Chapter 26

I need to officially break up with Clay Ramirez.

I mean, we’ve not been together for quite a while now but I know I really need to make it aware to everyone that Clay and I are no más. It’s not just for the sake of Clay and letting him move forward and find someone if he wants to, and it’s not just because Freya is holding my ‘infidelity’ over my head like I’m a cheater. I’m doing this because I’ve been so concerned about my feelings that I never once even considered the way Mackenzie might feel.

Talking to her at my house on Friday night has meant that we can take another big step forward in trusting and understanding each other. She does play everything very blasé and acts like she isn’t bothered, but now I know the reasoning behind it and I can’t help but feel closer to her because of it. I was trapped in my own bubble of paranoia that I didn’t even see Mackenzie was struggling in her own, upset and worried at the fact that I was essentially using Clay as my beard.

I’ve had the whole weekend to wrap my head around what I want to do, and officially breaking up with Clay is something I knew in my chest that I need to get around to doing. I want to do it for myself, and I want to do it to show Mackenzie how serious I actually am about her, even if I’m not quite at the stage where I’m bent on everyone being aware of my sexuality.

Weirdly enough, being in church with my mother solidified my decision. It wasn’t the fact that I didn’t burst into flames the second I walked through the front doors, or what pastor Nicholas was saying about listening to the members of our flock. No, it was the way everyone was asking me how Clay and I were doing and how I wanted nothing more than to tell everyone about how someone else had captured my attention.

Having to stand there and fake smile and lie to everyone who’s seen the both of us grow up about how great we’re both doing both in school and in our relationship, filled my with a bitterness that I need to make sure I never feel again. I don’t want to have to lie about us anymore, and the longer I dwelled on it the more secure I felt in the idea of cutting my safety net.

So I’m cutting it.

It took a lot of convincing, especially because he didn’t want girls hounding him with just over a week before his homecoming game, but he needs to understand that Mackenzie is my priority, and I don’t want people to think we’re still together when we’re not anymore.

I thought I did, but being with Mackenzie makes me sure that I don’t.

I’m filled with purpose as I stroll through the hallways to find Clay in order to officially cut the strings of the safety net in the eyes of the public, my eyes catching sight of him stood laughing with a bunch of his football friends. After speaking to him last night about publicly ending our relationship and confirming we’re better off as friends to the rest of our peers, and we came up with the perfect approach. Being genuinely honest about it.

So that’s what we plan on doing, starting with his group of friends, then mine, and hopefully the gossip will spread itself.

His curly hair is much longer than he usually has it, the tips scraping against his jaw and chin, his lean muscle hidden under his oversized letterman jacket, an item of clothing I haven’t seen him wear in a while. I watch as his eyes fall over Peter Morrison’s shoulder and fall on me, the way his face lights up at the sight of me making me feel all warm in my chest.

A friendly warm mind you, the feeling nowhere near on the same level of the butterfly scale as when Mackenzie smiles at me like that.

“Morning boys.” I say chipperly, sidling up next to my best friend and letting him wrap his arm across my shoulders. I roll my eyes when I see the way Peter and the rest of Clay’s friends nudge each other; I’m unsurprised that they’re acting like neandarthals and I’m fresh meat, they haven’t quite fully developed.

“Morning.” Clay smiles, pulling me into a one armed hug. “You wanna tell these guys first?”

“Tell us what?” Clay’s tight end, a small muscular guy called Tony Gervais cocks his head to one side as his green eyes analyse us. Out of all of Clay’s friends, Tony is probably the smartest, his love of chemistry well known to the rest of our year especially when he turns his chemistry concoctions into pranks that he plays on the teachers.

“We broke up.” I say nonchalantly, watching as their eyes widen at the same time as mine and Clay’s smiles. “Well, we broke up weeks ago but we’ve been keeping it on the down low because this one,” I nudge his side with my hip. “figured that girls would be all over him so much that he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on football and let you guys down.”

“So does that mean…” Peter Morrison starts excitedly, but I know exactly where this line of questioning will lead so I put my hand up to stop him from speaking anymore.

