Chapter 4

“Yep! Wait, no! Do we have French vanilla?”

I dug it out of the mini fridge in her office, and she clapped in delight.

“Yay! You’re awesome!”

“I love how you get more excited about food than actual money.”

She waggled her head in acceptance as she poured a little creamer in her coffee.

“I do love food…”

I took back the creamer when she was done and zoomed back to my desk.

I got a text from Joey after lunch.

Me: Hi baby. How’s your day going?

Joey: Slow. Not many people today, so we’re playing “spot the toupee”

Me: Lol…I can’t wait to see you tonight…

Joey: me either…what should I wear?

“Mor?” Suzie called from the inner sanctum.

I hesitated, wondering if I should insist on texting my girlfriend back. It was office hours, though. My boss was paying for my attention.

“Yes?” I walked in with my notebook in my trouser pocket.

“If you’re done sending out Texas samples, can you please drive downtown to the corporate office and pick up the new scanners we’re thinking of using?”

She looked at me, confused. I’d never, ever said no.

“I’d love to, but see… I can’t do overtime anymore, remember? And the drive would take over two hours round trip, plus the time I’d be there looking for the distribution office.”

She raised her eyebrows, staring me down.

“And, see… we have reservations.”

She wasn’t budging, so I took a deep breath.

“How about I send Felix?”

She finally looked back to her computer.

“Fine. Just make sure he does it right. I want to take a look at it tonight.”

“Sure thing! Anything else?”

“No,” she muttered at her computer.

I zoomed out to grovel at Felix’s feet. After promising to get him his lunch for three days, he accepted. I gave him all the information and promised to guide him through it when he got there.

The things I do for love…

I said a quick goodbye at her door when five o’clock rolled around. She said ‘bye’ back, but didn’t look at me. We both felt the shift in our dynamics. I was usually a lot more attentive and receptive to her.

I drove to Joey’s while on the phone with Felix, and finished up as soon as I got to her apartment building. I took a breath and headed inside with my bouquet of flowers. She loved two-toned roses and gardenias, so that’s what I’d gotten. I’d also added some orange daisies and baby’s breath.

I knocked on her door and she opened it, making my jaw drop. She was wearing a deep, forest green, form-fitting dress with a slit up the side. The front hem pooled at her chest and teased low on her cleavage. She was looking me up and down, too.

I shook my head and held out the bouquet. “Babe, you look gorgeous! Here, these are for you!”

“Thank you! I love them! You look so hot, Mo!”

I stepped in and pressed her to the wall. She giggled; I pressed my mouth onto hers, sliding my palm down her ass.

“Oh, fuck! What time are our reservations again?”

“Right now,“ I admitted sadly, even as I sucked on her neck “We don’t have time.”

“Well, I’ll fuck you when we get back.”

I looked in her eyes and grinned. “Sounds like a plan!” I took the flowers from her and dug out the vase from under her sink. I fixed them up and trimmed them here and there so they would look good.

She was staring at me while I worked. I raised an eyebrow at her. “What?” I asked.

She smiled widely at me. God, her smile was addictive.

“You’re cute.”

I grinned to myself and fluffed up the flowers, setting them down.

“Shall we?” I asked.

We had the nicest time we’ve had since The Incident. There was a ton of flirting and sappy eye contact, and all the while, I steeled myself for the big reveal.

“Jo, you are awesome. I love being with you, and want to keep loving you harder every day. I got you something.”

She raised an eyebrow and smiled. “Yeah?”

“Hope you like it.” I handed the velvet box to her, and she opened it, grinning widely.

“It’s beautiful! Here, put it on!”

She pulled it out and unclasped it. I stood behind her, pushing her black, silky hair to the side. My fingers caressed the back of her neck, and I took the ends from her, clasping it delicately. I placed a soft kiss over the silver chain at the bend of her neck.

She chased my mouth and kissed me hotly; her fingers slid into my hair. She pecked me a few times.

“Thank you, Mor! I love it. Oops!” She looked at my hair and fixed the strands she’d messed up.

I sat back down and smiled at her. “Looks great on you!” I opened the tiny menu in front of me. “So…what do you want for dessert?” I looked over the options.

She ran a heel up my leg and I looked to see her sexy smile.

I turned over the dessert menu in my hands and frowned.

“I think that’s a different menu.”

She giggled. “Fine, then the strawberry cheesecake.”

“Done and done! Imma get the creme brûlée!” I grinned widely after I ordered them.

“Mor, I’ve been thinking about this for a while… Here, give me your hand.”

I gripped her hand over the table warmly.

“I want to see you more. I miss you when you leave, and think about you when we don’t spend the night together. Why don’t you just move in?”

“Into your place?” My heart dropped into my stomach.

“Yeah! It’s closer to your work, and, well, I’m sure if we look at the pros and cons it would probably make more sense… And, well, to be perfectly honest, you live in Roxbury, Mor. It’s kind of scary.”

I waggled my head, accepting that. We did always stay at her place for that very reason. I liked my neighbors. There was a nice, older cat lady that made me dinner sometimes during the week and told me about her kids and late husband. But it was true, it was a horrible neighborhood.

