Chapter 19

𝙻𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚢𝚗

Last night had me avoiding Aries at all costs… again. And this time? It wasn’t even because she was actin’ normal like nothin’ happened. Nah. This time it was worse.

The problem was me.

Because every time I looked her in the eyes, my heart would drop like it missed a step on some invisible stairs. Just whoop—gone. No warning. No nothing. 

I felt weird. Real weird. So naturally, instead of facin’ my feelings like a mature, emotionally stable individual… I avoided her like she had a contagious disease.

So here I am, at the beach with the group, talkin’ to some random man because the girls dared me to.

And yes, before you ask… he was cute. But did I care? No. Not even a little bit.

Not even in a “lemme pretend to be interested” typa way. I was mentally checked out, and emotionally unavailable like always.

I hummed for what had to be the fifth time, hand on my hip, noddin’ like I was engaged in the conversation while my eyes kept driftin’ over to Aries.

She was on the sand playin’ volleyball with Khalil, laughing, moving around, and being distracting for no reason.

She’s so damn annoying—

Actually…I should get her to buy me a drink for emotional distress.

Yeah, that sounds right. That sounds like sumn I deserve.

Suddenly, a hand waved in front of my face, and I blinked, snappin’ back into reality like I just got unplugged and plugged back in.

“Oh, my fault,” I said, not even tryna pretend I was listenin’.

He followed my gaze, lookin’ over at Aries and Khalil. “You wanna play? We can—”

“No, I want a drink,” I cut him off immediately, already walkin’ away mid-sentence like he wasn’t even there.

I walked straight over to Aries, grabbed her wrist, and started draggin’ her off like I had an appointment. Khalil called out somethin’ behind us, and I flicked him off without turnin’ around.

“What was you two talkin’ ’bout?” Aries asked, lettin’ me pull her like she wasn’t fully capable of resisting.

I shrugged. “Nothing important.”

Then I turned around—and immediately regretted it. Because I was not supposed to be lookin’ her in the eyes.

“B-buy me a drink.” I said anyway, like my voice didn’t just betray me.

My breath caught in my throat, her gaze low, slow, and deliberate, not even tryna hide the way her eyes trailed before comin’ back up to mine.

“Stop starin’,” I huffed, trying to recover.

Her eyes lifted back to mine. “I ain’t.”

“So we lyin’ now?” I said it softer this time, and she stepped closer like she heard the shift. Like she wanted to make it worse.

Her hand slid to my bare waist, pullin’ me in just enough to make my thoughts fall out of order like loose papers. 

Because why is she touchin’ me like that in public like I’m built for this level of pressure. Why the hell is my body actin’ like it’s on her side???

Her touch sent a little shiver up my spine, and I exhaled softly, lookin’ away like that was finna save me.

“Just a little,” she husked.

I rolled my eyes immediately, because if I didn’t, I was lowkey gonna fold right there in the sand.

“Is you gonna get me that drink or not?” I asked, tryna sound irritated instead of… whatever the hell that was.

She nodded, guidin’ me over to the drink stand, her hand still restin’ on my lower back like it lived there.

We walked up to the little drink stand, and I pressed my hand against her abdomen lightly as we waited. The lady serving us smiled real sweet, lookin’ between the two of us like she just figured something out.

“You two are so cute together.”

I froze, my whole body goin’ stiff like I just got caught doing sumn illegal.

I was this close to pushin’ Aries away out of pure instinct, but then I glanced at the lady and—Yeah, nah. I’m not ’bout to embarrass her. She looked too happy about it.

So instead, I smiled. “Thank you,” I said, like I wasn’t internally spiralin’.

Aries paid and tipped extra like she was tryna impress somebody, and handed me my drink.

I didn’t even wait. I took it and walked off without waitin’ for her, takin’ a sip like I needed something to ground me.

Then I glanced back, and there she was. Standing there, lookin’ directly at me. Specifically… at my ass…

Well damn..?

I turned fully this time, narrowing my eyes. She ain’t even look away, she just stood there unbothered. Her audacity just… walkin’ around freely.

