Chapter 2

Miranda actually kept things besides beer in her refrigerator, things like fresh fruits and vegetables. So in the end, half a hero ended up being rounded out with a side salad, and fresh mango slices. I’ve never had mango before, and I’m a little sad about that, because it’s really good! Then there was the weird-ass veggie Miranda said was a jicama. “You squeeze lime over it,” she was explaining, “and then sprinkle on some chili powder. What do you think?”

“Tastes like a raw potato,” I said.

“Oh, Annie, you just need more lime and chili powder. Here.” Miranda prepared another slice and then put it in my mouth. “How was that?”

“Amazing,” I sighed. She probably thought I meant the jicama. It still tasted like raw potato, but having Miranda’s fingers that close to my mouth was delectable to say the least. I wanted to wrap my tongue around each and every one of those long, slender fingers. Lime or no lime, I wasn’t picky.

“I should probably get going,” I said, “I have to get up pretty early in the morning.” What I really wanted to say was that if I didn’t leave soon I would probably end up doing something I would regret. Friendship is good. Don’t want to ruin friendship.

“Goodbye, Annie. Be careful going home.”

“Goodbye, Miranda. Thanks for everything.”

I returned home to the normal routine. Mom and what-his-name shouting at each other, my little brother AWOL, and — oh, what’s this? — an eviction notice. Fucking great! I put on my headphones and cranked up the volume. My world was shit.

I woke up exhausted. Mom and her boyfriend were on the up again, so last night instead of screams of “I hate you, you fucking bitch,” I had to drown out screams of, “Yes! Oh, god, yes!” all night long. I’m not sure which is worse.

As usual, I was the only one up at this hour. I peered at my pasty image in the mirror as I brushed my teeth. My dark circles were looking more pronounced and now I was starting to get bags under my eyes. I thought that only happened to old people. I also saw that I needed a haircut. God, I just wanted to go back to bed.

I decided to have a shower instead. I didn’t feel any better about life, but at least I was awake — and clean.

Before leaving, I packed all my meager belongings into an old rucksack and took it with me. The eviction notice was still weighing on my mind, so I figured it was better to have my stuff in a bag at work than in a dumpster in the alley. I had little doubt that the locks would be changed by the time I got home. It’s not like anybody else in the apartment was going to cough up the fucking rent.

In spite of the time I spent packing, I still managed to get into work early enough to get one of the better deliveries that morning. It was for a real estate brokerage and a good tipper. Much better than the banks, who almost never tip. I mean, you’ve got a whole vault full of money and you can’t slip a fiver to the courier?

It was all downhill from there though. I did manage to get a free lunch from the Chinese take-out place, but it’s Chinese take-out, so I was hungry again in like half an hour. No dinner, but I got some nice pastries from the grocery. “Won’t be able to sell ’em tomorrow,” the owner had said, “so take whatever you want.” So my teeth might be falling out later in life, but at least I wouldn’t go hungry tonight.

I decided to go see Miranda. I wanted to share my pastry score with her, and realistically I had nowhere else to go. I knocked on her door with the grocery sack clutched in hand. “Annie!” she said, her face lighting up, “what delectable treat have you brought this evening?”

“Hi, Miranda,” I said smiling. Probably my first genuine smile of the day, I thought sadly. “No sandwiches today, but I’ve got about half a dozen pastries here. Apple strudel, cinnamon rolls, some of those French things that nobody can pronounce.”

“Croissants?” she said.

“Yeah, that’s it. Any of that sound good?”

“Actually, it all sounds like an extra hour at the gym, but what the heck?”

I must have given her a confused look, because she continued, “You probably don’t have that problem Annie, you’re young and you’re on your bike all day, which obviously keeps you in great shape.” I swear I saw her eyes wander over to my butt when she mentioned that I was in great shape. “When you get to be my age, Annie, it’s not so easy anymore.”

I couldn’t believe she was saying this. I mean, hasn’t she looked in the mirror lately? I decided to say something. That’s what friends do, right? They try to help each other feel better?

“Miranda, there’s nothing wrong with your figure. You look amazing.”

