Chapter 21

The thought of going into school this morning makes me nervous. I feel like this weekend was a bubble I found myself in, and now that it’s ended this bubble will have popped and things will be awkward and uncomfortable. I say that because I am definitely going to be the awkward and uncomfortable one.

I’m currently looking at myself in the mirror and trying not to psyche myself out as I throw my hair into a high ponytail. My breathing is coming out uneven as I let my hands drop to my sides, my nerves higher than before any game I’ve ever played.

I don’t know why the thought of seeing Mackenzie Daniels in all of her gorgeous, blonde glory is making me break out in palm sweats more than it used to before we kissed at Peter’s party. Surely a couple of kisses can’t change the dynamic of the flirtationship we had undoubtedly created so much so that we can’t act normal around each other.

Yep, it definitely can and that’s because I’m the other half of the flirtationship. I’m awkward enough when it’s a boy that I have feelings for (I liked a few boys in freshman year and I’m now no longer friends with them because of this) without needing to add on the fact that Mackenzie is a girl and I’m not out yet.

“Get a grip.” I mumble as I tug on the long sleeves of my tight fitting white shirt, grabbing my leather jacket from the back of my desk chair before exiting my room. The fall weather has taken a turn and I woke up freezing this morning, the temperature in my room similar to that of outside according to the weather app on my phone.

My house is silent as per usual as I grab a banana from the fruit bowl in the kitchen, not really bothering with breakfast after I overslept this morning. My mom and dad left for work over an hour ago and my brother is back at college and won’t be home till thanksgiving now. I roll my eyes at the sight of a note with some money sitting atop one of the counters, no doubt written by my mom telling me to buy something in for tea as I’ll be eating by myself once again.

I grab the money and shove it into the back pocket of my dark jeans as I decide I’ll try and drag April or Gemma to Benny’s after soccer practice, promising that I’ll buy their food as a way of blackmailing them to drop whatever plans they have so I’m not alone.

You could just ask Mackenzie.

I roll my eyes at my inner voice and walk out of my house with my sports bag over my shoulder, a slouch in my step at the thought of having a school day that won’t end till six. I also have my fifth lesson sat next to the walking epitomy of my inner turmoil, which only makes me walk that little bit slower.

“Get a goddamn grip!” I growl as I slam my hands into my steering wheel, my eyes glued to the tremor in them. “This is seriously pathetic.”

I turn the key in the ignition and pull out of my driveway, not bothering with music as school isn’t that far away. Leaves are blowing across most of the deserted back roads I use to avoid morning traffic, piles upon piles of the fallen gathered up into mounds at the end of gardens.

I arrive at school with fifteen minutes to spare, allowing me enough time to head to my locker and swap out my books before homeroom where I’ll no doubt be teased by Faye for Sunday because I’m pretty sure she caught me kissing Mackenzie again when we were on the couch.

I shake my head as I jump out of my car, leaving my sports bag in the back seat as it won’t take me two seconds to grab before training so don’t bother lugging it around school all day. Faye won’t bring it up, at least I hope she won’t when April is around, because she is a whole different level of pestering.

Whilst Faye might drop something at the end of a lesson, April won’t drop it for a whole week. Her constant grip on things that need to be let go has been a big reason for a few of our fallouts over the years.

Speak of the devil, she’s currently leaning against the locker next to mine, a strand of her fiery red hair twisted around her finger as her eyes are glued to her phone screen, a smile pulling at the corners of her lips. She has a dreamy look on her face that only comes around when she’s talking to a boy, or more specifically Derek. I open my locker and swap out my books, not needing my chemistry or my English textbooks till after lunch. April starts giggling and I look at her weirdly, my eyes looking behind her to see Derek and Clay laughing and jostling with each other as they make their way towards us, Clay’s eyes lighting up when he sees me looking in his direction. Derek’s fingers are typing away on his phone whilst his best friend is distracted, a grin pulling at his lips.

“Who’re you talking to?” I say to my best friend as I slam my locker shut, her eyes barely leaving her phone screen as she looks at me briefly before continuing her texting. I’ll admit I’m curious about who the person that’s making her smile is, but I won’t press this further whilst the boys are here because I know she won’t talk.

“Oh, Derek is just sending me memes.” She replies nonchalantly, my head bobbing up and down on it’s own as she flips the screen around and shows me a photo of baby Yoda holding a spatula with the text “8 year old me waiting for my mom to tell me to flip the pancake.” It isn’t as funny as she was making out to be, but I smirk nonetheless as she pockets her phone as the object of her affection sidles up next to her and throws an arm around her shoulder, Clay doing the same to me, the strong scent of his aftershave wafting up my nose and clinging to my clothes.