I scoffed, turnin’ back around with a little shake of my head. “Yeah. She actin’ real bold lately,” I muttered to myself, already knowin’ this was ’bout to be a problem.

And I don’t know whether to check her…

or let her continue.

But Imani peeped it too the second I walked over and dropped down under the umbrella next to her, tryna act like I wasn’t just bein’ harassed by my own thoughts five seconds ago.

I grabbed my towel, adjustin’ it under me before leanin’ back slightly, lettin’ out a quiet breath like I was decompressing from a long day when, in reality, I had done absolutely nothin’ but stress myself out.

“Is it just me or—”

“No, I peeped that shit too, girl. Don’t even worry ’bout it,” I cut in quickly, not even lettin’ her finish her sentence because I already knew exactly where she was goin’ with that.

Imani hummed, noddin’ slowly as if she had just confirmed a theory she’d been quietly building in her head for the past hour. She leaned a little closer, lowerin’ her voice like she was about to say sumn serious.

“She definitely feelin’ you, Lo,” she said softly, like she didn’t want the words to travel too far.

I rolled my eyes so hard I almost saw yesterday, draggin’ my fingers across my forehead as if I could physically wipe that statement away. I already knew that was a lie. Feelin’ me? Oh, please. That sounded like sumn people say when they bored and wanna start mess.

“No, really,” Imani continued, shaking her head. “It’s like she tryna figure out how to make a move..”

“You know I ain’t gay,” I replied a lil’ too fast, my tone comin’ out a little sharper than I meant.

Imani raised a brow at that, her lips twitchin’ like she caught sumn in the way I said it. “So… you not feelin’ her?” she asked, tiltin’ her head slightly like she was studyin’ me now instead of just talkin’.

And for a split second, I paused. Not enough for anyone else to notice, probably. But long enough for me to feel it.

I glanced over without thinkin’, my eyes landing right where they always seemed to land lately. Aries. Somewhere in my line of sight, movin’ around, talking, existin’ like she ain’t been takin’ up unnecessary space in my head. And just like that, my heart did that fuck ass little skip again, like it tripped over nothin’.

I looked away quick, clearin’ my throat like that was gon’ hide the fact I panicked.

“No,” I huffed, crossin’ my arms over my chest. “We barely get along.”

Imani let out a laugh, shakin’ her head like she ain’t buyin’ a single word I just said. “Girl, yo ass just stubborn,” she replied, her tone amused.

Before I could defend myself, Britney and Essence came over and dropped down under the umbrella with us, bringing their opinions right along with them.

Britney leaned back comfortably like she had been waitin’ to join the conversation, while Essence sat down a little more composed, eyes already scannin’ the group like she was catchin’ up on everything at once.

Chelsea stayed back at the Airbnb ’cause her stomach was acting up. We all offered to stay with her, but she insisted we come out and have fun. Meanwhile, Khalil had already been talkin’ ’bout leavin’ early anyway, going on about how he hated the idea of his girl being alone, which… okay, fair, but sir?

She told you to go have fun.

But okay.

“What y’all talkin’ ’bout?” Britney asked, stretching her legs out in front of her as she leaned back on her hands.

“Nothin’,” I said at the same time Imani blurted out, completely ignorin’ me.

“Aries feelin’ somebody.”

I closed my eyes immediately, my fingers pressin’ lightly against my temple as I silently cursed her out in my head. Because why would she say that right now? Why would she say that with Essence sittin’ right here, ears wide open, clearly ready to latch onto any little piece of information she could get like a damn detective?

If Essence wasn’t here, we would’ve told Britney everythin’ already. No hesitation. But with her here? Absolutely not. I wasn’t about to hand her anythin’. I didn’t like her, and at this point, I was pretty sure that wasn’t a secret anymore. I’m pretty sure everybody knew that.

“Who??” Essence asked, leanin’ forward just slightly, her interest a little too obvious for my likin’.

I turned my head away, pretendin’ like I suddenly found the ocean fascinating, but really, I was just avoiding the conversation altogether. And unfortunately for me, my eyes landed on the same problem as before.

That one nigga walking back over. 

I let out a long, exaggerated sigh, dragging it out like I was in physical pain, and Imani immediately started snickerin’ beside me like she already knew what was coming.

