Chapter 46

Kyoshi had fallen asleep not too soon after Rangi had told her about Kenna. Rangi watched over her possibly too intensely, but there was no one there to judge her, and she was still mad at Kyoshi for what she did back at the portal.

Then a terrible thought flooded her brain. What if Kyoshi doesn’t wake up like last time?

She tried to reassure herself that this wasn’t the case. But she couldn’t seem to shake the thoughts. Eventually she caved in and started to shake Kyoshi’s shoulder. When Kyoshi didn’t stir, her mind went to the worst.

This time though as Rangi tried to wake her, Kyoshi’s eyes fluttered open as she adjusted to the light. “Something wrong?” She grumbled.

There was a look of panic in the firebender’s eyes, but she didn’t want to admit her fear of Kyoshi falling back into a coma. So she tried to throw a smile on.

“You should eat something” She cleared her throat. “It’s almost dinner and I know my mother would hate it if you missed it.”

Kyoshi smiled as she propped herself up.

“Alright let’s go”

Kyoshi had swung her legs over the side of the bed, and started to stand. She quickly stumbled, nearly falling over.

“Just take a second we can go in a minute” Rangi tried to reassure her.

“No, it’s fine. I’m fine” Kyoshi said flatly as she pushed Rnagi’s hand away.

But as she stood and tried taking a couple of steps she became unbalanced and fell.

“Want my help?”

“No” Kyoshi fumed.

Rangi just shook her head. If Kyoshi was going to be stubborn, she would let her. And if she fell a couple of times so that it knocked more sense into her after the mess with the portal then so be it.

“I know you’re frustrated and sad about Kenna but getting up and running out of the room isn’t going to change anything.”

“This isn’t about that, you just said I should go eat dinner so I’m trying to do just that.”

“You’re muscles are probably fatigued you know”

Kyoshi said nothing as she flopped down on her back against the cool floor. “I hate this”

“You did this to yourself”

“I know that but-”

Suddenly Rangi was standing over her.

“I don’t need a lecture. I know it’s bad enough that the Avatar’s stuck on the floor. Welder of the four elements bested by muscle fatigue.” Kyoshi scoffed.

“You know being the avatar doesn’t make you immortal”

“Ha, it would make things a lot easier though.”

Rangi extended her arm out towards Kyoshi which she now gladly took, allowing herself to sit up once more.

“You know whether you hobble or run out of here won’t make a difference now” Rangi said as she helped Kyoshi to stand once more. Knowing that Kyoshi’s need to go and move quickly was probably the result of guilt.

“I know”

Together they started out of the room, Kyoshi’s balance and stability seemed to improve the more she walked. Though she still used Rangi for balance here and there.

A handful of days passed and Kyoshi was moving practically like herself by the day of Kenna’s funeral.

There weren’t a great deal of people there, after all Kenna wasn’t from the fire nation but most of the infirmary staff showed up that could squeeze it into their schedule.

Kyoshi had stayed very quiet the whole time, choosing not to talk with anyone. Not even Rangi really, but that was more so because she thought that if people saw her talking with the firebender then they would go asking her more questions.

The cause was declared as death in battle. All of the stuff about betrayal or involvement with the balanced nation wasn’t even mentioned. And why should it? Kyoshi thought. This is a funeral for my friend, not the person who betrayed us.

She had nearly made it through the whole event too, but near the end someone had asked her to speak, to say something for Kenna, and just like that Kyoshi’s mind went blank, what should I say?

She walked up to the front looking over the group of people until she found Rangi’s face in the crowd.

“While I didn’t know Kenna that long, I’m grateful to have met her like all of you probably are” For a second she paused, contemplating how much she should say.

“And she will be missed greatly, I will miss my friend like everyone else here” She didn’t feel like her words sounded sincere but that was all she had managed to say.

Even though Rangi and Kyoshi didn’t really talk about the funeral much afterwards Rangi noticed Kyoshi’s mood seemed to improve more. Like Kyoshi had gotten a sense of closure. Though the opposite could be said about her own.

Going to that funeral for Kenna made the whole situation more real for her. That could have just as easily been Kyoshi on the other side. But Kyoshi wouldn’t do that to me. Right?

