Chapter 11

“Did you know Alex graduated to some elite tier of airline miles status earlier this year? She’s like George Clooney in that movie, ‘Up In the Air.'”

Alex scowled, “I’m not sad, single, or soulless…. And hey presto, thanks to my George Clooney miles, you can go to Arizona with us tomorrow, Annabelle Frye!”

“WHAT?” Annie shrieked, “I’m not packed, I can’t go!”

Jess grinned, “Course you can. You can pack now.”

“I don’t have presents for your parents and Nick!”

Alex wagged a finger, “Nope — can’t use that as an excuse either — we exchanged gifts before coming over — less to pack.”

“I can’t afford the hotel room.”

Alex wagged her finger again, “Already paid for, and the second bed in Nick’s room is going to be there whether you go or not…”

“… So you might as well go,” Jess finished.

Annie wanted to stay. She wanted to see if Cal would change her mind and come around. But she knew reality would be otherwise. She looked at Alex, who had her thumb poised above an icon on her phone.

Fuck it. “Okay. I’ll go.”

“Yes!!” Alex exclaimed. She navigated through the ticketing screens and waved the confirmation in front of Annie’s face, “This is going to be brilliant!”

Annie smiled bravely. Breathe, she told herself.

Several miles northeast, Cal was staring out of the window of her colleague’s apartment. The lights of Manhattan’s west side twinkled at her from across Central Park, and she could just make out the thin sliver of the moon in the sky.

“I thought you were going to bring Annie tonight?” Steve Roland asked quietly as he stepped up beside her.

“She couldn’t make it,” Cal said bluntly, not looking away from the window.

Steve let out a long sigh, “Penny for your thoughts?”

“I’m fairly sure you make me charge more than that…” Cal smiled.

“I get the house rate.”

Cal nodded with a smile, “Yes, that you do.”

Steve looked out across Central Park, “So what’s on your mind?”

“Not much,” Cal shrugged, “A whole lot of empty.”

Steve nodded wordlessly. He had only met Annie once, but it was abundantly clear when he met her that something more than friendship existed between the two women. Cal had introduced Annie as a friend, and Steve accepted it at face value. Steve was too respectful of Cal’s privacy to pry into the reason behind Cal’s current state of melancholy, but Annie’s absence and his own intuition was filling in enough of the gaps that he quite easily guessed what had happened between the two. It made him sad to see his protegee struggle with this one aspect of her life. He wanted to help.

“Hey Steve!” A voice shouted from across the room.

Cal and Steve both turned. One of the other partners was waving him over, “Come settle a bet for me!”

Steve lifted his hand in acknowledgement, before turning to Cal, “I know you’re still going through all kinds of pain right now, and I also know you can take care of yourself so you probably don’t want me butting in. But I don’t like seeing you like this… and I feel bound to remind you that sometimes, it’s easy to mistake fear for pain.”

Cal frowned. Where is he going with this? She felt herself bristle with defensiveness, “Fear? I don’t know what you’re talking about, Steve.”

Steve anticipated Cal’s response, “I know. Let me explain. Chief Justice Earl Warren…”

Cal sensed a mini-lecture on the horizon, but smiled gamely, “Yes, one of your heroes…”

Steve nodded, “He said this, ‘Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile, I caught hell for.'”

“What does that have to do with fear?”

“Catching hell. It’s not something one invites willingly, and it’s certainly an antagonizing hurdle to navigate. But I agree with him: If it’s worthwhile, you should do it.”

“Okay Steve,” Cal tapped her head with intentional nonchalance, “I’ll keep it in mind.”

“Hey,” Steve leaned forward, his older grey eyes boring into Cal’s blue ones, “I’m serious. Look, you know I thought the world of Becca, so don’t take what I’m going to say next in the wrong way, okay?”

“I’m really sorry Annie couldn’t make it tonight.”

Cal nodded again. Before she could come up with a reply, Steve patted her on the shoulder and waded back into the party.

Cal didn’t think it possible, but she felt even worse. Not only had she and Annie parted ways on terrible terms, but Steve… Steve Roland, of all people, felt compelled to say something about Annie. I just did everything all wrong: gave off the wrong signals and led Annie on, distracted myself with an idiotic crush that I had should have done away with months ago. I’m not doing right by Becca and I know she’s watching this and hating it.