“Good morning girls.” Derek says cheerily, his fingers tapping against April’s shoulder, her smile soft and her cheeks blushed. “I hope you two were as rough as we were on Sunday morning.”

I feel my cheeks heat up at the thought of how my Sunday morning went, sober and wrapped up in Mackenzie Daniels’ bed before we were interrupted. April sends me a knowing look and I snap out of my thoughts, forcing a smile onto my face. “Oh we did the usual; Benny’s hangover cure and Netflix.”

Clay tilts his head back and groans loudly, a grin on his face as the hand that isn’t holding onto me pretending to wipe drool from his mouth. “Oh God, I’d kill for a hangover cure right now. The hash browns from Benny’s are to die for.”

Things with Clay are so much easier now. I think our drunken talk on the grass outside Peter’s party on Saturday has blown the last of the awkward fog from aorund us, the pair of us naturally falling back into the same routine we had before we started dating. He picked me up from Mackenzie’s on Sunday and we went to the park and threw a football around for an hour or so, talking about random stuff until I got a text from my mom asking me to come home for dinner. It feels like a massive weight has been lifted from my chest at the fact everything was so normal now that we aren’t shouldering the stress of our crumbling romantic relationship anymore.

I chuckle as I let my gaze flit over Derek’s broad shoulder, my eyes widening at the sight of the blonde that makes my heart flip in my chest. She’s walking this way, her perfectly straight teeth bared as she laughs at something Freya has said to her. I can’t help but admire her, even if my stomach is knotting itself up as I begin to stress about what to do. She’s wearing a pair of loose fitting jeans rolled up at the bottom to reveal a pair of off white hi-top converse. She’s also wearing the school’s dark grey sweatshirt tucked into the top of her jeans and secured with a belt.

She looks so effortlessly beautiful that it brings me physical pain.

She hasn’t seen me yet, her startlingly alluring grey eyes attached to Freya as they joke and laugh with each other, each second that passes meaning she gets increasingly closer to me. I feel nerves clot in my chest, my stress from this morning catching up with me once again as the bubble of security my friends formed aorund me popped and crashed me back to reality. I need to leave now before she comes over and I make a fool out of myself.

“I need to head to my chemistry class before homeroom.” I announce as I slip from Clay’s relaxed grasp. April’s brows pinch together slightly, but her attention is immediately diverted when Derek gets out his phone and thrusts it in her face, no doubt showing her another funny photo. I turn to look at Clay, who’s gaze was looking down the hallway to the object of my panic, and I see the glint in his blue eyes as he sends me a knowing look. “I, uh, have to ask Mr. Walker about the homework he set last week.”

“Sure.” He hums, pinching my cheek softly between his thumb and forefinger. “It’s definitely not about the girl currently walking towards us that I know you have a crush on.”

“Not at all!” I say with too much enthusiasm, Clay’s smile stretching so wide his dimples appear. I huff and blow a piece of hair from my face, seeing no point in lying to my best friend about it when I know he’ll figure it out eventually. “We might’ve kissed and now I don’t know how to deal with it, so I plan on avoiding her until I get my head straight.”

Clay looks at me like I’ve grown a second head before chuckling as he shakes it. “Alright, go, I won’t tell her where you go but I can’t promise the same for April.”

I scoff, quickly sparing a glance at my lovesick best friend. I can already imagine the ways she’ll scheme to get me and Mackenzie locked in a classroom together so she can play Cupid. “Yeah, like I’m actually going to go to chemistry.”

Clay laughs and I hug him quickly before I turn and bolt, taking the first step to avoiding the blonde bombshell that has my feelings grasped in the palm of her hand.

~•~

Avoiding Mackenzie Daniels has been no easy feat, but so far I have accomplished it. I haven’t had any lessons with her this morning so avoiding her curious gaze in the hallway has been my only contact with her so far. Clay has helped me where he can, walking me to our physics lesson second period and then walking me to my history class because his geography was the classroom across from me. He blocked me from view when she sauntered past, and I could smell the vanilla and coconut rolling off her in waves as I tucked my head into his arm.

God I really need to grow up.

My history lesson has just ended and my lunch hour has begun, a lunch hour that I share with one Mackenzie Daniels. I’m really hoping that she decides to catch up with Freya and sit with her at lunch today because if she comes near me my entire body will clam up and then everyone will know something is wrong with me.

