Chapter 20

Yns pov:
I’ve killed her 24 times. I cant take it anymore. She keeps talking to me, reassuring me and it kills me every time. It makes me want to throw up. “Detka?”

“Please stay away” my voice is small, defeated. “I dont want to hurt you again.” My eyes have grown lifeless. She kneels next to me and pulls me into a hug. I hug her back and this time, theres no weapon. I melt into her touch and tears stream freely.

“You can get through this detka. I know you can.” I close my eyes and when i open them, shes gone. Completely. Its over. I let out a breath i didnt know id been holding in. I collapse back against the wall when my mother comes in again with some guards. I run at her and the guards grab me, picking me up as i resist.

“I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!” The guards throw me to the floor and kick me in the face. One gets me in a chokehold and the other forces my arm straight by wrapping his legs around my arm and over my chest. He injects the syringe and they let go, quickly getting up and leaving. Im plunged straight back into the delusion. David looms over me and 8 year old pete clutches to me. I look around but theres no door, no windows, no way out. I hold pete behind me and my dad hits me square in the face. I fall to the ground and pete runs to my side. I can see david behind him, getting ready to hit him. I throw myself around pete, hugging him and using myself as a human shield as my dad starts to beat me. He throws me to the ground, away from peter and keeps beating me. After a while i dont move, my body just jerks every time its hit. I see petes young terrified eyes and it brings it all back. Everything that happened back then.

In reality, my body seizes on the ground. Guards come in and place me on my side while they frantically run around. One of them comes back and jabs a needle in my arm. After a few minutes my body slowly stops siezing and my mother comes in. “Sorry yn, you nearly had a premature death, turns out its a lot easier to give an accidental overdose with this hallucinogen than we thought.”

They pick up my limp body, my eyes darting between them all. I can see them, my dad and peter are no longer here. “I hate you.”

“You’re weak. You’re emotions have gotten the better of you.” They drop me back in the chair and place the metal chains back around my wrists. I feel different. Electric. Alive. They tip my head back and pour water down my throat. They back up and one guard pulls out his baton, hitting me in the stomach. Thats when it happens. Thats when electricity floods the room, shocking everyone. My eyes drift around the room and i see them all on the floor. Except my mother. She only got knocked to her knees.

“What the fuck did you do?!”

She raises her eyebrows as she gets back to her feet. “What did i do? Hate to break it to you hun, but this was all you.”

“I know that.” My words are clipped and forced out through gritted teeth. “What made me like this?”

“Must be the overdose. We’ve never seen someone OD and live.” Fuckers. I could kill them. I just might. “Its the first impressive thing you’ve done since you were born.”

“Eat shit.” She chuckles and hits me in the face, knocking me out.

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Yelenas pov:
She’s been gone for two weeks already. The teams search has slowed since we realised we cant search the bases. The next one we search has to be the right one or they’ll kill her. They arent exactly known for mercy, especially when it comes to family members. Ive been spending all my time in my room again. Not going to team nights or meetings that arent about yn. I dont speak to them. Ive been too busy grieving my friend. The only friend ive ever had. I grip the half drank bottle of vodka in my hand and chug the rest of it. My face is warm and my head feels fuzzy, but i dont stop drinking. I find another bottle and open it, chugging again. I want to be out of my mind drunk. I want to fight everyone and everything. I want to storm the bases and find her and kill whos responsible. But it doesnt matter. Because when we find her, she will be dead. Everyone knows it too.

Im on my bathroom floor, still sat there, surrounded by bottles from my last hangover. Thats when i hear a knock on the door. I dont speak and i dont invite them in, whoever it is can fuck off. “Yel, its me nat. Come on open the door. You havent spoken to anyone in days, im worried.” I still dont speak. I dont have it in me to do anything. “Either you open this door or i break it down, and we both know i can.” It doesnt motivate me to move. She can break it, i wont care. Who needs a door when yns gone. I hear the crash but dont have the energy to turn my head and look. She comes in, taking in the sight of me. “Yel, what the fuck? Where did you get all this alcohol? Why are you drinking?” She shuffles some bottles out of the way and sits infront of me. She lifts my chin with her finger, its a small but welcome gesture. “Speak to me.”

“Shes dead and its my fault.” That catches her off guard. Her eyes flare and she takes the bottle from my hand.

“Shes not dead and you didnt know she was missing.”

I shake my head, its the most ive moved in days. “I shouldve known. I shouldve been there. And she is dead. They had no reason to take her and if they only wanted information, once they have it she’ll be dead. The people who took her dont experiment, they torture and then painfully execute.” She pulls me up by my hands and im too tired to fight against it or argue.

“You’re wrong. They did have a reason. They do want information and they believe shes the weakest link, but shes not. She’ll be alive, because shes too stubborn to die.” I see sincerity in her eyes and her voice sounds hopeful. Something she rarely has. She really thinks yns okay. “Its a miracle she survived her dad, but she did. And you know why? Because she is so much stronger than anyone gives her credit for.”

