Chapter 2

“Here you go, dad,” I handed them over, “this is my father, Kevin and this is Anna.”

Dad leaned in to get a better look and his eyes shifted, and for good reason. She was dressed in a white blouse under a light blue cardigan, she was wearing jeans that day tucked into Ugg boots. Her long blonde hair hung in cascading waves about her, framing blue eyes and a finely sculptured face. Her bow shaped lips parted in a smile to reveal perfect white teeth. Hell, I was secretly checking her out as well, in that way we were both of one accord.

“Pleased to meet you, young lady, so, when did you find out?”

“Dad, she’s not,” I blushed and nudged the gear stick into first.

“Sorry, my mistake,” he straightened up, “nice meeting you, Anna.”

“Find out what?” Anna asked me as we drove away.

“Um, he thought you were my date. I said I was picking up a woman I met last night but I didn’t tell him much more than that. Dad isn’t big on small talk.”

“So, you’re gay?” Anna stared at me.

“Yeah, sorry, I should have said something last night.”

“I don’t know, it just didn’t occur to me. I was trying to get you home and now I’m going to try and get your car started. Sexual preferences just didn’t come up in the conversation until my dad said what he did back there.”

“Oh,” her head hit the headrest, “thanks for telling me.”

We drove out of Marysville and were just passing the last house when she looked at me and then turned the music down.

“So, what’s it like being gay?”

“Huh?” I stared at her, “um, why do you want to know?”

“I’m a counsellor in training,” she replied, “I’m in my last year at bible college and this job at the retreat is my placement. You’re the first lesbian I’ve ever met, actually you’re the only gay person I’ve met, period. So if I’m going to be a good counsellor I want to know more about what it’s like to be gay, I’m sorry if I sound nosey but sooner or later I’m going to be counselling someone who thinks they’re gay. How can I tell them I understand when I don’t?”

I hesitated before replying.

“Okay, in the interests of research I’ll be your guinea pig. My lesbian friends will probably think I’m betraying the cause but just don’t mention my name if you’re counselling a lesbian.”

“Deal,” she nodded, “so, tell me more. When did you first decide to turn gay?”

“I didn’t, I was always attracted to girls, even in school. I did try to think of guys in a sexual way but it never felt right. It was like I was forcing myself to do something unnatural… I guess like you trying to turn onto women, you might sleep with a woman but if you’re not that way inclined you might feel like you were seduced or succumbing to peer group pressure.”

“So it’s not like you came to a decision to be with women?”

“I guess I chose to be with a girl in high school if that’s what you mean?”

“No it’s like when I gave my heart to Jesus, I had no intention of giving my heart to Jesus but one night I was in a really dark place and I just felt him, everywhere. I felt love all around me, I got down on my knees and gave my heart and my soul to Jesus.”

Now before I went into the army I might have laughed out loud, what the hell even in the army for the first couple of years I might still have snorted at it but army life had exposed me to a broad cross section of human society. We had Christians in the army, although they weren’t bible bashers, but neither was I a militant lesbian either. Thus, when I heard her explanation of how she became a Christian I merely nodded.

“Well it sounds like God means something to you, I mean I can’t say I’d do the same thing but it’s different strokes for different folks. Do you ever doubt God?”

“Sometimes but that’s normal,” she replied.

The conversation continued all the way to the car and somewhat sporadically as I changed the coil and the lead. What struck me was that Anna was genuinely curious about my lesbianism, it wasn’t as if she was merely humouring me and it was because of that sincerity that I asked her more about her faith. By the time I got the car started she had broached the possibility of having coffee with me once a week.

“It’s not like I’m trying to convert you, it’s just that I’m curious about homosexuality in general, as I said before I will probably have to counsel people who question their sexuality and I can’t offer them good advice if I’ve never tried to understand a gay person.”

“Okay, so where and when?”

“Well as much as I’d love to invite you to the retreat I think it’s better we meet at your place. I mean if you really want to come to the retreat that’s fine but if the others find out about you they might you know, gang up on you and try to argue with you. I’m not looking for an argument, I just want to understand your way of life.”

I leaned against the front of her car and contemplated the woods before I gave my answer.

“Okay, my joint, next Saturday.”

“Three o’clock all right?”

“Three is fine,” I regarded her, “you must be the first Christian I’ve really spoken to like this.”

“Well all right then,” she grinned, “so we’re both virgins.”

She held out her hand and I took it.

“Thank you for fixing my car, I really appreciate it.”

I followed her all the way back to Marysville and I continued on alone to my place. Dad was actually apologetic when I stepped up onto the front verandah and when he found out she was a Christian and that I’d just been helping her get back on the road he mumbled something about ‘maybe you should invite her around for a cup of tea.’

“She’s coming around here next Saturday for coffee,” I shrugged.

I actually had doubts it would all come off that next week and because of that the only person to know was dad but at three o’clock on the dot her car pulled up outside and she got out of the car. I was in the living room when dad casually announced.

“Your straight girlfriend is coming up the driveway, do you want to be alone?”

“Um,” I joined him at the window, “just the back room, dad, she’s here to talk about homosexuality, she’s training to be a counsellor.”

“Oh right,” dad raised his eyebrows.

“Stop that, dad,” I nudged him, “I’m trying to help her.”

“Well, I’m off to the pub, you kids have fun.”

I opened the door before she had time to knock and took a brief moment to take in her outfit. She was wearing a pink blouse under a long woollen cardigan held together with a woollen tie, blue jeans and boots. One hand was clasped around the handle of a handbag and the other was holding a six pack of Victoria Bitter.

“These are for you, a thank you gift for last Saturday.”

“Oh, thanks,” I took them from her as she stepped inside, “and you didn’t get into trouble for buying beer?”

“I’m nineteen,” she replied, “it’s legal.”

