Chapter 18

Yns pov:
We open the door and the smell of bleach hits me. Maybe my apartment is cleaner than i thought. I go to the kitchen and look through the full cupboards. “Hot chocolate with marshmallows?”

Her face lights up and she grabs 2 cups, already knowing what cupboard to go to. “Finally you have some.” I chuckle and make the hot chocolates as she starts to look through some stuff.
“Hey whats this?” I look over and see her pointing to a box thats locked. My face pales and i look away from her, trying to disguise my tears.

“Nothing just put it back.” I feel a hand on my back but i dont flinch. She would never hurt me. She moves round to tje front of me and tilts my chin up so she can see the redness in my eyes.

“You dont have to hide your tears from me detka.” Heat rises in my cheeks at the name and i wipe away the few stray tears. “Whats in the box?” Shes going to hate him even more.

“The knife that killed my mom.” Her eyes widen and she wipes a tear with her thumb.

“Why do you keep this?” I would never, i wouldve sent it with the police but he told them the ‘intruder’ took it with them.

“Its not mine. David has the key. He kept it so he could kill me with the same knife when the day comes.” Her eyes search mine, unsure what to do or say. I pull away from her and let out a dry chuckle. “Well thats not a great start to the day.”

“Dont deflect, youre allowed to feel sad.”

“I just dont want to talk about anything sad today.” She presses her lips into a tight line but nods and puts the box on the floor.

“Thats the bin pile.” She smiles at me but i feel panic claw up my throat.

“Lena no, thats not mine, he’ll kill me if he knows.”

“With what? He wont have his weapon. Anyway, hows he gonna kill you from prison?” He’ll find a way. But its unlikely he will find out so i guess we can bin all of his things. She keeps looking through draws and asking me whether i want to keep, bin or donate. After two hours we both collapse on the sofa, needing a break. “I think my joints are actually creaking”

I let out a quiet laugh, too tired to muster anything else. “Lets take a 30 minute break and then get back to it.” She nods and i lay down, laying my head on her lap. She plays with my hair and we watch arrow. “Hes really cool. I like his whole mystery persona. Hes kind of frsutrating though because he has insane trust issues.” My words are barely audible and i close my eyes. I cant even remember if she responds before i fall asleep.

====≈===========≈=================
Yelenas pov:
Shes gonna be the death of me. I listen to her quiet snores and i play with her hair, its automatic, an instinct i never knew i had. I need to go. It hurts my chest to not be able to do this. For her to not be mine. Ive been sat here for 3 hours already. I cant bring myself to wake her. My phone rings and i quickly answer it so as not to wake her. I whisper and she stirs but doesnt wake. “Hello?”

“Yel where are you? Its been 5 hours.” Its nat, of course it is. Shes always calling, worrying.

“Im at yns apartment, we were going through her stuff.”

“Why are you whispering? Has something happened? Are you in trouble?” God, ever the optimist.

“No, yns asleep, im trying not to wake her up.”

“Just go to another room.”

“Yeah that might be a tad difficult, her head is on my lap.” I hear a loud laughter from the other side of the phone.

“You’re such a softy. Just slowly slide from under her, we need you back.” The avengers are so needy, theyre like todlers, cant leave them for 5 minutes.

“Okay, im on my way.” I hang up before she can say nything else. I slowly slide away, carefully placing her head on a pillow with my hand. I write a note so she knows where ive gone and i head back.

I walk into the meeting room and nat smirks at me from across the room. I roll my eyes and mouth some swear words at her as i sit down. Theres a new symbol on the screen. And a new name. Lazarus. “Thats a fancy name. Why lazarus?”

Steve flashes me a dark look. Its bad if even mr optimism is this shook. “Because when you kill them, they’re resurrected.”

“Wow, dark.” I let out a sad chuckle but no one else does. Steve motions to the screen as he speaks.

“Stark found them hidden deep in the dark web. They deal in everything you can think of. Drugs, human trafficking, torture, murder. Anything you can think of. And theyre growing rapidly. They have 12 bases of operations that we know of. We need to start working to shut them down before its too late. We leave in 10 minutes, ill discuss mission plan on the plane. Luckily its only a 20 minute flight.” Everyone moves quickly, in perfect unison like clockwork. Nat hands out weapons, steve talks mission strategy with stark, wanda checks on everyone doing mini psych assessments. She always did worry. I finish getting ready and we meet on the plane. This is only my second mission, they wanted to make sure i was mentally ready for a mission, whatever that means. Steve talks through the plan on the plane and we touch down just a few minutes from their base. When we step off, guards are already heading towards us. Theres not many though, not like hydra. We fight our way through them and get to the base. The mission goes fairly easy, no one gets hurt, the guards dont use overwhelming force, they hold back. Its strange. Like they wanted us here. We get the files we need and leave, meeting very minimal force. We get on the jet and no one is so much as bleeding. We look at each other, confusion knitting our eyebrpws together.

