Chapter 17

Yns pov:
“About damn time!” Tony barks out as he impatiently taps his foot. “Where were you two?”

“I was telling her about old memories i have from high school. Did pete win?” He pushes through them and shoves the trophy to my chest. This is not good.

“Yeah, not like you got to see anyway.” Shit hes angry. Everyones looking at us, waiting to see what he does.

“Pete, im sorry, we-“

“No. Whatever youre gonna say, its not good enough.” Is he serious right now? Im trying so hard to be the sister he needs, how does he not see that? Do you know how many of my events anyone showed up to? None. “I wanted you to see me win and instead you have to make it about you, like always.”

My eyebrows knit together and i can feel anger simmering under my cool exterior. He never goes off like this. “Whats that supposed to mean?”

“It means that i cant have anything! Im good at science, im gay, i got abused, i have a good family that i built on my own, and you have to one up me every time. Its always about you.” My throat feels like its closing up. Tears sting my eyes, but i blink them away. I didnt realise he felt that way. “I cant keep up! Youre the best at everything and the one time you arent there for me compete against, you STILL make it about you!”

“Peter, take a breath, come find me when youre ready to talk like you again.” He lets out a frustrated groan and slams his fist into a locker. I flinch and yelena takes a protective step forward.

“Stop pretending youre better than me! You lose your shit all the time! Why cant I?” Because youre better than me? Because i tried to protect you from the real me? Because i want you to have a relatively normal life?

Yelena steps between us and lightly forces him away from me. “Back up, youre scaring her.” Her threatening tone seems to get through to him because he runs his hand through his hair, snatches his trophy and walks off. “Temperamental fuck.” She whispers it under her breath. She takes my hand and leads me away from the team, towards the car park. The team follow far behind, giving us room to talk. “He shouldnt talk to you like that, he doesnt realise how much you do for him.”

“Its fine, hes right. I did make it about me today and it was wrong.” I ruin everything. I just had to sit there and watch. Thats all. I couldnt even do that for him.

She stops walking, grabbing my wrist lightly so im forced to look her in her emerald eyes. I feel my knees go weak, just looking at her. “Yn, you do so much for him, you gave up your whole future to protect him. Theres so much you keep to yourself so that he doesnt have to worry and struggle like you. Even if you did make it about yourself tonight, which you didnt, you absolutely deserve to.” I try to defend him but come up short. Shes right. I have done a lot, but its still not enough. Maybe it never will be for him. He wouldnt even hear me out.

Me, yelena, nat and wanda get in a car together, yelena is sat in the back with me. My hands play with a necklace around my neck. Its got a small green gem in it. I bought it with some spare cash after i met yelena, the green reminded me of her eyes. I was convinced i wouldnt see her again. We sit in a comfortable silence when a familiar tune starts to play. The words leave my mouth before i even register the thought. “Can you turn the music up please?” I can feel yelenas gaze on me as the lyrics of maybe tomorrow by stereophonics fills the car. I gently close my eyes and think back to earlier. Yelena holding me close as we danced and laughed. The memory is a temporary reprieve from the thoughts filling my head.

When the song comes to a slow end nats voice fills the solemn emptiness left behind. “You like the song?”

I nod, a whisper of a smile left on my lips. “Yeah, it reminds me that theres still hope for a better future.” Its cringey and deep, but its more true than anything else i could have said. The car stops and we get out of the car. I can feel the stress of the day weighing down on my shoulders. Peter glances at me from the other side of the garage before storming off in the opposite direction. Glad to know hes still mad. My eyes drift to yelena whos watching him with intense anger. “You headed to bed? Its getting late.” She hums and takes my hand leading me towards her room, almost posessively. “I can sleep on the sofa if thats better for you.” She nearly gets whiplash with how quick she looks at me.

“No i already said you could stay in my room. And i like sleeping next to someone, it makes me feel less alone.” My heart splits open. Shes just willingly talked about her feelings. In a real way. No jokes. Shes never done that before. Shes never let herself be so vulnerable.

I decide not to make it weird, so i smile softly, “Youre a big softy.” She chuckles and squeezes my hand, grateful that i didnt make a big deal. We get ready for bed, she loaned me some pyjamas. Theyre freshly washed, so they dont smell like her, but the thought of wearing her clothes is enough to send a light flutter through my stomach. When i come out of the bathroom after getting changed, yelena is already asleep on the bed. I smile to myself before quietly strolling to the kitchen for a hot chocolate. I grab a mug and turn on the kettle when i hear a voice behind me. My heart seizes and i spin around, frantic.

