Chapter 2

“Would have never guessed,” she said.

Superior Signs, LLC. Printed up the stenciling adhesives for the door, along with the store hours. They also constructed a lighted sign; the pole that used to hold the Texaco sign still stood. They also printed up ten aprons with ‘Yum Yum Ice Cream’ on the front.

The clerk at the Acadiana Motel shrugged, never looking up from her soap opera when Paula returned her room key. Paula had put a small twin sized bed into the work bay, bought a small television and dvd player, as well as several dvds from the ‘Five Dollars’ bin.

“Very nice,” Heidi agreed, looking around at the new refrigerator, the new counter, the heavy duty cook top and the five tables in the shop portion of Yum Yum Ice Cream. “Now we need a Grand Opening party.”

Kathy Kroff, columnist for Parasols Magazine, writer of the Parasols Magazine column ‘Cooking For Two. Or Three’ was amused when the cute Asian girl had approached her to be one of the judges of an ice cream contest. Bobby Elswell, her boss thought it would be a great idea.

He also thought it would be a great idea for Paula to come in for a few test shots. Paula agreed, if he could persuade Kathy to do the ice cream contest.

Anita Lopez still operated the food trucks of Pizzaco, even though she owned Superior Signs, LLC, Superior Lawn Care, LLC, Superior Properties, LLC and St. Elizabeth’s Distillery, maker of St. Elizabeth’s Whiskey, Rum, Gin, Vodka, and beers. She agreed to be one of the judges at Yum Yum Ice Cream’s ice cream contest.

David Torres, owner of Casa Ole Mexican restaurant, Cowboy’s BBQ, and other restaurants in the greater DeGarde area agreed to be the third judge of the ice cream contest. When his wife heard that he would be the only male judge, she insisted on coming along.

“Like I’d even dream of going anywhere without you?” he laughed, rubbing her swollen belly.

“Don’t rub that,” Cindy whispered, big blue eyes wide. “You know what that does to me.”

“Oh? Afraid you might get preggers?” he smiled.

“Well, aren’t you?” she asked, feigning complete innocence

Since Kathy Kroff still worked as an assistant on the Performance 12 cooking show, ‘The Cast Iron Stomach,’ Performance 12 News crew heard about the ice cream contest. Chelsea Duhon, formerly Chelsea Guidry decided she’d cover the contest as well and began talking about the upcoming contest on the air.

KULD radio station, the independent radio station at the campus of the University of Louisiana at DeGarde also heard of the contest and interviewed Paula Don about the contest, about the idea behind Yum Yum Ice Cream.

“So, ice cream cones, sundaes, malts, that kind of stuff?” Danielle ‘Spot’ Daigrepont asked.

“Yes, plus hamburgers, cheeseburgers, hot dogs, chili dogs,” Paula agreed, maintaining eye contact with the pretty red head.

“But getting back to this contest,” Spot asked.

“Teams will be competing to see who can make the best ice cream,” Paula again explained, by now wishing she’d never thought of the context.

“How many on a team?” Spot asked.

“Each team will have two or three,” Paula said. “Since each team will be given a one half gallon ice cream maker that must be hand cranked, each team would want at least two people there.”

“And why the bikinis?” Spot asked, tone of voice turning hard. “I mean, as a woman, don’t you find that a little sexist?”

“Have you ever cranked ice cream?” Paula asked. “It’s hard work. It’s sweaty work. Plus that…”

She smiled even as Spot freckled face showed her displeasure.

“…no one said it had to be women,” Paula stated. “If any boys are willing to put on a bikini? They’re welcome to compete.”

She did not fall prey to Spot’s attempts to make the contest about objectifying women, making them nothing but sexual objects for others’ prurient interests.

“Spot, if they don’t want to compete, they don’t have to,” Paula said simply. “No one is forcing anyone to put on a bikini and make ice cream.”

“But a grand prize of five hundred dollars will make a lot of impressionable young women come out,” Spot spat.

“I sure hope so,” Paula smiled. “After all, I bought fifteen ice cream makers for this.”

Spot Daigrepont continued her anti-Yum Yum tirade each time she was on the air. By the deadline for teams to sign up, Paula had to drive to Baton Rouge to locate nine more half gallon ice cream makers.

Each team had to put up fifty dollars, each team had to provide their own ingredients. Each team was given forty five minutes from the time Paula shouted ‘Go!’ to hand crank their ice cream. First place was guaranteed five hundred dollars, second place would win two hundred and fifty dollars, and third place would receive one hundred dollars.

