Chapter 2

And in hindsight that was where it all went wrong or right, depending on your perspective. I held onto that online friendship merely to show Rhonda that I was not beholden to her every need. A mutual friend recently said it was the Fates who worked to bring us together that night and while I’m not superstitious, I can well imagine a group of nosey old women up there in the heavens weaving and spinning the webs of life.

Suffice it to say, I soon found myself checking my Facebook page and Robyn’s feed. Over the next three months I found myself liking not just her posts but Robyn Darling as well. She introduced me to the wild world of Twitter, Snapchat and Pinterest, which I became quite enthralled with. Robyn is a fashion junkie and was frequently pinning pictures of outfits she’d seen online. When she sent me a request to join Messenger I accepted that as well, it seemed innocent enough and then the Fates added their own touch in a very dramatic way.

A police fatality always makes headlines even more than a police shooting. It’s something we all accept as a possibility the moment we head off to work. We might not make it home and the families of police officers dread the knock on the door from the police to inform them that their partner or parent is not coming home ever again.

On August the 4th, 2016, Detective Constable David Bowen was shot and killed by a drug dealer we were trying to question. I hesitate before writing this but it should have been me lying on the ground with blood oozing out of my head. We knocked on the front door and waited for a minute or so before David heard someone going out the back door. Before I could stop him he raced around the side of the house and down the driveway. I flipped the strap on my holster and followed but just as I reached the driveway I heard the shotgun blast and acting out of instinct, I dropped to the ground and waited. It’s what you’re trained to do, get down and call for backup.

Backup came within minutes and by then I’d ascertained the yard was empty, David was lying on the ground with a horrible head wound and I was the senior officer on duty.

That comes at a cost of course. I should have ordered him to stop and wait but those questions come later at an inquiry. However the first message I got that fateful afternoon was from Robyn. She must have seen it on the news.

Robyn: Are you okay? I heard there was a shooting?

Lisa: Can’t talk now, it’s chaos.

Robyn: Understood, please call me later?

I stared at her phone number a moment later and replied that I would.

I was as good as my word. I called her four hours later as I sat in my car. It was the first time we’d talked since that night in the car and I could almost feel her presence beside me. Robyn was warm, comforting and reassuring, there was no rush to judgement and no attempt to ‘understand’ the way I felt. She just promised to be there if I needed a friend.

And I sure as hell needed one because the shit hit the fan in a big way. Because I was the senior detective on the scene at the time of the shooting, the review board came down hard on me. Why hadn’t I stopped him? Even after he was out of sight, why hadn’t I stopped him? In the end however they found that while mistakes had been made, humans are fallible.

That month was the worst in my life. It sounds better when you say it quickly but in reality it seemed to drag on forever. I was off duty officially and my mood swings were horrendous, I went from dead quiet to raging.

To be fair to Rhonda she did try but the partners and families of police officers act in a myriad of ways after a close call. Some are relieved, others go quiet and some just explode and that’s just three I can think off now. Rhonda’s first reaction was relief but then she went quiet and began to withdraw and the Fates kept spinning my web. Because she was at work all day, I was left to my own devices and began spending more time on Messenger and Twitter. I had other friends online but they were all in the force and because of the risk that I might say something to prejudice my hearing I opened up to Robyn Darling.

In retrospect that was where it all began to come together and it’s not like I was cheating, I’m not like that but I was sharing things with Robyn that I’d never shared with anyone not even the police psychologist, she just ticked boxes and asked questions. Robyn explained the reasoning behind the questions in simple explanations. She wasn’t always there to answer my questions right away but whenever she was in between patients or on a break she’d answer my questions and chat to me. We never chatted at night when Rhonda was home because that might have aroused suspicion, but Rhonda did work weekends at the supermarket and so we chatted on Saturdays too.

It all blew up one day when Rhonda came home early to find me chatting. I’d been sitting on the toilet and my laptop was on the table. When I came through and saw her face I knew it was over, she just stared at me and shook her head.

“You are such a selfish bitch.”

“I’m talking to Robyn.”

“I’m here, talk to me.”

“You’re not listening.”

As fights go it wasn’t our worst in some respects, I’d had some real screaming matches but the fact she didn’t scream at all was a warning sign, the calm before the storm and the next day she moved back to her sister’s place and left me a note.

I’ll be at Sue’s place if you want to talk. If you don’t want to talk then consider our arrangement at an end. I hope she’s worth it.

I felt both sad and relieved. Sad because I knew I’d brought this on myself and relieved because I really needed time to sort my head out. I told Robyn that Sunday night and some ten minutes later the phone rang and I picked it up.

“I’m sorry,” she told me, “I really am.”

My reply was subdued and I did something I hadn’t done in years.

It was a full on crying session but I let a lot of things out that night and Robyn listened without interrupting. The call went on for so long I had to plug my phone in to stop the battery going dead and towards the end she promised to meet me after the hearing in two days time.

“Just for a coffee, promise?”

Robyn was there the day of the hearing, sitting near the floral clock wearing the brown blouse she’d had on that night in Collingwood and a black pinstripe skirt suit. She rose to meet me and what started as a brief hug became an embrace.

“They’re moving me to cyber crime,” I told her a few minutes later.

“Is that good or bad?”

“Probably both, I won’t be carrying a gun in there,” I squinted in the direction of City West, “but I’m afraid this is the only good suit I own. My other work clothes are okay for the street but they’re sharp dressers in there so I have make some wardrobe additions and I’m hopeless at clothes shopping. I think my brother does a better job than me.”

I tugged at the white shirt, “he actually bought me this last Christmas.”

“It’s a nice shirt,” she tugged at my collar, “but how’s about we rectify that today?”