I pack my stuff up slowly, watching as everyone rushes to leave and get to the cafeteria, my mind working on overdrive. I could just eat lunch in the library today, I have a ton of work to catch up on because I didn’t do any homework this weekend. I could just text Clay to drop me a sandwich off and I can work all lunch. I have my study period in here fourth so all I’d need to do is walk over to the librarian and sign in, saving me a lot of walking around.

I nod my head resolutely, grabbing my bag and shouldering one strap, deciding that getting an A in my chemistry is more important than socialising. Whilst I didn’t actually have to go see my chemistry teacher about homework, I still have to do it, and I can’t remember if it’s in for today or for Wednesday so better get started on it.

Is your chemistry homework more important than discovering the chemsitry you have with a certain blonde?

I roll my eyes, getting really sick of my inner voice and it’s horny little ways, my hand pulling my phone out once I’m out of class and walking to the library, my fingers quickly skimming over the screen as I type out my lunch order and delivery address. I know Clay will do it, and a thought pops into my head of dragging him out for dinner after we’ve both finished for practice, especially after he mentioned hash browns this morning.

I grin, my finger just about to hit send with my lunch order when I’m grabbed and dragged into a classroom, a hand slapped over my mouth and an arm wrapped around my waist.

I kick and struggle, the thought of the soccer team pranking me and dropping water all over me a frightening possibility. I decide to be disgusting and lick the hand attached to my mouth, the girl shrieking as she drops me on the floor and rips her hand from over my mouth. “Did you just lick me? Gross.“

My eyes widen in alarm as I spin to see Mackenzie furiously wiping the palm of her hand on her jeans, her back pressed against my only exit from the classroom, disgust on her face. I recognised her voice immediately, and now that I’m more aware I can smell coconut and vanilla attaching itself to me, cocooning around my senses and jumbling my thoughts.

“Mackenzie?” My mouth opens, my fear quickly morphing into irritation and stress as I let my eyes take over her figure. The sleeves of her sweater are rolled up to her elbows, flecks of white and blue paint spattered across the block writing of panthers boldly in red on her chest. I can detect a small silver chain around her neck and under her sweater, and her nose piercing is a thin silver ring today, the colour matching that of her necklace. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I could ask you the same question.” She says boldly, her face a mirror of my annoyance. “Why are you avoiding me?”

I feel my eyebrows fly into my hairline as I look at her in exasperation and slightly in fear. I still haven’t gotten round to sorting out the mess that is my mind, and a feel a small build up of nerves at the thought of my indecisiveness ruining that chance I could’ve had with her.

Mackenzie sighs and starts walking over to me, my mind on overdrive as I step backwards in time with her until I can’t anymore, my back hitting a desk behind me. I watch with wide eyes as she stops inches away from me, her hands resting either side of my hips on the desk I’m pressed against, the tip of her nose brushing ever so gently against my own. “Did I do something wrong? Do you regret what happened this weekend?”

I swallow as I take in the upset and sadness swimming amongst the hues of silver and white in her irises, her usually thick lips, pressed together in a thin line. “I…I…uh.”

I slap myself internally for stumbling over my words, Mackenzie’s face falling at the sound of my inability to form a sentence. I hate myself for being so unsure, so worried. I know that I like this girl, and I know that she likes me, but I don’t know if I could ever get over my fear of coming out, and I know that Mackenzie deserves more than a scared closeted girl.

I drop my eyes to the floor, my gaze latched onto Mackenzie’s converse that are settled between my own. Her body heat is radiating onto me, her breath against my cheek as she refuses to budge.

“Hey.” I hear her say softly as her fingers gently grip my chin and lift my gaze to meet hers. Her grey eyes are searching and concerned, and I feel like they’re boring into my soul. “You know that I like you, and it’s so obvious that you’re nervous about what everyone will think. I don’t care that you’re not out Alex. You’re the only girl in a long time that has made me feel like this, so I’ll wait.”

My eyes widen at her words, my heart thumping wildly in my chest as my breath gets caught in my throat. Mackenzie grins, winding her free hand around my waist and hoisting me up on the desk, fitting herself between my legs, her grip on my chin never lessening. “Tell me you don’t want this, and I promise I’ll never try anything again.”

I drop my gaze to her lips, unable to stop myself. I couldn’t tell her to stop if I wanted to. She’s intoxicating, everything about her draws me in and doesn’t let me go. I feel her tighten her hold on my hip, and I don’t think I can breathe.

“Fuck it.” I mumble, watching as her eyebrow raises slightly before I lean forward and press my lips to hers.

