Chapter 16

Your phone lights up on the nightstand.

You weren’t asleep. You’d been lying in the dark for the better part of an hour staring at the ceiling with your hand resting on your stomach thinking about fogged up windows and borrowed warmth and a girl who holds your hand like she’s been waiting to, so the buzz of your phone is less of an interruption and more of a confirmation of something you already knew.

You reach for it.

alysa 🖤
11:47pm
can’t sleep

You stare at it for a moment.

Then you’re smiling at your phone in the dark like an absolute disaster of a person and you wouldn’t change a single thing about it.

you
11:48pm
me neither

Three dots appear immediately.
Disappear.
Appear again.

alysa 🖤
11:48pm
funny that

alysa 🖤
11:48pm
any particular reason

You bite your lip.

you
11:49pm
can’t think of one

you
11:49pm
you?

alysa 🖤
11:49pm
nope

alysa 🖤
11:49pm
completely mystery

alysa 🖤
11:49pm
*complete

alysa 🖤
11:49pm
completely mystery also works actually

You laugh into the dark of your room, quiet and helpless.

you
11:50pm
it really does

you
11:50pm
how’s phillip going to feel about you being awake at midnight before practice

alysa 🖤
11:50pm
phillip doesn’t have to know everything about my life

alysa 🖤
11:51pm
he knows enough already

alysa 🖤
11:51pm
probably too much

alysa 🖤
11:51pm
him and massimo need hobbies that aren’t me

you
11:51pm
I think you might be their hobby

alysa 🖤
11:52pm
this is my cross to bear

alysa 🖤
11:52pm
I carry it with grace

you
11:52pm
you really do

A pause. Longer than the others.

Three dots appearing and staying this time, like she’s typing something and reconsidering it, typing again.

alysa 🖤
11:53pm
I had a really good time today

Your heart does the thing.

you
11:54pm
me too

you
11:54pm
really really good

alysa 🖤
11:54pm
the noodles were excellent

you
11:54pm
the noodles were excellent

alysa 🖤
11:55pm
yours especially

you
11:55pm
you STOLE mine

alysa 🖤
11:55pm
I prefer the word borrowed

alysa 🖤
11:55pm
borrowed implies I’ll give them back

you
11:56pm
you cannot give back eaten noodles alysa

alysa 🖤
11:56pm
and yet

You’re laughing again, your phone held above your face in the dark, and your cheeks hurt and you don’t mind even a little bit.

you
11:57pm
and yet

you
11:57pm
goodnight alysa

Three dots.

alysa 🖤
11:57pm
wait

You wait.

alysa 🖤
11:58pm
your layback spin

alysa 🖤
11:58pm
I keep thinking about it

Oh.

alysa 🖤
11:58pm
just so you know

alysa 🖤
11:59pm
it was really something

You read it twice.

You read it a third time.

You put your phone down on your chest and look at the ceiling and take a slow breath and feel the warmth of it spread all the way through you, all the way to the edges.

Then you pick it back up.

you
11:59pm
just the spin?

You send it before you can think too hard about it.

The longest pause yet.

alysa 🖤
12:00am
no

alysa 🖤
12:00am
not just the spin

alysa 🖤
12:00am
goodnight [y/n]

You hold your phone against your chest in the dark and close your eyes and smile at absolutely nothing and everything all at once.

you
12:01am
goodnight alysa

You’re asleep within minutes.

For the first time all night.