Chapter 37

The morning was beautiful.

The crisp white snow, the cloudless sky, and the sun that kissed the uncovered parts of my skin.

Skiing is a thrilling activity. The speed you can collect as you fly down the slopes, the sharp wind that blows across your cheeks, the laughter that follows the adrenaline. I have always loved bombing down the slopes, but hearing her laughter as she trailed behind me, attempting to keep up, and the joyously bright tones of her voice…

Skiing with Mack only made the morning better.

We spent part of the morning sitting at the top of the mountain with our skis off as we let our feet dangle off the sharp drop at the top. We laughed and joked with one another, stealing kisses and throwing loose snow as we sat and talked. Talked about football, the weather, the fun we were going to have together. I remember blushing for most of the conversation, the way she was looking at me making me feel hot, the teasing comments about getting me alone making me hotter.

We snuck off-piste as it crept closer to midday, hiding outside under the thick clusters of pine trees that dotted the mountainside. We kissed under a lot of those trees, frozen fingers sneaking under coats and burning at the touch of warm skin, our puffs of breathlessness mingling in the air due to proximity, shrieking as we’d get carried away and fall into the compact snow at our feet.

The realisation that my feelings for Mackenzie are well past the line of ‘like’ is hitting me like a freight train, but the fear of admitting it to myself is no longer there. I feel at peace with knowing.

I love Mackenzie Daniels.

I love her, and I know I’ve loved her for a very long time. I’ve loved her smile for as long as I can remember, I’ve loved the way she’s looked at me since we kissed in the game of truth or dare. I love the familiarity she brings, the way she makes me feel at ease, at home.

Mackenzie is starting to feel like home to me.

The only thing about it that makes me nervous is telling her. Finding the right time, the right place, and the possibility that she might not love me back. I’m terrible at opening up; I always have been. I struggled to tell Clay way back when. I couldn’t tell my friends I like girls. I couldn’t tell Mackenzie I liked her, let alone the thought of admitting I’d fallen head over heels for her.

I’ll end up just blurting it out at a random and probably inappropriate time, embarrassing myself in the process, then running away and throwing myself in the deepest, darkest hole I can find and living there for the rest of my life.

I chuckle inwardly. That sounds exactly like the way I asked her to be my girlfriend.

We both slide to a stop just outside the mountainside cafe, a chalet built halfway up the slopes with a south-facing beer garden built over the drop of the mountain. The sun is high in the sky, so I don’t feel the chilly air when I pull my hat off my head and stuff my thick gloves into the pocket of my coat.

I spot the rest of our school’s skis piled on top of one another just next to where they were sitting, on the other side of the plastic orange netting they’d put up to separate the bar from the slopes. All of the students are squeezed into one long table, groups that wouldn’t normally sit together at school now laughing and chatting amongst one another.

Tina is sat across from Freya and her group, chatting inaudibly whilst swatting away hands and food being sent her way. I recognise one of Clay’s friends from football, a giant transfer student from Hawaii called Kekoa, who is a mean linebacker and a brick wall, yet a total softie. He has a thick mop of curly dark hair and a brilliant smile, and I know that he’s crushing on Faye’s cheer captain, Devon. He’s crushing on her badly; it’s actually kind of sweet.

“What have we missed?” I say jovially as Mackenzie and I take a seat at the group table. I squeeze into the space next to Freya, surprising the group, and Mack takes the empty seat next to Kekoa across from me.

Freya smiles at me as I sit, and I no longer see animosity in her eyes like I used to. I feel like that brief chat at the party has buried every hatchet we’ve ever had.

“Nothing as interesting as skiing alone with your girlfriend,” Kekoa chuckles, throwing a fry from his plate into his mouth. “I bet you two have had fun.”

“Oh leave them be,” Tina scolds him, slapping at his wrist and knocking his food from his hand. Tina turns to me and offers a warm smile. “I don’t think I’d be brave enough to come out. I’d be too scared.”

“It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be,” I admit bashfully, my cheeks flaming at the fact all their eyes are on me. I haven’t really had to speak about coming out to the school, as I just kissed my girlfriend at a party and let everyone else spread around that I liked girls. I hadn’t had any confrontations, nasty comments, or hurtful rumours. I had a few disgusted glares from Emma and her group, but I wasn’t surprised by that in the slightest.

Emma and her friends have pretty much kept to themselves with their opinions. It’s not surprising they have, considering I exploded on her when she made comments about Mackenzie all those months ago. My reaction probably makes a bunch of sense to her now as well as quite a few other people.

“Well, I for one am happy for you,” Kekoa says genuinely, throwing more of his food down his throat like a man starved. “It shouldn’t have to be as terrifying as it is to come out, so hats off to you two.”

And just like that, the conversation about my new relationship was left, and the group moved on to other topics. Nobody made a comment or cracked a joke when Mackenzie held my hand atop the table, or when I kissed her cheek when she said something funny. The boys bantered about racing each other down the steeper slopes after our lunch break, and Kekoa brought up the fact he googled the resort and found out that they had a jacuzzi lounge open till late.

