Chapter 4

“That was a beautiful kiss,” she tilted her head and moving forward, kissed me tenderly on the lips and held her mouth against mine for what seemed an inordinate length of time. Her mouth parted and I went with her out of instinct and felt my heart skip a beat, I was aware that my vision had blurred slightly and I felt warm all over. Paula eventually pulled back and she tickled my belly playfully.

“Now that’s a kiss to keep me warm on cold winter nights when wind blows a cold hole through your soul,” she regarded me for a few moments.

“You wanna go home or somewhere else?”

“Wherever,” I exhaled.

Paula told me later she had no idea where she was going, she was just driving for the sake of it but we wound up in Olinda where we bought a couple of Cokes and then she drove down a road she’d been down with an ex boyfriend once. It took us to a relatively deserted carpark overlooking the R.J Hamer Arboretum and parked down at the far end. It’s a beautiful view of the start of the Great Dividing Range that extends all the way to Queensland and it was somewhat appropriate that she took me to a high place for our little talk.

“So, where do we go from here on?” Paula glanced at me a few minutes later, “considering we’ve just kissed.”

“I don’t know,” I confessed, “I wasn’t exactly looking for this kind of thing.”

“You and me both,” she took another mouthful of Coke, “but we have crossed a line, it’s not like we can’t go back to what we were before but we need to come to some sort of agreement.”

“Have you ever done this before, with a housemate?”

“I was tempted with Jackie, once,” she confessed.

“It was a few weeks after our visit to the brothel in Berlin. She was having problems with the guy she was seeing at the time. We’d both had a couple of drinks and then we kissed,” she took another mouthful of Coke.

“And nothing,” she replied, “it could have gone further but I knew her reputation. Jackie liked to play the field, she loved fucking, drinking and travelling, not always in that order but she saw no harm in fucking around. I guess it was just pure common sense kicking in but I decided that perhaps we shouldn’t take it further because we were living together. I threw that excuse in because it made sense at the time.”

“And what about now? With me?”

“With you,” she looked at me, “I really don’t know. You’re sweet, adorable and fun to be around but your Christian faith might hold you back if we took this further. A lot depends on your decision, I’m up for change but I’m pacing myself to suit your style,” she took another mouthful.

“I kissed you first,” I reminded her.

“I know and when I gave you the go ahead you kissed me again, and we can’t blame alcohol either because we’re both stone cold sober,” she reclined her seat a little.

“We can put it down to plain impulse or curiosity of course, but that’s only if we want to avoid the elephant in the room,” she frowned.

I drew breath and took another mouthful of Coke. The memories rose in my mind’s eye yet again and then I came out with it all, the memory of that episode of Neighbours I’d seen and then I told her that I’d had a secret crush on Bailey for quite some time.

“It was secret because I never told her and even if I had, I don’t know what would have happened between us, we were both in high school and she was my best friend. It’s one of those things where something could have happened if one of us made the first move. When I went to her coming out party I admit that I had mixed feelings, sadness that she’d found someone else but also relief because at least that part of my life had come to some sort of resolution.”

“Interesting,” she glanced at me, “go on.”

I hesitated before taking a plunge into the unknown but I outed myself in fits and starts. My love life up until that day had been like a desert. I had all the urges but plenty of restraints holding me back. There were guys at the churches I’d been attending who certainly chased me but I was adept at avoiding anything that might force me to make a decision. I was very career-focused, while I loved nursing I wanted to go further than nursing and become a doctor, nursing was just the first step. A relationship with a guy would end in marriage, childbirth and a wait of a few years before I could continue my career. At least that was the excuse I’d always given to girlfriends, but the truth was I felt no desire for men whatsoever. Perhaps it had something to do with that embarrassing birds and bees talk my mum had given me when I was seventeen. Then again, in light of evidence that my mother had had an affair with a woman, maybe I was born this way.

In the end however, I came to no grand conclusions, only an admission that I was stuck. I had all the desires a young woman should have but no urge to do it with a man, which led back to our kiss in the carpark. That had sparked something off in me, a desire for more but I conceded that my Christian faith might hold me back a little.

“So, who says you can’t be both?” Paula looked at me, “if God is a god of love then maybe he isn’t going to punish you or me for loving each other, and I’m certainly not going to stop you going to church or praying. I’m just not like that,” she fiddled with her cuff.

“What I am going to do though is be open to changing the situation, if you want to take it further then I’ll come along for the ride. Let’s be open to each other and that means giving the other time to adjust, there’s no grand coming out party it’s just you and me, together.”

“Oh,” I stared straight ahead, “okay, I guess.”

“I’m asking you out,” she put her hand on my leg, “I don’t know where we’ll end up and that’s not a bad thing because expectations are my downfall, I can never live up to my own let alone someone else’s,” she squeezed my leg.

“Okay,” I put my hand on top of hers, “no promises in the dark,” I glanced off to my left.