“Moving in is a big step. I mean, I miss you, too, when we’re apart.”

“Well, it’s just…um…” I wasn’t sure about taking that next step. I had an image of us arguing, and cold, awkward nights where I didn’t have any place to run to—especially after the awkward night we’d just experienced quite recently. “Maybe you could give me like a week to think about it?”

She squished my hand and smiled tightly.

Our desserts arrived, and we picked at them in the stale air. There was something I needed to say, but I couldn’t think of anything, and I was anxious about the decision I needed to make.

We drove back to her place and made love until we were exhausted. In the gloom of the night, with her warm body at my side and her strong leg draped over my lower body, I considered living there with her: waking up together, showering together, going to Target and buying a stupid hipster lamp… On paper, it was sweet, and a good foundation for a good future, but my treacherous heart told me something was missing. I would have a relationship but I wanted more. I wanted someone I would, well, be willing to kill for.

I wanted it to be like those epic love stories I grew up reading: a Greek hero that travels to the underworld to resurrect his love, fights armies, slays sea monsters, and fights off unworthy suitors for her hand.

I wanted a galaxy named after me and my lover, like Andromeda and Perseus. Our love would come first, not work or social obligations. Fuck doing things because they’re what’s expected of you. I wanted to defy convention with a spitfire by my side that was more volatile than me.

While I loved Joey, I just didn’t know if she was my Andromeda. I didn’t know if a mythic love like that was even possible. There were no sea monsters to slay and the women in my life weren’t exactly helpless damsels in distress either.

I fell into a fitful sleep wondering if I was even capable of loving someone forever. Maybe I wanted a fantasy that would never come true and suffer for it as I made my life more difficult.

“I’m sorry you were upset during that time. I’m sure it must have stressed you out, not being where you wanted to be.”

“With you?” I teased.

“No, I mean, like, in the middle of everything, and not writing like you wanted to do.”

I sighed. “I don’t like talking about that time, but I guess we have to share eventually. It helps to remember everything.”

“Yeah. After that night, I wanted you.”

“Really?” I turned to look at her.

“Yeah. It wasn’t you punching the guy, though! To be clear, never, ever do that again.” I nodded as she squished my hand. “I just didn’t want you with her, and I was starting to miss you.”

“Did you… ever touch yourself while thinking of me?” I hovered over her, looking at her face.

“Eh, I liked you and I thought you were attractive, but sex with you was still kind of daunting at that point.”

I nodded, accepting that.

“I may have had a few errant thoughts, though, during that time…” She pursed her lips and ran her thumb in circles on my bicep.

“Really? That’s hot.” I smiled widely, and she kissed me sweetly.

“What about you?” She raised an eyebrow, teasing.

“Oh, so many fantasies! It was mostly about your legs and looking up your skirts.” I grinned down at her, and she smiled back.

“No wonder you always got orders wrong back then!”

“Rude! I never got anything wrong!”

She hummed indulgently and ran a delicate hand down my chest.

“Tell me some of your errant thoughts? Please?” I pleaded.

She blushed. “Um, so, sometimes when we were in the elevator, I wanted you to press me against the wall… Or when I leaned into your space, I had the crazy urge to straddle you in the middle of the office…”

I leaned down to mouth at her neck. “More, please!” I licked her collarbones.

“Uh… Well, sometimes you would catch me when I stumbled, so I may have started to do it on purpose more here and there…”

I leaned up to grin at her. “You fiend! And you said you weren’t evil! You drove me nuts! On purpose!”

She grinned wickedly, claiming my lips.

“I can’t believe how close I was to losing you,” she said softly.

I frowned in confusion. “Like ending up with her?”

“Yeah. If you’d said yes to moving in, well, maybe you’d still be together.”

“No,” I said firmly, my eyes blazing at her. “We are meant to be together. Something would’ve happen to make it so—some cosmic intervention. And that’s exactly what happened.”

Her mouth pulled to one side. She slid a warm palm down my side, settling on my ass.

“I think you’re right, I can’t imagine being without you now. You’re addicting.” She squeezed my cheek roughly and pulled me down by my neck to kiss me.

I let her tongue plumb my mouth, and moved my lips to complement her frenzied kiss. I separated us and breathed over her lips. She chased my mouth, and I teased her by pulling away at the last second each time.

“Ugh! You’re so frustrating, though!” She groaned out and flipped us over, pushing my wrists into the mattress and taking her kiss by force.

I conceded. Her hips moved on my stomach as I felt her bare center on my bellybutton.

“I’m hungry. Can we go get brunch?”

“And then… can we come back and reenact our first night together? For old time’s sake? You know, with the…”

“Yeah!” I surged up to kiss her again.

“Yay!” Her dimples popped up. She jumped up to go take a shower.

Leaning up on my elbows, I got to see her walk away. Her back was splattered with dark beauty spots. She was my galaxy, spinning and dancing—twinkling every single day, so much more than anyone I’d ever met.

I thumped down on the mattress and wondered for a few minutes if she would be up for shower sex. I jumped up and ran after her in a fit of arousal.