Chapter 15

JENNIE

Strength. All these years I tried to be strong for Ella and me. I tried not to let the circumstances put me down. I was working to provide us with a roof for our heads, for food, for Ella’s school. Even if that meant that I was wearing the same clothes for years. It was all for her. And now one moment, one person was taking my strength away..

When Suho hurt me that day I lost the ground down from my feet.. When he threaten me that he would kill me and Ella I didn’t know if I should take his threat for real. He was drunk after all.. The days at the hospital I did nothing but thinking.. Thinking the worst scenarios.. What if I did press charges.. What if I told Jisoo about him.. What would happen?

Jisoo was there for me. Day and night.. Taking care of my daughter because I couldn’t.. She was so nice to us.. And we were coming closer and closer day by day.. The Jisoo I came to know was so warm.. so beautiful inside out and when she was asking me every day about who hurt me I couldn’t tell her.. I was afraid.. I was afraid if she would believe me and I was afraid of the outcome.. Pressing charges would bring us to court and I would have to face Suho.. And worst.. They would find things about me.. What I did when I was younger.. Who I was.. And Jisoo would find out that I lied.. She was so kind to us and I didn’t want for her to find everything like that..

When I came back home I didn’t think about Suho. All I was thinking was Ella and that I missed her so much..

“Are you ready to see your daughter?”

“Yes.” I said with a big smile on my face..

Ella was in the living room sketching when we got inside.. The moment she realized we were home she left what she was doing and came right into me hugging my leg.. The one without the cast of course..

“Mommy.. I am so happy you are back.”

“And I am so happy to see my baby girl. I missed you so much.”

“Mommy, promise me that you won’t get hurt again. Okay?”

“I will try my best.”

“Ella, now let’s help mommy rest. Okay?”

“Can I stay with you mommy?”

“Of course sweetie.. Jisoo thinks that I am going to sleep but I was sleeping for days now. I just want to talk with my princess.”

I really missed her. She was my everything. And I wouldn’t let anyone hurt her. I don’t know if it was Ella that I was thinking when I decided to tell Jisoo about Suho. I don’t know if it was the right choice to make. But if Suho hurt me then he could hurt Jisoo too. And I wouldn’t let him put a finger on her.

“Okay. What the patient would like to eat?”

“I am not hungry Jisoo but thanks.”

“I want macaroni and cheese Jisoo.”

“Jennie you are taking three different pills and you need to eat something. I am going to make you some soup. Okay?”

“What if I say no?”

“I am not going to listen to you. So macaroni and cheese for the little lady and chicken soup for the patient. I’ll be right back.”

Jisoo. Jisoo became from an extremely beautiful stranger to a really close extremely beautiful friend. But the thing is that I was seeing Jisoo as something more. I liked her from the beginning and now that I was every day with her, now that I could see her caring side the feelings I had were growing to something more than friendship.

“So how is Eddy?”

“Mommy, stop..” and she blushed. I loved teasing her. And she liked her classmate. Eddy was a good boy. I knew who his family was.

“So.. did you kiss him yet?”

“Mommy, you shouldn’t ask questions like that you know.. Especially when I see how you look at Ms. Jisoo.” what?

“Excuse me?”

“Aha, I know how you look at Ms. Jisoo.”

“And how I look at Jisoo young lady?” sometimes I wanted Ella to be like all the other children of her age. Why she had to be that smart?

“Like I look Eddy.”

“So you say that you like Eddy.”

“So are you saying that you like Ms. Jisoo mommy?” now it was my time to blush.. Ella knew that I liked girls. Although I never dated one while raising Ella.

“No comment.”

“You like Ms. Jisoo.”

“And you like Eddy.”

“Dinner is ready girls.” and we saved by the bell. Or Jisoo..

It’s strange how sometimes kids see things that we aren’t aware off. Ella realized that I liked Jisoo.. I guess I couldn’t hide it anymore? Jisoo allowed us to eat at the living room and not at the kitchen. Yeah, today it was an exception.. My right hand was on a cast so I couldn’t eat with my left.. So Jisoo was the one to help me eat my soup.. She even made that airplane thing they do to babies.. But I wasn’t a baby..

“Come on Nini.. Open your mouth.”

“If you don’t stop treating me like a baby I won’t. Continue like that and I am going to stop eating and then I’ll die and it will be all your fault because you were treating me like a baby.”