The view outside the window offered no solace. Somewhere, on the other side of the Manhattan, Cal knew that Annie was hurting. Cal wished that she had had the clear-headedness to say something other than what she said. Maybe it’s better that it happened as it did. I don’t think I would have had the willpower to stop spending time with Annie. Which was the problem to begin with.

–Chapter 9: The Palm Reader (One Week Later — Christmas Day)–

“Wow, that was quite a day!” May collapsed onto the couch. It had been a whirlwind of activity starting at six in the morning when the twins woke up. In a present-opening frenzy of epic proportions, Adrian and Jamie led the household through twenty-eight minutes of manic gift-paper ripping. The rest of the day was spent recovering from that episode and Cal desperately trying to instill some perspective in her children on how not to treat the holiday as material consumption run amok. Cal’s family all got together for a large Christmas brunch at Brandon’s, after which Cal and the kids returned to their Upper West Side apartment for dinner with Becca’s family.

With the children finally in bed, the adults found themselves in the living room, marveling at the fact that they came through it all in one piece.

“Becca would have loved today,” David mused.

May nodded and slid her hand into his, “Except for the part where you argue about the turkey with her.”

David sat up, “I will never subscribe to cooking stuffing outside the bird. Then it’s not STUFFING! It’s just STUFF!”

“Dad,” Alan threw his head backwards, “Oh. My. God. Will you stop with the stuffing? No one agrees with you. Becca was the only one who, for whatever reason, had the stamina to try and convince you that you are wrong, year after year after year!”

“Yes, she was,” David smiled sadly, “What was that phrase she used?”

There was a beat, and then they all said at once, “Cooking stuffing inside a turkey is the modern day contribution to Darwinian Natural Selection.”

They all laughed. Cal knew that Becca would be laughing along with them too. She looked around the room, grateful that the Chens have remained in her life — and in the kids’ lives. They’ve mourned Becca together, celebrated her together, and just recently, they’ve begun laughing together again.

“With Becca, you were never confused about her stance in any debate,” May said.

Cal chuckled, “She would have been horrified about the presents today, no doubt about it. I think I overdid it.”

May waved the sentiment away, “Stop. You did great. The kids had a great time. We had a great time. Your kids have been through a lot… we’ve been through a lot, so we should count our blessings where we can — and those kids are blessed with a great family of grandparents and aunts and uncles who dote on them. The presents were just right… and that set of Animal Kingdom costumes from Annie was pitch-perfect.”

“Speaking of which, where’s Annie? Will she be coming over this week?” Alan rubbed his eyes.

“She was nice,” David said, “I liked meeting her when she stopped by. Is she spending Christmas in New York?”

Cal shook her head once more, “I think she said her siblings were going to be in Philly.”

“That’s too bad — the kids were just saying how they wished she could have stopped by today,” David yawned, “Wow, I really am beat! Okay. I think I need to go to bed. I’ve never been this tired on Christmas!”

May elbowed her husband playfully, “Honey, you loved it. I’ll come to bed soon. I’m going to help Cal clean up.”

Alan got up and stretched, “We’re meeting up with some of Heather’s friends for drinks — we better get going.”

May kissed her son and Heather and saw them out.

Cal was loading the dishwasher when May joined her. “Cal, what happened between you and Annie?”

“Nothing. Nothing happened.” Cal said as evenly as possible, worried that May thought Cal had betrayed Becca’s memory with a thoughtless fling that ended badly.

Cal looked up, shocked by May’s sharp tone.

“You guys aren’t texting anymore. You don’t bring her up in conversation anymore. And you’ve been schlumping around like you have a two-by-four up your ass. What happened?”

“We decided to spend less time together. Annie needed some space. And I needed it, too.”

“Annie… needed… space?” May repeated, her voice dripping with disbelief.

Cal nodded. She kicked the dishwasher shut.

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Yes, why shouldn’t I be?”

May clucked her tongue, “Seriously, Cal? I really like Annie. You better not be spending less time with her on my account.”

Cal heart sped up; May was reading her like a book, “I’m not,” she insisted, “it’s what she wanted and I wanted to respect what she wanted. Don’t start with the twenty questions — my mother already gave me an earful about it this morning.”

May looked at Cal and seemed to make her mind up about something. “Cal, do you remember when Becca brought you to our family reunion in Hong Kong when you guys first got together?”

