Chapter 2

Raven

When I went through the idea of coming out, I didn’t anticipate what my parents would do if they didn’t accept me.

I thought they would kick me out, I had money saved up for that. I thought they would be too angry to talk to me in another case but I was okay with that.

What I didn’t see coming, was the call my father made to the catholic priest. My father was one of the leaders in church. He was well known and acquainted by priests around the state.

So they were willing to help him ‘save me’ from the ‘gay evil spirits’.

I only realized how bad the situation was when I woke up to see my mother packing my things in a bag. I heard voices coming from our living room.

“Mom?” I rubbed my eyes sitting up in confusion.

“Hey baby” My mother was not looking my way.

“Why are you packing my things?. Do we have guests this early morning?” I stood up.

“Uhh your father and I talked about your umm confession last night.” My mother’s voice broke as she aggressively shoved my clothes in the bag.

“Mom?. Are you sending me away?”

“No” Her body turned around to look at me with tears running down her face.

She looked so defeated.

“Mom what’s wrong?. What did you decide?”

“We are sending you to a convent for the rest of the summer. They will h.. help you”

“You are sending me to go live with nuns?. What do you mean help me?. I’m not sick!”

“Lower your voice Raven. Your father will…”

“It was his idea wasn’t it?”

“No baby, it was mine. Look, please sit”

My mother pushed me to sit on the bed then went to close the door. She came back and took my hands in hers.

“Why would you allow him to do that?. Nothing is wrong with me.”

“I know baby, I love you for who you are and I am proud of you for accepting yourself but…but your father. Even I don’t know the man I saw last night. He was angry, an animal. He was capable of anything and…”

She shook her head.

“What is it?. Tell me please” I held myself from crying.

“No Raven just…”

“No mom, tell me why you chose to send me to the convent. Did my father suggest something else?”

She closed her eyes. My mother loved me. I knew that because she raised me and had been there for me. She protected me from the worst.

“You can’t be sent to the conversion program he suggested. They use extreme methods, I would never allow you to go through that. He will do anything to change you. Please Raven, for me just, pretend for a little while. I will figure a way out for you”

I hugged my mom, sobbing in her arms. I knew my father, he was hard headed. Once he made a decision, there was nothing to be done. If I ran away, I would be saying goodbye to college. I had been accepted in at Stanford University.

This was my opportunity.

My mother held me with love as we cried at the circumstances I found myself in. I pulled back and wiped my tears.

“I can pretend. I just wanted to be myself and not hide anymore but if it costs me this much, I’m willing to pretend.”

My mother told me she loved me and already couldn’t wait for a daughter in law. I cried again before my father knocked and announced it was time to go. I stayed by my mother’s side until I saw the women dressed in nun uniforms.

My bags were carried to the van outside my house and I got to say goodbye to my little sister who had a lot of questions about everything that was going on. My mom kissed me all over the face before the door was closed and the van drove away.

These things were never expected. I didn’t think I would be taken away by catholic nuns just because I confessed to liking women.

I couldn’t help but hate my father.

One minute he was someone I adored and yet the next I felt so much hatred towards his whole existence. I was angry at him. How could he do this to me if he truly loved me?.

Just to get me to be who he wanted me to be. To change me into something I was not. Just so I could bring a man home and he would have the perfect daughter.

My mother stood by me.

It was enough for me. Her acceptance, there’s nothing I could have asked for from this situation except my mother’s love. She protected me and went against the man she loved.

She put her love for me over her love for my father.

If I ever became a mother, that was a lesson to keep in mind. Being a mother means my priorities shift to my children. I wiped away my tears and stared out the window. The van was silent and I was not interested in the women who came to get me.

They were probably judging me in their heads. Who knew what measures these holy people would take to change me. Was I going to be exorcised for being a lesbian?.

To get the lesbian spirit out?.

Hell being straight sounds nice compared to my last heartbreak. Women were cruel anyway. Maybe I was overreacting but how could we go from bring happy to breaking up because I couldn’t kiss her in public?.

So much for being in love.

If I was going to pretend that I was ‘cured’, I had to make it believable. Just three months around old granny nuns, didn’t sound hard to pretend to be cured and straight.

What’s the worst that could happen?

☆☆☆

Are you out yet?

Tell me your coming out story even if it was to a single person