’s attention—away from me.

“Why don’t you go home then?” I asked a bit too loudly and Thea looked as if she had been struck for a moment.

“Liv!” Rachel gasped on the seat across from me, and only then did I realize what my words sounded like and my eyes widened. Did I tell you I had a talent for sticking my big foot in my mouth?

“I didn’t—! I wasn’t—!” I sputtered, shaking my head as I looked at Thea and tried to explain.

Thea had lowered her gaze, but she swiftly recovered and cleared her throat.

“It’s okay,” she said, her smile a bit forced and her eyes a bit glassy when she finally glanced back up. I tried to speak again, but Thea stopped me. “Really. It’s fine!”

She took a deep breath and shook her head as she tried to smile even more brightly, and I saw Rachel smile back at her and nod in understanding. Thea needed us to let the matter go.

The next fifteen minutes were pretty strained after that, with Thea doing her best to act normal, and Rachel doing her best to play along. I sat there the whole time, feeling guilty as hell and rightly so until it was time to clear the table. I hid behind washing the dishes then, as if somehow that would atone.

Thea excused herself, putting her plate in the sink and quickly disappearing into her room. Rachel turned to leave for work soon after, but not before giving me a smile that was somehow both so polite and cold, I knew that there was no chance in hell I would be walking her to work tonight.

That might have distressed me any other time, but I was too busy feeling guilty at the moment to even be bothered.

I laid in bed later that night, still feeling the weight of what had transpired over at the dinner table.

I hadn’t meant to make it sound like I didn’t want Thea here, but I also knew that was exactly how my words had come across and that it had hurt Thea. The knowledge kept me awake, my mind over thinking the many ways I could have prevented it, and every part of me wished that I had a chance to explain.

I started the moment I heard some movement in the hall and quickly got to my feet. Thea hadn’t come out of her room since dinner, and I figured this might be my only chance to apologize tonight.

Thea wasn’t in the hallway by the time I had opened my door, but I heard some shuffling coming from the living room and decided to wait. It was a couple of minutes before Thea finally appeared, wearing another oversized shirt to sleep in as she headed back.

She stopped momentarily when she saw me waiting in the hall, surprised to see me there. Her eyes were a little swollen, and she looked quickly at the ground as she hesitated. Her steps were a little uncertain when she finally continued walking— but there was no way for her to avoid me if she was planning to go back to bed, and we both knew it.