Chapter 4

“She’ll be fine but he’s about as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike.”

“Even though he owns a BMW.”

“It belongs to his faither,” Brian grimaced, “he hasnae worked a day in his life, fleas wouldnae live on him.”

Joanne appeared some five minutes later looking tense as she made her way back to the circle, she paused at the fence and reached out to touch her horse.

“Is everything all right?” Ulrika asked her.

“Aye,” she replied, “he just proposed to me.”

“Oh,” Ulrika stared at her, “congratulations then.”

“I haven’t said yes yet,” she bent down and slid between the railings again, “just don’t tell Amelia, please, I just know what she’ll say.”

The rest of the session went all right although Joanne was understandably distracted but Ulrika kept quiet about it and it was only afterwards when she was brushing down her horse that Joanne finally opened up.

“I’m fucked off about it to be honest.”

“In what way?” Ulrika looked up as she put the saddle on a rack.

“It’s just the way he said it,” she replied, “he even bought the ring and got down on one knee, like who does that any more?”

“A few people still do it although I’ve always wondered why guys buy a ring before asking.”

“That’s what I think too,” she frowned, “it’s like giving someone a gift and expecting they’ll be happy with it, which is fine if it’s something you wanted but what if it’s a pile of horse dung?” Joanne nodded at a large wooden wagon that served as the manure bin.

“Well if you’re comparing a marriage proposal to a pile of horseshit then maybe it’s not such a good idea after all.”

“What about you?” Joanne replied, “haven’t you been tempted?”

“To marry a woman? I’ve been tempted once or twice but I had a career, I’ve still got a career and I plan to go through IVF but settling down with someone isn’t high on my list. I’m not against the idea, it’s just that I’m not actively looking.”

“You and me both,” she grunted, “I’m halfway through an arts course and he wants to just get married.”

“So, why say yes in the first place?”

“He’s put me in a difficult position though.”

“Why?” Ulrika asked her.

“It’s not as if you have to say yes. Buying a ring before you ask someone is just rudeness, you’re putting pressure on the other person. They feel bad about saying no just because you bought them a ring.”

“How would you go about it?”

“Aye,” their eyes met.

“Um, if I was with someone, we’d discuss it, we’d make a decision and then go out and choose the rings ourselves. That way it’s a mutual thing, I know she’s getting a ring she loves and she knows that I’m getting a ring I love,” she stared at Joanne as the other woman straightened up.

“Nothing,” she wiped her eyes with her sleeve, “I’ve just never heard of anyone doing that.”

“I’m an unusual woman,” she shrugged.

“So, what would you do in my situation?”

“That all depends on how you feel about him,” Ulrika spoke slowly.

Joanne didn’t reply for a minute or so.

“I do like him but it’s like every time I’m with Jason I feel like he’s just a stopgap until I find the real thing.”

“I’m not sure,” she replied, “I’ve had offers from guys in the past but I never accept them.”

“Because I don’t want to start the whole process all over again, the faking. I fake orgasms too, although the first weeks they weren’t fake but I soon learned how to fake them.”

“So, why are you still with Jason?” Ulrika asked her.

“That’s the question of the day,” she rolled her eyes.

“I mean if you’re unhappy then there’s nothing wrong with just staying single, it was different in my grandmother’s time, women were expected to find a man and get married as soon as possible but these days? It’s switched around completely, now you’re looked down on if you get married too young.”

“That’s the part that bothers me,” she replied, “he never wanted to get married before, his mum is old fashioned, she wants her oldest son to get married and carry on the family name but he’s never been into it until now.”

“So, what do you think has changed?”

Joanne dropped the brush into the bucket and picked up the blanket.

“Promise not to freak out?”

“I can’t be sure but I think it has something to do with something his mother said when I was over there a couple of weeks ago. I mentioned that you were our new trainer and she said something like the gay one. Jason didn’t realise you were gay and maybe I was just a bit too, how do you say it? I was just brushing it off like it’s nothing but he wanted to know if you’d been looking at me. I really thought he’d accepted that there was nothing between us but now I’m not so sure.”

