Chapter 25

I didn’t bother sticking around for the post match team talk or for a shower. I just grabbed my bag, swapped my cleats for sliders and left before anyone else had entered the changing room. The thought of having to sit in a room with both Mackenzie and Freya sounded like far too much for me to handle and I figured it best for everyone if I just went home for the night. I know my actions are going to have serious repercussions, especially with Coach Sanders. I really won’t be surprised if she decides to bench me or even strip me of my captaincy, but I know that deep in my chest that if I had stayed and seen Freya sitting next to Mackenzie, my actions would have no doubt gotten me suspended.

I throw my bag in the trunk of my car and slam it shut with more force than necessary, resting my palms against the trunk and leaning against my car. I close my eyes in an attempt to expel some of my frustration and terror, but my emotions can’t seem to settle. I can barely hear myself think over the noise coming from the people that came to watch the game, wave after wave of supporters emerging from the gate that seperates the parking lot and bleachers; many of them wander over to congratulate me on my performance or tell me how great the team did.

I just smile tightly and hope I seem a lot more relaxed than I feel. I stand there for as long as I can take it, thanking everyone when they come over and edging closer to my drivers door with each passing person. I glance at my watch and sigh, realising that if I don’t leave now the rest of the team will come out and catch me. I don’t feel like recieving a third degree from my whole team as to why I’ve stormed away, something I’ve never ever done no matter how a result panned out.

Eventually I find a small window between people and rush into my seat, closing the door behind me and hiding out of everyone’s eyeline. My car is far enough away from all of my teammates’, so when they finally emerge from the changing rooms less than a minute later, they can’t immediately spot my car.

I release a heavy sigh, blowing the stray hairs dancing in front of my eyes back into my hairline. Tallk about narrowly dodging a bullet.

I find myself biting down hard on my teeth when I see Mackenzie emerge next to Freya, the latter chatting and smiling without a hint of remorse for what she’s done. Why should she? The psycho bítch thinks she has me under her thumb because she thinks I cheated on Clay, and she’s parading around with Mackenzie on her arm because she thinks she’s got me to back off. Oh how I hate that girl.

I watch Mackenzie , my eyes glued to her beautiful presence, her bottom lip sucked into her mouth and her grey eyes darting around the parking lot as if she’s looking for something. Her hair is wet and piled up on top of her head, her usually sandy blonde hair appearing slightly muddy in colour. I know I wanted to get as far away from school as possible, but I can’t bring myself to leave when she’s right there, standing around with that girl I despise. I watch like some sort of creep as she puts her hand into the pocket of her tight fitting sweats and pulls out her phone, her attention diverted as Freya continues to attempt to grab her attention.

She brings her phone up to her ear and I feel mine vibrate in my lap. I look down and see that she’s calling me, and the smugness I feel wash over me is indescribable, because she’s picking me over Freya and Freya is right next to her.

“Hey.” I say to her steadily, my eyes stuck on her like glue. I watch as she brings her hand up to her mouth, chewing her nail as she continues to look around the parking lot.

“Where are you?” I hear her voice through the phone, her gentle tone immediately calming me and releasing a pressure in my chest I didn’t realise I had. I watch as Freya’s eyes snap up, an annoyed look on her face as she realises that even if she tries to use me to drive a wedge between Mackenzie and I, she still picks me despite not knowing what happened during my brief time on the bench.

“Why? Missing me already?” I tease, hearing her release a breathy laugh into the phone reciever. I wriggle in my seat, knowing that I’m going to have to tell her about what happened. “Look, I’m in the back corner of the parking lot. Don’t tell Freya you’re leaving with me, tell her that your brother has come to get you.”

I watch as her eyes scan over the rows of cars until her gaze locks onto my car. I know she can see me hunched over in the drivers seat, a worried expression on her face. “Okay. Freya my brother is here to get me so I’ll catch you at school on Monday.”

I hear Freya begin to mutter in protest but Mackenzie has hung up the phone, so I can’t hear what she’s saying to her anymore. I watch as Mackenzie picks up her bag from the floor and gives Freya a quick hug, something I’m not exactly ecstatic witnessing, before she walks briskly over to the driver’s side of my car. I roll the window down and try to play off my stress with a smile, faking it further when I see her worried expression peer into the front of my car.

“Are you okay?” She asks, resting her arms on my door as her head pokes in through the gap where the window should be. “Everyone was saying how strange it was that you bolted.”

I let the smile drop from my face as I sigh, the crease between her shaped brows only deepening at my reaction. I flick her with one hand whilst opening my trunk with the other, loving the way her nose srunches up at the contact. “We’ll talk when we start driving, just, just not here, okay?”