I look down and play with my hands. She has a point, yn was never weak. And her still laughing in the video is a good sign. The moment she stops smiling, shes lost herself and she might as well be dead. “Hows parker coping?”

She looks away, hesitation on her face. “He…is completely fine. Its weird actually.” Is she serious? Hes fine? His sister is in danger, enduring god knows how much pain and he doesnt care? That gets me moving. I walk out of my bathroom and bang on his door. Hes lucky it doesnt break with how hard i hit it. He flings it open and tasha was right. Hes well rested, eaten fine and he looks like nothings happened.

“What the fucks wrong with you? You’re sister is out there having god knows what done to her and you dont care because what? You think she outshines you? Hate to break it to you, but if she does, then thats on you not her.”

“Its none of your business. She was horrible to me-“

“She did nothing but support you! You have no idea about half the stuff shes been through because she hides it to protect you. To give you a normal life. So get your head out your ass and think about her for once!” That seems to get through to him a little. His eyes soften and that familiar darkness seems to transfer to him. Boy wonder has finally woken up from his trance.

“Yel, come on leave him alone. Hes coping in his own weird way.” She pulls me by my arm and he quietly shuts his door. Guess i took the cocky fucker down a peg. It was about damn time. She steers me to the kitchen and i sit down at the counter. “What were you thinking? His sister has just been taken.”

“And hes been treating her like shit. He deserved that.” I slur my words and she turns to me, jaw tight.

“Even so. He is struggling, even if it doesnt look like it. And you drunkenly laying into him is not what eithef of you need.” I disagree. I think its exactly what he needs. When he finally looks around and realises hes never going to see her again, thats when he’ll finally hate himself for what hes done. She places chocolate chip pancakes infront of me. I just stare at it. This is the last meal i ate with her. Tears prick my eyes and i take a bite, remembering it. I was so annoyed and sad that she didnt want to date me that i forgot to cherish every moment with her. Still it wasnt a bad memory. It never is with her.

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Yns pov:
When i wake up, im still chained to the chair. There are a couple of guards in here. They both seem twitchy around me, maybe its the electric thing. Another guy comes in, one i havent seen before. Clearly hes a higher up. Higher than my mom. “Its good to see you again yn.” The german guy from before.

“Shit you’re uglier than you sound.” He chuckles and a guard hits me in the stomach with his baton and then on my back once ive doubled over. I smile and a guard pushes me back in the chair.

“You’re funnier face to face. I wonder how long that will last.” He moves closer and hold up a tablet. My heart drops but my face stays composed. Still smiling. “Thats peter. You’re brother. Just in case you dont remember.”

I laugh and a guard hits me across the face with his baton. I spit blood at the floor and smile. Theres a thin film of blood across my teeth. “Good luck killing him. Hes a tougher cookie than he looks.”

He looks at me with disdain. “You parkers are all the same. Too stubborn to fucking die.”

“What can i say, god likes our charm.”

“Didnt think you were religious.”

“Im not, but theres something keeping me alive. Either its dumb luck, god, or just me. Which ones scarier to you?” His eyes narrow and he tips my chair back, my feet barely graizing the floor.

“I dont get scared.” Everyone fears something. He pulls out a gun and pushes it into my chest so hard im certain it will leave a bruise.

I raise an eyebrow and smile. “That meant to scare me? Pull the trigger. See what happens when the avengers find out im dead. Their patience is already wearing thin and the only thing keeping them away from you guys is that im still alive. You need me.”

He smiles but moves the gun, putting the safety back on. Wow that psych course really helped. “You’re smart. But you also know we’ll kill you eventually right?” Well duh. They can try. But even i couldnt kill me, lets see how much luck they have with it. “Give us something useful about the avengers.”

“Okay, fine, ill let you in on a very well kept secret.” He waits for me to continue and i nod my head. “Come on, get a little closer, i dont want these guys knowing.” He sighs but leans in clearly intrigued. “The hulk listens to jazz.” I headbutt him and he stumbles back, clutching his nose. I smile at him and the guards step forwards but he waves them off. “How dumb are you?”

“How dumb are you? Ive just put a gun to your chest and you head butt me? You got a death wish kid.” Maybe i do. Who cares? Im just gonna die here anyway. “Whats your biggest fear?”

“Wow your questions just get more stupid.” He bends down to my level, looking me closely in my eyes. He hums in contemplation.

“You seem like you’re afraid of water. I saw how you were in that tank. We watched you the whole time. We could see in, but you couldnt see out. Its a fun little trick.” He waves someone over and he pulls my hair, forcing my head back. My chest heaves and they hold a towel tight over my face and they pour a bucket of freezing water over my face. Its like im back in that tank drowning. I cant breathe. I feel panic flood through me and i pull tight at the chains. I hear his sinister chuckle mix with the sound of my scared gargles. After what feels like hours my head gets shoved forward and the towel is removed. I gasp for breath as my chest heaves.