“Oh, okay,” Ulrika frowned, “it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve heard that.”

Joanne didn’t reply for a few seconds and then she sighed.

“Fuck it, I have to go.”

“I’m sorry,” Ulrika stepped back, “I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“You weren’t rude,” Joanne replied, “but there’s something I have to do,” and with that she slid between the railings and left the stables.

Ulrika turned the music down when the doorbell rang and getting to her feet, walked to the front door. She’d just come home from work but Joanne hadn’t been at the training session and when she’d mentioned that to Amelia the older woman simply shrugged.

“She’ll turn up soon enough, she’s dealing with something.”

Which suggested that Amelia knew more about Joanne’s situation than she let on, and so Ulrika just kept on with her regime and thankfully everything went according to plan. Her team executed all their manoeuvres with relative ease, requiring only minor adjustments but Joanne still hadn’t turned up by the time she left and after brushing down and feeding her own horse, she went back home. It wasn’t until after dinner that she thought of Joanne again, although the thoughts were fleeting and a little fractured.

Ulrika opened the door and her eyes shifted as Joanne took a step back. She was wearing a pale pink blouse over light blue jeans.

“Joanne,” she also took a step back, “what are you doing here?”

“I just thought I’d drop in. Auntie Amelia told me where you live,” she looked past her, “is that all right?”

“Of course,” she stepped to one side, “come in.”

She caught the aroma of perfume and shampoo as Joanne stepped inside. Ulrika followed her into the lounge room and Joanne glanced first at the small two-seater couch and then a sofa chair, she chose the latter and perched on the edge.

“What is wrong?” Ulrika sat down.

Joanne’s eyes shifted to the window and the view of the flats across the road.

“It’s a view,” Ulrika replied, “sometimes it is nice but you did not come here to admire the view.”

“No,” she put her hands between her legs, “I have something on my mind.”

“I am all ears,” Ulrika answered, “although if I translate that directly to Swedish it sounds stupid.”

“I won’t ask you to do that then,” she replied with a smile.

Ulrika regarded her for a moment, sorting through the possibilities.

“How do you know if you’re gay?”

Ulrika’s eyes widened suddenly as she stared at Joanne.

“I’ve always been attracted to women although I did try it once with a guy. I just didn’t feel that it was enjoyable and neither did he.”

“We were both gay but Gary was still denying the obvious and I was experimenting to try and prove that I was straight but the next day I decided to just bite the bullet,” she glanced at the floor.

“It worked out for the best in the end, I started going out with a woman and when I bumped into Gary he’d just admitted it to himself, so we had a laugh about it and we’re still friends today.”

“So there was no big drama?”

“No,” their eyes met, “there was no drama and no tears.”

“Okay,” Joanne sank back into her seat and stared at the ceiling.

“That’s different for me and Jason,” she went on, “we have sex two or three times a week, if he’s lucky but lately I’ve felt like it’s just the same. I’ve got uni, this team and my family and friends, and Jason is taking up too much time.”

“Well that’s quite normal,” Ulrika replied, “it doesn’t make you gay though.”

“No,” she frowned, “it doesn’t but I have to admit it opens up new possibilities.”

“Well that’s true,” Ulrika smiled slyly, “but let’s just focus on the team.”

“Quite right,” she inclined her head, “I’m sorry I couldn’t turn up today, I mean I could have been there, it only took fifteen minutes out of my day but I wanted to take some time out.”

“You didn’t miss much,” she replied, “and you know the routines well enough.”

“True,” she leaned on the arm of the chair, “so, you didn’t miss me?”

For a few seconds Ulrika didn’t reply and then Joanne chuckled, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” she leaned forward and stretched her arms out.

“I did miss you, of course I missed you.”

“It’s nice to know,” Joanne replied a few moments later.

“I’ll be there on Monday afternoon,” she put her hands on the arms of the chair, “but I have to leave you in peace.”

“Good,” Ulrika shifted in her seat, “I can go to work tomorrow if you need some one on one.”

Was she flirting? Ulrika sank back into the couch some ten minutes later. It could be flirting but if she was then it was clumsy at best and besides, she had to focus on other matters.