Mackenzie stares at me for a while, her calculating gaze flickering across all of my facial features before she nods once, straightens up and walks to the back of the car to dump her bag inside. I have seen her look at me like that on several occasions, each and every time making the hairs on my neck stand on edge. I know that every time she looks at me like that she sees through every facade I put up to protect my feelings, from the fake smiles to the icy masks she sees through them all and uncovers exactly how I’m feeling.

Let’s see if she’s worked out what went wrong this time.

I hear her open the passenger side door, her lean body slipping inside with a fluidity similar to that of water. Her grey eyes are once again staring stright through me, her lips pursed and curiosity pulling at her eyebrows. “Are we going to go, or stay sat here until school starts on Monday? I think I want to talk to you about something as well.”

I grin to try and mask my apprehension and lean back into my seat, starting the car’s engine. My fingers tap erratically against my steering wheel as I pull out of the parking lot and begin the drive back to mine as I try and build up the courage to talk about my worries surrounding Freya. Mackenzie is humming along to the song quietly playing on my radio, her hand placed on my bare thigh and her fingers drawing patterns on my skin without her realising it.

I like it.

The way Mackenzie told me she wanted to talk about something had my nerves spiking more than they already were, although I’m not quite sure why. I can feel my chest rising and falling unsteadily as I peer at the girl beside me out of the corner of my eye. She looks calm enough, an ethereal look on her face as she stares out of the window, her eyes occasionally glancing up front, or to the radio when there’s a song change. I try not to laugh when I see her nose scrunch up in distaste when an Ariana Grande song starts blasting through the speakers of my car, so I change the station quickly so her ears don’t bleed too much. I hear her shuffle in her seat, so I look again to see her playing with her hair, her slender fingers nimbly pulling it free from the bun and running through the strands to untangle them.

I want nothing more than to do that myself, but I turn my attention fully back to the road when I catch her looking at me, her grey eyes looking black in the dim light of the car.

“Freya knows about us.” I say quietly as I turn down the radio. I feel Mackenzie’s strong gaze burning into the side of my head as I shuffle nervously in my seat. My fear is catching in my throat and making it very difficult to force the words from my mouth, but I know I have to finish telling her. “She saw us at that Japenese restaurant when we almost kissed outside.”

Mackenzie is quiet for a moment, giving me time to bite down hard on my bottom lip as my panic starts to settle in. “Okay.”

I snap my head to the side. “Okay? That’s all you have to say? The girl hates me and she knows my biggest secret and thinks I’m cheating on my ex and all you can be bothered to say is okay!”

“Alex, calm down.” Mackenzie says, squeezing my thigh roughly. The pain stops me from panicking and keeps my head in a somewhat grounded position. But now my leg hurts because she pinched me. “Her knowing this isn’t ideal, but I really doubt she’d out you. She knows exactly how terrifying coming out is, and if she decided to spread your secret she’d lose me as a friend.”

“So you’re telling me that I should rely on the fact she has a crush on you will to keep us, me, a secret?” I ask her incredulously, my anger rising slightly. “Don’t judge me for not putting my faith in a girl who would want nothing more than to tank my reputation and make me out to be a huge bítch to everyone at school.”

Mackenzie sighs as I return my gaze to the road, my hands tightening around my steering wheel. “Alex, you weren’t even with Clay. You finished with him before we started whatever the hell this is between us. Just go public with your break up and the problem is solved.”

“I can’t.” I said, and I hear Mackenzie laugh humourlessly beside me. “Mackenzie don’t be like that. We agreed we’d keep it quiet until everything calmed down with football and homecoming and stuff.”

“It doesn’t mean I can’t be annoyed about the fact that you’re still pretending to be with him!” She snaps, and I can feel this conversation heading south. “If you’re not willing to go public with your relationship status, then don’t complain about Freya holding this over your head!”

I can feel the air souring as she pulls her hand from my thigh and turns her body to face out of the window, her arms crossed defensively over her chest. I get why she’s mad, I do, but Clay is still my best friend and he asked me to do this until Homecoming is out of the way. He didn’t want people flocking after him and putting him off his focuses of football and physics.

The drive isn’t long after we finish arguing, and soon enough I’m pulling into my driveway, my eyebrows raising slightly at the fact that it is actually occupied by someone other than myself. My mom is never usually home at this time, and more often than not she’s spending nights in hotels across the country so she can be closer to her clients. I can’t even remember the last time I saw her in person, and now that I need to have a serious talk with a girl I’m interested in, she decides to finally grace me with her presence.