“We can’t kiss here though,” Paula squeezed my leg again, “let’s go home.”

“What if Caroline is there?”

“Then we’ll find somewhere else.”

As it happened, Caroline wasn’t at home. She’d gone out with Tess and left one of her garbled notes stuck to the fridge door. She was in the habit of taking lines from songs and stringing them together to make a message.

Have climbed the wall and wish you were here, and so I’ve gone to the dark side of the moon with Tess to have a momentary lapse of reason. Will be back to the delicate sound of thunder.

“I worry about that girl,” Paula brought the note through with a bottle of wine I’d just bought, “the first note she left me said something about running off to join the French Foreign Legion, she’d be back when the war was over or tomorrow, whichever came first. I really thought she’d flipped her bloody lid,” she handed me the note.

“She’s quite clever with words though, one of these days she’ll be a best selling author and I’ll just be the woman who rented a room to her,” she moved past me to the wall unit where the wineglasses were kept, “fancy a tipple?”

“Um okay,” I put the note down on the coffee table, “I um have to go to the loo.”

By the time I returned from the toilet Paula had put on some music, she’s got quite an extensive music collection. I’d taken off my boots and put on my sheepskin slippers but Paula had her boots on and she managed a cheeky grin as she raised the glass in her hand.

“You picked a winner with this one, goes down smooth.”

“I took a chance,” I sat down next to her, “I was going to buy the De Bortoli one.”

“For someone who barely touches a drop you always seem to pick the best wine,” she unzipped a boot and took it off.

“I do read wine reviews,” I took a sip, “it has got a bite,”

“Yeah it sure has,” she pulled at the other zip and frowned, “it’s just not my day for zippers,” she put her foot on the coffee table, “help a girl out?”

I put the wine down and tugged on the zipper, it was pretty tight but eventually I managed to work the zipper past a few damaged teeth and Paula grinned as she eased her foot out of it.

“I nearly ditched these for some I saw on sale a few months ago but these boots have sentimental value, I bought them at Debenhams in Manchester.”

“Good quality boots,” I put the boot on the floor, “God, I’d love to go to Britain, and Europe, and America but Europe just fascinates me.”

“Well if that’s the case you should talk to Tess more, she’s been there too, she spent a lot of time in Denmark, which is a place I’ve never been yet but it’s on my bucket list,” she leaned forward to massage her foot.

“I really need to book myself in for a pedicure,” she murmured, “oh, wait, what am I saying? I don’t have time for a pedicure,” she leaned back and wiggled her toes.

“I can give a foot massage.”

“Can you now?” Paula raised an eyebrow at me and then a few moments later she moved down to the end of the couch and put her head on the armrest.

“Do your worst,” she put her feet on my legs.

Now massage was one of those skills that had fascinated me, I’d even taken it as an elective in nursing college because it was one of those brand new electives trotted out every few years. As I recall very few people took that course. I set to massaging Paula’s feet, in between sips of wine and by the looks of things my training had paid off because she had a wistful smile on her face.

“God, I should book myself in for a full body massage, now there’s an option for you if you ever decide to ditch nursing. People pay big money for a massage,” she pushed her feet against my right leg gently, “I can see it now, Enya playing in the background, scented candles and Stacey in a white uniform.”

“Stop it,” I squeezed her left foot suddenly, “I’m quite happy with nursing, but I do have plans to become a doctor one of these days.”

“Doctor McLean at your service,” she moved her heel up to my pussy, “sounds like a plan, so do you need an assistant?”

I looked down at her foot resting where no man had touched me and a moment later I opened my legs slightly and moved her foot against my genitals. It was a pleasurable sensation and I kept my eyes locked on her as I slid her foot up and down. She had one hand behind her head and the other resting on her belly, a crooked smile nudged her lips.

“Go ahead,” she murmured, “you gave me one hell of a foot massage, my foot is all yours.”

Faced with a choice I faltered for a few moments and then moved my hand down her leg to her knee and then back up. Paula kept her eyes locked on me as I did this a few times and then moved her left leg and planted her foot on the floor. Her legs were now spread far apart and she smiled as she tugged playfully at her zipper, with every little jerk I felt as if I was standing outside myself. Paula knew it as well because she drew her finger slowly down the flap, simulating the act of unzipping her trousers. I moved my hand as far as it would go, all the way to her crotch and a moment later she grabbed my hand and put it on her pussy and grinned.

“A bridge too far?” Paula raised an eyebrow.

I didn’t reply as I kept my hand where she’d put it, rubbing gently and yet without any particular purpose in mind. Paula’s eyes shifted to her crotch and smiled crookedly as she unzipped herself to expose pink panties, she kept her eyes locked on mine as she adjusted the opening to give me a good look. Every move was slow and deliberate while I kept rubbing her leg. She took my wrist and put my hand down on top of her vagina, she then released my hand and pushing herself forward against me, put her hands behind her head.