I led her into the kitchen and while I put the beers in the fridge she checked out the room, I turned to find her looking at a needlepoint bible verse in a frame.

“It was mum’s, she made it years ago,” I pushed the plug into the kettle, “dad pretty much kept the place the way it was before she died.”

“I’m sorry,” Anna stepped back from the frame, “how did she die?”

“In a car accident out on the Black Spur a couple of years ago.”

Anna frowned as she leaned against the bench and thinking she was a little nervous I opened my mouth to reply but then she spoke again.

“She must have been a very spiritual person, that verse is from Ecclesiastes chapter three, verse one, to everything there is a season under the heaven. It goes on for another few verses describing every single situation and circumstance that we might encounter. Basically it’s telling us that everything passes, the good and the bad, there is a time for everything. The Bryds turned it into a song back in the sixties.”

“Would you write it out for me?”

“I can do better than that,” she replied, “we’ve got a small bookshop at the retreat, they also sell cards with bible verses and inspirational sayings, I’ll bring one next time,” she glanced at the frame again.

“Was she a Christian?”

“Yeah, she went to church every Sunday and dragged me along until I got to my rebellious teenager stage and then she let me go my own way. Mum never forced it on me, she always said she was praying for me and I just kind of ignored it until she went away.”

“We never know what we’ve got until it’s gone.”

Because dad was heading to the pub we decided to sit in the living room where it was warmer instead of the back room. Anna’s eyes were momentarily drawn to the pictures on the wall, two pictures stood out from the other family pictures. One was mum and dad’s wedding photo and the other was a studio portrait of mum. She’d won a phone in contest on the radio a few years before her death and the prize was a studio sitting. It’s one of my favourite photos of mum because she went all out and got her hair done and bought a new dress for it.

Dad came in about then to tell us he was going and once again I got the sense he was checking out this much younger woman, but dad is impossibly polite to the point of being a pain the arse. He actually apologised for what he’d said the previous weekend and Anna merely inclined her head and offered up her best smile.

“It’s quite all right, I would have thought the same thing.”

“Righto then, well I’m off,” dad nodded at me, “you kids have a good time.”

I was a little embarrassed as I sat down on the couch. Anna rose to move the sofa chair around and then she squinted at the couch.

“Is that one of those sofabeds?”

“Yeah,” I looked down at it, “dad bought it just before mum’s accident because she liked the idea of lying in bed in front of the fire, listen I’m sorry about dad, he really was embarrassed by what he said.”

“It’s fine, really,” she took a tape recorder out, “I take it he is accepting of your sexuality?”

“Yeah, he just thought I’d grow out of it up until I went into the army but I was still as camp as a row of tents he just shrugged and said maybe it was the way I was born. Mum was harder to bring around, she also thought I’d grow out of it but still accepted that I was her daughter.”

“All right,” she sat down and adjusted the microphone, “shall we begin?”

She pressed play and record and glanced at her notes.

The session began with a series of questions that seemed almost too random. What was my earliest memory? Who were my favourite bands? My favourite colour? Who was the first girl I kissed? Had I ever been with a guy? I answered truthfully and I was probably too forthcoming because after forty five minutes I’d given her a pretty decent account of my early years and teenage years. Normally I was a little more reticent about my past but having a beautiful young woman sitting opposite me asking questions had overwhelmed my defences and when she asked me to describe my ideal woman I shifted in my seat.

“One who’s honest, looks are important but not as much as honesty. I want someone who respects what I am and doesn’t try to change me.”

“I’m the same way,” she nodded, “I think we’ll end this session now,” she hit the stop button.

“Huh?” Anna glanced up, “it wasn’t about performance, it was about you.”

“So, off the record and seeing as how you’ve heard about my first sexual experience, what about yours?”

“I’m still a virgin,” she replied and then she smiled as my eyes shifted, “tell me something, off the record, is that a lesbian fantasy?”

“To be with a woman who’s an actual virgin?” I sighed, “yeah, that’s the ultimate fantasy,” I closed my eyes for a split second and when I opened them she was stroking her throat thoughtfully.

“So I would be the ultimate lesbian fantasy?”

“You could say that,” I leaned forward and clasped my hands.

“That’s okay,” she winced and I blushed.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“What?” Anna’s eyes widened and then she smiled, “um, no it’s not that. I need to use the loo.”

“Follow me,” I stood up and led her out to the hallway and down to the toilet, “bathroom is next door when you’re done.”

We were right outside my bedroom door. I had a life size poster of Suzi Quatro on the door.

“Your room?” Anna smiled.

“Well it’s certainly not dad’s,” I opened it, “although he certainly doesn’t mind walking past it on the way to the dunny.”

“Thanks,” she opened the door and stepped inside. I stood outside for a few seconds and then went into my bedroom and sat on my bed. It occurred to me that this might look weird to her when she came out but then again she was in a strange house and I was the only person she knew.

By the time she was finished I was lying on my side on the bed with an ashtray and a cigarette, she stopped on the threshold and looked inside with a bemused smile on her face.

“So, this is a lesbian’s bedroom?”

“Yeah,” I looked around, “although there’s a total absence of whips and chains, I’m just not into bondage as a rule.”

“Good to know,” she entered the room. She fixed her eyes on my poster of Farrah Fawcett Majors alongside a poster of the original Charlie’s Angels.

“I used to have her poster on my wall, until my little sister drew a moustache on her.”

I burst out laughing at that.

“An unforgivable sin if ever there was one.”

“Love the stereo system,” she drew nearer to a silver Hi-Fi system with a double tape deck, amplifier and turntable. Two large speakers sat on either side and next to the stereo there was a wardrobe with no doors that had a black sheet over the front. A fake skull sat on top of it and she glanced over her shoulder as I sat up and swivelled around.