This was their fault. All of it. They dared me to go talk to him to “prove” that I didn’t have a crush on Aries, like I needed to prove anythin’ to anybody. And now this nigga wouldn’t leave me alone.

“Yo, I didn’t get your number—”

“She ain’t got one.”

Aries’ voice cut through, and Imani’s snickering only got louder, which immediately made me cut my eyes at her. She was doin’ way too much, and she wasn’t even tryna be subtle ’bout it anymore. Not with Essence sittin’ right here watching everything unfold.

“Yeah, sorry. I don’t have a phone,” I added quickly, squintin’ up at the sun and raisin’ my hand to block it from my eyes like that would somehow make the lie more believable.

Britney snorted under her breath, clearly entertained, while the he blinked, confused.

“You got one?” he asked, turnin’ his attention to Essence.

And see, now he was just being bold. And I liked that it was no longer toward me ’cause now I wanna stir shit up. 

I smiled brightly, a lil’ too brightly. “She does, yes,” I said sweetly, already opening my mouth to say anything that would redirect him. “It’s 404—”

“You was chattin’ it up with her, so here’s her phone.”

Time stopped. Because Essence reached out and handed my phone to him like she had lost her damn mind.

My brows furrowed so fast it felt like my face might crack. “What the fuck—” I started, completely caught off guard.

Imani folded over laughin’, wheezing like she couldn’t breathe as if this was the funniest thing she’d seen today.

Aries moved fast, snatching my phone right out of Essence’s hand before the guy could even take it properly, her expression tightenin’ with irritation.

“Can y’all stop fuckin’ around?” she huffed, clearly over it.

Essence cleared her throat, noddin’ like she ain’t just try to set my ass up two seconds ago.

“Submissive, much,” I muttered under my breath, just loud enough to satisfy myself.

“Get in the car, Londyn,” Aries said, pointin’ like she was done with all of us and the entire situation.

I threw my hands up immediately, my voice raisin’ without me even trying. “What!? Why!?”

She didn’t argue, she just gave me that look.

“Fine.” I huffed. 

I sucked my teeth, grabbin’ my phone back from her hand along with my water bottle on the sand before turnin’ and storming off toward the car.

The girls followed right behind me, dragging our stuff along, while Khalil and Aries stayed back, still arguing with the nigga.

Don’t know what was said. And don’t care.

When Aries finally got back to the car, she slammed the door a little harder than necessary. “That nigga wouldn’t let up, gosh damn??” she muttered, startin’ the engine.

I hummed in response, kicking my feet up onto the dashboard like I paid insurance on this car.

“Why you even talkin’ to niggas anyway?” she asked, glancin’ over at me.

I turned my head slowly, my jaw tightenin’ as I looked at her. “‘Cause I can, Aries? The fuck?” I shot back, my tone edged with irritation.

She scratched the back of her neck like she ain’t expect me to snap back, lookin’ away briefly. “My fault,” she mumbled.

I turned back to my phone, scrollin’ like I wasn’t irritated, like I wasn’t thinking too much. “You steady actin’ clingy, chill out.” I added, almost under my breath.

And just like that, the car went quiet. She ain’t respond. Ain’t argue. She ain’t even look at me. She just pulled out of park, turned the music up, and drove.

The entire ride back to the airbnb, she stayed behind Khalil’s car, keepin’ her distance like she had suddenly remembered something important.

And I hated that more than I expected to.

When we got back, she still didn’t say anythin’. She just went straight to the shower like the conversation in the car never happened, like I didn’t just say what I said.

Imani looked at me like I had just caused a scene. “What you do now?” she asked, her tone half-curious, half-accusing.

I rolled my eyes. “Nun? She just actin’ a lil’ too clingy,” I said, draggin’ the word.

Imani sucked her teeth so loud it echoed. “Girl, stop pullin’ back just ’cause you scared of affection,” she shot back, foldin’ her arms like she was about to host a seminar on my behavior. “Ain’t nobody care if you like a woman.”

