Chapter 3

Kara had to bury her face in her pillow as a little shriek rose up from deep within her and her finger was treated a wet, sticky warm hug.

When she stopped convulsing, Kara pulled her finger free and stuck it in her mouth to clean it off. That’s what a lot of those private messages suggested, and that’s how Kara imagined Esmeralda would want it too.

Julie Zhang ate her dinner in front of the television. She had been binge watching her favorite series since Mom and Dad were not around and there wasn’t a heck of a lot else to do once her homework was finished.

Julie liked the shows about superheroes. She sometimes imagined that she herself was a superhero, but not the type who wore tights. Julie saw herself as more of a bad-ass, vigilante kind of a superhero. The kind of superhero who rides a Harley—a Harley that’s not all fucked up and spewing thick blue clouds of exhaust anytime it was started up.

Julie paused her show and let out a string of curse words describing her bike. With that out of the way, she decided to make some microwave popcorn. She knew she would only finish half the bag at best without her mom here to share, but it still seemed like a good idea, even if the leftovers would be stale by tomorrow.

Julie though briefly about Kara, the odd little thing with the cat ear headband. She wondered if Kara liked popcorn. She wondered what Kara was watching on TV right now.

Later that night when Julie had cut her Netflix binge short because it was a school day tomorrow, and finally wandered up to bed, she was still thinking about Kara.

After washing her face and brushing her teeth, Julie peeled off her t-shirt and jeans and kicked them into the general vicinity of the laundry basket in the corner of her room. Her sports bra and boy shorts went next. Julie flopped onto her unmade bed and after a moment of wrestling with the sheet and comforter to get them to be the same length, she rolled onto her side and closed her eyes.

Five minutes later, Julie flopped onto her back. Then onto her other side. Then finally, she got up to pee. Sitting on the toilet, in the dark, for some reason she began to think about Kara. At first it was silly thoughts, like, does she wear those cat ears to bed? Or, does she recite palindromes while counting sheep? Is it even possible to write a palindrome about a sheep?

Julie reached over to the bathroom vanity where here phone was currently plugged in to charge and looked it up. A female sheep is a ewe. Ewe is a palindrome all by itself. Julie pictured Kara at home, all tucked into her bed, counting ewes and giggling. The thought made Julie smile.

Kara missed her bus again the next day. She had to stop in after school and speak to her guidance counselor. He was worried, because her English teacher was worried about her not participating in class. Mom was worried too. So much worrying made Kara’s head spin.

She reached up to fiddle with her cat ear headband. It was nice to have it back. And cats didn’t have to worry about class participation. Cats just crawled on people’s laps and purred while they got petted. Kara thought Esmeralda’s lap would be a good place to crawl into. Esmeralda could pet her, or do anything else she wanted. That would be just fine.

“So, we’ve got a deal? You’re going to give it one-hundred and ten percent in English class from now on?”

Kara nodded. She thought about how ridiculous it was to give one-hundred and ten percent. How do you give ten percent more than everything? It’s not possible. And it should be ‘one-hundred ten’ not ‘one-hundred and ten’. And is used to indicate the point between the whole number and a fractional part. Don’t guidance counselors take math class?

But Kara said none of this. She simply smiled and nodded, picked up her book bag and bolted for the door. The number 427 bus was just pulling away.

Kara trudged out to the practice field, hoping to catch a glimpse of Esmeralda again. Kara knew the friend for hire idea was a no go, but Esmeralda was still something to look at.

Kara sat down at a bench, pulled out her Harley-Davidson V-Twin engine repair manual and pretended to study. Every so often, she would turn her gaze thoughtfully skyward, but lower her eyes enough to take a meandering look at Esmeralda’s long, powerful legs.

Kara rested her hand on her chin and sighed. She had given up on stealth and was now putting just enough effort into turning the pages of her engine manual for plausible deniability. ‘I was reading,’ she would say. Politicians loved plausible deniability, and Kara thought that it should be the right of every citizen, particularly those interested in looking without being labeled.

“Nice view, isn’t it?”

Kara jerked and dropped her head. She frantically flipped though the pages in her manual.

“It’s okay. Your secret’s safe with me, palindrome girl.” That big girl, Julie something or other sat down, completely uninvited, inches away from Kara.

“I still can’t decide,” Julie said. “Track team or swim team. I like the look of wet, one piece Lycra, but the goggles kind of creep me out. Make me think of bugs or movies about aliens.”

Kara sat motionless. A wave of heat swept over her forehead and the skin of her scalp felt all prickly.

“It’s okay if you like girls, Kara,” Julie said. “I think I’m maybe becoming partial to pole vaulters. Good upper body strength and really, any girl who would sail through the air like that has got to have a good sense of adventure.”

“Esmeralda,” Kara squeaked.

“Legs for miles on that girl,” Julie said. “Nice choice, though I’m afraid she’s got a boyfriend.”

Kara sat shaking, despite it being a warm day with plenty of sunshine. With one word, one name, she had outed herself to this Julie girl.

“Waiting for the activity bus again?”

Still shaking, Kara nodded.

“What are you studying,” Julie said. “Besides the obvious.”

Kara moved her hand from the pages of the engine manual so Julie could see. Any reason to change the subject was fine by her even if Julie might think it was an odd hobby to study motorcycle manuals.