“Didn’t tell me they’d be in bikinis,” Cindy accused her husband.

“I uh, I didn’t know,” David said honestly.

“Well, I’m glad I came,” Cindy said, kissing his cheek. “Keep them away from my man.”

“This,” David said, showing her his large wedding band. “This keeps them all away from your man.”

Next to them, Toni was playfully arguing with her wife about all the young women running around in bikinis.

“Uh, car wash?” Anita asked Toni Delacroix, reminding her of their first weekend together.

“Oh, like whatever, that was what? Like twenty years ago?” Toni smiled.

“Two thousand thirteen, Toni, two thousand thirteen,” Anita smiled.

“Yeah, well, just remember who you’re like married to,” Toni said, holding up her left hand.

“Like you too,” Anita said was Toni’s attention was temporarily distracted by an attractive red headed girl that was squatting down, freckled buttocks straining her bikini bottom.

Kathy Kroff and Chelsea Duhon were walking around, camera following behind them. Bobby and Valerie Elswell were also walking around, talking to a few of the girls. Brother and sister were both wearing pullover shirts with the Parasols Magazine logo over the left breast. Bobby wore khaki trousers, but Valerie was wearing khaki shorts that were far too short, exposing a great deal of her luscious buttocks. Her feet were jammed into red pumps with four inch heels.

“Surprised you’re not wearing your miniskirt,” Bobby commented as he took a few test shots of a large chested strawberry blonde.

“Time of the month,” Valerie admitted.

Spot Daigrepont was broadcasting live from the parking lot of Yum Yum Ice Cream. Her indignation was actually quite funny to a lot of KULD listeners and many showed up for the contest because of her tirades.

“Here, Sweetheart,” an attractive older woman said, handing Spot a one dollar bill. “Put on a bikini and shut up.”

The woman’s statement was caught by Spot’s microphone. For weeks after the ice cream contest, callers to the Spot Daigrepont broadcast would usually end their calls with ‘put on a bikini and shut up.’

Paula came under the large tarpaulin that had been set up. The large box fans she’d rented were blowing hard but it was still quite humid underneath the heavy canvas. Chelsea Duhon shoved a microphone in Paula’s face and got a quick interview. Paula made sure to identify each judge, and thank each judge personally. She also identified her business partner, Heidi Moek, who was there with her three daughters.

Then Paula made sure each team had all of their ingredients. In a loud, clear voice, she went over the rules one more time. Then, with a flourish, she screamed ‘Go!’ and the contest was underway.

Performance 12 News would edit the tape for broadcast that evening. Many viewers did call in, requesting an unedited copy; there were many scenes that had to be pixelated as wildly cranking girls exposed nipples, many bikini bottoms had severe camel toes visible. One young lady had her top pop and her teammate had to grab the crank while her friend fixed her wardrobe malfunction.

“Oh yeah, I’m glad I came,” Cindy playfully glared at her husband.

“Me too, Mommy, me too,” David said, rubbing her pregnant belly.

“Oh, don’t do that!” Cindy protested. “You know what that does to me.”

“Ten points for taste, ten for texture, ten for originality, total possible points is thirty,” Paula again explained to the judges as the time drew to a close.

“Ten, nine, eight…” Paula and the crowd yelled as the final seconds ticked away.

“Do we judge them on their bikinis?” Anita asked.

“Then like, why’d you like have them wear them?” Toni asked.

“Because I like bikinis,” Paula answered truthfully.

She mopped at her sweaty forehead.

“And it’s summer time,” she continued. “What’s more summer time than bikinis?”

Team One scooped their creation into three small cups and brought them to the judges’ table.

“It’s like a mango,” the team’s captain announced.

“It’s LIKE a mango, or it IS a mango?” David asked.

That earned him a glare of annoyance from the team captain. And a mild glare from Toni.

“It is a mango,” the girl answered.

Team after team brought up the small samples. Team eighteen explained that their ice cream was a salt water taffy flavor. No one missed the looks of distaste on the three judges’ faces as they tasted the ice cream.

Team twenty three had a vegan take on cherries jubilee. Kathy Kroff gave an undisguised sneer of contempt at the two emaciated looking girls.

“See, the human soul is being rotted away by…” the team captain began her spiel about vegan diet.

“Honey, we’re being paid fifty bucks for this,” Kathy cut the girl off. “Hardly enough for me to give a shit about why you’re a vegan.”

“And since I make my living off of slaughtered animals,” David chimed in.

“Well, all of y’all are just evil,” the girl shrilled. “And I shudder to think what your insides look like.”

