Chapter 23

“So you’re telling me that you had Mackenzie Daniels in all of her glory in your goddamn bed, and you didn’t even touch her tit by accident?”

I roll my eyes at my best friend’s astonished face as I take a drink from my milkshake, my eyes scanning the cafeteria for anything remotely interesting for us to talk about. They’ve been grilling me as much as possible ever since I went out with Mackenzie after practice on Monday, and I’ve refused to give them a sliver of information over the remainder of the week. I’ve stayed pretty tight lipped about everything that happened because it’s not their business, and I don’t need them accidentally saying something to Mackenzie that’ll embarrass me.

They got really annoying during third period study hour today, their hanging up on me becoming relentless, so I caved and told them that we went for food and then back to mine for a movie. I immediately regretted the movie part because now they won’t shut up about the fact we didn’t ‘chill’ whilst watching Netflix.

Immature children.

“Oh come on, Alex!” Faye says with exasperation, her hand slapping down on her thighs as she looks at me. “We’re your best friends! It’s stated in the contract that we get to know details.”

I shrug my shoulders innocently as I take a long sip of my drink, enjoying the taste of my raspberry milkshake, even if it isn’t quite as nice as the ones you can get at Benny’s. I haven’t had a milkshake in ages, so I take great enjoyment out of sticking one of my fries in it and eating them both at the same time.

The thing is, we didn’t even do anything. After we got into bed we both ended up falling asleep, and only woke up because my mom graced us with her presence at half eleven at night, rambling about law. She left after that, and whilst I wished we had done more, I don’t think I was in a good headspace considering I nearly cried about my dad never being around.

Kind of a mood killer.

“Details about what?” I hear a familiar voice sound from behind me, and my cheeks flush as I spin to see Mackenzie looking down at me with a smirk on her face and a glint in her grey eyes. Just my luck that she decides to grace us with her gorgeous presence right when we’re talking about her, a tray of various items of food balanced delicately in one hand.

Just the sight of her makes a smile form on my face, my cheeks warming about the thought of our text conversations, and discreet interactions at school when nobody is watching. A simple good morning text here, a squeeze of my thigh there, it is driving me crazy because I haven’t had a chance to hang out with her properly since she came over to mine. As much as it irritates me, my feelings for the beautiful blonde beside me are forming hard and fast, because I want to be open and honest about the fact I’ve got her attention, but I’m still far too scared to do anything about it.

“Good afternoon Alex.” Mackenzie grins, and I realise I’ve been caught staring in her general direction.

“Afternoon.” I mumble quietly to her. I remove my gaze as she takes a seat beside me at the lunch table, her hair smelling of coconut and her skin of perfume. She looks good today, actually better than good she looks stunning. She’s wearing a plain black tee tucked into a pair of distressed jeans, large rips in both knees and a pair of hi-top vans. Her hair is curled and she has a small silver chain hanging around her neck that matches the stud in her nose.

She catches me staring and she smiles, her hand gently squeezing my thigh before clasping with her other hand above the table. The action however brief causes my stomach to erupt in butterflies, my face no doubt bright red as I try to stop the smile blossoming on my face. April’s face looks like she’s won the lottery, Faye leaning over the table to get closer to Mackenzie like she’s going to start spreading the Lord’s gospel. “We want to know what you two got up to the other night.”

Mackenzie raises an eyebrow their way and I can feel my skin turn a deeper red. I don’t think I could feel any more mortified if I tried. Not only does she now know that I talk about her to my friends, but I’m also leading them to believe that we’re together after I told her I didn’t want everyone to know. I hope she realises that best friends don’t count. I stare at the table, hyper aware of the fact I can feel Mackenzie’s eyes on me and suddenly I’m dreading what she says. “We ate sushi and we watched The King. There isn’t really anything else to know.”

“You’ve got to be juicier than that!” April groans, running a hand through her straightened amber coloured hair. I can tell she’s getting frustrated by our lack of details, and what’s annoying her more is that I didn’t even have to ask Mackenzie to be discreet. I think April half expected her to come over here and tell them how we had our tongues stuck down each other’s throats and how we basically had sex on every piece of furniture in my house.

That isn’t true at all and I’d be horrified and furious if she had.

“Tell us where she took you, what you talked about, if you guys kissed, come on don’t leave us hanging about the details of your date!”

“You went on a date?” I hear a voice sound behind me and I want to hit my head off a table. Faye and April have the decency to look sheepish as Freya makes her presence known, her hands full of food she’s bought from the cafeteria. Gemma and Raven are stood beside her, and it’s obvious that their interests have also been peaked. I close my eyes and sigh heavily, knowing that there is no way that this can be spun. Stupid friends and their nosiness in public places. “I didn’t realise that you’d met someone.”

