Chapter 3

“WHAT?” Both kids said at once.

“Uncle Brandon and Uncle Torrey are at our apartment right now putting together a new bed for me!”

Jamie’s eyes widened, “So this means they’ll stay for dinner, right?”

Adrian looked up eagerly, “Really, mom?

Since Becca’s death, both kids have been on a mission to have any and all family members and friends join them for dinner each night. Cal knew it was their way of coping with Becca’s absence, and Cal’s heart broke each time the three of them sat down for dinner without company.

“Hmm, I don’t know. I think Uncle Brandon has to go home for dinner with his family.” Cal gritted her teeth, the word ‘family’ was like a knife in her heart. Becca, this doesn’t work without you.

“Maybe Uncle Torrey can stay, let’s ask him!” Jamie exclaimed.

The moment the elevator deposited the three of them onto their floor, the twins tore ahead, tumbling into their apartment and yelling their uncles’ names. By the time Cal stepped through the threshold, Torrey was on the floor under both her children, all of them laughing hysterically.

Torrey nodded, “I have to get going too…”

The twins groaned with disappointment.

“Oh yeah?” Torrey grabbed the kids, “That just sounds like you guys want more tickles…”

Jamie and Adrian squealed with happy terror. Of her two older brothers, Cal was closest to Torrey, not just in age, but also in terms of personality and interests. He was the one she came out to first, and she was the one he sought out when he needed advice and honest feedback. Brandon, the oldest of the three by seven years, always seemed far older and disinterested in the antics of his younger siblings.

Cal shouted over the cacophony, “My PT’s coming any minute now. Thanks again for helping with the bed. I couldn’t have done any of this with my shoulder acting up.”

As if on cue, the intercom blared and Cal buzzed Annie up. Cal ducked into the bathroom quickly before heading to the front door.

“Did you just re-style your hair?” Torrey raised his eyebrows as Cal walked past. His sister’s hair was no longer tied up in a careless knot.

“Shut up, Torrey,” Cal backhanded him across the shoulder. Torrey was about to respond, but the doorbell rang.

Cal opened the door and it was all she could do to not go slack-jawed with awe. In the five days since she last saw Annie, Cal had wondered if her initial reaction to her physical therapist was due to Cal being unaccustomed to receiving attention and care. Becca’s decline after being diagnosed with Gliobastoma had been so rapid, and the needs of her care and of the children’s care were so all-consuming that Cal never had time to really think about how and what she was feeling. It was as if her brain had figured out a way to anesthetize her emotions and needs, just so she could get through each day. Her reaction to Annie the week before was such a shot out of the blue that Cal couldn’t quite trust it. But there it was again, the surprising and curious giddy pulse sitting in the base of her stomach that had started up the moment Cal laid eyes on Annie. Annie was dressed simply in a white polo and sweat pants. The outfit was just form-fitting enough to hint at the body underneath. Her wavy brown hair was tied up in a simple pony-tail, her brown eyes were warm and bright.

Torrey looked back and forth between his sister and Annie, clocking Cal’s obvious attraction to the brunette. “Hi, I’m Torrey — Cal’s brother,” he stepped forward when neither woman moved, and extended his hand.

“Annie,” Annie smiled.

“Nice to meet you,” Torrey smiled back, “The twins wouldn’t stop talking about you last week. What kind of weird kid magic did you work on them?”

“I have a stash of stickers and a tank full of tropical fish at my office, so I can’t really take credit.”

“ANNIE!” The twins wrapped their arms around her legs, “Come look at our room!” Adrian tugged at Annie’s shirt.

“Okay buddy, hold on, let me bring the table in.” Annie set it against the wall and allowed herself to be led away.

Torrey looked at Cal, whose eyes followed Annie into the twins’ room, “Oh, you like her.”

Cal felt her face flush, “Shut. Up.”

Torrey broke into a wide smile, “Is she gay?”

Cal rolled her eyes. In addition to awkward ‘I’m so sorry for your loss’ conversations, Cal has also had to contend with friends and family seeing potential dates around every corner. “I have no idea; it’s irrelevant and it’s way too soon. Even if the adult reincarnated version of Becca were to walk up to me right now, it’d be too soon.”

Torrey gave Cal’s arm a squeeze, “Okay. I get it. But be honest, you did something to your hair… Hey!” Torrey ducked as Cal elbowed him in the ribs, “Okay, okay! I’m going to go say bye to the kids.”