It was a question with no answer it seemed over the course of the next couple of weeks as Ulrika got her team ready for their début. Joanne didn’t seem to be distracted by the fact she’d broken up with Jason, indeed she showed great improvements.

It was the same with Nina. In fact the girl had shown so much improvement that Ulrika mentally marked her as a potential replacement or addition. She took to her lessons with a passion, leading Amelia to comment that perhaps Minecraft hadn’t been as much an addiction as she’d feared.

“I’d put her into the team but we’re too close to our début,” she replied, “maybe afterwards.”

“Maybe,” Amelia mused.

Tibbermore is located some four miles west of Perth and Ulrika managed a smile when Amelia said that if you blinked when you drove through it you’d miss it. Today however this tiny hamlet was hosting its annual farm fair and exhibition, attracting not just people from Perth. There were people from as far away as Edinburgh and Aberdeen. The reasoning behind it was a sale of prize bulls even though no animals would be going home with new owners today. The successful buyers would host the animal they’d ‘bought’ for a few weeks so as the bull could do his duty. It was something that Joanne found hilarious when her aunt told her.

“So they’re spaffing their money up a wall.”

“Not as far as they’re concerned,” Amelia smirked, “but breeding can be a messy business, it’s not for the faint hearted.”

The rest of the day was spent preparing their horses and their uniforms. The subject of uniforms had been an animated discussion over the last few weeks but in the end Amelia had made the final decision when she purchased part of the uniform they’d all be wearing. The only one not wearing a uniform was Ulrika, but she had donned her riding breeches in a show of solidarity along with a white shirt. The uniforms also consisted of a white shirt and tan trousers along with a black blazer, tartan cap, and tie for a more distinctive Scottish look.

“It still feels weird,” Joanne murmured as she studied her reflection in the car window, “I feel like an American.”

“It marks you as a Scottish competitor,” Ulrika replied, “it’s important to recognise your heritage even if you feel awkward. In my country we suppressed the Sami people for hundreds of years, even their language and clothing was mocked. We have a responsibility to confront our past and admit to our faults and it is getting better but we could still do more.”

“Sami?” Joanne frowned, “I’ve never heard of them.”

“Lapland,” she replied, “but it’s an offensive word for them, we call them Sami, they have their own language and culture.”

“No,” she replied, “just a few words but their culture is ancient, much older than ours. They also practice the oldest religion in the world, shamanism.”

“Every day’s a school day,” she adjusted her tie, “I’ve come to a decision.”

“My sexuality,” she replied, “I like women more than men.”

“Have you found someone you like?”

“A couple,” she frowned, “but they’ve got boyfriends so I suppose I have to find someone who hasn’t got a boyfriend or girlfriend,” she winked at Ulrika.

“Ooh, that raised your temperature,” she slapped her buttocks playfully, “later, babe.”

Ulrika winced at that.

There had been several movements that Ulrika and Amelia had discussed over the last few weeks and whilst Amelia had approved of the snake manoeuvre Ulrika had trained the riders for, she also wanted some more traditional movements. Ultimately they had agreed on two, a collected trot known as Passage and the Half Pass, which involved the horse moving forwards and sideways at the same time. These two movements bookended Ulrika’s snake movement and judging by the response from the crowd they had been good choices. Amelia was mingling with the crowd and Ulrika lost sight of her a few times because she was on the other side of the fence directing the riders.

“We certainly attracted the right kind of attention,” Amelia commented afterwards as she led Nina to a table where Ulrika was tucking into a hot dog and a can of Irn Bru.

“Did we have any bites?”

“A couple of nibbles,” she eyed the hot dog with some distaste, “how do you manage to eat that?”

“It reminds me of home, we Swedes love our hot dogs.”

“How do you say it in Swedish?”

“Varmkorv,” she replied.

Amelia repeated the word slowly and Ulrika smiled and raised her can of Irn Bru.

“Perfect and I have the Scottish hangover cure, even though I don’t drink much.”

“My daughter loves her Irn Bru, I’ve never really taken to it, it’s an acquired taste though.”

“One I have acquired for sure.”