“No, it does not mean I am single and waiting for you to ask me to Homecoming.” I say and watch as his face falls like a scolded child. “I’m going with my friends and I’m going to be going to Homecoming stag, although I know that this one over here may have someone he wants to ask.”

I said the second part as a joke but the way Clay’s ears turn pink, a tell tale sign I’ve noticed over the years when he’s embarrassed, leads me to believe I may have stumbled upon my best friend having a secret crush.

A secret crush that I will work out because I want to know if she’s worthy of my best friend’s kind soul, and to help him plan a way to ask her.

“Can I at least know what colour mask you’re wearing so I can steal a dance?” Tony says with a grin on his face as he flutters his ridiculously thick eyelashes my way jokingly. I laugh and run my hand over his head, grinning as he scowls and pulls his head away. I would’ve thought he was annoyed with me if not for the wry look tugging at the corners of his lips and the amusement glinting in his eyes.

“And that’s enough flirting with my best friend for one day.” Clay laughs, his arm wrapping around me again and pulling me away from his hormone driven group of friends.

As we walk away towards our first lesson, I see Mackenzie walking down the hallway with Emma beside her. At first my body tenses, but as I watch them creep closer, I don’t see any malice in their conversation. Both of them look more awkward than anything. As they drift closer I see Mackenzie talking, her lips moving at a rapid pace and I see Emma’s lips quirk upwards in a fashion much like my eyebrow.

I catch eyes with the girl that gets my heart racing and I feel my face soften just by looking at her. She smiles and waves her fingers softly my way, and I know that just by looking at the way she smiles at me, so simply and beautifully, that deciding to cut my safety net was the best thing I could have ever done.

~•~

Just as I hoped, the gossip mill worked in its magic way and the news of our breakup spread like a wildfire. Throughout the day I was having looks of sympathy thrown my way, paired off with many girls looking incredibly pleased with themselves. It didn’t bother me in the slightest. In fact it only made me feel more amused about the situation than anything else.

I don’t know how they think they’re shoe ins with Clay if they act like complete bitches with me. The gossip is we broke up ages ago, yet here we are thick as thieves. Clay is my family and I highly doubt he’s going to let girls treating me like dirt slide.

I worked out it was roughly around third period that Mackenzie caught onto the rumours circulating, based on the fact it was around that time between classes that she looked at me differently. I’d heard a few of the absurd ones, about how Clay and I had found out we were actually related and called it off immediately, hence why we were still so close. She knows the truth, and that is all that matters to me.

And going by the way her face lit up at the sight of me, I can only guess that it means the exact same to her. Seeing the way she was looking at me, with a type of honest adoration I have never had aimed at me before, made me more sure of my choice to ask her to Homecoming.

I ummed and ahhed about asking Mackenzie to be my date to Homecoming until my nails were bitten down to the stumps and I contemplated pulling my hair out. My anxiety about going to Homecoming with a girl is trying to outweigh my desperation to go somewhere with Mackenzie on my arm for all to see. I want nothing more than to show her off, but the gnawing terror in my chest about the way I’ll be treated after uncovering my sexuality won’t let me out and out ask her in front of everyone.

I think she’d prefer if I asked her when we’re by ourselves anyway. So that’s what I’m going to do when I go over to hers after school. It’s not going to be a big deal, I’m not going to make a big sign and stand outside her window with a boombox whilst a love ballad plays; this is partly because her apartment is on the seventh floor and I don’t think I can throw rocks that high or that accurately. I’m just going to order take out and we’re going to watch a film and I’m just going to be very casual about the whole thing.

Completely. Casual.

The bell ending the day has me nervously packing my psychology textbooks up slowly, smiling at my friend’s on the soccer team and waving at them when they say goodbye. I can feel my nerves bubbling in my stomach, my breathing coming out shaky as I think about meeting Mackenzie by my locker. I really don’t know why I’m stressing so much, it’s just Mackenzie and I really doubt she’ll say no.