Mackenzie and I had already planned to sneak in there together after we suspected the novelty would wear off mid-week.

“Us girls need to do a big movie night in one of the suites,” Tina says as she leans towards the small group of us at the end of the table. “I noticed my suite has a DVD player, and I bet the supermarket will have something easy to watch.”

“I’m in,” Freya smirks before leaning across the table and lowering her voice. “And I may or may not have managed to buy a bottle of vodka in the airport with my fake ID, so we could play some drinking games as well.”

“Oh, you are bad,” Mackenzie giggles before pushing Freya jovially in the shoulder. “I like the idea of a girls’ night very, very much.”

~•~

We snuck into the cabin shared by Tina and Chelsea, Tina’s best friend, a little after the teachers called curfew. Mackenzie and I had to run around the back of the cabins to avoid Mrs Hudson patrolling in her thick ski jacket and fluorescent gloves.

It looks like we’re the last to arrive as we sneak in through a window at the back, not bothering to take the risk of trying the front door. Freya and a few of her friends are sitting on one of the sofas, Chelsea on the other one in the room. Tina is the one who opened the window and judging by the dark flush to her cheeks and her soft giggles, they’ve already opened the vodka.

“Thanks for waiting for us,” Mackenzie chuckles as we get situated on the floor by the fire. Tina or Chelsea have piled up cushions and duvets for us to sit on so that we’re not freezing our asses on the wooden flooring, and Freya passes two glasses our way filled with clear liquid that smells like paint thinner.

“Jesus, Freya.” I scrunch my nose at the foul smell rising from my cup, much to the amusement of the rest of the girls in the room. “Did you have to buy the cheap stuff?”

Freya rolls her eyes, a smirk tugging at her lips. “I couldn’t mull over the brands like some kind of vodka connoisseur and risk getting caught, Alex. If you want, you can illegally buy the alcohol next time if it isn’t to your fancy.”

“Alright!” I laugh, putting my hands up in mock surrender. “I see your point. Shall we get to the drinking games then?”

Tina set up the DVD player in the background with Transformers, blushing as she admitted she only picked the film for Shia Labeouf. Chelsea suggested we play various easy games like never have I ever and would you rather, with an added twist of drinking as a consequence. It was nice, getting to know girls I didn’t usually associate with, finding out things about Freya I hadn’t bothered to learn because I spent more time unable to stand her than actually giving her a chance.

Turns out, Tina has a massive interest in basketball, Freya admitted she’s had a threesome, and Chelsea has a tattoo that’s spread across her foot and ankle.

It makes me a bit sad that we were so venomous towards one another because I feel like we could have been friends. To make matters worse, I can’t even remember the reasons behind why we couldn’t stand each other for all these years.

“Alex,” Freya’s friend Maeve snaps me back to reality when she calls my name. She’s slightly unsteady, a small sway due to alcohol causing her pin-straight blonde hair to fall from behind her ears. She’s been given some horrendous questions, which she has chosen, sensibly, to drink instead of answer. “Never have I ever, or would you rather?”

“I think never have I ever is funnier,” I admit, taking a sly sip of my drink and wincing at its strength. “Hit me.”

“Alright,” Chelsea raises her eyebrow in a way that makes me nervous. “Never have you ever, slept with Mackenzie.”

I can feel my neck burn a dark red despite sitting still and not lifting the glass to my lips. The amused laughter of everyone watching my awkward admission that I haven’t—yet—managed to slip into the pants of my drop-dead gorgeous girlfriend is making me feel somewhat awkward.

“Damn, I figured you’d have been all up in Mackenzie’s business.” Maeve quite obviously doesn’t have a filter, and even Tina is horrified at the blunt and emotionless reaction to my response. I can’t help but crack up, Mackenzie chuckling beside me despite the fact her face is flushed with her no doubt embarrassment.

Mackenzie, despite being almost arrogant in her initial approach to new people, is a very private person that does get awkward when her personal life gets brought up as a topic of conversation.

The question does make me feel rather awkward, although I did put myself at risk of the firing line the second I agreed to the never have I ever option of the game. It isn’t through the fault of my own that we haven’t yet slept together. It just seems that something always crops up when we almost get there. The most recent occasion was the fact her brother made a surprise and very embarrassing appearance just as I was unhooking her bra.

I still can’t get over the fact I haven’t seen my girlfriend’s naked body yet.

Mackenzie brings me back into the room with a gentle squeeze of my thigh, a soft smile on her face as she tilts her head to the rest of the girls, reminding me gently to stay in the room.

I still don’t understand how she has such a pull on me. How she can make me zone into the world around me, but at the same time be capable of making her my one true focus?

“I’d much rather suck Mr Walker’s toes, if I have to choose one,” Chelsea admits bashfully, her nose scrunching up in disgust as she ponders the second option. “You can guarantee the man with perfectly styled hair and beard takes care of his personal hygiene way better than the teacher who definitely wears the same shirt to work three days in a row.”

