Chapter 43

030

• 𝐓𝐰𝐨 𝐒𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐢𝐧 •

─────✧･ﾟ: *✧･

☄. *. ⋆ It was almost like looking into a mirror.

The way Max avoided looking at anyone, the way her face told everyone not to talk to her, how you could tell she wanted to leave.

It reminded Stella too much of herself, but it was entirely different at the same time.

It was like those fun house mirrors. Max was almost a version of Stella. Who Stella would be if she didn’t hide behind popularity and cute clothes. If she coped differently.

The two locked eyes when Max left the room Stella was waiting by, both people stopping.

They stayed like that for a second that felt like forever until Stella moved past to enter the office.

“Wait, guys!” It was a voice they both knew well. The two girls turned to look at Lucas. “Max, Stella.”

The air shifted a bit, and Lucas shrunk. “E-Estelle. Sorry.” It sounded foreign in his mouth.

“What, are you stalking us or something?” Max asked, already clearly wanting this interaction to end as soon as possible. Lucas shook his head, “N-no, I just… wanted to give you this. Or, specifically you, Max. I figured S— Estelle’s already coming.” He held out a tiny blue paper.

Max took it, barely glancing at it. “What is this?”

“A ticket to the game.”

Max rolled her eyes.

“I obviously don’t need to be here,” Stella said, starting to walk by but being stopped again. “Hold on, wait, I just… you’re both so different.”

Stella stopped, turning back to Lucas.

“I mean, St–” he shut his eyes for a moment, deciding to skip the name altogether. “I only ever see you at games, I mean, you don’t stand next to us, or even talk to anyone you used to anymore.”

“Well, that’s not true, because I talk to Stacy, so…” Stella shrugged dismissively, a humorless smile on her face. But she knew he was right. And the look on his face only proved things further. Her attempt to sarcasm her way out faded on her face.

“And Max, it’s… it’s like you’re not even here anymore. Like you’re a ghost or something.”

“A ghost? Really?”

“Lucas. Things are just different,” Stella told him, trying to ignore how odd it felt even being with the two, let alone talking. “Shit happens.” She finally passed Lucas and entered the room behind him, despite hearing Max continue.

–

☄. *. ⋆ “D’s and C’s in almost everything,” the school guidance counselor, Ms. Kelley pointed out.

“Yep,” Stella nodded, opting to look out the window rather than at Ms. Kelley.

“You had straight A’s last semester,” the woman recalled, her tone dripping with pity that Stella despised. “What happened?”

The younger girl shrugged. “Dunno.”

“Have you not had time to study? I know you’re busy now that you cheerlead. You’re really good at it. Hawkins’ best tumbler, so everyone’s heard,” Ms. Kelly grinned, trying to get through to her with a lighthearted joke.

Stella remained silent. She didn’t really like cheerleading. It was another thing she did for popularity. For status. She didn’t despise it, she guessed. Ms. Kelly was right, it kept her busy. And busy meant less time to think.

“As a matter of fact, you do have one A. In P.E.. Coach said you give the best performances in the class.” Had she? Stella hadn’t checked her grades.

“Guess you’ve always been quite the athlete! What about basketball? You used to play it, no? Is it just not your thing anymore?”

“Yeah,” Stella told her. “Just… not my thing anymore.” Her chest ached.

“You know, people said you could go pro and eventually make it your career. Word is that you were really good.”

“Well, I don’t like it anymore,” her patience started to wear thin as she looked to her hands, picking at her skin. She forced the brick walls she built to stay up.

“Why’s that?”

“I just don’t,” her leg began to bounce, burn on her knee ever so slightly grazing her fingers. She felt her nose twitch with the stinging sensation but she continued regardless.

“Okay… well,” Ms. Kelley seemed to search for more to say. “Have you been taking your medication? For your insomnia?”

“Yep,” Stella’s lips pursed.

“How is that working?” The woman continued, and Stella sighed, just wanting to leave. “Fine,” she gave, knowing it was a lie.

“Estelle, I can’t help you if you don’t at least try to open up a little,” her dark curls bounced as she tilted her head. Stella’s eyes across from her stayed in their own lap.

“What about your relationships with others?” The counselor asked. “That’s really important for everyone. What about Max?”

The name was like an alarm in Stella’s mind, and a bullet through her heart. Her head shot up. “What?” Her voice stammered. The walls started to chip, and Stella was starting to scramble to put them back together.

“You’ve stopped mentioning her. She used to be an ongoing topic, you two were best friends.”

“What…” Stella swallowed thickly, “What does that have to do with anything?” Stella began to really dislike the psychology degree coming into play. She felt… exposed. Open. Naked, metaphorically speaking. She hated the feel of her brain being picked and prodded at through the words she provided. Her walls were being broken down with a hammer that she owned.

“Well, I know losing a friend can be difficult. You’ve seemed to have a big decline emotionally and academically since you haven’t talked about her, ” the woman told her, and Stella’s jaw grew taut as she grinded her teeth. “We just stopped talking. Can I go now?” She didn’t even wait for a reply before getting up and leaving. She was only in therapy because Steve signed her up. She didn’t want to sit in there for an hour to listen to someone ask her stupid questions.

She didn’t want to be reminded about basketball or Max or grades or anything else that she used to care for. It put a dull ache in her to remember how she used to care.

“I don’t give a damn ’bout my reputation.”

The lyrics reached a special place in Stella’s mind as she sat in a corner outside of Hawkins High.

She loved that song.