Wanda stands there awkwardly her powers curling around her fingers as she moves 2 cups next to mine. “Sorry, i wasnt expecting anyone to be up.” She gives me an apologetic smile and i shrug before turning to see what shes putting in the cups.

I smirk and turn back to her. “Coffee? At this time of night? Either thats for tony, and lets face it, you arent having sex with him, or its for nat.” She blinks at me.

“You are creepily observant.” I brush past her comment and turn the focus back to them.

“I knew you two were dating.” She gives me a sheepish grin before moving past me to make the drinks when the kettles boiled. I sit on the counter, making myself comfortable.

“I knew you and yelena has kissed.” She mumbles it but i hear and my jaw unhinges, a gasp involuntarily cuts through the teasing air.

“Nat is such a snitch!”

Wanda puts her hands on her hips and lets out an exasperated laugh. “I was joking but now i have to talk to nat about not telling me!”

My hands run over my mouth, embarassment turning my cheeks hot. I take my hot chocolate and sit down, this is going to take a while. “If you tell anyone i swear-“

“Dont worry, i wont but are you guys dating, or….” i feel the light in my heart dim slightly and i look away from her, my smile fading.

“Nope, we are friends. It was a couple drunken mistakes.” She dramatically slams her mug down and glares at me.

“More than once?!” Oops.

“Ooooh i should not have told you that. This is getting worse. Im gonna go.” I slide off the counter but she steps in front of me, blocking the way.

“Wait no please dont. You can talk to me.” Theres an eagerness that flashes in her eyes. I heard she likes to gossip, but i had no idea. She is gossip starved. It must get boring around here.

“Ill stay if we talk about anything else.” She frowns but nods.

“When are you moving in?” Wow news travels fast, im guessing thats thanks to pete and his big mouth.

“Hopefully this week. Im kind of dreading it.” She folds her arms and leans back.

“Why?”

“I was alone before. I mean yeah peter lived there, but he spent many nights at his ‘friends’ which i now know was really here, and he was never about in the day. My dad he was in and out at all hours, but he mostly spent time in his room. Its going to be weird being around so many people for that long.”

“That sounds like a hard life. The person you spent the most time around was the guy who beat you.” She has a point. It made me hate myself and everyone else. I got so lost into my own thoughts that i acted on them. No one except alex knows.

“I guess, but there was a sort of peace that came with it.”

Her eyes narrow and she tilts her head. “What do you mean?”

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, grounding myself. “After i got beat, there was this quiet. All the pressure and the weight of life dimmed for just a moment. The world stops. And i simply exist. No expectations, no bad stuff. Just me.” Tears prick my eyes and my voice wobbles when i speak, but it feels freeing. Like im no longer drowning, but swimming to the surface.

“It sounds like you have been struggling for a long time. Maybe its time to share the weight.”

I let out a dry chuckle and swipe away tears. “Yeah, im working on that. Its more difficult than it sounds.”

“Especially when you dont have a sibling you can talk to. If i didnt have pietro after hydra, i dont know how i would cope. Nevermind if i was completely alone on top of that.”

“Yeah well, im trying to protect pete from the things i should have been protected from. He doesnt know the half of it.” Her eyes drift over me, sadness filling her expression. She gives me a warm smile.

“You are stronger than you let people know. How do you cope?” I dont. I spent years getting drunk just to escape and then i spent years letting myself get beat so peter wouldnt. And then there was my attempt.

“Im still figuring out how to.” She gives me a knowing look. She understands my struggles, and it makes me feel less alone.

“I talk to nat. I spend time with my family. I do the little things that make me happy. Like sitting on the porch in the early morning while the sun is still rising and no ones about.”

“That sounds like skmething out of a book.” I smile at her and she returns it.

“Yeah, well i should probably get this coffee to nat or else this book isnt goingn to end with a love interest.” I chuckle and she starts to carefully walk towards the door.

“Wanda?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” My words sound deeper than any profound thank you i can offer. She gives me a half smile and nods before sge leaves. I suck in a deep breath to clear my head before going back to bed. The hallways are confortably quiet. Like no ones here to witness my actions. Like i could fall apart and no one would judge. Like i can actually feel. I walk into yels room and make myself comfy next to her. I feel the pain of the day dissappear when two arms find their eay around me. She turns over, laying her head on my stomach and her arms beneath my back. My hands automatically go to play with her hair but i stop myself just in time. Instead i place my hands on her arms, tracing circles. I shoukdnt be doing this. We arent dating. Its cruel. But it might kill me if i stop myself.