Once Torrey left, and hearing that Annie was still being monopolized by the twins, Cal looked at the folded-up treatment table leaning against the wall and decided to move it into her room. The folly of her decision was immediately apparent; the table was heavier than she expected, and its weight was not distributed evenly. Her left shoulder could not sustain the force needed to balance it as she walked.

Cal ended up half carrying, half pushing the table into her room. The pain radiating from her shoulder was sharp and unremitting. She clenched her teeth, cursing herself for being so foolish.

“… and this is Mommy’s room!” sang Jamie as she and Adrian walked in with Annie.

Annie immediately noticed Cal’s distress, looked at the table, and guessed what had happened, “Hey guys, I need to help Mommy’s shoulder feel better now.”

“UNO!” Adrian yelled. The two bolted out of the room, arguing about who was going to deal first.

Annie set up the table, and patted it, indicating that Cal should hop on, “Face down.”

Annie started systematically seeking out the adhesions in Cal’s shoulder.

“Sorry,” muttered Cal.

“Hey, it’s not my shoulder,” Annie said, injecting just a little irritation in her tone to toy with Cal.

Cal tensed, wishing she hadn’t upset Annie, “Sorry. Really.”

Annie’s heart softened and she chuckled, “Nah, you’re fine,” she playfully ruffled Cal’s hair, “We’re good. Just don’t move heavy objects for a little while longer, okay?”

More! Cal’s body begged as Annie moved her hand back to Cal’s shoulder area. Cal nodded, rendered mute by Annie’s small gesture of affection.

Annie patted Cal’s shoulder, “Roll onto your right side for me. And I need you as close to the edge of the table as possible. I get more leverage that way.”

Cal shifted as she was told. Lying on her right side as Annie instructed put Cal’s face about three inches from Annie’s left hip. Cal had to remind herself to keep breathing steadily. She lost track of time as she — once again — tried to control her body’s reactions to Annie’s touch. Annie lifted Cal’s left arm so it was at a ninety degree angle to Cal’s body. Annie placed her other hand just below Cal’s armpit, and applied pressure to the latissimus dorsi. Annie’s thumb edged the underside of Cal’s breast.

Oh Jesus. Cal let out a breath and squeezed her eyes shut as she attempted — but failed — to ignore the half square inch of contact that Annie’s thumb was making with her body.

“Too much?” Annie backed off the pressure slightly.

“Sorta.” Cal bit out.

Annie quickly shifted to the topside of Cal’s arm, raking her fingers through Cal’s delts and around to the top of her pec. “Not bad. Feels pretty loose.”

Annie did a couple more stretches on Cal before ending the session, just as Jamie came padding into the room. “Mommy, Uno’s boring.”

Cal sat up and rotated her shoulder, amazed at how much better it felt. “Boring? You guys played it for an hour straight each day this week. Annie, this feels amazing. Thank you.”

“It seems like we are playing the same game over and over.” Jamie reported morosely.

Annie let out a quiet chuckle, “Are you shuffling the cards?”

“Mommy usually does it.”

Annie smiled, “Want me to show you an easy way to shuffle?”

“YEAH! YEAH!” Jamie ran out of the room, announcing the news to her twin.

Cal started to get off the table.

Annie put her hand on Cal’s sternum and shook her head, “Na-uh. You stay and do your exercises.”

Cal loved the feel of Annie’s hand on her chest. She pretended to look perplexed, “You are volunteering to play with my Uno-obsessed children?”

“I’m taking one for the team. Don’t think I didn’t notice — I know you haven’t been doing your exercises. So do ’em now.” Annie pressed her hand into Cal’s chest for emphasis, feeling slightly guilty that she was using her job as an excuse to touch Cal.

Cal couldn’t decide what she liked more: Annie bossing her around, Annie touching her, or Annie saying she was one of the team. “Fine, okay, fine,” Cal said with mock surrender.

Fifteen minutes later, Cal stuck her head into the kids’ room, “Okay guys, shoes on please. Let’s go to dinner.”

“Can Annie come to dinner with us?” Adrian asked, his big brown eyes shining with hope.

Cal looked at Annie, “She probably has other plans, guys.”

Annie knew the professional thing to do was to say she had other plans, but she found herself shrugging and saying, “Actually I don’t! I’d love to have dinner with you!”

“Seriously?” Cal smiled.

Annie nodded, “Seriously, if you’ll have me.”

Cal nodded back and her face broke into a devastatingly beautiful smile. Annie was dazzled. Oh boy. Cal’s got me but good.