I groaned, droppin’ my head back like my spine needed a moment to reconsider its life choices. “Imani, I said I ain’t gay—”

“Sooo you wouldn’t give a damn if Essence kissed Aries?” she cut in immediately, not even lettin’ me finish. Her tone shifted too, a lil’ too curious, and a lil’ too messy. “And I ain’t talking about on the cheek. I’m talking about a whole make—”

I lunged forward and slapped my hand over her mouth.

“Don’t finish that sentence,” I huffed, glarin’ at her like she just tried to summon sumn demonic into the room.

She pulled my hand off slowly, raisin’ a brow like she already knew she hit a nerve.

And okay. Maybe I cared a little…But that didn’t mean anything.

At all.

Because I don’t like her. I just don’t like Essence. And I would absolutely hate—hate—for Essence to be all up on somebody I tolerate.

See? Simple math. Very logical. Very straight.

“Well… we’ll see,” Imani said, noddin’ to herself like she just set a trap and was waitin’ for me to fall in it.

My brows furrowed immediately. “Fuck you mean ‘we’ll see’??” I followed after her like she wasn’t about to just drop that and walk away.

She waved me off like I was background noise.

Everybody eventually got the chance to shower and change into sumn more calm, more comfortable, more “we not outside no more.” By the time I came back out, Chelsea had joined us on the couch, lookin’ a lil’ better but still wrapped up in a blanket like she was recoverin’ from war.

Khalil came in with bottles like he was sponsored by Budweiser, and I groaned, floppin’ dramatically onto one of the couches like I had already decided I wasn’t responsible for anythin’ thats finna happen tonight.

Aries walked into the living room with a towel over her hair, fresh out the shower, and I glanced over without thinkin’.

“You need help?—” I started.

“Nah,” she cut in quick.

I paused, then nodded slowly like I didn’t care. Like I wasn’t lowkey tryna be nice for once in my life.

Britney looked between us and mouthed, “y’all argue?”

I shook my head and she nodded like, hmm… noted.

Aries sat all the way on the other side of the room. Furthest spot possible. And of course—of course—Essence slid right up next to her like she had a reserved seat.

I rolled my eyes so hard I almost clocked out.

“We playin’ truth or drink,” Khalil announced, settin’ the bottles down like this was a business meeting.

Imani shot her hand up immediately. “I’m going first!”

Britney snickered, pointin’ at her. “What would immediately make you swipe left on someone?”

Imani didn’t even hesitate for real, but she still pretended to think like she was about to say sumn deep. “A nigga talkin’ ’bout his mom like they datin’,” she said flatly.

Khalil’s brows furrowed so fast. “What typa niggas is you findin’?”

We all burst out laughing because… valid question.

I sat up, crossin’ my legs and huggin’ a pillow to my chest like I was preparin’ for an interrogation.

“Lo,” Khalil pointed at me.

I sighed immediately because I already knew Khalil be asking questions like he hosting a reality show.

I was mentally preparing to drink my way through this entire game.

I hummed, waitin’, and he smirked like he had something lined up. “Would you get with someone older? And if yeah, what age?”

I shrugged like it wasn’t that serious. “Yeah, Ion mind older, just not pushin’ 29.”

Imani leaned in immediately. “Like 25?”

I nodded. “Yeah, 25 is good—”

And then I saw her face. That look. That messy ass evil, instigating look.

My eyes darted straight to Aries for half a second before snappin’ back to Imani, who was already foldin’ over, snickerin’ like she just set me up beautifully.

Oh, this bitch…

“Okay, Khalil,” I pointed at him quickly, redirectin’ like my life depended on it, and his smile dropped. “What’s your most embarrassin’ moment in the bedroom?”

He sucked his teeth immediately, and we all started snickerin’ while Chelsea sat up straighter, pointin’ at him like she was ready to fight.

“You better say your experience and not mine!?” she snapped.

I laughed, shakin’ my head as Khalil shrugged like he was innocent.

“Well damn… I ain’t ever done some embarrassin’ shit for real…”

I rolled my eyes. “Boring.”

He pointed at me immediately. “Nah, nah. You tell us then.”

I shrugged, not givin’ him nothin’, and he hummed like he knew I was dodging.

