Chapter 2

“And are you with someone now?”

“I haven’t had time for anyone right now,” I looked past her for a moment, “I was with someone twelve months ago but that was going nowhere so we broke up.”

She said nothing for a minute or two as she stared at the table.

“I love that word,” Annie pushed away from the windowsill.

I heard the story of how Zara and Diana got together over fika. The two had met at a tv studio when Zara was defending her anti LGBT stance and Diana was on the opposing side. It appeared that in this case opposites had definitely attracted each other because they began an online email exchange that lasted for several months. Because they were both writers they agreed to critique their final drafts of manuscripts. In the end they found common ground and not long after that started seeing each other socially but even then it was still a closely guarded secret. Ultimately, it was that need to keep her friendship secret that drove Zara away from the church and into the arms of her newest friend, Diana.

“It’s a divisive issue over there,” I mused, “but here it’s not quite the same although we’ve had a bit of trouble from right wing family groups trying to affect the political outcomes in Europe. We’re lucky here because Sweden tends to be more accepting to gay people.”

We moved onto other subjects after that, like our vocations and interests. She was a consultant for a big bank and I was the curator for an art gallery but apart from our jobs we seemed to share a lot in common, music, films, books and when it came to films, she shared the same love as I for the old Hollywood classics. We parted that day with an agreement to meet up again a few days later for fika in town.

Nevertheless, despite our agreement I was in no doubt that she was happily straight even if she was now unhappily single. I’ve been out with quite a few straight women who never took it any further than coffee and cake. My love life up until then had been somewhat fractured with a lot of false starts and one long term relationship that ended when she accepted a transfer to Germany. Melinda had been on my mind just recently because she still kept in contact even though she was living with someone else. Despite our shared past, Melinda was insistent that we stay friends.

I went to bed that night feeling a little more content and pleased with myself. We Swedes have a reputation for being stand offish, it’s not as if we are rude or arrogant, it just takes us more time to open up to new people. I had a few friends I met regularly but just lately I’d felt a little out of place because quite a few had paired off and my natural instinct was to take a step back and let them spend time together. Thus, befriending Annie had come at the right time. She was someone I could go out with even if it was just for fika.

For the next few months Annie became my fika friend, we used to meet up once a week on a Friday but that soon evolved into two and then three times a week. We usually met in town but after a few weeks she used to meet me at her place. However she never met me at my place and it’s not as if she didn’t know where I lived, she had my address. That was a significant thing for me because it was almost as if she was drawing a line in the sand as they say. Even when I went to her place I was never there for more than ten or fifteen minutes and then we’d head out for fika.

The subject of sex rarely came up and when it did the conversation was more general and almost trivial, it was as if she was deliberately avoiding any deep and meaningful conversations about sex and sexuality, and I respected her privacy. All that changed after three months when Annie told me that her oldest sister, Laura was coming to visit.

“She’s finally acknowledged that her asshole husband is a love rat,” she peered at me over the top of a clothing fixture in Ahlens.

“Okay,” I flicked through the blouses, “so she is coming on her own?”

“Yeah,” she lowered her eyes, “she’s given him three weeks to clear out his shit and she’s taking a three week vacation to see her younger sister.”

“And what if he clears out her stuff too?”

“Kinda hard to do when they live across the road from dad and mom,” she picked up a white blouse with pussybow ties, “now this would look good on you,” she held it against herself, “and me too,” she raised an eyebrow, “what do you think?”

“I think it would,” I studied her.

“Ah, so she thinks I would look sexy in this?” Annie chuckled.

“Stop it,” I smiled crookedly, “people can hear you.”

“Förlåt,” she used the Swedish word for sorry.

“You are forgiven,” I reached over to her side of the fixture and plucked out a garment in my size, “so we will not see each other for three weeks?”

“Say what?” Annie’s eyes widened, “don’t be stupid, of course you will meet my sister. She wants to meet my gay best friend,” she took a step back, “I need to try this on.”

Shopping for clothes had become part of our routine a few weeks previously but this night was a little different because when she stepped out of the cubicle to show me, the pussybow wasn’t tied correctly and when I gestured at it and told me she looked down at it and said, “so, how should it look?”

It never occurred to me at the time that she might have tied it that way deliberately and I know that sounds silly but as I untied it and then retied it she didn’t move a muscle. The result satisfied her and she bought it, I bought one as well and it was only when I was hanging it in my wardrobe that night that I actually thought about my wardrobe adjustment because she had worn something that was similar a few weeks ago and it had been perfectly tied then. Was she flirting or just teasing me? It was a mystery that was finally revealed when Laura flew into Arlanda the following week, and even though I only met her once at a café in town for about half an hour I liked Laura straight away when the subject of politics came up. Trump had just claimed there had been a terror attack in Sweden, which hadn’t actually happened but it certainly had people all round the world laughing, at him.