“That was weirdly easy, right?” I ask it with an uncertainty coating my voice.

“Definitely, ive seen their numbers, they have enough to at least give us a good fight.” Stark looks at the new files as he speaks.

“They wanted us there. They want to see what they’re up against.” Steve paces, saying the words over and over again, realising what we’ve lost, the element of surprise.

We all get back and sit in the living room, not even bothering to change out of our mission clothes. We dont speak, we just sit there in confused silence.

==================================
Yns pov:
I wake to my phone ringing. I amswer it and my face drops. Its the prison. I hear what they have to say and tears fill my eyes. “I already know im a match. Let me think on it.” I walk to the cupboard and take out a bottle of vodka. I dont mix it, dont pour it in a glass, i drink it straight from the bottle. Half a bottle later, i grab my keys and walk. Its raining but i dont wear a coat or a jacket. I just walk in my tshirt and jeans, soaked to the bone. Tears run wild down my face, the only source of heat i have. My clothes feel heavy, dripping as i walk. I knock on the door frantically. I feel in a daze. I dont even remember the walk here. One minute i was on the phone, the next im stood infront of natasha.

“Woah, hey, everything okay?” Tears stream down my face faster and my words sound broken.

“Is lena here?”

“Yeah shes in her room, head straight up.” I see the concern in her eyes when i walk past her. I see pete but he doesnt even speak, just stares as i walk past. I see her in the living room and i wipe away my tears with shaky hands. She sees me and her face grows grim, immediately getting up, mid conversation and just hugging me. The room turns silent. Her body heat and the smell of lavender somewhat grounds me enough to realise the scene we’re making. Lena grabs my hand, clearly thinking the same thing as she leads me to her room.

“Heres some clothes, go get dry and then we’ll talk okay? I dont really want you dripping on my floor.” I dont have it in me to laugh or even smile. I get changed, her clothes smell like her. When i come out shes lay on her bed. I lay next to her and turn to face her. “Whats wrong?”

“Hes dying. His liver is failing.” She sucks in a quick deep breath, clearly not expecting that.

“What? Your dad?”

“Yeah, and he asked me to give him part of my liver. I dont know if i should.” My words feel small, like if i speak any louder im going to be beaten for my words.

“You what you want. You dont owe him anything.” A tear falls free down my cheek and she wipes it away with her thumb as she cups my cheek.

“But hes my dad.”

“No hes not. Not when hes done what he has.”

We sit there in a heavy silence, thinking about what this means. About the fact that im killing my dad. Shes been tracing circles on my arm as the sun warms us through the window, the rain cleared up about half an hour ago. Thats when she points to a small scar on my arm. “Whats that from?”

“Oh uh a beer bottle, i covered my face with my arm.” She gives me a solemn look as she gently rubs it. “Its just a scar.” She flashes me her little frown that splits my heart open. Thats when she trails her hand up my arm to my neck and lightly traces the scar there. I forget that im walking evidence of his attrocities, although when im with her, it doesnt feel that way. It feels like battle wounds, something ive survived and should be proud of.

“Whats this one from?” A slight blush creeps up my face as her faint touch brushes my neck.

“A knife. He caught me when i tried to stab him.” She chuckles lightly, her small laughter filling the room.

“Not the direction i thought that would take.” She bites her bottom lip and she trails her touch up to my face, cupping my cheek and rubbing her thumb over a small scar on my cheekbone. “This one?”

I look her in her eyes, the green softens around the edges. I dont feel judged. I dont feel like breaking down at the thought of my scars. “Thats where he threw a vase at me right before pete took me to the avengers for the first time.” Her thumb lingers over the scar as she stares at it, curiosity lighting up her eyes. I give her a soft smile and place my hand on her forearm.

“What are you doing?”

“Do you wanna be my girlfriend?” Oh shit. Things just got real. My smile falters as im caught severely off guard. I see her smile fade too when i answer.

“I uh need time to think.” She drags her hand down her face embarassed.

“Yn, im sorry, it just sort of came out.” I move away from her, getting up off the bed, i rub a hand over the back of my neck and stand there awkwardly.