“You’ll see,” she nodded at a tram stop, “you coming?”

I had the rest of the day and all of next week, so what the hell.

I imagine the Fates chuckled when I said yes because unlike mere mortals, they can see much further than us.

Our destination turned out to be Melbourne Central. Her older sister, Melinda is a store manager at a clothing store and Robyn explained the situation succinctly.

“She needs a makeover. Can I leave her in your hands? I have to get back to Richmond for a couple of hours.”

“I think we can do something,” Melinda moved around me, “you always bring me the best.”

It sounded ominous, like something a serial killer would say to his accomplice but that’s just the cop in me. Robyn merely laughed and squeezed my arm.

“It’s going to cost you.”

“Ah, the cost factor and I thought you were just being nice.”

“I am nice,” she pouted, “but I’d love a ride home in your car, again. Stephen’s gone to Sydney for the week and the thoughtful prick parked my car in the long term car park.”

“He’ll never make a darling,” Melinda smiled crookedly.

“Okay,” I shrugged, “a ride home it is.”

Robyn leaned over and kissed my cheek gently.

“Be good, I’ll see you later.”

The kiss took me by surprise although I thought I’d managed to conceal my reaction as Robyn sauntered away.

“She’s quite a woman,” Melinda murmured, “you’re quite taken by my sister.”

“I um,” I ran a hand through my hair, “she’s, we’re friends.”

“I know, she’s told me a bit about you but don’t worry,” she slipped a friendly hand into the crook of my arm, “your secrets are safe with me.”

By that I took it to mean my sexual orientation but a little while later as I stood in front of a mirror wearing a tan suit and brown shirt I ventured onto the subject somewhat tentatively.

“She’s been a big help over the last month, and especially when I broke up with my partner,” I adjusted the collar slightly, “I always feel guilty because she just gives and gives, and I do all the bloody taking, I mean she always finds time for me. She’s living with a guy, I’d hate to come between them.”

“Stephen?” Melinda moved behind me and brushed lint off the jacket.

“I wish you would, he’s a one of those so-called metrosexuals, he’s got the looks, the hair, the cushy job and the mistress in Sydney. She’s just a trophy to him. I banned him from family dinners because I know I’d only be tempted to empty a bowl of hot soup into his lap.”

Our eyes met in the mirror and she smiled.

“Now that got a reaction,” she tugged at the sleeves, “Robyn trusts you, I can see it in her eyes and she’s talked about you often enough to me. I don’t know how you feel about her but go gently with my sister, blood is thicker than water.”

The cat certainly wasn’t out of the bag but I could see its form. I arranged to change into the tan suit and white shirt and left Melinda shortly afterwards with a few bags of clothes and spent the better part of the afternoon shopping, lingerie, shoes, and a pair of flat heels that I put on outside. High heels are a curse on Melbourne streets with the tram network, step the wrong way and it’s a sprained ankle or worse. I needed time out to reconsider my options and contemplate new options. Robyn had never once questioned her sexuality but then again, I’d never asked the question, it just hadn’t occurred to me to ask. It’s not uncommon for something to be hidden in plain sight as I know only too well.

It was while I was deep in thought that I found the brooch in an accessory shop on Swanston Walk, it was semi circular and embossed with a white rose. Robyn’s face flashed in my mind’s eye. She was wearing that blouse today, maybe, I closed my eyes and made my decision. It was time to step out into the unknown. Take the chance.

And the Fates sniggered as they kept weaving.

I met Robyn that night in a very romantic place, the steps of Flinders Street station and you’d have to be a local to understand that. I was standing by the paper stand when she emerged from the surge of humanity crossing Swanston Street. I felt my heart skip a beat and my belly gave way. She was checking her messages and came to a stop. I sent one message.

Lisa: Ten o’clock by the paper stand.

She got the message a moment later and scratched her head as she replied.

Robyn: Where are you?

Lisa: By the paper stand.

She looked up and spotted me. I ambled towards her and she swept her hair over her head.

“Ten o’clock,” I stopped before her, “it’s a location not a time.”

“Oh, of course,” she blushed, “I knew that,” she looked down at my bags, “wow, have you got any money left?”

“I can get home but you’ll have to shout for dinner,” I nudged her, “all right, I’m joking, come on.”

“I can do dinner, there’s a nice Thai place on the way home.”

“Thai it is then,” she reached out and tugged at the lapel of my jacket, “very sophisticated, I knew you’d be okay with Melinda. If you’re not careful she’ll have you looking like a catwalk model,” she managed a crooked grin.

“That’ll be the day,” I nodded, “tram or shall we walk?”

“Let’s walk,” she replied, “I’ve had enough of trams for one day.”

We started walking and she nudged my hand.

“Let me carry some of your bags,” she took the bags from my left hand.

My left hand brushed against her right hand and she glanced quickly at me, a moment later her hand slipped into mine and we made our way past the taxi rank. I felt a deep silence spreading within me, as we made our way across the bridge and down St Kilda Road. Robyn was also silent but now and then she’d look at me and squeeze my hand until finally we got to City West and she slowed.

“Do they know about you at work?”

“They do,” I replied, “and you don’t mind?”

“Not at all,” Robyn released my hand and brushed a lock of hair from her eyes, “listen about my relationship with Stephen, I don’t know what Melinda told you but,” she stopped as I came to a halt and looked at her.

“She didn’t say much but I know she would love to empty a bowl of hot soup into his lap.”

“Been there, got the tee shirt,” she smiled, “he still talks about it to his friends in front of me.”

“There’s a lot of things Stephen shouldn’t be doing. He and I haven’t slept in the same bed for five months after I found out about his mistress. He has the spare bed and I have the double bed but all that can change in a heartbeat if you’ll just give me a sign.”