I snort as soon as I realise who she’s talking about. There is no other teacher in the school other than Dr Sinastri who wears the same outfit more than one day in a row. He’s super attractive, barely touching thirty, with dark hair and thick brows, but it is evident he is still in his frat bro days, with shirts you can see the sweat stains in when he takes his blazer off and his far too relaxed attitude to the guys who play on the sports teams when they forget their homework.

“I think it’s my turn to ask something.” I declare, tipping my head back and finishing off the rest of my drink. My throat burns, but my head is starting to go fuzzy in a much appreciated, drunken manner. I turn to look at my old arch-nemesis, a lazy, drunken smile tugging at her lips. Freya looks relaxed, a state I’ve only seen her in a few times before. Her auburn hair is messily bunched atop her head, a bright green scrunchie holding it in place. She isn’t wearing any makeup, a usually uncommon sight, as despite her more masc appearance in her clothes, her facial appearance is always on the feminine side. “Freya. Pick your poison.”

“I am not being put at your mercy for disgusting options in would you rather.” Freya narrows her eyes at me. “Who knows who would find out.”

“I am not that bad,” I mutter defensively, the challenging look in her eye asking me to say more. “Fine, I am not that bad anymore. Can I ask the question, or are we going to stay here and argue about if I’m evil or not?”

“Fine, fine. Never have I ever,” she grunts before topping up her cup.

I tap my chin as I think of a good question worthy of the answer she’ll have to give, either by drinking or by keeping quiet. My eyes flicker over the room, and the second they land on my blonde goddess of a girlfriend, a question sparks in my mind. I grin and clear my throat, grabbing the attention of the girls in the room. “Freya. Other than Mackenzie, never have you ever had a crush on a girl on the soccer team.”

A chorus of oohs sounds around the room, leading me to feel very proud of the question I came up with. Freya bites her lip nervously, her hand jerking towards her lips and back as she internally debates either her answer or answering the question itself.

Eventually, she sips, her face showing signs of obvious embarrassment. I open my mouth, whether to ask her who it was or to tease, I’m not quite sure, but she sends a blazing glare my way that has me instantly shutting up. “No. You don’t get to ask anything else. You don’t get to know who it i–…was.”

“Fine. Fine. Say no more,” I smirk, leaving her answer hanging in the air.

We sit and drink for a little while longer until the bottle is empty and the film is finished. My eyes are drooping slightly due to the physical exertion from today. It turns out that an early rise, with a full day of skiing mixed with a long evening of drinking games can drain the energy out of you pretty quickly.

“Hey.” Mackenzie presses a soft kiss under my ear to wake me from the doze I was drifting into. “I think it’s time we sneak back to our cabin.

I mutter a quiet response as I tiredly pull my coat back over my shoulders. I look up to see Freya and Maeve sliding through the window we will be making our escape through, and Chelsea slinking off to her room. Tina is no doubt waiting for us to go so that she can lock the window behind us.

Mackenzie jumps through first and offers her hand to me, which I gladly take. Knowing my luck, I’d sneak out of the window and catch my foot or something and end up face planting the floor. Especially when I’m this tired.

“Oh, Alex!” I hear Tina say and I turn around. “Just to let you know, I think you and Mackenzie make a really great couple. Don’t be worried about what everyone else thinks because there are a lot more people at our school that are accepting of same-sex relationships than you think.”

I smile.

“Thank you.”

I’m still smiling as we sneak back into the room we share. Mackenzie kisses me softly and slowly before slinking off to the bathroom to take off her makeup. I pull my thermals off before crawling into bed and under the covers. My phone lights up on my nightstand, and I open up my messages to a barrage of pictures and videos from April and the rest of my friends in Miami, all sporting deep tans and bright smiles. I notice that April is getting particularly cozy to one guy in a couple of the photos, which makes me grin.

We chat for a little bit before she sends me a couple of photos that came up on her “1 year ago today” section of her snapchat, of our friendship group.

And then I see it and it makes my blood freeze in my veins.

April has sent me a picture of me and her at a bonfire party from last year. We both look a lot younger, and the picture isn’t that great of quality due to the darkness and the dim fire in the background casting a shade on the rest of the photograph. But that isn’t what stops me in my tracks. It’s the background, barely in the picture but just enough so that I can make out what’s going on.

I can see Faye pressed up against a tree, her face just about visible due to the fire to her right in the photo. That isn’t the bit that has a small spark of rage building up inside of me.

It’s the fact I can see her quite clearly kissing Clay.

Kissing Clay when he was still my boyfriend.

~•~

Hey guys!

Before I start, don’t shoot me for being so crappy with the updates recently. Writing has definitely taken a backseat recently due to things going on in my life. I recently got a promotion at work so my schedule is crazy busy keeping up with the workload, and more often than not I’m passing out as soon as I get home.

I can’t promise you regular updates and I am so sorry about that, but I hope I can keep you just a little bit longer until this book is finished. We have a lot of drama and twists on the way, which just so happen to start with the cliff I’ve dropped you all of with the end of this chapter right!

Who saw that coming?! I don’t reckon it was a lot of you!

Things will heat up from here on out so be patient with me and I hope to not disappoint. 

Until next time, 

Lauryn.