“You…are…a terrible…person.”, i manage between sucking in air.

“Just tell me what you know, anything thats useful, and this can be over.” That sounds a lot like he wants to kill me. Im not quite ready for that, i need to answer yelenas question.

“Fuck you.” His jaw ticks and he grabs my throat, leaning the chair back. He tightens his grip and i think my blue lips are starting to go numb. My head is throbbing and my face is starting to go a lighter shade of pink. I hold onto the chair and close my eyes, waiting for my vision to fade.

“You seem so lifeless for someone with so much fire in your heart.” He lets go and i gasp for air, my chest heaving. I try desperately to tap into the electrical buzz i felt before, but its nearly gone, its just a mere hum along my skin. He storms out of the room, his composure now non existent. The guards leave too. I dont know why, surely thats a risky move.

Thats when my mother enters. I dont have it in me to hate anyone else today, so i settle for a strong dislike. She makes herself comfortable, pulling up a chair infront of me. She stares at me, taking in the sight of me as though for the last time. “We dont need you anymore.” My heart stops. If i didnt pass out before, i might now. Im just hoping i did pass out and this is a dream, or they gave me more hallucinogen and this is a delusion.

“So ehat does that mean?” My question sound small, echoing around the room that now feels infinitely massive.

“It means that no one needs you anymore. You’re officially useless.” I struggle to not flinch at her words. I used to idolise that woman, that shell of a human being. “Theres bombs in this building. We’ll be long gone in 30 minutes and you’ll be here. Chained to that chair.” Her eyes drag over me as she shakes her head. “Such a disappointment.” She walks out, devoid of emotion, not looking back once.

“DONT LEAVE ME HERE! THEY’LL KILL YOU! DONT BE STUPID!” I scream after her but nobody listens. I suspect that they’ve already evacuated this end of their base. Irratic thougjts race through my head as time slowly passes. I eventually stop screaming, exhaustion getting the better of me. I just watch the small clock that sits above the door. 25 minutes. My last moments are here, powerless to change my situation or save myself. I watch the little hand on the clock tick second by second. 29 minutes. Sweat beads on my brow and i close my eyes, listening to the mechanical tick. 28. 29. 30. I count the seconds as i try not to think about yelena and my brother in my last moments. I dont want to leave them, im not ready. 45. 46. 47. Tears slip down my face and i relax in my seat, finally giving into my situation. Im going to die here. 57. 58. 59. 60…

I wait for the explosion, but it never comes. I open my eyes and look at the clock. 32 minutes. Dread weighs down my shoulders as i let out a pained whimper. She said they would be gone in 30 minutes, she never said the bomb would go off in 30 minutes. God knows how long until that bomb explodes. It could be hours or even days. Its their final act of torture to drive me insane right up until my inevitable death. I had really hoped the avengers would have found me by now, i tried to buy myself time without giving them information, but that only gets you so far.

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Yelenas pov:
Peters not left his room since our chat. Finally its affecting him. Its been weeks. Shes definitely dead. If not then i pity whatever shes going through. When it comes to this group, death is mercy. Im hoping because its her mother, they’ll show her mercy. I shouldnt be thinking it, but it physically pains me to think about what she could be going through. I sit in my bed like usual, listening to that dumb record. The one she picked out. The soft memory plays through my mind and i know in that moment, i will never love someone like that ever again. There is no one like yn out there and i wouldnt want there to be. I just want yn. But shes dead, gone, never coming home. Nat may say she is but everyone knows the truth. Tonys run out of leads. Steve is itching to geg back in the field, but if we do she’ll definitely be dead. The rest of us mope around the silent compound, grieving a life that according to nat, may not be gone. I feel like im drowning in this misery. Like theres not enough air in the world to fill my lungs. She pulled me out from the deep end and kissed the life back into me. But now? Now im deeper than before, i have weights around my ankles and my arms are restrained in a straight jacket.

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Yns pov:
Its been 4 hours. Ive stopped counting the seconds. Im just waiting for death. Dried tears are mixed with the dried blood covering my face. I wonder what i look like right now. Whether yelena will recognise my dead body despite the state im in. Id like to she would. She knows me better than anyone. She knew me. Might as well start talking in past tense because thats what im about to be. I made peace with death a long time ago, but meeting yelena? It flipped my whole life around. Now im facing actual death and fear has me in a death grip. Even now, 4 hours later, the fear ripples beneath my skin.

Thats when it happens. The loud bang that i dont quite hear over the ringing in my ears a second before nothingness. This is it. Its finally over. Im never seeing her again.