“Yeah.” Mackenzie says nonchalantly, shrugging her shoulders as she slides over so that the group can sit down. I hold my breath when I feel her hand brush against mine under the table and out of Freya’s outline, her pinky looping around mine. I see that Freya’s grip on her tray has tightened, her face dropping briefly before a smile pops back up on her face. You can’t help but feel sorry for her, having to listen to her crush admitting she’s met someone because she isn’t attracted to her. Nobody deserves that, even the girl that I really dislike.

“Are you going to spill details, or are you going for that typical Mackenzie mystery?” Freya laughs but I can hear how forced it is. April and Faye smirk and start nodding their heads, obviously knowing that this girl is me due to their insider knowledge and now that Mackenzie has dug herself a hole by admitting it to everyone, they’re hoping she starts to spill details. “How did you even meet her?”

She doesn’t look phased though, her lazy smile still on her face as she grabs her slice of pizza with her free hand, keeping her pinky attached to mine. She brings the slice up to her mouth, and I have to make a conscious effort to not stare at the way her tongue darts out and licks off the mozzarella that stuck to her bee stung bottom lip. I divert my gaze to Faye, who’s looking at me like she knows exactly what I’m doing and I scowl before turning to look at Freya. “I met her before school started. We ordered the same thing at Benny’s, and she accused me of stealing her order.”

I roll my eyes, knowing full well it wasn’t as bad as she’s making it sound. We didn’t have an argument, I just made that one comment about being better next time and then I breezed away. I catch Faye looking at me with a smirk on her face and I stick my tongue out, returning my attention to Mackenzie. Her thumb is now stroking slow circles on the top of my hand, her pinky finger resting gently on my own thumb.

“What a fairytale romance.” April sighs dramatically, Gemma and Faye giggling at her comment. “So what happened on your date after practice on Monday?”

“I already told you.” Mackenzie says, and I watch as Freya’s face scrunches up in confusion. Its like a thought has crossed her mind, but the brief shake of her head has me wondering what she thought about. “We went for food and then went back to hers to watch a film.”

“I thought you went out with Alex after practice?”

My blood runs cold and I stop eating, the fry I stole from Mackenzie’s plate hovering midair. I almost choke on my breathing, the thought of being caught out making my veins feel like ice. April sends me a warning glance and I control myself, popping the fry in my mouth as casually as possible and rolling my eyes. I don’t know where I muster the fake confidence from. “Yes Freya, I’m Mackenzie’s secret lover. We both had a quickie in the shower room after training at UPenn and now we can’t stay apart for more than thirty seconds. How do you think she got into the team? She got in because she’s giving me sexual favours, not because of her natural talent.”

A ripple of laughter sounds around the table as I reach up and cup Mackenzie’s cheek, her eyes never straying from mine as her jaw clenches softly. I can see how her cheeks are warming slightly at the contact, the tips of my fingers fizzing with electricity at the feel of her skin under my palm. I send her a wink and let my lips hover a breath away from hers, before looking round her and letting my gaze settle on Freya. “Do you want me to kiss her in front of everyone to prove our undying passion for each other?”

Freya stares at me in a way that almost sends a chill through my body. I’ve never seen her gaze look so cold before, not even to me. I try and shrug of the unease I feel as she rolls her eyes and drops into the chair beside Mackenzie, unable to see the way her cheeks have flamed at my words despite the fact I was sort of joking. I realise how I’m still close to Mackenzie, and I feel my own cheeks redden, especially when I think about how much I want to close the gap between us and kiss her again. If only we were alone. “And this is why I try and avoid you at all costs, you’re unbearable.”

“Nobody is asking you to sit here.” I say curtly as I finally move out of Mackenzie’s personal space to take a bite out of my own food, trying my best to ignore the awkward air surrouding the table. I know I was harsh, but Freya really gets on my nerves and makes me nasty. I don’t like her, as much as I try to be civil whilst playing soccer and when we’re forced into social situations together. I look up from my food and I see how uncomfortable my words have made all of my friends, from Raven frowning at me to Faye staring at the table with her mouth open in shock.

“Anyway.” Mackenzie mutters awkwardly, sending me a pointed side glance. “No, I uh, used Alex as a smoke screen. I didn’t want to tell you guys about the date until it got more serious with the girl.”

“And has it?” Faye pries, chewing on her sandwich thoughtfully.