Cal nodded, “Yeah. Everyone hated me.”

“Did Becca tell you why?”

“She said you guys didn’t believe that I loved her.”

May nodded, “Did she tell you anything beyond that?”

Cal frowned as she thought back to that trip. Becca had completely dismissed her family’s incivility and attributed it to narrowmindedness. Cal looked at May and shrugged, “Not really, I just assumed it was because of how conservative everyone was.”

The older woman chuckled, “She was only telling you a half truth. We were all uncomfortable. But it wasn’t the fact that you are a woman.”

Cal couldn’t fathom why Becca would have obfuscated the truth. Somewhere, she heard Becca’s lilting laughter. Yeah, I know you’re enjoying this, wherever you are…

“You remember going to Wong Tai Sin temple?”

Cal nodded. Becca took her to the tourist trap on one of the first days of the visit. The temple was crowded, full of tourists and locals. They had gone with a couple of Becca’s cousins, who wanted to get their palms read. Cal had been a good sport and had her palm read, too. Trouble was, she didn’t understand Cantonese, and Becca had to translate.

“The woman who read your palm saw something that makes sense only now.” May raised her eyebrows as she said this, “Can you guess what it might have been?”

Cal’s eyebrows furrowed as she thought back, “I didn’t understand a word she said. Becca was translating. Something about my life being long and that I would be loved by many people. Standard thing they tell tourists, probably.”

May shook her head, “Becca was always quick on her feet. She changed the meaning of the reading.”

May sighed, “Stella told me what the palm reader said after you guys came back. It upset me. Becca told me to ignore it. She said it didn’t mean what I thought it meant.”

Cal was surprised, “This was why you guys had an argument? And why Stella gave me the cold shoulder? Because of the palm reader?”

“Yes,” May nodded, “Stella came back and told me that the palm reader looked at your palm and said that you would live a long life, and that you would have two spouses… actually, the word is more like ‘beloved’ or ‘betrothed’… there’s no exact translation.”

“WHAT?” Cal was stunned. She looked down at her hands, wondering how the lines on her palms would tell such a lie, “May, I never cheated on Becca.”

“My dear, I know. I know that now. But I came to the same conclusion you just did when I first heard it. I thought it meant you had someone else in your heart.”

“I didn’t!” Cal’s eyes brimmed with tears.

“Cal, Cal, it’s okay.” May gripped Cal’s arm, “I tell you this because Becca reminded me of this before she… wasn’t able to any more. I’d forgotten all about it, but Becca reminded me, because she wanted me to tell you what really happened that day. She asked me to tell you — when the time was right — what the palm reader really said.”

Cal couldn’t speak. Rebecca Chen, why the hell didn’t you tell me this??!!

“Becca wanted me to tell you that she believes the palm reader. And you should, too.”

Tears were springing from Cal’s eyes, “The palm reader was wrong. There was nobody else!”

May was crying, too. “Cal, I know. But that’s not what Becca meant. She believed the palm reader meant you will fall in love again after she… after Becca. And that was important to her. She did not want you to spend the rest of your life mourning her.”

“Too bad!” Cal spat out, “it’s not up to her! I will never– oh, she is SO infuriating!”

May laughed and wiped her eyes, “Yes! She was infuriating. But she was right. I believe the palm reader, too.”

Cal frowned again, “You are a professor of astrophysics. Doesn’t that conflict with, you know, science? Why would you believe the palm reader?”

“Because you’re lucky enough to have fallen in love again and you won’t admit it. And you’re right: I don’t need a palm reader to tell me either of those things. Anybody can see it.”

Once again, Cal was speechless. First Torrey, then her mother, and now May, all of them calling Cal out on something she thought she’d kept hidden away.

May kept pushing, “Cal, it’s clear you love her and that she loves you. Even David has noticed, and he has the EQ of a chopstick – and I can say that because I’ve been married to him for forty-five years.”

“May… No, it’s not…” Cal felt like her heart was being held in a vice. She was on auto-pilot: deny, deny, deny. It’ll go away.

May crossed her arms and sighed, “There is one person who makes you smile in a way that I hadn’t seen in months and months. It’s the same person who makes my grandchildren laugh the way they used to when Becca was alive. It’s the same person you all miss and won’t stop talking about.”