Speaking of my blonde bombshell, she’s leaning against my locker with a smile on her face surrounded by a group of students no doubt from her last period. Her blonde hair is tied back and out of her face, exposing her strong cheekbones and neck dotted in beauty marks. Her jeans are hugging every dip and curve of her toned legs, her shirt a thin strapped black vest top with a denim jacket over the top. I can’t help but admire how stunning she is. She’s laughing at something that a guy is saying to her, her fingers playing with the silver chain that’s always around her neck. I expected to feel jealous at the sight of someone else making her laugh, but I don’t. I feel an unwavering trust for her, and I know the second she makes eye contact with me, my trust is not misplaced.

Her smile brightens, her eyes soften, and this blonde that has my feelings in her hand has the audacity to wink at me. I grin as I stop gawking at her and make my way over to the group by my locker, many of them smiling at me or offering sympathtic glances.

“Sorry to hear about you and Clay.” I turn and locate the speaker, locking eyes with Tina Jefferson, the quiet girl from my social studies class. She sends me a small smile as she tucks a strand of her dark curly hair behind her ear, her amber coloured eyes showing no malice. “Everyone thought you were cute together.”

“Oh I doubt everyone liked the idea that Clay wasn’t single.” I chuckle and grin when everyone else starts to laugh as well. “We split quite a while ago once we realised we were better off being friends.” I say to her kindly, the slight downward angle I’m at making me realise just how short Tina Jefferson is. I stand at a very average 5″6, but even I’m having to crane my neck downwards slightly to look in her eyes. “I just hope he finds someone that he feels a romantic connection with, because I don’t think we honestly ever had that.”

I spin to put my unnecessary books in my locker, not missing the way Tina’s dark skin flushes at my words.

“Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow in sociology and we can go over the project then.” Mackenzeie says as she slings her arm over my shoulder once I finish and turn to face everyone else. “We both have Chinese food and an english essay that’s calling our name.”

I wave at Mackenzie’s classmates as we walk towards the main doors, my body leaning into hers as her arm tightens around my shoulders. She’s absentmindedly drawing patterns against my bare skin, my body feeling like its on fire underneath her touch. We look like most friends leaving school, however I can’t help but allow my cheeks to grow hot at how obvious we’re acting in public. My stress of getting caught makes even the friendliest of interactions between us feel like we’re doing something we shouldn’t be.

Mackenzie frowns, her eyebrows pulling together as she feels my body tighten in her grip the second we’re out of the front doors and heading to the parking lot. I feel her lips hover near my ear, her arm remaining securely over my shoulders. “There is nothing wrong with what we’re doing, Alex. This is normal.”

I exhale shakily as I feel her lips hover near the skin of my cheek before pulling away, my eyes catching sight of a familiar hated red headed acquaintance of mine. She’s stood, leaning against the hood of Raven’s car, her face showing an unmasked rage that I couldn’t help but feel smug about. I feel like I have beaten her, at least for the time being. I just hate that she got under my skin so much, and it almost cost me Mackenzie. A shiver travels down the back of my neck at the way her facial expression changes, the fury slipping from her face like it was never there in the first place. I would’ve believed I made her facial expression up had it not been for the way her eyes meet mine, and her eyebrow merely raises.

We go to Mackenzie’s car, the blonde deciding it was easier to just go in one car what with the limited parking in her building. I argue with her about it but she just smiles in that charming way that she does, her teeth bared and catching on her lip, and she convinced me that she’d drop me off at home and then drive me to school tomorrow. It didn’t help that she put her hand on my knee during this arguement, knowing full well that when she touches me my mind completely empties of any information in it.

“The school always lock the parking lot after seven, Alex.” Mackenzie clicks her tongue as she pulls out of said parking lot, her hand searing a hole through my jeans. I roll my eyes and try not to think about where her hand is, and how effortlessly hot she looks whilst performing the simple action. How is it that someone’s side profile can be so damn hot? Her jaw is carved from marble, her skin is being lit up golden by the sun, her posture is so relaxed, like this simple interaction between the two of us isn’t sending her mind into overdrive like it is me.”Take a picture, Alex. It’ll last longer.”

I want to crawl into a foxhole and die. Mackenzie’s crazy laughter doesn’t help mute my embarrassment, in fact it only darkens the blush coating my cheeks as I cross my arms and face out of the window. I glare and grab my phone, taking a photo of her whilst she laughs with her teeth bared in the way that I find incredibly endearing.