Mackenzie shrugs, a soft smile on her face. “I think it’s starting to.” Her hand now laces with mine under the table and the action makes my heart scream. I keep it together so people don’t start looking at me, but I’m glad we have our backs to the wall of the cafeteria so I can actually hold her hand without people noticing. “She knows how I feel about her.”

“Ooh, and how do you feel about her?” Raven can’t help but join in with the interrogation, her excited expression calming after a cool look from her obviously jealous looking best friend.

Everyone on the table leans in so that they don’t miss a word Mackenzie says, the tension evident. Even Freya can’t help herself. Mackenzie scratches the back of her neck awkwardly, her ears burning a deep pink. I can’t help but feel sorry for her because unbeknownst to the team, they’re asking her to admit her feelings about a girl whilst the girl is sat right next to her holding her hand.

Truthfully I’m curious myself. We’ve had the brief conversations between locking lips about how she doesn’t want to go anywhere, but does that translate to her wanting to be with me, like as a couple where we date exclusively and I get to call her my girlfriend? The thought of it does make me nervous, but at the same time warms my chest in a way that it hasn’t been warmed before. The fact she’s admitted to everyone that she does feel like we’re getting serious and moving forward, despite it being around a week does make me feel more comfortable about the way my own feelings seem to be developing at an accelerated pace.

“Oh don’t push her, it’s her business.” I pipe up, my morals eventually getting the better of my curiosity, Mackenzie looking at me gratefully whilst everyone else glares. I don’t understand why people have to get so involved in other people’s business when it really doesn’t concern them. I also really don’t want to force Mackenzie to indirectly tell me how she feels about me. I don’t want to find out in front of everyone, at the same time at everyone.

“Ugh, fine.” Gemma eventually relents, leaning onto her palms as she curls her hair around her finger. “But promise us that we’ll get to meet her eventually.”

“Yeah.” Mackenzie smiles, obviously relieved that the interrogation is coming to a close. “I’m sure that can be arranged.”

~•~

I flop down onto my bed with a heavy sigh, my back sinking into my comfy sheets. Today has felt longer than any other day this week, Faye and April unrelenting on their quest for intel regarding Monday night, despite my blatant refusal to reveal more at lunch. I love them, but I want to keep things between Mackenzie and I to myself, at least until everything starts to become more solid. I don’t want them accidentally letting something slip, or me telling them something I’m not supposed to and Mackenzie getting annoyed with me.

The only thing that I can say I enjoyed about today was the fleeting contact between myself and Mackenzie throughout the day. A brush of our hands during our English class, the way she’d lean super close to me so she could read my work. It was as frustrating as it was a turn on, because I wanted nothing more than to grab her face and kiss her breathless. Our interactions at lunch, despite having to listen to her tell people about how she feels about me, were nice because I like holding her hand.

Well, that sure sounded pathetic.

I feel my phone vibrate on the quilt near my head, so I tilt my chin so I can look at the screen without having to get up. Most of my notifications are my group chat telling me about the party that’s taking place on Friday night, but I’m unsure if I’m going to go. We have a game this Friday and usually I’m too tired to do anything afterwards. Last week was a fluke because the game was on a Saturday, so I hadn’t been at school all day prior to the game which always wears me down.

I squint when I see I have a message from an unknown number, my fingers sliding around my phone so I can drag my phone where I can see the screen. I know all of my friend’s numbers so not many new numbers text me.

UNKNOWN:- Hey,
It’s Kiera
Are u going to the party tomorrow?

I feel my brows scrunch up in confusion. I swear I have Kiera’s number, but at the same time it wouldn’t surprise me if I don’t. I’ve said it countless times, but Kiera and I don’t really socialise one on one, and we definitely don’t text each other so this is a suprise to say the least.

ME:- I don’t think so
I have a game tomorrow
probs be too tired

Secretly, I’m hoping I can steal Mackenzie away tomorrow after the game, especially after I overheard her reluctance to attend when Freya asked her as we were leaving school today. The idea of an evening watching movies and pigging on take out sounds better than getting drunk at a party and probably doing something I’ll regret.

Kiera and I text back and forth a few times, her trying to convince me to come to the party, and saying she’ll be my personal cheerleader come Friday if I do. I don’t know why, but the thought of it makes my cheeks flame, the idea of her in her uniform cheering on me and only me, kinda makes me smile.

I’d much rather have Mackenzie as my cheerleader though, I can imagine her toned body in that short cheer skirt. I grin as I picture her in the school’s colours of purple and white, her hair wrapped in ribbons and her grey eyes looking at only me. I really need to stop daydreaming about her and start focusing on the mound of homework in my bag that won’t get finished unless I do it tonight. With our soccer game tomorrow, the possibility of a Saturday spent hungover and church on Sunday (mom is dragging me), I won’t have time.