“I didn’t know you are a drama queen Jennie.”

“Oh she is Jisoo..”

“Ella, sssshhh.”

“Now Jennie, open your mouth. You look like a dumpling when you’re pouting.”

“Jennie Kim is not cute.” The moment I realized what I said Jisoo looked at me, she laid the soup down and I could see the questions in her head ‘who are you?’, ‘why I trusted you?’

“Ella, could you please go to your room? I want to talk with your mom for a sec.”

“Okay.”

Ella left without understanding what just happened. She was clever but she was still a kid. My heart was beating so fast that I thought it would break. And Jisoo was looking at me..

“Jennie Kim? I thought it was Jennie Kwon.”

“Jisoo, I can explain.”

“Please do. Because right now you can’t even imagine what is going on inside my head. So please Jennie Kwon or Kim or whoever you are explain to me what the fuck is going on.”

It was now or never. I didn’t know if it wasn’t the right moment to tell her about me and who I was. I wasn’t lying. Maybe just a little..

“Jisoo, it’s still me.. I didn’t tell you the whole truth about my name. But it’s not a lie. My mother’s last name was Kwon. Kim was my father’s”

“So why you lied? Why you thought that was necessary. Right now I feel that asshole I had for a boyfriend was right. It’s like I don’t know you.”

“But you do know me Jisoo. You do. It’s me. Jennie. The same person I was a week ago. When I will explain everything to you you will understand completely. Just let me explain everything. Please.”

And I told her everything. Who I was. What happened. How Ella wasn’t my daughter and that it was my sister’s. How we found ourselves living in that motel. It was now or never and the least I could do was to tell her the truth about me. She was taking care of me for days and she was giving me the chance to explain my life to her. When I finished I had tears in my eyes and Jisoo’s thump was drying them away..

“Why you didn’t tell me from the beginning? Was that so difficult? Did you think I would judge you? Seeing how you are with Ella it would make me like you even more Jennie.”

“So you are not mad at me?”

“I am mad because you lied but not at you. I can’t believe what you’ve been through. So Jennie Kim eh?”

“Jennie Kim. Yeah. The one and only.”

“And your dad was Kim Myung Hwan. Your uncle is Kwon Jiyong. I can’t believe it.”

“Believe it because it’s true.”

“We have the same surname then. Do everyone knows you as Jennie Kim?”

“Yes. Only Ella’s school knows our real name. They needed a birth certificate. We had to leave from California and change our name. They were so harsh on me at that time. They were following me around when Ella was only a baby. People can be mean. So I needed to let go of everything and start a new life. But when you don’t have the money life is difficult and here we are.”

“You are amazing. Do you know that?”

“I don’t think that I am. I am sure that you would do the same for your niece.”

“Do you believe that I still don’t know how old you are?”

“You don’t know because I didn’t tell you. And by the way I don’t know yours as well. I am 25 years old.”

“And I am going to be 30 in a few months.”

“Now I understand the need to take care of me. It’s the mother in you.”

“Shut up.”

I felt so much better that I told her everything. Well not quite everything. She didn’t know about my wild days and what I did then. And I was young at that time. So I don’t know.. I guess there was no need to tell her something that happened years before.. While Jisoo was helping me eat Ella came from her room and sat right next to Jisoo with a smile on her face..

“So did you tell her mommy?”

“Tell me what sweetheart?” Jisoo said still looking at me..

“Nothing. Ellaaaa” I said looking at her.. now it wasn’t the time to tell her that I liked her.. Ella looked at me with a curious face but she knew what to say..

“Mommy you were telling me about how nice Jisoo is with us. So did you tell her?”

“Oh, that.. yeah.. I did.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Well Jisoo you are very nice for taking caring of us. We thank you very much.”

“Oh, you are welcome.”

We sat there for a while chit chatting and it felt good being home and not to that hospital.. I was feeling tired though and I think that at some point I slept on the couch because I woke up with a blanket covering my body.. Jisoo was right next to me as always and I liked it..

“Jisoo?”

“Welcome back sleepy head.”

“What time is it?”

“It’s 11pm. Ella is sleeping so don’t worry.”

“Okay.”

“Jennie, I know that you are still recovering and with everything that we said this evening but there is something we still need to discuss and it can’t wait. Not any more. It’s about who hurt you.”

“I know.”

“So will you tell me? Since it’s the day of revelations?”

“It was Suho.”