“Alex!” Mackenzie whines, her hand on my thigh coming up to try and snatch my phone from my hand. I pull it out of reach and grin, finally liking how I’m not the butt of a joke involving Mackenzie Daniels. “At least take it again, I bet I look awful.”

“Nah.” I say childishly, deciding I love the photo of her and locking my phone, sliding it into the hidden pocket in my bag so she can’t take it with ease. “I like it.”

I watch Mackenzie roll her eyes as she pulls into the underground parking complex, the entrance hidden around the back of her building. I have seen it before, but I forgot how rich this apartment complex is, not that I wouldn’t fit in here if my parents decided to downscale. There isn’t a car in here that doesn’t reek of money, including Mackenzie’s own car. It makes me wonder what her brother and his girlfriend actually do for a living that mean they can afford to live somewhere like this.

I snap out of my day dream when I realise my favourite blonde has opened the passenger door and is waiting patiently for me to get out. “Some time this week would be nice, princess.”

I scowl at her attempt at a nickname, grabbing my bag as I step out of her car, my annoyance instantly fading when I feel her slip her arm casually wrap around my waist, her hand sliding into the back pocket of my jeans and ever so gently squeezing.

“You think you’re so smooth, Daniels.” I mutter as we walk towards the elevator across the lot. She chuckles but doesn’t say anything in response, merely calling the elevator by pressing the button with her free hand, leaving her other one securely trapped in my back pocket.

We step inside, nobody else wanting to use the lift at this particular time. Once the door slides shut, Mackenzie turns her hand in my back pocket in order to grip the fabric, allowing her to spin me where I stand and push my back against the wall next to me, forcing a grunt past my lips.

She dips her head, her startling grey eyes never leaving mine as her lips skim teasingly over mine. “I think I’m very smooth, Alex. Wouldn’t you agree?”

She doesn’t give me time to respond before she’s weaving her fingers through my hair and kissing me senseless. Her lips taste like strawberries and her tongue of mint, my hands flying up to cup her jaw and pull her closer. My back is pressed awkwardly against the metal hand railing, Mackenzie settling between my legs as she forces them apart with her thigh, an action that forces a muffled groan past my lips and onto hers.

She smiles against my mouth, and I swear it makes me go weak.

I jump away when I hear the elevator ding and the doors open, straightening out my outfit as a couple slide into the small space beside us. Mackenzie snorts as she tries to smother her laughter with her hand, slipping behind me in order to offer them more space.

I try not to giggle as I lean backwards into her strong frame as I see a woman with a pushchair walking towards the elevator. I’m very much enjoying the feeling of her arm wrapped around my waist and her chin on my shoulder, our position not even being stared disapprovingly at or questioned by anyone as they’re not even looking our way.

It makes me feel slightly better that three people of very different age groups and ethnic backgrounds didn’t even bat an eyelid at the fact two girls are stood the way they are. I’m pretty sure the couple caught us kissing, based off the soft smile on the woman’s face and the way I keep catching her eyes in the mirror.

I think Mackenzie realises how I’m feeling as she presses her lips against my temple, her mouth smiling against my skin.

I grin at the fact I don’t want to flinch away.

~•~

Mackenzie’s apartment is just as I remember it. Large, open, and full modern decor with a surprising amount of homeliness, despite the expensive taste in furniture. I smile as I let my eyes fall over the various photoframes of Mackenzie and her brother at various stages of life. There are photographs of them at the beach, posing with their grandparents, toothy smiles and pale blonde hair proud on display.

“You were so cute.” I coo teasingly as I kick my trainers off at the door, grinning at the eye roll Mackenzie sends my way. “What happened to you?”

Mackenzie turns to face me and smirks slightly, tying her hair up effortlessly into a bun whilst walking. “I grew out of cute and got hot instead. Don’t even try to deny it, we both know you think it’s true.”