“I didn’t vote for him,” she scowled.

However, I didn’t see anything of Annie for the rest of the week and the weekend. She and Laura went up to Uppsala and across to Gothenburg before returning to Stockholm on the Sunday night. I followed their process on social media of course! When I checked Annie’s Facebook there was a selfie of her and Laura outside Stockholm Central Station. They were both holding disposable coffee cups and the hashtag was fika. I commented on that picture.

Agnethe: My favourite word, glad to see you’re both back.

I didn’t hear the ping when Annie replied because I was in the bathroom but when I came back to the lounge room I saw her reply.

Annie: Fika tomorrow? Laura wants to see the art gallery. If you’re too busy we can make it some other day.

Of course I wasn’t busy I smiled.

Agnethe: Come around half past four, I’ll tell Mariette I’m leaving early.

Looking back at that day I can’t say I thought much about Annie, partly because I really was quite busy with phone calls and paperwork and partly because I was starting to feel some sort of pull towards Annie and given the fact that she was straight and I was gay, I was only acting out of instinct and trying to keep things on an even keel. I’d been there before, more than once and it’s not a good look to be pining over a straight woman who just won’t bend.

Maybe that inspired my rather conservative outfit that day, a white blouse under a black V-necked jumper and black trousers, I even tied my hair up into a bun although that had a lot to do with our heating system which is really efficient. When Annie turned up I noticed she’d had her hair done, she’d had it cut into a bob style and dyed blonde. She wore that white pussybow blouse that she’d bought over a week ago, it was tucked into jeans and matched with a blue overcoat.

“You had your hair cut,” I touched my bun.

“Does it pass the test?”

“Test?” I blinked as I tried to translate. English has so many different meanings depending on where you live.

“Ja, I love it. So, now you are a blonde.”

“For now,” she smiled crookedly, “I had a hair appointment this morning and I was going to get the usual cut and trim but then I decided to jump in with both feet.”

Laura chuckled at that as she moved towards a landscape of Stockholm that was painted in the late ’60s.

“A little,” I confessed, “but my work isn’t good enough to hang here and even if it was I couldn’t display it here for obvious reasons.”

“I’ve thought about doing a photography course. Annie bought me a digital SLR camera last year for my birthday,” she winked at Annie, “it has more buttons than the space shuttle and now that I’ve decided to file for divorce I’ll certainly have the time.”

I didn’t want to pursue that line of conversation and so I took her on a guided tour. Annie had seen the gallery once before but our newest exhibition had a feminist flair with a selection of portraits of women from the 1900s up until the year 2000. The tour took a good half an hour although I had to leave them at the end of the tour to deal with a phone call. When I got back to them they were ready to leave and Annie smiled.

“Var ska vi ta fika?”

Laura raised her eyebrows at that.

“What did you just say?”

“Where are we going for coffee and cake,” I translated.

“Well, how about that?” Laura rubbed Annie’s shoulder, “you actually sounded Swedish.”

“Swedish with an east coast accent,” Annie smiled crookedly.

“I’ll just get my coat,” I took a step back, “and let Mariette know I am going.”

The fika eventually turned into a dinner when we jumped on the subway and headed to Norrmalm where I paid the bill as a way of welcoming her to Sweden. It was a generous gesture that didn’t go unnoticed by Annie and she said as much when Laura went to the toilet after I’d paid.

“I would have paid.”

“I know,” I replied off-handedly, “but I thought I’d break the mould, we’re supposed to be oh so reserved and we are but sometimes we’re screaming inside. I like your sister and I like you too, so why shouldn’t I pay for dinner?”

“Thank you,” she murmured.

Laura returned a few minutes later and it was Annie’s turn to go to the toilet.

“You’ve made quite an impression on my sister,” Laura took out her lipstick.

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

“How do I put this delicately?” Laura pursed her lips and applied a layer of lipstick, “are you and Annie involved?”

“Romantically?” I stared at the toilet door on the other side of the restaurant, “no, she’s not like that.”

“I’m gay,” I replied, “like Zara.”

“Whatever,” Laura applied another layer of lipstick to her bottom lip, “sorry, I don’t mean to be so blunt but it just had me wondering. She’s always been straight but at Zara’s reception she was quite taken by one of the guests, Nina. They even hung out together for about six weeks or so, but then she hooked up with our cousin from Australia out in California and met Gustav.”

“Okay, and you’re telling me this because?”

“Just thinking out loud,” our eyes met, “it’s none of my business, as long as she’s happy. I always thought she jumped on Gustav too quickly. She’s not the spontaneous type, she checks out the scenery, ticks the boxes on her checklist and even then she might not jump. That’s what surprised me about her dates with Nina, there was no checklist, no hesitation, she just went out with her. Mom thought she was going to have to organise another gay wedding,” she finished with her lipstick and smiled crookedly.