“Harley-Davidson,” Julie said. “What year?”

Kara flipped over to the manual’s cover. She started to shake a little less as Julie flipped to the table of contents, focusing more on the book and less on who might be Kara’s girl crush.

“Evolution V-Twin, 1984 to 1988” Julie said. “Do you ride?”

Kara shook her head. “I just like motorcycles.”

It was a bit of a stretch, since Kara had never been near a motorcycle in her life, but if it kept Julie off the subject of girl crushes, it was okay to stretch the truth just a little.

“You’re not going to believe this,” Julie said. “I’ve got one in my garage. ’84 Softail. Well, not my garage, my grandfather’s because it’s busted and doesn’t run for shit.”

Kara giggled. Nobody ever swore in her house and to hear Julie say her bike was shit struck Kara as very funny that particular moment.

“I’m not kidding. You want to see it? Which way do you live?”

“Me too.” Julie stood up, beaming. “So Kara, wanna wait for the bus or do you want to check out a classic bike?”

Kara fidgeted, scratching an itch behind her ear and adjusting her headband. She grabbed her book bag and stood. “I have to be home by five-thirty. That’s when my mom gets home.”

“No problem,” Julie said. “It’s not like we’re going out riding. It just spews blue smoke.”

“Piston rings,” Kara said absentmindedly. She pictured the diagram in her mind along with the words about proper installation to prevent oil leakage.

“Probably,” said Julie, and the two started walking.

“Did you know in Japan, that people sometimes hire friends,” Kara said, as they set off.

“I like your cat ears,” said Julie. “They’re cute.”

By the time Julie was showing Kara her 1984 Softail in Grandfather’s garage, Kara was smiling. The subject of friend for hire had already been discussed and dismissed. Though not because Julie thought Kara was strange. Julie suggested a better arrangement: a friend who helps rebuild motorcycle engines.

Grandfather stepped though the service door to the house while Julie was showing off her prize. “You gonna let me take that thing to the shop or what?” Grandfather said.

“Grandfather, I want you to meet my chief mechanic. Her name is Kara and she’s a whiz with engines.”

Grandfather turned his gaze to Kara who blushed and tried to hide behind Julie.

“Show him the manual,” Julie whispered.

Kara pulled the thick book from her bag and held it out.

“Okay.” Grandfather smiled, nodding. “You wanna fix it yourself? Just make sure you put my tools back. And if your mother asks, I’ll tell her you snuck in through the garage the window. I’ll deny everything.”

Kara snickered. “Plausible deniability,” she said, still looking at the floor.

“Exactly.” Julie’s grandfather turned and went back inside.

For the remainder of week, Kara continued to lust after Esmeralda in study hall, but her motorcycle manual was more than just a prop now. She studied it from cover to cover, examining each diagram, turning the parts around in her mind, everything coming apart and fitting together again. Sometimes only the ringing of the bell would pull her away.

After school, Kara would wait until she saw Julie and then go bounding over to greet her. Julie had been coming up with new palindromes and they would recite them back and forth to each other in a sort of friendly contest while setting off for Julie’s grandfather’s house.

But not today. Today, Kara saw Becky before she saw Julie. She turned around to walk the other way, but it was too late.

“Nice ears, derp.” Becky said. “They look a lot like the ones I lost.”

Kara kept walking, picking up her pace, frantically looking for someone else in the area. Kara knew that mean girls were only mean when no one else was around.

“Why’d you take my headband? Huh?”

Kara ducked as Becky reached out. She felt a whoosh of air, letting her know just how close it was. Kara walked faster.

This time Becky caught up and stepped in Kara path.

“What are you doing wearing my headband?” Becky reached out again, this time plucking the purple hairpiece from Kara’s head.

Kara looked at the ground. She wanted desperately to reach for her headband, to take it and run, but she knew Becky was taller and faster and would just snatch it away again.

“I said, why’d you take my headband?”

Kara studied the ground at her feet. She had seen enough nature videos to know that looking a predator in the eye only serves to enrage them further.

“Why you gotta be like that?”

Kara heard a new, but familiar voice and looked up, not at Becky, but at Julie standing behind Becky.

Becky spun on her heel, nose in the air. “What’s it to you, dyke?”

Julie clenched her jaw. “Give me the headband and I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.”

“Shit. You wanna get your face messed up over a little runt like this? Bring it.”

“She’s my friend,” Julie said. “And I think you’re wrong about who’s going to get hurt.”

Kara backed away slowly. Becky lashed out. Julie stepped outside her reach and took her down with a right to the jaw.

Becky was sent to the school nurse, Kara was told to go home, and Julie spent the rest of the afternoon in the vice principal’s office. Nobody would say a word about what happened.

Kara clutched her headband and walked home as quickly as she could.

At dinner, Kara’s mother pressed her for details. Who was this Becky? How long had this been going on? Should Kara enroll in private school where it was safer? And why was Julie mixed up in this? Was she picking on Kara too?

“She’s my friend, Mom.” Kara finally blurted and ran off to her room, slamming the door.

Kara tried to understand her outburst. She never acted that way, much less toward her mother. Why? Why was she so upset? Was it Becky?