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Yelenas pov:
The next morning i wake to the smell of pancakes. I lay here for a few moments before i even open my eyes. Im never this comfortable in my bed. Its nice to know i can relax. I finally open my eyes and see her. Im lay with my head on her stomach, but i dont have the will power to move. She would want me to. She doesnt want to date me. The subtle smell of her perfume and the sight of her in my clothes is what stops me. I leave a trail of light kisses on her stomach before i can think better of it. She isnt awake. I move away from her, clearly unable to restrain myself. I head towards the kitchen where i see wanda and nat. Nat has her hands around wandas waist like usual. Its sweet, but it makes me want to claw my stomach out. I want that. “Why are you guys always up so early?”

Wanda chuckles before moving to make a drink. “We wake up early to train and have a moment alone. Its chaotic in the compound, we need a moment of calm.” Wow that makes me hate them more. It sounds so normal and not avenger like.

“What you cooking this morning?” I sit down on a stool and nat pushes my elbows off the counter. Such a mom.

“Im making chocolate chip pancakes. Oh i spoke to yn last night by the way.” Me and nat both go quiet and just look at her.

“Is that why my coffee was cold by the time you got it to me?” Wanda nods and puts a plate of pancakes in front of me.

“What did you talk about?” I forget that she talks to people when im not around. We spend so much time together, it just feels odd.

“I wont say but she opened up to me a little bit. Its good, shes doing well here, but maybe keep an eye on her. Shes still figuring things out.” Wow thanks for that insight on my best friend. As if i didnt already know that. It is good that shes making friends though.

“Im going to the roof.” Natasha grabs my arm, pulling me back.

“I thought you quit?” I can hear the dissapointment in her voice. It makes my stomach churn with guilt but it helps.

“Im…working on it.” She shakes her head and i leave, the tension slipping from my shoulders with every step i take. My thoughts are starting to become consumed by her. The scar on her cheekbone. The way her light brown hair looks in the sunlight. Her eyes that are just that tiny bit more blue than green. Its driving me mad. I think about her but i cant have her. Shes a drug that im addicted to but im cut off from.

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Yns pov:
I wake up to an empty bed, yelenas bed. I wish i was waking up with her still here. I get ready, stealing some of lenas clothes and brushed my teeth with my toothbrush i keep in her bethroom. I traipse towards the kitchen, following the smell of food and the sound of voices. I see nat, wanda, tony and a few others. Petes in here but he doesnt so much as look in my direction. Wanda sees me looking at him and places a supportive hand on my arm, pulling me from my thoughts. “Just give him time.” How much time does he need? I didnt do anything wrong. “You want some food?” I look at it and feel my stomach growl.

“Wheres yelena?” Natasha glances from me to wanda before answering.

“Uh she is up on the roof.” She sounds unsure of herself. Like shes not sure she should be sharing the information.

“Has she eaten?” I see a small grin on wandas face and my cheeks turn pink. Obviously i care if shes eaten, but they dont need to know that.

“No we put food in front of her but she didnt eat it.” I thank her and grab two plates of food before heading up to the roof. I see her sat there smoking. I didnt know she smoked, but it makes sense. She doesnt exactly care about herself, you know with all the drinking, arests and take out.

I sit next to her and place a plate of pancakes in the table. “You didnt tell me you smoked.”

“Its not something i tell people about.”

I tilt my head and i bite my lip, trying to stop my curious words getting out. “Youre ashamed of it? Is it a coping mechanism?”

She chuckles. “I forget how smart you are until you say fancy technical jargon like that. I suppose thats what you would call it, yeah.”

“What would you call it?”

“A moment alone, with nothing to worry about and nothing expected of me.” I let out a short breath and push the pancakes towards her. She starts eating them.

“I get what you mean.” She gives me a funny look and exhales smoke.

“You really do, dont you?” My mouth twitches, unsure whether to smile or frown. We sit there in a comfortable silence while we eat our pancakes. It feels like i could sit here all day and never get bored or feel down. It feels like home. Thats what she is. She is my home.

“Thanks for bringing me food.”

I smirk. “Yeah well, cant have my best friend starve.”

“Right.” She looks down, her words sound tired. “Yeah.”

I feel my throat tighten. I dont know what to say to make this better. I want to date her but i cant. Shes my best friend and if i lose her i will be alone again. I learnt that the last time i dated my best friend. “Im gonna start sorting through my stuff today, so that its ready to be moved here. You wanna come with?”

Her smile returns, a real smile, with dimples. “Yeah, i finally get an excuse to search your apartment and be nosey.”