Doubt thundered through Rangi’s thoughts, Kyoshi had seemed to move through the events so quickly. While Rangi felt like the whole world had nearly slipped through her fingers and Kyoshi hardly batted an eye.

The more she thought about it the more tired she felt. The more she thought about various conversations, about things Kyoshi had done. All of the times Kyoshi had almost left her.

She spun the ring around her finger. Rangi didn’t feel like she would make it out alive if that happened. But that possibility felt so real.

Kyoshi says she loved me. Rangi tried to reassure herself. She wouldn’t leave me.

“Something bothering you?” Kyoshi asked as she walked up to Rangi who had stayed stationed at the door previously lost in thought.

“It’s nothing” Rangi tried to brush off, avoiding Kyoshi’s eyes which helped with the lying part. But apparently it wasn’t good enough.

“No, something’s bothering you, what is it?” Kyoshi had pushed past the firebender and closed the doors to the room behind her. Leaving them alone without any chance of being interrupted, but more so trying to create a safer space for Rangi.

Kyoshi walked back over to the bed, which seemed much bigger now that they were out of the living room Kyoshi had been sleeping in over the past couple of days. Rangi’s room glowed a warm orange in the sunlight as Kyoshi patted the space next to her.

Mutely she walked over and sat next to her, but Rangi didn’t know how to put her thoughts into words, so she stayed quiet.

“If you’re scared I can’t handle it I promise it’s fine.” Kyoshi tried to reassure her, but her smile was stained with worry.

Rangi took a breath, Kyoshi had been partially right. Everything seemed chaotic right now, it just didn’t feel like the right time to get into something this deep right now. “I’m just tired that’s all”

“tired?”

It felt like Kyoshi could see through her at that moment, it felt stupid to avoid the question, and so Rangi nodded.

“Can I speak honestly?” Rangi looked down at her lap, it felt stupid to ask a question like that to Kyoshi but necessary at the same time.

It felt like the room went cold to Kyoshi, nearly causing her to shiver. When has Rangi ever asked a question like that?

“I guess I’m worried,” Rangi admitted. “About getting married.”

Kyoshi froze, this felt like the beginning of the end. “Can I ask why?” She asked quietly.

“It doesn’t even feel like it would be worth it- I mean I don’t mean that. I don’t know how to say this. I- I feel like I’m nothing, I mean-” Rangi said softly as she felt tears begin to swell trying to find the words.

“But you’re not nothing, you’re- you’re incredible Rangi.” Kyoshi had rebutted so quickly she didn’t even take a breath. But Rangi felt like she was fixated on the wrong part of that statement.

“Really?” She scoffed, Rangi had let her skeptically bleed through. “Because it doesn’t feel that way”

“What do you mean, you’re strong, and determined, and-” Kyoshi had to rake back in her thoughts, before getting too sidetracked. “You’re not nothing Rangi and you never have been. We both know that.”

Though those sweet words of Kyoshi any other day would have lifted her up. It felt like something snapped in Rangi’s head to hear that. Something that had been brewing for a long time, without any release.

“Really? Because it’s easy to feel like nothing when your partner seems so keen on leaving” The words felt like they were falling out of her mouth, there was no use trying to stop them now.

“Rangi what are you talking about? I love you-“

But a sense of anger overcame the firebender. “If you love me then prove it” She yelled as she pressed a finger into Kyoshi’s chest. “Prove you want to stay, prove that marrying you wouldn’t break my heart.”

So that’s what she meant by getting married wouldn’t be worth it. “Rangi I-“

“No. You claim to love me, but all you do is throw your life away over and over again. What am I supposed to think about that?” Tears pricked in the corner of the fire bender’s eyes.

“I just want to save people, it’s my job,” Kyoshi said flatly.

“And you can do that, but how far will you go? Because right now you give yourself up willing, every time” Rangi took a breath, “I’m tired of the scraps, because eventually I know it will be your corpse that’s left”

Kyoshi didn’t know what to do, her whole body felt paralyzed. She didn’t feel like she could say anything if she tried.

“I have watched you throw your life away without any regard for my feelings again and again, like I don’t even matter. Do we even matter to you Kyoshi, because the way you act doesn’t always feel like you do”

She didn’t know who the words struck harder, but the fact that it was the truth still remained.

“I can’t promise my life to someone who is so keen on leaving me behind.” Rangi admitted.