“I need to think, ive just basically signed my dads death certificate and i need…to go home.” I move out the door before she has a chance to speak, quickly walking out the front door, not saying anything to anyone. I walk and walk, not in any particular direction. I dont want to go home to that house of horrors yet. I should have said yes. Im such an idiot. Ive been walking for 15 minutes when I suddenly feel a pinch in my neck. I reach up and pull something out, its a dart of sorts. I stumble forwards, my body feeling suddenly too heavy for me to carry. I fall to one knee and then drop to the floor as my vision fades to black.

==================================
Yelenas pov:
I quickly walk downstairs bit dont see her, the living room is eerily quiet when i walk in. “Do you know where yn is?”

“She left. Didnt say anything, a bit rude if you ask me.” Nat smacks tony up the side of his head and he rubs the spot with his hand.

“Did she say why she was upset?” I hesitate, she didnt say if she wanted them to know and peters here. But then again i dont think shes gonna talk to me ever again so might as well.

“Her dads dying. Sorry pete. His livers failing and he asked for hers. She was very conflicted on the matter.” Peter shrugs and turns away, clearly disinterested in the conversation.

Nats eyes narrow at me and her tone sounds lethal. “So why did she basically run out of here?” I rub the back of my neck as guilt washes over me. Im such an idiot.

“I said something stupid and innapropriate. Like usual.” I trudge over and flop down onto the sofa.

“Are you not going after her?” Wandas question bugs me, its not one of her littls romance books, this is real life, she probably hates me.

“No she needs a moment to think. She’ll come back. Hopefully.” The air is tense and i lay my feet on the coffee table. I feel drained. After the outcome of that mission and the outcome of my only friendship, i have nothing left in me for today.

==================================
Yns pov:
My eyes flicker open and i feel a cool metal beneath me. I see the metal all around me, every wall, floor and ceiling is metal. Theres no windows and no doors, the rooms just big enough for me to lay down in. Panic seizes in my chest. I sit on my knees and take a slow ragged breath in and slowly release it. I do that a few times when i hear a voice over an intercom. “Good to see you’re awake.” The voice is male and european. German maybe.

“What do you want?!” My voice is loud, angry, hostile. Probably not the best way to approach the situation, but who cares.

“We want to know about the avengers.” Great, not even known them 6 months and ive been kidnapped.

“I dont know who they are.” A big buzzer sounds and the box flashes red when water starts slowly rising in the box. I dont like water. My breathing grows heavier and my voice sounds panicked. “Okay, okay, i know them!” The water doesnt stop. It just keeps rising and rising until i cant reach the floor. I gasp for air and thrash around. I cant swim. How did they know? I panic and water forces itself into my lungs. I try to scream, but its muffled by the water. My lungs feel like theyre burning and just when i feel like im gonna pass out, the water drains. I drop to the floor, wheezing and coughing. I can feel it in my lungs, i cant catch my breath because of it. I keep coughing and eventually the water comes up out my mouth.

The voice comes back over the intercom. “See what happens when you give us a wrong answer?” My lungs feel tired and my voice sounds strained.

“What do you want?” I hear him chuckle and water drips from me to the metal below me.

“What are the avengers weaknesses. Everyone has them. Even them.” I let out a laughter that echoes around me.

“They have no weaknesses. And you taking me, thats just going to piss them off more.” The buzzer sounds and water starts to pool at my feel. I stand up and back up against the wall. The freezing metal calms me slightly and helps to cool my clammy skin.

“I dont know if you can tell, but that was a wrong answer. Give us something useful.” I rub my hand over my forehead, wiping away sweat.

“Go to hell.” He chuckles and the water is at my chest now, pressing heavy against my body.

“I would but, we thought we’d bring hell to you.” Cringe line. I think about yelena as the water covers my head. Thinking about every detail of her face. Her green eyes, so full of life. Her dimples that only show in her happiest moments. The smell of lavender. I should have said yes. My head feels like its going to explode and my mouth opens, trying desperately to get air. Thats when it starts to drain again. I collapse on the floor, i try to lift myself to my knees but my arms give out and i fall, coughing.

“Can you not do that, its kind of annoying.” My chest is heaving and i flop onto my back.

“If you just told us, we wouldnt do it.”

“I did tell you, you didnt like my answer.” I shiver and my hands feel like ice. “Maybe try a different question. One where i can give you an answer that youll like.”

He tuts over the intercom and i can feel the anger burning in my veins. “You would give up your friends, your brother that easily?”

I tilt my head and then smile. “No, but it’ll be fun seeing what you want to know.”

“I disagree. I think it will be more fun thinking of ways to make you talk.” My jaw tenses but i dont stop smiling. “What do they know about our bases of operations?”

“Nothing.” Even if i did, i wouldnt tell them. The water begins to rise again and im already growing tired of this repetitive cycle.