I sigh as I take the keys out of the ignition and climb out of my car in silence, Mackenzie mimicking me as she waits for me to open the trunk so we can both get our bags out. I grab hers before she can and sling it over my shoulder, grabbing my own bag by the handle and closing the trunk of the car with a raised eyebrows in her direction. She merely shakes her head with a small frown on her face as she slides my keys from my hand and bounds up the stairs ahead of me.

“You’ll be the death of me.” I mumble, wiping my hands on my shirt to try and remove the burning sensation on my skin.

Mackenzie pushes open my front door, the smell of coffee wafting from the dimly lit kitchen. The small side lamp that sits on the island counter is the only light on downstairs, and I can see my mother’s silhouette perched beside the light source. I can only assume she’s on one of her late night case scans, where she trolls through mountains of paperwork to find loopholes she can manipulate and all of the legal jazz that I don’t understand.

I walk into the kitchen and my guess is confirmed the second I see her with her head buried in her case notes, her glasses perched on the end of her nose and a full mug of steaming coffee less than a hand’s distance from her. “Hey, mom.”

“Oh, hi sweetie.” My mum’s head looks up from her work, a warm smile taking over her face as she realises she’s not alone. Her eyebrow raises slightly when she catches sight of me in my soccer uniform, but wraps her arms around my muddy figure nevertheless. She smells like her expensive perfume and caffeine, her grasp comforting and familiar. I can’t remember the last time I saw my mom. “Did you not want to shower after your game?”

“I left in a bit of a hurry.” I say sheepishly, feeling the weight of Mackenzie’s stare on the back of my head. She knows why I stormed off, not that she’ll bring it up in front of my mom. I remember that she’s here and she hasn’t met my mom before so I break the embrace between us and point to the girl that is constantly capturing my attention. “Mom this is Mackenzie, Mackenzie this is my mom.”

“Please,” my mom says with a smile as she takes in the girl beside me with the analytic look on her face that she usually wears in the courtroom. “call me Kathy. Mrs. Doherty is my mother in law and I would very much not like to be linked to her.”

“Nice to meet you.” Mackenzie laughs politely as she grasps my mother’s outstretched hand. Despite my mother knowing none the wiser, I can’t help but feel my chest tighten in anxiety at the thought of my mother meeting someone, let alone a a girl, that I have feelings for. I want nothing more than for my mom to tell me that she likes her when Mackenzie has gone home, and the thought of having my mom say nothing but good things about her once she’s gone makes butterflies from in my chest.

“Well I won’t keep you.” I cough once I feel a quiet start to settle. Mackenzie looks like she’s paling with every second, and I can see the awkwardness building up in her shoulders. My mom isn’t exactly the most talkative person in the world and that’s when she’s not engrossed in work; I doubt I’ll be getting anything else out of her now. I turn to Mackenzie and see her release a quiet sigh of relief. “I’ll drop you in my room and then you can set up a film or something whilst I have a shower.”

“Are you not going out tonight?” My mom asks, looking over the thin frames of her horned glasses. “I figured after you won you’d want to go out and celebrate.”

My mouth drops open but I quickly shut it. I don’t want to appear too surprised at the fact my mom actually remembered that I had a game today, never mind the fact she actually knew we won. “How…”

My mom puts down her work and pushes herself up from her seated position, walking the short distance between us and planting a kiss against my hairline, her hands patting down my stray hairs. “Just because I can’t always come to your games doens’t mean I don’t have Arpril’s mom texting me constant updates.”

I smile and wrap my arms around her waist and rest my head against her chest. This is the most contact I’ve had with my mom in over a week and just the mention of her taking an interest in my life has me feeling a bit needy in terms of mother daughter affection.

“Now if you two do decide to go out, I don’t want you driving home and I want you back at a reasonable hour.” My mom cups my cheeks in her hand and glares with a motherly look in her eye. Her gaze flickers past me and I start as I realise Mackenzie has been stood here the whole time. “You’re welcome to stay here Mackenzie. Frankly I’d prefer it so I know both of you have gotten home okay.”

I turn around and grin slightly at the gorgeous blonde behind me, watching as her ears turn slightly pink as she smiles back. Even if we do go to this party tonight, her staying over is the perfect excuse for us to spend tomorrow together.

Going by the look in her eye I think she’s thinking the same thing as me, but the way her face returns stoic like she never smiled has my stomach flipping. “Thanks Mrs… I mean Kathy. I’ll see what we end up doing.”