My chest starts to burn with the same fire it felt on Saturday, the heat licking my skin and spreading throughout my whole body. The pressure of her lips against mine makes my toes curl, my hands reaching up to bury themselves in her hair, a groan falling past her lips onto mine when I tug on it.

We both move at a feverish pace, like we’re both afraid this is the last time this could happen, or we’re trying to get our fill before we get caught. I can’t seem to get enough of her. She licks my bottom lip asking for entrance and I let her have it, my hands cupping her jaw and my lips slowing our pace, letting her tongue dance with mine slowly as my legs wrap around the back of hers and pull her closer.

She eventually pulls away, her forehead pressed against mine as a throaty chuckle slips past her lips, my breathing fast and uneven as I force myself to take air into my lungs. I open my eyes and watch as she grins at me, the dimple on her right cheek prominent as her hand holding my chin skims across my lips and settles on my cheek. “Please don’t think that you have to shut me out when you don’t know what to do.” She mumbles,  her thumb brushing against my skin as her eyes bore into my own. “Because I don’t think I could go anywhere if I tried.”

“Five minutes ago you said you’d leave me alone if I wanted you to.” I reply cheekily, taking my bottom lip into my mouth at the sight of her playful glare.

She shrugs, her lips ghosting over mine, teasing me with more. “Well, I lied. I’m a liar. I know that you’re stuck with me whether you like it or not.”

“Oh trust me.” I chuckle, looping my arms around her neck and pulling her impossibly closer. My bold actions force a smirk onto Mackenzie’s face, the hand holding my waist digging fingernails into my side. “You’ve done a good job of making me want you around.”

I kiss her again, the thought of spending my lunch period doing homework in the library the very last thing on my mind. My inner voice is seemingly all knowing and all irritating as the chemistry between myself and my blonde bombshell is currently more important than the chemistry homework buried in the bottom of my bag. Im not even thinking about the fact I have to hand in in less than two hours and is currently incomplete because all I want to do is keep kissing her.

Oh well.

~•~

“Give me one cool down lap and you’re free to go!” Coach Sanders calls from the sideline and I huff out a sigh of relief, my hands flying to the back of my head in order to open up my lungs to let air in. Practice was awful, Sanders for some reason forcing us to work harder than she has in recent sessions. We were barely allowed breaks, constantly doing some form of physical activity whilst waiting for her to set up the next drill or whilst listening to her feedback. I don’t know if she got wind of the party we were all at over the weekend, but it certainly felt like she was punishing us during that training session for something.

I can feel the sweat coating every inch of exposed skin on my body, my hair damp from the exertion. Everyone looks as exhausted as me, many players who aren’t as fit as myself currently looking about four seconds away from passing out.

The only time we actually got to stand still was during the scrimmage she had us play, but even then the rules were altered so it was only one or two touch passing to force us to move the ball quicker.

Mackenzie is stood next to Freya, a tired smile on her face as she makes eye contact with me. Her hair that was originally in a tight and organised bun has come loose, her hair only held from her face by the thin headband she has secured by grips. Even sweaty and covered in dirt from getting slide tackled by Raven, she looks incredible. Her shorts have ridden up to exposed her toned thighs, and she’s wiping her face with the hem of her shirt, exposing her abs.

She winks at me when she drops her shirt, knowing full well that I was watching that little show she put on for me. I roll my eyes as she blows me a kiss before turning around and running to the nearest edge of the pitch to begin her lap.

“I can’t breathe.” I whine to Elise as I begin my lap close to the goal we were defending. She falls into step beside me and smiles sympathetically, her own face dripping with it’s fair share of sweat. I can feel the burn in my legs as I swipe at the sweat on my brow, my face morphing into one of disgust as my bare skin comes away glistening. “That session was worse than when we trained at UPenn.”

Elise grunts in agreement, her breathing laboured as we pick up the pace once we pass the halfway point, both of us desperate to finish the lap so we can go home. My whole body hurts from forcing myself to set an example as captain and keep going, and I’ll surely pay the price tomorrow when my muscles are stiff and screaming at me every time I move.

I keep my eyes focused in front of me, my mind on my breathing and on forcing my body to keep running even though it’s begging me to stop. And then my eyes drift to the group of girls running in front of me, or more particularly a certain blonde bombshell who’s trailing slightly behind everyone else.

Or more specifically, they drift towards her ass.

What? I can’t help it when she wears those small shorts of hers, and it’s hard not to stare at it when it’s the only thing in front of me unless I fancy staring at the sky which makes running awkward and me look like a weirdo.