Especially if I burst into flames the second I step over the threshold. I haven’t been to church in quite a long time, partly because I don’t really believe that strongly in God, and I only really go on important Christian holidays, like Easter and Christmas. I did go on Mother’s Day this year though, and I even waited in the queue for a free bunch of daffodils for mom so she could connect my love for her to a materialistic gift I had given her.

But it made her smile, and I know she wants be to come with her this weekend and I couldn’t say no to her.

Plus, it gives me an excuse to spend time with her and I haven’t seen her in what seems like weeks, let alone had a conversation with her that hasn’t been over text.

I start working through my chemistry homework, breezing through the questions asking me about molar calculations. I’ve always been pretty smart when it comes to maths based questions, so in no time I’ve finished all of my chemistry and maths homework, my hands tugging at my physics book that’s stuck inside my english folder. I click that I still have to finish my physics project about the steady state theory with Clay and it’s actually due next lesson.

“Oh, crap.” I mumble when I flick through my essay and find that a lot of the group sections are missing, so I need Clay to be here in order to finish. I let my eyes wander to my wall clock and see it’s a little after seven, Clay will no doubt be free following football training and dinner with his family.

I pull up his contact and ring him, the familiar tone of his voice flowing through the speakers after the second ring. “Alex? Everything okay?”

“Hey, Clay monster. Can you come over? We need to finish our physics project tonight otherwise my half isn’t getting finished, and I know you’re a whore for good science grades.”

At first he doesn’t respond, but the low chuckle the sounds through my phone speaker after a paused silence has me blowing out a breath of relaxed air, not that I doubted he’d come over. “Alright, I’ll be over in twenty.”

I hear the line click dead and I spin in my chair, my eyes widening at the state of my room. It looks like a bombs has gone off and scattered all of my personal belongings to cover every inch of my carpet. A pile of clothes from outfit picking this morning are just outside of my wardrobe, my textbooks are scattered all over my rug, and I think I can see a takeout box peeking out from underneath a pair of towels, I cringe, disgusted with myself at how horrid my room looks. I feel like a pig, a literal pig, living in all of this slop. I might as well be rolling around in mud and eating rotten left overs whilst I’m at it.

“I’m so gross.” I grumble as I push myself off the floor, picking up my clothes and hanging them back up, revealing more empty packets of sweets and chips that have my nose wrinkling. I really need to start cleaning up after myself, because I’d never want Mackenzie to see the state of this place. I flush when I realise I’ve managed to let my thoughts revert back to her so I revert my attention back to picking up discarded sweet wrappers and dropping them in the bin, leaving my textbooks alone because I’m currently using them.

I can’t help but let my thoughts drift towards Mackenzie again. I want to see her, I want to be around her every second of every day. I don’t know why I feel this needy and clingy, but I guess I’m putting it down to the fact that what I’m feeling with her is new for me, and in a way I don’t know how to act. With Clay it was always just us two acting like best friends with the addition of kissing. With her, my chest always feels really tight when I’m around her, my nerves spike, my fingers itch to touch her. I never got that with Clay. “I need to get a grip.” I mutter as I straighten out the blankets on my bed. “And stop talking to myself.”

“Yeah, talking to yourself does tend to make a person look slightly unstable.” A voice sounds from behind me and I jump ten feet into the air, my heart falling out of my ass as I fall onto it, my gaze hardening into a glare when I see Clay doubled over in laughter.

“Clay! That wasn’t funny!”

“Oh but it was.” He wheezes, dropping himself down on the floor as he starts to laugh much louder than before. He’s tied the top of his hair back, but he’s shaking his head so much that a lot of his curls are coming loose, tears streaking down his coppery skin. His annoyingly perfect teeth are bared as he laughs open mouthed, almost like he’s begging for me to rearrange his mouth after that stunt. My glare narrows as I continue to watch him before I glance at my clock, realising I had been trapped in my own thoughts and tidying my room for a good half an hour before he turned up.

I look around my room and raise my eyebrows. Wow, looks almost livable now. My textbooks still make it look like a dump, but as soon as they’ve all been haphazardously thrown into my bag after homework has been completed, my room will actually look nice. Maybe I’ll even treat myself and light a candle, that way it doesn’t smell like my gym kit.

“Can we just get on with the work please?” I grumble as I drop down onto my spot on the floor, pulling my hair from it’s tie just to throw it back up again. It had come loose and was starting to annoy me.