“Where are we going?” Annie asked as the four of them walked southeast from the apartment building.

“Right there,” Cal pointed at an Indian restaurant diagonally across from them.

“Chennai House! It’s one of my favorites! I go to the one in Murray Hill all the time.”

Cal and Annie conferred over the menu and ordered a good mix of dishes to share.

“There’s a party in my tummy and the dosa’s invited!” Adrian declared as the food arrived.

Annie laughed, “Adrian, that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day!”

Cal loved hearing Annie’s laugh. She liked seeing Annie laugh even more: Annie’s eyes crinkled in the cutest way. It filled her with a joy that moved through her like a waterfall, and it was terrifying. Cal sat as still as she could for the rest of the meal, trying to calm the tempest that was beginning to swirl in her mind. You don’t even know her. It’s too soon to feel this happy. It’s too soon.

“Can we do this again?” Jamie asked as they headed home.

“We’ll see,” Cal said, “Depends on whether you guys can show me how good you are at getting ready for bed after a late dinner out.”

“Nicely done, Cal,” Annie complimented Cal as the kids went through their bedtime routine without a hitch.

“It was a good day today. This past weekend was hard — it would have been Becca’s thirty-ninth birthday, and it’s coming up to our fifteenth wedding anniversary. We’ve all been a little shredded emotionally — more than usual, that is. So thank you for sticking around tonight. It helped — all of us.”

Annie gave Cal’s arm a squeeze, “I’m glad. Cal, you’re doing a great job with them.”

Cal nodded. She hadn’t expected to share so much with Annie.

Annie patted Cal’s arm, “Next week? Same time?”

Cal smiled, “Same bat time, same bat channel!”

“Oh — I was going to lug the treatment table back to my office, but I’m thinking maybe I should just leave it here? Would that be okay?”

Cal nodded, “I’ll put it in the corner once I’ve bundled up all that cardboard for recycling.”

“You will do no such thing. Didn’t I say that you’re not allowed to move heavy objects around? What’s all this cardboard for?”

“Packaging for my new bed — my brothers helped me put it together today. I sold our… my old one in Baltimore. Couldn’t really throw it away, but couldn’t keep it.” Cal’s throat started to constrict, the memory of abandoning the bed she and Becca shared tore through her heart.

Annie immediately understood and tactfully turned her attention to the packaging, “Go do bedtime stuff — I’ll clean up in here.”

Cal was fighting to hold her tears in. The words Annie said were so prosaic, but they packed a punch. Cal had felt so alone for so long, and Annie’s offer of help resonated with echoes of what it was like when there’d been two adults present for ‘bedtime stuff.’

“Go,” Annie said gently.

“Thanks,” Cal managed to eke out, her voice wobbling just a little. She escaped into the bathroom and helped the twins brush their teeth. When the kids padded out in their pajamas, Annie was putting her shoes on, the cardboard packaging neatly stacked in a pile by the door.

“Say good night to Annie, guys” Cal said, her tears contained for the moment.

The twins swarmed Annie in a hug that pretty much cemented Jamie- and Adrian-sized imprints on Annie’s heart, “Wow! What great goodbye hugs!”

“Okay kids, you can each choose a book and then get into bed, I’ll come in in a second. Annie, thanks again, for everything…” Cal fought the urge to hug Annie.

“It was awesome Cal, I had fun. See you next week.” Annie closed the door quietly behind her and headed out.

Cal stared at the front door. I wish you could stay. Suddenly, a wave of guilt and shame swept over her, “Sorry Becca,” she muttered under her breath, “Sorry. I’m being an idiot.”

–Chapter 3: The Final PT Session (Mid-August)–

Cal looked at her watch for the hundredth time that afternoon. Time had been inching forward as if it had been sedated by a strong narcotic. Her children didn’t notice as they were happily playing a rousing game of Uno with their grandmother. Becca’s mom was in town to help them get ready for the drive down to Baltimore the next day.

“UNO!” Shouted Jamie, her little hand clutching her last card.

May Chen laughed, “There’s no way I can win this one, I fold!” She surrendered her collection of cards to the center of the table.

Cal smiled and looked at her watch again. May raised her eyebrows, “A watched pot never boils. Why are you being so impatient? Are you worried your physical therapist won’t show up?”

Cal blushed, “No! Just planning out the next sixteen hours — we still have a lot of packing to do before hitting the road tomorrow.”