I slow down to a walk and raise my arms above my head once I’ve finished my lap, my body sighing in relief from the end in exercise. Mackenzie finished hers before me and is hovering by the edge of the field, her eyes latched on my arriving figure, a soft smile on her face. Elise nudges me playfully in the shoulder before waving goodbye and jogging to catch up with her friends, Mackenzie falling in step beside me as we head back towards the changing rooms, my whole existence ready for a shower and bed.

If I wasn’t so tired I would’ve found Elise’s interaction with me suspicious, but I think nothing of it as I rest my head in the crook of Mackenzie’s neck, her arm resting across my shoulders.

“What’re you doing after this?” Mackenzie mumbles into my hair as we walk slowly behind everyone else, enjoying each other’s company before we’ll no doubt be pulled apart by our separate circles of friends, ie Freya will drag her from me. Her fingers are drawing patterns on the bare skin of my arm as she breathes out through her nose against my head. “Do you want to hang out?”

I smile against her skin as I remove my head from her shoulder, sending her a grin. “Do you wanna grab dinner first? My mom left me some money to grab takeout but I’d rather eat out if it’s with you.”

Mackenzie smiles brightly, her fingers dancing down my arm to hold my hand briefly before letting go. I immediately miss the contact, but feel my face redden when she quickly kisses my cheek. We’re the last people to enter the changing room, but I can’t help but look around to see if anyone else is around. Mackenzie just smirks, twirling a strand of my hair around her finger before pulling it gently. “Food sounds good. I hope we’re not going anywhere too nice I dressed comfortable not stylish.”

I grin as we slip into the changing room, immediately being greeted by the boisterous laughter of the girls who are still getting showered and dressed. “What you were wearing today looked great.”

“Oh so you had time to check me out whilst you were ignoring me?” Mackenzie raises her eyebrow my way, embarrassment coursing through my veins at the realisation I admitted to checking her out. I shove her jokingly as I enter the changing room and make a beeline for my locker, wanting to get showered and changed as quickly as possible in order to maximize my time with Mackenzie.

April is laughing at something Emma has said to her, their conversation dying when I go over. I know that Emma still feels slightly uncomfortable around me after I told her off about her comments towards Mackenzie, and since then she’s avoided me or tried to engage in as little conversation as she can get away with.

“Hey, what’re you doing after you’ve showered?” April asks as she pulls one of her socks up her leg. Her red hair looks muddy because it’s wet, all of it brushed over one of her shoulders. Emma sits on the bench across from her quietly, her eyes watching me as they both wait for my response. “A few of us on the team want to go to Benny’s to grab some food, I wondered if you were coming?”

“I can’t.” I say sheepishly, pulling my wash bag and my towel from my locker and stripping quickly down to my underwear. April looks a bit disheartened, whilst Emma looks relieved, and I can’t help but frown slightly. I really hope she doesn’t hate me because that’s not what I wanted the aftermath of our conversation to come to. “I already made plans.”

April looks like she wants to say more, but the quick look I send her has her refraining from asking further. If the smirk that flickers across her face has anything to go by, she has an idea of why I don’t want to tell her more.

“Your loss.” She shrugs nonchalantly, slipping her foot into her trainer and tying her laces. “Emma, do you want to ask Savannah and Marie if they want to get a lift off me? I’ll take you and give you a lift home afterwards if you want.”

Emma looks grateful for the chance to get away from me, so she walks away to ask her friends allowing April the chance to whirl on me and interrogate me. “So, where are you and Mackenzie going?”

I raise an eyebrow her way as I grab my spare underwear as boredly as I can, trying to mask the fact my heart feels like it is beating out of my chest. “What makes you so sure I have plans with Mackenzie?”

April sends me a dry look as she jumps up from her seated position on the locker room bench, her green eyes sparkling with mischief as she shoulders her sports bag. “Oh come on Alex. If it had been anyone else you would’ve just told me. The fact you didn’t use any names is a dead giveaway, especially with Emma sat five yards away.”

I grin sheepishly and scratch my head out of awkwardness, my cheeks no doubt flaming once again. “You got me. Look, I’m gonna take a shower because I’ve got to go, so I’ll talk to you later, kay?”

April nods before pointing a finger my way. “Yeah, and you better tell me and Faye everything.“

“Yes, yes.” I wave her off as I head towards the shower room. “Enjoy your food.”

“You enjoy yours.”

I make eye contact with Mackenzie as she slams her locker shut, a quick wink sent my way before she turns and continues talking with Freya has my heart racing and a smile blossoming on my face, my brain knowing full well I’m going to enjoy my plans.