“Thank you Annie! My ex always complained that my butt was getting too big.”

“He obviously needs glasses.”

Miranda smiled. Her whole face was lighting up again. “Oh Annie, I could just kiss you!”

“Yes please!” I was screaming inside my mind. “Right here on the lips would be just great.”

“So, what to do about dinner?” she was musing. “I’ve got salad and there’s probably still some soup in the freezer. I think that would go well with the croissants.”

Soup in the freezer? Doesn’t soup come in a can? Maybe the fancy soup is in the frozen aisle and I just missed it. “What can I do to help?” I asked.

“Well, there’s plates in that cabinet over there and silverware in that drawer. What are you drinking tonight?”

“Water?” I said tentatively, not remembering what the other choices were.

“Do you like wine? I’ve got some, but I don’t usually like to open a whole bottle for just myself.”

“Uh, I don’t really know. I’ll try it.”

“OK,” she said. I watched in awe as she reached up to fetch the wine glasses from the top shelf. Her ex really did need to have his eyes checked! I mean, he probably wasn’t safe to drive if he couldn’t see what I was looking at right now. Miranda was amazing.

“The soup will take a few minutes to warm through,” she said, “why don’t we start with some wine out on the patio.”

“Sure,” I said and followed her through the French doors and into the outside. It wasn’t a big backyard, but at least it had grass and flowers in it. Sure beats the asphalt and weeds we have out back of our place — former place, I corrected myself.

Miranda poured two glasses and handed one to me. “To new friendships,” she announced, holding her glass in the air.

“To new friendships,” I replied.

“Be right back,” Miranda said, excusing herself. She returned with a tray full of soup and salad.

“You should have let me help you with that,” I said jumping up from my seat.

“Nonsense,” she said setting the tray down on the patio table, “you’re my guest.”

“More like a dinner crasher,” I said.

“Annie, please,” she scolded, “you’re my friend, not some vagrant.”

I suddenly felt very small. If only she knew what my life was really like outside of our little dinner ritual. What would she think of me then? Would she even be talking to me? Oh, where did I even think this was going? I decided to put those thoughts aside and concentrate on the soup.

“This is delicious!” I said. “Where did you get it?”

“The soup? I made it. I always make a big batch and freeze some.”

“No kidding? I thought soup only came from a can.”

She smiled, as if I were telling a joke. I wasn’t, but that didn’t stop me from enjoying her smile.

“You have a beautiful smile, Miranda.” I complemented, “It’s not just on your lips, but your whole face lights up.”

“Thank you, Annie,” she said.

“Oh, I’m gonna be sick,” said the strange man, and then continuing in a mocking tone, “your whole face lights up.” Who was this jerk?

“Richard what the hell are you doing here?” Miranda scowled. Whoa, holy shit, she was pissed! Ten bucks says he’s the ex.

“I came by for the papers my attorney sent over. You didn’t answer the doorbell. Did you sign them yet?”

“No! Now leave me alone, I’m having dinner.”

“Picking your girlfriends kind of young these days, Miranda.”

“Oh, like you should talk, Richard! Can your girlfriend even buy beer?”

“You know, you really are a piece of work! Just sign the damn papers, Miranda.” With that, he stormed off.

“I’m sorry you had to witness that, Annie. We used to get along. Things just fell apart one day. Oh, it’s my fault really.”

“Hey, don’t blame yourself, Miranda.”

“Annie, I appreciate you taking my side in this, but you really don’t know the whole story. I was the one who was unfaithful. He’s right. I should just sign the papers. Ten percent and the townhouse is a decent settlement, and truthfully if it went to court I’d probably lose. All this drama over one little night with a girl I’ll never see again.”

What a minute! Back the truck up! Did she say girl?

Tower, this is Annie, over. Cancel that mayday. Things are looking up, over.

“Miranda, if you want to talk …” I left it hanging there. What could she possibly want to talk to me about? I had no experience to draw on for any kind of relationship advice. A couple of girls I’d fooled around with in high school was pretty much the extent of it. Nothing exciting had happened since then.

