Chapter 7

“Of course. It got to the point that I thought that I just — I don’t know — love you so much I didn’t know what else to do…”

She smiled at me, then kissed me again, softly — as if she was expressing the same thing, but in her own way. “Do you want to do your speech?” She looked at me with her special smile.

She twisted her mouth to the side, in amusement. “Come on, Mor. I know you have a speech… Now we’re on the same page — you can say what you’d like, if you want.”

“Yes, of course. I’m still committing to you, love. So it’s still a ‘yes’ for all intents and purposes.”

“You get me! Maybe later though… Right now, we should probably get back to the party. We’ve got time, right?”

“Yes.” She smiled, then kissed me again.

I pressed my forehead to hers as I held her hand between our chests.

“Okay, so… game plan!” I said with eyes shining.

“What do we tell Amy, Kev, Stacey, everyone else?”

“Oh. I’ll be happy to show them my ring, and I can say something to them right now so they know what’s going on. You, I don’t know… be your usual charming self, darling.” She was really laying it on thick. I appreciated her skillful attempts to fluff me up. “Thank you for my song, by the way. That was beautiful. How long did you and Jesse work on it for?”

“Sneaky… That’s why you’ve been ‘playing poker’ so much with him.” She smirked at me, making me grin widely.

“Haha! You don’t miss a thing!”

We kissed one last time, then stepped out back into the party.

I hugged her from behind while we shuffled into the living room. Hushed faces turned our way to wait for the verdict.

She spoke from within my arms. I held a dopey smile on my face while I took in her words, trying to support her while giving her space to express herself. As I heard her speak, the heavy feeling of being in love stabbed a needle full of adrenaline directly into my heart, making the muscle thump faster. It was thrilling.

She excitedly told everyone our new plan, and expressed her affection for everyone, too, similar to my earlier toast. After we separated, her friends crowded around her to look at her non-engagement ring.

I was fucking happier than if she had said ‘yes’ outright. Our whole conversation about commitment had turned me on.

Later that night, after most of the guests had left, Suzie relaxed on the couch in the living room, chatting with Shawn and Camila. My two best friends shoved me out to the balcony to drink to my non-engagement.

“Fuck,” Jesse sighed out from where he was curled up in his rocking chair, nursing a cocktail, a fluffy blanket over himself. “That was scary. It felt like I was the one proposing.”

I chuckled as I sipped at my new lovely cognac. Damn. The woodsy, sweetness of the drink was so concentrated. It felt like the stab of alcohol into my nostrils travelled directly into my heart. It wasn’t as good as sex, but it was damn close. My tongue swirled around a mouthful as I desperately tried to taste every note.

Wesley was a man of few words. He was simply sipping at his own brandy and smoking a cigarette.

“Thanks for everything, Jess.” I looked at him warmly. “Today was awesome.” I was feeling relaxed, finally, after most everyone had gone, and with the relatively botched proposal in the rear view mirror.

“You’re welcome! She looks happy.”

We all looked into the warm lights of the living room to see Suzie with her shoes off and legs tucked under herself on the couch. She was talking and laughing, nursing her own glass of whiskey. She did indeed have pink cheeks, and her face turned redder as she screamed out a laugh.

I chuckled again, then sighed as I stretched out further.

“Jess? Could we go back to the jeweler’s to get me a band of my own?”

“Sure! What were you thinking?”

“A matching blue sandstone band — like her stone. Maybe titanium or a shiny white gold, too.”

I sipped at my expensive libation, then looked over at them in the gloom; both him and Wesley had the widest smiles I’d ever seen on them shining at me. My heart exploded in warm affection for both of them.

“What?” I asked coyly.

Wesley was the one to speak. “I’m proud of you, Mor. You picked a good one, and you’re a damn fine partner for her.”

My eyes prickled as I took in his words. Coming from him, they sounded so much more sincere. He was who I’d wanted to be back when I’d been twenty years old and had had no idea what a good soul even was.

“Thanks, Wes.” I sniffed my emotion back in.

Jess stood up, then started to smack kisses on the top of my head.

“Jess!” I whined. “Get off! If you make me spill my 600-dollar cognac, I swear to god, I’ll murder you.” I laughed as I pushed his face away.

The party indoors moved outside to the balcony in time to catch the play-fighting.

“Jess, off my girlfriend,” Suzie said with a smile. “I’d like to sit down.”

“My apologies.” Jesse sat down with Camila.

Shawn sat on Wesley’s lap while Suzie placed her bottom on my thighs.

“Hi.” I grinned at her.

“Hi baby.” She grinned back before kissing me.

“When can we kick these people out?” I stage-whispered.

“Mor, don’t be rude! Jesse and Camila did so much today.”

“That’s right!” Jesse piped up. “You owe me brunch tomorrow at the very least.”

“I don’t think I’ll be awake tomorrow ’til late, Jess.” I looked in Suzie’s eyes hotly; she grinned devilishly at me.

“Ew,” I heard from Jesse while Camila laughed.

My stupid misconceptions about love and relationships had taken a sharp left turn in the time I’d known Suzie. She was an intensely gorgeous soul I’d fallen in love with. We’d carved out spaces for each other to live in. I looked forward to getting to know more of the twisting recesses of her mind and growing with her some more. I wasn’t the protagonist of our story — just one more character in the annals of love.

We’d both be the hero, but also, both were the ones who needed saving.

Ugh. I mentally puked at my own mushy mushiness as I struggled to read more of her dancing eyes. But also, I welcomed the complete undoing of myself. It was as exciting then as it had been eleven years prior.