My mom smiles as Mackenzie lets me drag her from the room by her arm. I let go to grab her hand but freeze, wondering if she’ll want me to. She does seem like trying to stay annoyed at me, so I don’t want her to have a reason to be more frustrated. I hesitate for a fraction of a second too long, giving her time to shove her hand into the pocket of her hoodie and for some reason my chest pangs.

“So I want to talk to you.” Mackenzie says when she clicks my door shut behind me. I turn to face her and see her twiddling with her fingers, a stoic look on her face that looks like she might get angry with me. I know this will probably only píss her off further, but I don’t want to be getting shouted at when I feel as grimy as I do now.

“Can I have a shower first?” I ask, and immediately decide that I really shouldn’t have asked that. “Okay, I think the shower can wait…”

“What were you and Kiera doing when you got subbed?” Mackenzie interrupts, causing me to snap my head upwards in bewilderment. I can see the frustration on her face, her eyes showing a vulnerability I’ve never seen in her before. “You don’t want to be public with me, but you’re more than happy for everyone to see her holding your face and being close to each other!”

“Whoa, hold up a minute.” I shake my head with alarm, cutting off her rant. “That’s why you’re being cold with me? Because you think there’s something going on with Kiera and I?”

“Well is there?” The blonde snaps, crossing her arms defensively over her chest. “I see the way you blush when she looks at you, and she is always finding excuses to touch you.”

“Mackenzie.” I stress her name as I quickly close the distance between us to place my hands on her shoulders. Her eyes are glued to the floor, and I can see how insecure she feels about this. I want nothing more than to be able to just come out and be with her in the public eye, but I’m still scared about what everyone will think. The thought of everyone knowing that I’ve managed to get a girl this beautiful and patient to be with me makes my cheeks feel warm. “Nothing, and I can’t stress that enough, nothing, is going on between Kiera and I. She threw a bottle at my head and just checked that I was okay.”

“Oh yeah, and what about when you were eyeing her up moments before hmm.” Mackenzie glares at me and tries to force her way out of my grip. “I have eyes, Alex. I saw that you were forcing yourself to look away from her.”

“Yes, because I didn’t want to stare at her when I’m starting whatever this is with you!” I snap. “Her skirt was riding up and I looked away because I didn’t want to see it. I don’t know if you saw whilst you were making assumptions about me but I was looking for you before I got smacked in the face.”

I can feel both of our frustrations rising, mine coming purely from I feel like Mackenzie isn’t listening to me. I have no interest in Kiera, and I wholeheartedly believe that she doesn’t have any interest in me. I let go of Mackenzie and sigh, shaking my head as I head to grab a towel so I can have a shower. I don’t see the point in us arguing around in circles so I’m going to give her ten minutes to calm down and digest the information I’ve given her. Hopefully she’ll come to her senses a little bit.

“Look, I’m going to have a shower. Mackenzie, please listen to me when I say that I have no feelings for Kiera. I want you, even if I’m scared to be vocal about it. If you want to go home then I won’t stop you, but I hope you’re still here when I get back.” I lean over and give her a soft kiss on her cheek before disappearing into my bathroom to remove the grime that has collected on my skin.

I try to limit the amount of time I give Mackenzie so she doesn’t have as much time to collect her stuff and make her exit, but I also want to give her the time to get her head around where I stand when it comes to her. I want to stand near her, and I just need her to realise that.

I shut off the shower and quickly secure my towel around my body. I roll my eyes when I realise I left a change of clothes in my room, so I’m going to have to go back into my bedroom wearing nothing but a towel with (hopefully) an girl angry with me still in there.

What could possibly go wrong?

I push open my bedroom door and let my eyes scan my room, panicking slightly when I don’t see her immediately. I know we didn’t see eye to eye but I still thought she might have stayed. I feel myself frown, upset filling me at the fact that she’s gone after one arguement and didn’t even want to stay to fix this. I sigh heavily, walking over to my wardrobe to pull out a large shirt and shorts, not really liking the idea of going out and partying after falling out with the one girl I want to spend my evening with.

“Can you throw me a shirt to sleep in?” I start slightly and almost let go of my towel when I hear her voice. I spin on the spot and see her perched on the end of my bed, a nervous look on her face. She looks awkward, like she herself doesn’t know why she’s still sat in my room. “I mean, if the invitation to stay still stands?”

I nod my head and throw an old grey shirt in her direction, the fading crest of UPenn in the middle of the fabric. It’s one of my brother’s shirts that I stole a couple of years ago. He was getting free merchandise from scouts when they were trying to convince him to join their team, and this was one of the first shirts he got. I stole it about a week later because UPenn is my dream school and I didn’t want to have to buy my own.