Britney turned to Aries next, and I sat up just a little bit more, tryna act casual but definitely listenin’.

“What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?”

Aries sighed, rubbin’ the back of her neck. “My ex considered me and her going to the gas station as our first date.”

Khalil lost it. “I remember you tellin’ me that shit!” he laughed, slappin’ her arm.

Britney looked genuinely concerned. “Did you even do anythin’?”

Imani started laughing at Britney’s face alone.

“I obviously took her somewhere better,” Aries said, shakin’ her head, “but even then, all she talked about was her ex. So I deaded that shit.”

Essence’s jaw dropped like she just heard somethin’ scandalous, and I had to look away before I said sumn unnecessary.

For a while, nobody really drank. Everybody was dancin’ around the questions, givin’ just enough without actually saying anythin’ real.

So to fix that—and to include Chelsea—we switched it up.

We started writin’ questions down on little pieces of paper, crumblin’ them up, and tossing them into a jar like we was setting up our own little chaos machine.

And the best part? Chelsea was in charge of picking them and readin’ them out loud.

It was all anonymous.

Which basically meant everybody ’bout to get bold.

Chelsea grabbed that paper like she was calling raffle tickets at a family reunion, unfolding it like the prize was a whole flat‑screen.

“Aries, what is your type?” she read aloud.

Aries blinked once, then let out a short laugh, her brows furrowin’ like she already knew this was ’bout to be some bullshit. “Who the fuck—” she muttered, looking around like she was about to start interrogating people one by one.

Imani and Britney turned their heads to me so fast. I froze for half a second… then slowly narrowed my eyes at them like, don’t do this. Not today.

They snapped their heads away like two kids caught stealin’ snacks, suddenly fascinated by the ceilin’, the wall, their nails… anything but me.

But Essence? Oh, she for sure caught that.

Her eyes flickered between all of us like she just opened a new tab in her brain labeled: mess.

Khalil suddenly threw his hands up like he was confessing to a crime. “I wrote it! I be tryna hook you up with girls, but you won’t tell me shit.”

I rolled my eyes so hard I had to sit up straighter to recover. Of course it was him. Matchmaker my fuckin’ ass.

Aries sucked her teeth softly, shaking her head before answering anyway. “I like a girl who’s soft… intelligent… knows how to carry herself well,” she started, and immediately everybody leaned in like this was a TED Talk.

“Keep goin’,” Imani said, way too invested.

Aries scratched the back of her neck. “Uh… short, but not too short. Glasses…”

Khalil leaned forward like a podcast host with no damn boundaries. “What about body-wise?”

I snapped my head toward him so fast. “Nigga, don’t be weird.”

My face scrunched in pure disgust, and he threw his hands up like he ain’t just asked that out loud in a room full of people with ears.

“I mean… that don’t really matter to me,” Aries said with a shrug.

The girls hit her the ‘girl be serious’ look

Aries laughed, rubbing the back of her neck again. “What? I’m serious.”

“You like ’em thick, don’t lie,” Khalil added, noddin’ like he just dropped a fact.

I grabbed the nearest pillow and launched it at his head with zero hesitation. He ducked, laughin’ like he wasn’t almost concussed. “I’m just sayin’!”

I sucked my teeth, foldin’ my arms, because at this point… yeah. She basically just described Essence.

Not even loosely. Like… if this was a job application, Essence would be hired on the spot. Immediate start date. Benefits included.

And me? I wouldn’t even make it past the first interview.

I don’t know what the hell they meant earlier when they said I was her type, because clearly… I’m not.

I mean, yeah, I’m intelligent. I wear my glasses when I feel like it. I know how to carry myself.

But soft? Bitch please. I’m probably the most hardheaded person she’s ever met. I argue for sport and I wake up ready to disagree. If stubbornness was a sport, I’d have medals.

Meanwhile, Essence be mad and still look like she got a soft R&B playlist playin’ behind her.

And she pretty, thick, and composed.

This shit annoyin’ as hell.

I pulled my knees up to my chest, huggin’ them like I needed emotional support from myself, my stomach doing that tight little twist I wasn’t ’bout to get into.

“Next question,” Chelsea said, already reaching for another paper like she smelled chaos.