We chatted comfortably with our little made-up family until it started to get late.

“Bye Shawn.” I smiled at him at the front door, then hugged him. “You’ve made her year with that Hermés purse you got her.”

“To be honest, she’s been hinting at it. Don’t tell her I caught on. I was just happy she loved it.” His crows feet were adorable. My friend Wesley had chained up his own heart so much because society saw his huge figure and demeanor, then always assumed he was straight. He’d mentioned little things here and there that implied his father had been a huge influence in his life. I didn’t even know he was gay until he’d met Shawn and introduced him as the love of his life.

“Dude, I love that you’re in our life,” I said to him.

He pouted at me, and held the bend of my neck.

“I’ve always loved yours and Wes’ friendship. It’s like brother and sister but also, not…”

I nodded. I’d never been able to pinpoint our relationship either.

“Let’s say he’s kind of like my big brother.”

He smiled at me. “Huge brother!”

I pressed my lips together. “Uh, yeah.”

“Big, hairy bear brother.”

He laughed at my discomfort, then hugged me.

“My ears are burning.” Wes came up next to Shawn and rubbed at his back.

Shawn looked at him and raised a carefully cleaned up eyebrow. “All good things, bubba.”

“Hmm.” He growled. “Bye S’mores. Good job with everything today.”

“Thanks.” I hugged them both. They were so warm and wrapped their arms around me. I’d always wanted a sweet honest relationship like theirs too.

We stepped back then Wes put his giant chapped palm against my cheek.

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

“Thanks for the Amer bottles.” He grinned as he leaned down to pick up his bag with the precious glass bottles.

“Any time!” I grinned at his refusal to escalate emotions. He loved me. He’d never said it. But he so totally did.

I heard Camila behind me speaking rapid Spanish with Jesse.

“Es demasiado tarde! Dejalos y los recoges en unos dias! Yess, si insistes en ser tan obstinado, llamo un taxi y dormiras solo para siempre.“

“Entiendo! Ca — rajo!” He was seemingly giving up to her demands.

I’d never seen Jesse argue with someone like that before, except maybe with me.

“All okay?” I asked when Camila walked far enough away so she wouldn’t hear.

“Hell, yeah! Sex tonight is going to be awesome.” He had a wide grin on his face.

“All right, then!” I chuckled. “Thanks again, Jess. Good night.”

“Night night, Mor! Apparently, I have to pick up my guitar and amps up later this week. So see you soon.”

“Chicka-pow!” I teased since he was so whipped.

We gripped each other in a tight hug.

“I think I want her forever…” he whispered in my ear.

“I approve.” I whispered back.

We separated, and he nodded seriously.

“Don’t take as long as I did. She’s crazy about you too, man, with good reason.”

We laughed as I pushed him further out of my condo.

“Bye! Bye! Hasta luego, Camila!“

“Hasta luego! Buenas noches!” She said as she looked from me to Suzie grinning as wide as Jesse was.

They were moving too slow and it was fucking one a.m. already. Jesus, they needed to leave.

I pushed her lightly at the small of her back and ushered them out.

“Ya vayanse! Los queremos mucho, pero vayanse.“

They laughed as I finally closed the front door on them.

I turned around to see Suzie roll her eyes at me, then go further into the condo. I locked up, then came back to the kitchen. She strolled back in with cotton shorts and a comfortable tank top. I paused to take her lead. She started to clean up the kitchen.

Fuck. We were cleaning the kitchen apparently.

Everything was mostly put away. She carefully put the rest of the dessert away while I picked up all the bowls and cups to put them in the dishwasher. She went round to focus on the silverware and set them neatly in the dishwasher basket.

I looked around and found an errant plate of caviar and cheeses. I frowned. The caterers should have put that away early in the evening. I put them on a smaller plate then put plastic wrap over them.

Once I’d put the plate safely in the fridge, she slammed into my back.

I rubbed at the arms she had around my middle. “Why?”

“Because I know you’re horny. But you’re cleaning the kitchen with me.”

“I really don’t get why we’ve gotta do this.” I confessed.

“I know. It’s kind of inertia for me. I can’t stop myself sometimes from cleaning up.”

“Oh.” I thought about her mom’s personality and what little I knew of her past marriage. Her own work ethic probably came into play as well. “Yeah, it’s our home, right? So we should keep it clean, I guess…” I honestly didn’t know what to say.

She turned me around by my hips to shove me into the counter. She pressed herself to me and hugged me tightly.

I wrapped my arms around her. I obviously knew the difference between emotion and lust. This was emotion. She gripped me as she let her feelings out silently. I gripped her back just as tightly.

She sighed deeply in my arms. I wanted to apologize for not being smart enough to soothe her emotional being. She’d never professed that I was lacking in that way, though. So I tried to trust her to bring things up herself.

“Do you — need something from me?” I asked cautiously.

“No.” She answered simply. “Just hold me forever.”

“Okay. I can do that.” I kissed her hairline and hugged her even tighter.

Her tears seeped into my sand-colored shirt. I let her cry, just breathing deeply in and out while she did so, and was grateful she at the very least felt comfortable enough in my arms to fall apart and/or feel overwhelmingly happy to the point of crying with joy.

I held the back of her head and back at the same time, refusing to let go until she said so.

It could have been minutes or an hour. I didn’t know after a while.

She eventually calmed, then looked in my eyes.

“I don’t know how to be what you need. I’m sorry.” I said sadly.

“You already are, darling. You’re more than I’ve ever hoped for.”