“Thanks.” She says quietly as she turns and pulls her shirt over her head, exposing her bare back to me. I find my eyes glued to her skin, and the fact she’s not wearing a bra. I breathe out heavily when I’m struck with the realisation that she was never wearing a bra in the first place.

Whilst she’s not looking I quickly slip into my shirt and shorts, dropping the towel once I’m adequately covered up. I hang my towel up and then wander over to my bed, slipping under the covers and grabbing my laptop from underneath the pile of cushions at the end of my bed. There’s an obvious tension between us, one that has never fallen on us before. I’m not quite sure how to act, or what to say, because I’ve said my piece and still don’t know where she stands on the whole thing.

“I’m sorry.” I hear her mutter as I’m pulling up Netflix. I turn in my bed and stare at her as her head is down, her hair creating a curtain so that I can’t see her face. I lean over and gently tuck her hair behind her ear, my hand lingering against her cheek before grasping her chin and getting her to look at me. She swallows before looking up at me, her grey eyes swirling with so many emotions its hard to keep up. Guilt, upset, fear. “I know that you did nothing wrong, and I believed everything that you said.”

“Then why did you continue to accuse me if you believed me?”

She tries to look down again so I tighten my grip on her chin, forcing her to keep her head upright and facing me. She sighs and plays with her hands in her lap. “I know I play up this idea of being cool and collected all the time, but in reality I’m a complete mess. I told you I got cheated on. I trusted her with my everything. When I caught her with Whitney, my ability to trust people just disappeared. I make everything out to be some big joke just so I don’t have to take anything seriously.”

I sigh and rest my hand against her cheek, smiling at the way she leans into my touch. “Mackenzie…”

“Telling you all of this now, trusting you with this…Alex it’s scaring the crap out of me.” Mackenzie’s grey eyes are boring into my own, and for the first time I can truly see her.

She’s just as scared as me when it comes to being together. We may have different reasons for the fear, but we’re both relying on the other for support in the same way. I smile at her and let my thumb brush against her skin before leaning towards her and pressing my lips against hers. She responds and grabs my face in her hands, pulling us even closer as she kisses me back.

We’re like two magnets, unable to stay away and unable to stop. Her hands are running over my skin, through my hair, down my arms. I love the way her lips taste sweet and of her lip balm, soft yet firmly pressed against my own. I’m addicted as I pull her on top of me, unable to calm down how much I want to keep kissing her. She grins against my mouth, her leg deftly swinging over my own so that she straddles me comfortably, her arms looping around my neck in order to steady herself.

“Alex.” She sighs gently as I latch my lips to the skin on her throat, my hands sneaking up the sides of her shirt and revelling in the way she shivers as I trace her skin.

“Alex!”

I groan and tear my lips from her neck, resting my head against her shoulder as she laughs at me. The one time my mom is home, she decides to interrupt me. “Yeah?”

“What is it with your parents and interrupting us kissing?” Mackenzie grins, her fingers playing with the hair at the back of my neck. She leans down and kisses me sweetly, her lips barely lingering before my mother is calling me again.

“Alex!”

“I’m coming.” I grumble, lurching forward and pressing Mackenzie’s back against the mattress, kissing her quickly once more before climbing off her and out of my bed. I yelp slightly when I feel her palm connect with my ass, and I glare jokingly over my shoulder whilst she laughs at me.

“Yes?” I say to my mom when I finally get down to the kitchen. I made sure to straighten my outfit and run a hand through my hair, but there isn’t really much I can do about my no doubt swollen lips, so I’ll have to make something up like I was trying out that urban decay lip injection lipstick or something.

She’s no longer at the island counter, instead she’s stood pondering over the menu’s I keep in one of the drawers for when I can’t be bothered to cook, her phone pressed to her ear.

“What you’re wearing answers my question about whether you’re staying in tonight or not.” She chuckles, pointing down at my scruffy shirt and shorts combo before looking back at the menus. “I’m about to order pizza, do you and Mackenzie want anything?”

I almost cuss my mom out for breaking me away from kissing the girl upstairs in my room, but the growl my stomach makes signals that at least one part of me is grateful for interruption. I nod my head at her and she makes a rolling motion with her hand, telling me to hurry up and tell her as she’s on the phone to them. “Uh, a large pepperoni and a portion of fries please.”

I run back up to my room and find Mackenzie comfortably resting in my bed, her glasses on her face and my laptop perched on her legs above the covers. I grin and slide into the sheets beside her, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. “Are we okay now?”

Mackenzie smiles and rests her head on my shoulder, her arm slipping around my waist as she cuddles into me. “Yeah, we’re okay.”