“Livin’ in the past, it’s a new generation.”

She used to like it because it was who she was.

“A girl can do what she wants to do and that’s what I’m gonna do.”

Now she liked it because it reminded her of who she used to be.

“And I don’t give a damn ’bout my reputation.”

She took one more glance around, ensuring none of her friends were there. She relished in the comfort of her headphones and a cigarette.

“-lla!”

“S–la!”

Glancing behind her, Stella lifted her headphones, watching Mike jog over to her. “Hey. Are… are you smoking?”

Stella exhaled. “Yeah,” she said, tone obvious and rather cold. Mike swatted the smoke away with a deep cringe. “Okay, well, would you wanna be in Hellfire for tonight? We need a sub for Lucas.”

“I have to cheer.” Stella stood from the step she was on, snuffing her cigarette out against the brick wall. “And, no, I wouldn’t.”

Stella walked away without anything further.

–

☄. *. ⋆ It was hard to stay awake and hard to fall asleep all the same.

Stella wanted to sleep desperately. She was tired, her eyelids were heavy. Which was ironic, because she doubted she’d even be able to fall asleep.

She couldn’t now anyways, not as she cheered the same phrase over and over, shaking pom-poms absentmindedly.

She watched the players warm up, watched some of them make shots flawlessly, watched others airball lay-ups.

The gym had settled down at one point, quiet filling the room when everyone was instructed to stand for the National Anthem. “Singing for us tonight, we have a very special guest. All the way from Nashville, our very own Tammy Thompson!”

The name rung a bell in Stella’s mind, and it didn’t take her long to remember where she had heard it.

Steve and Robin were already exchanging looks when Stella glanced over.

Tammy Thompson: Robin’s first crush, as far as they knew.

The crowd clapped as Tammy stepped out, waving.

Everyone fell silent again, and Stella couldn’t stop her grimace in time once the girl started singing.

“Oh, boy,” she muttered, not loud enough for anyone to hear.

She watched Lucas glance behind him, then falter as the only friends there were the ones school-mandated and the one on a date.

–

☄. *. ⋆ The first point of the game didn’t take long. As much as Stella hated Jason, she had to admit, he was captain for a reason.

Stella could beat Dennis any day, though.

Chrissy was popular for being cheer captain, Stella for being co-captain and having the notorious Harrington name, Jason for being basketball captain, and Dennis, well… for his unearned confidence and friendship with Jason.

Jason turned to point at Chrissy, something Stella would usually roll her eyes at. Which she did, but she stopped when she noticed something was off. She couldn’t place what, but something about Chrissy was just… wrong.

Number 10 jumped for a shot a few minutes later. A player in red from the other school rammed into him, knocking him to the ground in the most obvious foul Stella had ever seen. She cocked a judgmental brow. If you’re gonna foul someone, at least be slick about it.

Number 10 limped to the bench, and the coach muttered something to Lucas.

Lucas’s shocked self stood and joined the game, tearing his warm-ups off.

The other team was good. Even Stella could admit that they were hard to beat. The score remained close the whole game, bursts of excitement and disappointment coming in different sounds every minute.

Until Jason called time-out.

When they came back, there was barely any time left.

Two points, home.

Three points, guest.

Three points, home.

Two points, home.

Foul! Free throw.

One point, guest.

It continued until the score was a one-point difference with the Tigers down.

It brought a rush through Stella to be so invested in a game again. She almost hated how much she remembered she loved it.

With four seconds left, Lucas got the ball.

The timer hit 0:00 the moment the ball left his hands.

The whole gym stood to watch it as it hit the rim,

Then the rim again,

And again,

Then the backboard,

Then through the hoop.

Three points, home.

Players and cheerleaders and random from the bleachers rushed to surround Lucas.

Stella cheered, not like usual but how she used to.

She cheered, but she stayed at the bleachers.

–

☄. *. ⋆ Stella’s parents hadn’t left yet. That’s what she had learned when she walked through her front door after the game.

“The hell were you?” Her father stopped her before she headed up the stairs. Stella bit her tongue, trying to keep her voice unwavering. “There was a game today, I told you.”

“Yeah, right, and you’re not off whoring around,” he prodded her shoulder, two fingers jabbing into the skin. “I’m not!”

“Don’t raise your voice at me!”

She knew they were leaving for spring break, she just hoped it’d be soon.

“Get off of me!” Stella shoved him away. He stumbled back a couple steps, face incredulous and fuming. “The fuck do you think you are?”

A horrible ringing sounded in her ears, from her headache, she assumed.

A hand found its grip on Stella’s ponytail, using it to toss her on the floor.

Ellis leaned over, grabbing her cheer jacket, lifting her a bit, and bringing his palm into the side of her face.

But the ringing grew louder.

Stella was dragged the smallest bit until she was dropped against the staircase.

And louder.

“Pull some shit like that again,” her father muttered, kicking her side to finish off.

And she couldn’t replay the night’s events in her head any longer. The ringing was too loud, and she could hear her heartbeat.

Nothing but the ringing.

And the pounding.

And a fear that wasn’t hers, and a sadistic hunger for that fear that didn’t belong to her either.

Her hands were over her ears until there was a crack so loud it hurt. Then it was done.

The ringing now was simply left-over, an effect of the loud pop.

She wiped her upper lip, deep red staining her hand. From her nose.

The fear, or whatever it came from, it was gone.

And that was more unsettling than the fear itself.

─────✧･ﾟ: *✧･

dun. dun. dunnnnnn

its summer now so i can lock in