“Fine.” Clay snickers as he drops his bag beside himself on my carpet, his slender fingers unzipping it quickly before he pulls his book and laptop from within.

We get to work quickly, only really talking when comparing points or conflicting arguments. I catch Clay’s pale blue eyes looking at me over the top of his laptop a couple of times before being quickly diverted when he realises I’m looking at him. I know he wants to ask me something, and if my intuition is anything to go off, I’m guessing he wants to talk about Mackenzie. I let it slide for a while, until I can’t take his staring anymore. “Have I got something on my face Clay? Or do you want to ask me something?”

Clay grins at me sheepishly, running a hand through his hair, pulling it free of the hair tie he had secured and letting it fall over his eyes. It’s grown a lot over the last few months, his inky curls thick and falling past his ears ever where it used to be cut close to his head. I would’ve thought that with the football season well underway he would’ve kept it cropped close to his head, but he really doesn’t seem to care. “I want to know about you and Mackenzie.”

Even though I knew what was coming, I still feel a flash of heat burst through my cheeks. I can’t help but feel a little awkward talking about my current crush with my ex boyfriend, but I guess if we’re ever going to get back to the way we used to be this is a step in the right direction. I shuffle in my seat, my teeth biting into the pencil I’ve been playing with. “What about me and Mackenzie?”

“Don’t play coy, Alex. It has never suited you.” Clay rolls his eyes, his fingers dancing over his keyboard. “I know about you two, hell I gave you my personal thumbs up and then I helped you hide from her when you were being pathetic about the whole thing.”

I groan and drop my head into my hands at the thought of my pathetic episode Monday morning, and how Clay experienced the whole thing. I’m usually the epitome of grace and composure, but having to admit I had a crush turned me into the complete opposite. “Oh God don’t remind me.”

“Don’t make me.” He chuckles, peering over the top of his laptop screen. “I’m guessing we’re not going to Homecoming together?”

My face drops and I let out a groan. I hadn’t even let the thought of homecoming cross my mind and it’s in two weeks. The homecoming committee, aka Faye, have been planning this for weeks, going on and on about the theme and how much the tickets are, and who is on the ballot this year for king and queen. I’ve been so focused on my grades and soccer that I completely forgot to buy a ticket, let alone a dress. “Crap. Do you think she’ll expect us to go together?”

Whilst the idea of going to Homecoming with Mackenzie, like as my date and not just as friends, terrifies the crap out of me, the theme of this year’s dance does present me with an opportunity I can’t pass up. This year’s theme is “A Royal Masquerade” and whilst the committee don’t expect us to turn up in stuffy ballgowns and big poofy Georgian era wigs, we do have to wear masks.

And with the dim lighting in the gym, I bet we’d be mistaken for other people.

Clay chuckles and shakes his head, pushing his laptop shut with a gentle flick of his hand. “You really are terrible at being the guy in a relationship.”

I scrunch up my nose at his comment, throwing a wadded up ball of paper at his head and huffing when he dodges it. “What is that supposed to mean? I am not the guy, and this isn’t a relationship. Frankly I don’t even know what we are at this point.”

I struggle to keep the annoyance out of my voice and I think Clay catches onto it. How am I supposed to know to act, and why is it suddenly my responsibility to read Mackenzie’s mind? The thought of everyone knowing that Mackenzie and I are attending a dance together makes my stomach tighten into knots and the reality of Clay not being my safety net starts to settle. I can’t keep pretending we’re still together because not only is it stopping him from potentially finding someone, but it’ll eventually tire on Mackenzie, and the thought of my reluctance to come out forcing her out of my life frankly terrifies the shít out of me.

I feel a gentle arm around my shoulder, and I release a heavy breath as I’m tucked into my best friend’s side, his chin resting atop my head. The gentle movement of his fingers running up and down the bare skin of my arm soothes me, and I feel my panic and stress start to slip from my body like sand through fingers. “I was only teasing you, donut. You don’t need to know everything right now, and Mackenzie doesn’t seem like the type of girl who will force you to do something you don’t want to do.”

“I want to be with her.” I groan and bury my head in my hands. “And I want to come out. But the thought of my mom and dad rejecting me scares me back in the closet again.”

“Oh don’t be stupid.” Clay hushes me with a chuckle in his tone. “Your mom and dad love you, and I know that isn’t ever going to change, especially if you tell them. Your mom, despite being christian, is the most forward thinking and accepting woman I’ve ever met. She will love you no matter what, I promise.”

I sigh and rest my head on his shoulder again, my eyes staring off into space. “God I hope you’re right Clay, I really hope you’re right.”