I decide that there is no point in arguing with Mackenzie, especially when she’s right. I smile and shrug, trying and failing to hide the rising blush on my cheeks due to her words by turning my head away, before wandering off towards Mackenzie’s room, hearing her footsteps as she follows behind me. I want nothing more than to wrap myself up in her sheets and her blankets, cocooning myself in her scent of vanilla and coconut. I’m acting like I’m going through withdrawls but I can’t seem to help it.

Mackenzie Daniels is addictive.

I push open her bedroom door and flop face first down on her bed, burying my head in her pillows. Vanilla floods my nose and I sigh out in content, loving the fact her brother spared no expense when it came to expensive feather pillows.

I hear her laugh breathlessly as she jumps onto the bed beside me, the mattress dipping under her weight. I crack open and eye to see her staring at me with a soft smile on her face, her nose brushing against mine. The simple action makes heat and comfort spread through my chest like a wildfire, the feelings that I have for this girl only growing stronger with every passing second. I find my hand sliding up to cup her face, my thumb joining her endless number of freckles like a dot to dot. My fingers trace her cheekbones, stroke over her eyebrows. I smile when I watch as her eyes flutter shut, a contented sigh passing her bee stung lips that I want nothing more than to kiss.

I don’t know how one person can make my heart beat this quickly in my chest. She isn’t even trying. All she has to do is lay beside me with her eyes closed, her arm resting across my hip bones as she keeps me cocooned to her, and I belong to her. I don’t know how long we stay laying beside one another, the only sound is that of Mackenzie’s soft breathing, her nose occasionally knocking with mine and a smike emerging on her face. I just know that right here, in this moment so simple and intimate, has me speaking without thinking, my heart making me say that words I’ve been wanting to all day.

“Hey, Mackenzie.” I say softly, my hand coming to a gentle stop against her cheek. Her eyes flutter open, her irises a grey brighter than I’ve ever seen them as her gaze is locked on my own. Looking at her now, I thought I’d be terrified of speaking my mind; I figured I’d be shaking at the thought of saying what I want to say.

Funnily enough, I’m not scared at all.

A sort of calm has washed over me as I stare at the beautiful blonde laying beside me, my lips tugging into a soft smile as I tuck a lock of her white hair behind her ear.

“What?” She asks quietly, her hand gripping onto my hip slightly tighter than she was before. Her gaze is soft but searching, the pads of her fingers soft as they climb and fall gently up and down the skin of my arm.

“Do you want to be my date to Homecoming?” I say, biting my lip with anxiousness as I watch her eyes widen. I begin to lose confidence, my cheeks flaming at the alarmed look on her face as I begin to stumble over my words. Maybe asking her wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had. She might not even want to go with me in the first place. “I mean, if you don’t want to then that’s fine. We can go as friends or in a group or…”

She cuts me off with a swift, chaste kiss to the lips, forcing me to swallow all of my words in order to enjoy the brief contact and the lingering taste of strawberry. She pulls away much to my reluctance and I watch as she breaks into a wide grin, her fingers squeezing my sides as she nods her head until she presses her forehead against my own.

“I would love to go to Homecoming with you.”

I beam at her response, pulling her in by her cheek and bringing her lips back to mine. The kiss is soft and gentle like last time, neither of us wanting to deepen it or ruin the moment. The contact sends a shiver through my body, warmth and familiarity soaking through my body starting at my head until my toes tingle. Mackenzie reaches up to cup my face, her fingers burying in my hair and tugging slightly. I forgot how much I enjoyed kissing her, forgot how great it felt to have her pressed this close to me.

I pull away and rest my head against hers, my heart at peace despite the way it’s hammering away against my ribcage. I grin and kiss her quickly once more, loving the way her cheeks flushed at my action, the tips of her ears tinged with red. “I’m so glad you said yes.”

“I’m so glad you asked.” She says quietly before leaning in to kiss me again.

~•~

Hey guys! I’m back and back with a longish chapter that I hope keeps you guys satiated.

I’m finding time to write, and I’m not feeling stressed or forced to write so things are starting to come along again quite nicely, so I’m hoping that the update schedule won’t be getting longer than this for you guys.

Hope you’re all staying safe, and I hope you all enjoy!

Love,
Lauryn