She opened it quickly before reading—

“Aries. Do you like anyone in this group?”

My whole body went stiff before I sat up so fast I almost pulled a muscle.

Chelsea threw her hands up immediately like she ain’t want no part in this, while Imani started snickerin’ like she had been WAITING for this exact moment since birth.

Khalil let out a loud “OH!” like he was at a football game and Britney leaned forward like she was about to host a reunion episode.

“I gotta say a name?” Aries asked, raisin’ a brow.

Chelsea shrugged like, hey, don’t look at me, I don’t make the rules, I just read ’em.

Aries shook her head, grabbed the bottle, and poured herself a shot like she wasn’t even about to entertain the question.

“I’m holding my peace on that one,” she said, tossing it back.

Imani folded over, wheezing. Sounding like a broken engine.

And Essence?

Essence just glanced at Aries with this soft little smile that made me wanna roll my eyes and flip a table at the same time.

So that was loud and clear. They like each other.

Cool. Great. Amazinggg.

I nodded to myself like I had everything figured out, even though I didn’t ask a single question.

Because obviously it’s her.

Obviously.

Why wouldn’t it be? I don’t even know why Imani thinks it’s me. Aries is just comfortable around me, that’s it. She knows I like niggas anyway.

End of story.

“Britney, when you gon’ get you a man?” Chelsea read next.

Britney whipped her head toward Imani so fast and smacked her arm. “You wrote that!”

And yeah, that one made sense. Me and Imani been tryna find Britney somebody for the longest. It’s been dry. Desert dry. And every time we think we found somebody decent, boom—two-timin’, lyin’, or just straight up weird. Every option we find be built like disappointment.

She deserves better, but the options? Straight ass.

“Londyn, are you currently interested in someone?”

I paused mid-breath then slowly looked around the room. Because anybody here could’ve wrote that shit, and all of them looked guilty except Aries.

“Maybe? I don’t know?” I said, shruggin’ like I wasn’t being interrogated.

Chelsea leaned forward immediately, messy as hell. “Is it someone in our group?”

I pointed at her so fast. “I know for sure that bit ain’t on that tiny piece of paper?”

They all burst out laughin’, and I rolled my eyes, sinkin’ back into the couch like I wasn’t about to participate in my own downfall.

The game kept going, gettin’ messier, louder, dumber, until eventually everyone started gettin’ tired and driftin’ off one by one, and that’s when I noticed Aries walkin’ in the same direction as Essence.

My brows furrowed immediately. “Aries?” I called out, my voice sharper than I meant.

She turned around with a little hum.

“Where you goin’?” I asked, even though the answer was right there in front of me, walkin’ hand-in-hand with irritation.

She looked at me like I asked the dumbest question of the night. “To bed, Londyn?”

Oh, so we using government names now?

My jaw clenched slightly.

“What about—” I started, then stopped myself.

Because absolutely not. I’m not about to sit here and beg her to sleep in my room. I’m not about to look or sound clingy. I’m not about to look crazy either.

If she wanted to, she would. Simple.

I folded my arms, sucking my teeth. “Never mind. Go sleep with yo girlfriend.”

And I turned, storming off before she could say anything, glancing back once just to see, but she was still going the other way.

She didn’t stop. Didn’t correct me. She didn’t even say a word.

Oh, okay. Cool. I love that for me.

I huffed, pushing into my room and flopping onto the bed like I was betrayed in a past life.

The girls looked over at me from the other bed. “What’s wrong, babes?” Britney asked, sittin’ up like she already knew it was about to be something.

I groaned into the pillow, my voice muffled. “She’s sleeping in that room with Essence.”

Their jaws dropped so fast it was synchronized.

“Hopefully Essence don’t try nothin’,” Britney muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose like she was already stressed for me.

I popped my head up like a meerkat. “Fuck you talkin’ ’bout?”

Britney blinked. “She said at the beach she was gon’ at least try and snuggle up with Aries tonight.”

The whole room went silent as I stared at her.

Then slowly—slowly—pulled the blanket over my head like I was shuttin’ down for maintenance.

“Goodnight.”