“Not atrophied like yours, I’ll bet,” David muttered and tasted the weak flavored ice cream.

“And now, we’ll give the judges time to tally up their scores,” Paula announced.

She had a big smile on her face. But inside, Paula’s heart was breaking. She’d seen Laci in the crowd of spectators. Standing next to Laci was a young man with a military style haircut.

“Ms. Moek?” Paula asked as the attractive red head was enjoying a chocolate cone. “Would you announce third place, second place and first place, please?”

Her three daughters were enjoying their own ice cream cones. All three red heads beamed up at their mother, their pride evident.

“In third place, with their strawberry cheesecake ice cream, team nine,” Heidi called out.

Team nine was a little put out that they’d not won first place. But David Torres did offer the three girls a hundred dollars apiece for their recipe.

Team sixteen won for their mixed berries ice cream. The two girls wearily hugged each other.

“And in first place, with their pineapple jalapeno ice cream, with a perfect score of thirty points,” Heidi called out excitedly. “Team six!”

The two Latin girls screamed and hugged each other. Then they both hugged Heidi. They also hugged Paula, Kathy, Anita, Toni, David, and Cindy.

Paula handed out tee shirts that had ‘Yum Yum Ice Cream’ printed on them to each girl that had competed. She also handed tee shirts to Kathy, Anita, Toni, and David and Cindy. Heidi and Heidi’s three daughters, Honey, Hannah, and Heloise also received Yum Yum tee shirts. But on the three girls, the tee shirts were more like dresses. Spot Daigrepont refused to accept the offered tee shirt.

Then the three employees Paula had hired began spooning out cones of ice cream for the spectators at a dollar apiece. The twenty four half gallon containers went quickly. Those that had been lucky enough to get the pineapple jalapeno from team six did nod in agreement with the judges’ decision.

“When I saw you adding the eggs?” Kathy said to the two Latin girls. “I was thinking, ooh, this is not going to taste good.”

“It was almost like a custard,” Anita agreed. “It was one of the few ones that I said, ‘damn, wish there was more of this!'”

“Is the sour cream,” one girl admitted. “Cut the sweet.”

“And, Yum Yum Ice Cream will officially open its doors tomorrow, eleven thirty,” Paula continually shouted out as she walked through the crowd.

Finally, the crowd dispersed. The rental company took the tarp down, took the large box fans away, took the chairs away. Paula and her three employees washed out the twenty four ice cream makers. Then Paula locked up the store, opened her converted apartment, lay on her small bed and fell into an exhausted sleep.

“You believe that Heidi said I should do another one for fourth of July?” she groaned before sleep overtook her.

While Paula lay in slumber, Laci lay underneath Carl Boudreaux. He was the son of one of Daddy’s employees, a Lance Corporal in the United States Marine Corps.

Right now, Carl was home for a little R and R, whatever that meant. He was stationed overseas, said he couldn’t tell her where. Of course, that just piqued her interest and she pestered him to tell her.

His grabs of her breasts had been strong, demanding, manly. He had said he wasn’t about to eat her pussy; only faggots did that kind of stuff.

Laci hoped she’d remembered to take her pill that morning. Carl grunted and thrust into her at a rapid pace.

“God damn, know how move?” he wheezed.

“God damn, give me something move for?” Laci retorted.

Monday through Thursday, Yum Yum was open from eleven thirty until ten thirty, keeping time with the movie theater’s movie showings. Friday and Saturdays, they did not close until twelve midnight, closing after the Midnight Movies had begun rolling. Sundays Paula ran the shop from one pm until six pm, also in accordance with the theater’s operating hours.

And business was steady. She usually caught a little breathing room at around two thirty, and again at four thirty. But from five o’clock until the door was locked, she and whichever two employees were on that evening did not stop.

She kept the menu simple, kept the servings consistent. Each burger came with a handful of shredded lettuce, a tomato slice, an onion slice, and three dill pickle slices. Didn’t want the tomato? Pick it off. The cheese for her cheeseburgers was thick cut American cheese. Wanted anything else? Bring it from home.

Each table had a squeeze bottle of ketchup, a bottle of mayonnaise, and a bottle of yellow mustard. There was also a bottle of Crystal Hot Sauce on the table. The counter had the same setup.

She had toyed with the idea to serve French fries, but decided to serve potato chips instead. One flavor. Regular potato chips.

By all accounts, Paula Don was a screaming success. She had repaid any outlay of First Union Bank by the time Labor Day rolled around. Because of schools starting up again after the summer break, she had to cut her staff back, but two of her five employees had quit to return to class anyway.