Every muscle in Kyoshi’s body felt weak, she felt like she was going to get sick. She really couldn’t summon any words, all she could do was listen.

“And the hardest part of it is that all I really want is to get married, but I don’t know how much my heart can take. Because I won’t leave, I don’t think I ever could. But do you really think it’s fair? I mean I feel like I trust you with my life, but I can’t say I trust you with your own. Do you know how hard it is to realize Kyoshi?” Rangi now looked up as she spoke hoping that it would help the tears from falling.

“Do you think I’m going to jump off a cliff or something?” A small spit of anger overcame Kyoshi’s words suddenly. 

“Not on your own no, but I do know if that’s what it took to defeat Naruklok then you would have, wouldn’t you?” Rangi admitted quietly.

Rangi finally looked to her side to meet Kyoshi’s gaze, it looked so sad it could have made Kyoshi sick. But Kyoshi’s head started spinning, “But that mess was my fault, I needed to make that right”

“At any cost? Because of one mistake you would be willing to leave everything behind?”

Kyoshi just stared at the fire bender wide eyed. What was she supposed to say to that? Because deep down she knew there was a high chance her words held true.

“You’ve always been like this in a way you know” Rangi said as she turned to look back at the floor. “At the mansion, then when we left, and then when you took on the role of the avatar. You just seem to be carrying the weight of a different world now.” She couldn’t stop the tears from falling anymore.

“You’ve always treated yourself like an empty vessel, and I will always try to disprove that belief. But at some point you have to believe me little bit.”

The two sat in silence for a while neither moving, both of their gazes fixed on the floor. “I think we need to wait longer to get married.” Rangi admitted.

Hearing these words shot a wave of panic through Kyoshi’s body.

“Rangi, how do I fix this? Please tell me how to fix this. I can’t lose you, please. Please don’t leave, I want to fix this” Kyoshi begged as she wept, burying her head in her hands. 

Rangi felt guilty for the state she had put Kyoshi in, after all she wouldn’t be like this if it weren’t for her opening her mouth. But it needed to be said, because otherwise it felt like the truth was going to eat her alive. 

“I don’t think I ever could leave you if I tried honestly, but this goes both ways” She untangled Kyoshi’s hands out of her hair, as she pulled her close.

“Then what do I do?” Her voice sounded so broken, but Rangi had finally felt like she had gotten through to her as painful as it was.

Rangi thought for a second, brushing her hands through Kyoshi’s hair. ” Prove that you value your own life. To start, get better and I mean actually better. Don’t go chasing another battle before you finished fighting the last one”

“But what about the members that are still running those villages?” Kyoshi asked quietly.

“I can help you assemble some groups to help take back the overrun towns.” Rangi began, speaking softly. “I know that needs to happen as quickly as possible, but no one needs you running across all acres of the fire nation doing it all yourself, that’s a good way to work yourself sick.” Or dead.

“Okay”

A small warmth settled in Rangi’s chest. She felt like she was finally getting through. Maybe this time something would change. And Kyoshi would only try to give her a heart attack every other Tuesday.

“I know this won’t happen overnight, but all I ask is that you try. I promise life is better when you find the value of your own”

Kyoshi just nodded.

Just like that the memory of her mother’s words flashed through Rangi’s head.

“Do you think Kyoshi wants to die?’ Rangi had asked.

“No” Her mother had replied.

“Because of what she told me, I don’t think she will leave you, not yet” Hei ran took a breath. “If anything I bet you’ll be the reason for her wake, just wait and see”

But she had a hard time believing her mother’s words. “Then why did she write these?” Rangi asked, holding the crumpled paper up.

“These don’t mean anything,” Hei ran said simply as she appeared to collect herself.

“And what if you’re wrong” Rangi shot back harsher than intended.

“I have watched as you two became the only thing in this universe to matter to each other since you met. I know I am not wrong.”

A small smile formed across the firebender’s features. “I know you won’t do a complete 360, I know you’re still going to be somewhat of a self sacrificial idiot. But if you can dial it back so that I don’t go gray before whenever the wedding is. I think I can work with that”

I feel like this chapter was a long time coming, but important. I love them so much, and I really can’t wait to write their wedding but some growth needs to happen first. Anyways, let me know what you  think, and have a great day/night <3333