“How about some more wine first? Or do you need to get home? I know you have to wake up early.”

“Yeah, about that,” I hedged, “um, I kinda got nowhere to go.”

“What do you mean nowhere to go? What happened?”

“We sort of got kicked out of our apartment. I’ll probably try to crash at a friend’s house or something.”

“Oh, Annie,” she said, laying her hand on my arm again, “I’m your friend. You can stay in my guest room tonight. It’s probably too dark for you to ride anywhere safely anyway.”

“OK,” I said weakly. “Thanks.”

“Well, I guess we’re in the next phase of our relationship now,” Miranda said.

“Um, what’s that?” I asked.

“Roomies!” she exclaimed and then held her glass in the air. “To roomies!”

“To roomies,” I replied, smiling.

Despite having a little too much wine with dinner, I woke up feeling refreshed. Not having to listen to my mom and her boyfriend all night long really helped in that respect. Plus the bed in Miranda’s guest room was amazingly comfortable.

Yeah, I slept in the guest room. Did you seriously think she was going to come in during the middle of the night, seduce me with her womanly charms, and drag me off to her bed for a night of hot monkey love? Maybe in your dreams — and mine! — but that’s not how it happened.

As I wandered off to the bathroom that morning, I found a note stuck to the mirror.

“Cereal in the cupboard to the left of the sink, juice in the fridge, and pastries of course! I’m not an early riser, otherwise I’d make you pancakes.”

I smiled as I turned on the shower. “She wants to make me pancakes!” I thought, “God, Miranda! Do you know how much you’re killing me here? How about we just skip the pancakes and I drizzle the syrup directly on you instead.”

I pushed my lust aside and wrote a short response to her note.

“Thanks for the room. I’ll pay rent. I do have a job. Let me know my share.”

As I stood in the shower, I suddenly got it in my head that I should shave. I mean normally I don’t, and it’s not like I’ve got a jungle down there, but I know some girls don’t like hairy. I was kind of half hoping that I might need a reason to look more presentable, so I figured maybe a clean shave was the way to go.

Oh, Miranda, what are you doing to me?

I got to work to find a grumpier than usual dispatcher. “Annie, this ain’t your locker room,” he said pointing to my rucksack, “take your shit home at the end of your shift.”

“Aye-aye skipper!” I said and shot him a salute.

He flipped me the bird and then grinned. “Got a good one for you this morning. Law firm, good tippers.”

“Cool. Thanks, boss.”

I really liked this client. They were nice people, not at all like the stereotypical lawyers you hear jokes about. OK, so what do you call fifty lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start. Get it? OK, never mind. That really didn’t apply with these guys. Small firm, very friendly and most of them even knew me by name.

“Thanks for the delivery, Annie.”

“No prob. Hey, can I ask you a question?”

“I’ve got a friend gonna get divorced. How would she know if she’s getting a good settlement?”

“That’s a tough one, it depends on a lot of things. Did she work or did her husband support her?”

“I don’t think she ever had a job.”

“Well, I’d say she’s entitled to at least half of the total assets based on that. Any kids involved?”

“I don’t think so. I think she might have had an affair though. One-night stand.”

“One night? That’s nothing. Listen, I’m really just guessing here unless I talk to her. So give her my card, OK?”

“Sure. Hey, thanks!”

“My pleasure. Hope it works out for your friend.”

“Me too!” I shouted as I raced out the door. I rode as hard as I could, not back to work, but back to Miranda’s place. I had to tell her before she signed those papers. The bike was a dream, but I was still breathing hard and covered in a light sheen of perspiration by the time I arrived at Miranda’s door. I rang the doorbell and waited.

“Hi Annie!” she said cheerfully, and then, “Oh, I didn’t give you a key yet. Sorry, roomie.” That got a little smile from me. “Are you alright? You seem a little flustered.”

“Don’t sign those papers!” I heaved.

“The divorce settlement. Don’t sign it yet.” I handed Miranda the card and gave her a quick rundown of my conversation at the law firm.

“Half?” she asked again.

“That’s what he told me. But he said you’re going to have to talk with him, you know to go over the details.”