Chapter 11

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑬𝒍𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏

°. ⋆༺♱༻⋆. °

“Wow,” I scoffed, pulling away, “great time for jokes, Jen, seriously. Is this your feeble attempt at distracting me from the revelation that you are a fucking demon? Because it’s not working.”

Jennifer’s eyes flashed with something dark and dangerous, something that actually made her look demonic. She grabbed my arm with an iron grip.

“I am serious, Lilith, believe it or not. You torment me. You plague my thoughts, day and night. You make my heart drop. You make me actually falter, actually soften. You make me want to be better, new. You make me feel alive. And, trust me, that means a lot to a dead girl.”

Her voice was pleading, anguished. Jesus, she actually sounded tortured.

And I could not help but admit that I felt the same way. From the moment I had laid eyes on her.

“I… I would really like to be your girlfriend, Jennifer, believe me. But how can I, after what you have confessed?”

“Don’t you get it!? I need you now, more than ever. Even when everything is uncertain and scary, I remember my feelings for you. You keep me anchored, Lils. You’re basically the keeper of my sanity. I physically need you.”

I must admit that, even then, this sounded a lot to me like obsession. I was not blind to the fact. I was merely… taken off caught. I focused only on the sentimental part of myself that had longed to hear these words since I first met Jennifer.

And so, I responded in a way that I now regret bitterly.

“Fuck, Jen. I can’t lie to you. I can’t lie to myself. I get it. I feel that way, too. I have not been able to stop thinking about you. You consume me, mind and soul. I am desperately in love with you.”

That seemed to satisfy Jennifer. Her muscles relaxed and she leaned back, propping her head on her soft pillows. “Finally, Lilith. You admit how you feel about me. You had me worried there for a sec. But I knew you could do it.”

I lied down next to her. “So, what now?”

“What do you think, Lils?” Jennifer chuckled, “we are a couple now. Must there be a plan for everything? Can’t we just ride the wind and see how it goes? We are together now and that’s all that matters. You needn’t worry, my love.”

The nickname sent shivers down my spine. My cheeks burned. “I want to be carefree and spontaneous, Jen, believe me, I do, but I don’t think that’s what our relationship is made for. I don’t want us to be like those couples who just swoon over each other and have no real conversations. I want us to just… be. But in a way that matters.”

Jennifer’s playful expression faltered. She sighed, flipping on her side to face me. She tucked a loose strand of my hair behind my ears. “Relax, Lils… I know what you mean. I am not shallow,” her expression darkened, “don’t you have faith in me?”

“Of course I do, Jen!” I raise my hands in exasperation, “it’s you that doesn’t have faith in me. Just… just don’t treat me like a plaything.” My tone was more vulnerable than I wanted it to be.

Jennifer leaned close to me, basically climbing on top of me. She nuzzled my neck. “Sweet Lilith… You could never be a toy to me. Those boys I’ve been with? Total losers. They did not have a place in my heart. You, Lils, occupy my entire being. That is the difference.”

I was so tempted to just give in to her touch. I buried my head in her hair, breathing her in. She smelled like roses. “I just worry, Jen… how do I know that you won’t just drop me when you’re done with me?”

Jennifer got up abruptly. “Is that what you think of me, Lils? That I am some slut who messes with people out of boredom and goes around breaking hearts?”

“Jen, no!” I shouted defensively, “but after your earlier confession I am a bit… shaken. You… I mean you have…”

“Go on, Lils, say it.” Jennifer’s smile had a malicious hue that I did not like.

“You have killed people. How am I supposed to feel safe with that? When was the last time you killed someone, anyways?”

“Frankly, Lils, that is none of your business. Though I can assure you that I am not some vicious monster who kills people for sport.”

“Aren’t you? Because, previously, you spoke of killing boys so calmly, as if they’re not human.”

“Because they took everything from me!” Jennifer sounded both indignant and devastated, as though she needed me to understand. “I am the way I am because of them!”

“See, Jen, I don’t know if I can really believe that. I won’t pretend to know what it’s like to be in your shoes, but you were always very clear that you never took boys’ feelings into consideration, even before you… died. The way I see it, being a succubus simply amplified feelings that already existed. It did not just transform you into what you are.”

Jennifer scoffed in disappointment. “No, you’re right, Lils. You cannot understand what it is like. Which is why you cannot judge so foolishly. I never wanted to kill anyone. I am not a psycho. Sure, I broke men’s hearts, but that does not make me a monster. I was just a teenage girl, trying to deal with the incessant attention from boys that only wanted me for my body. All I know is that, after I died, I woke up with this immense hunger. After my first kill, I… I hurt so much. Not just because I had taken a life, but also because I realised that I had started to lose sense of myself. I was not me anymore. I still don’t know if I am. And maybe some parts of me are amplified, not completely brand new. But that also means that some parts of me are gone for good. And that, Lils, is not a nice feeling at all.”

Her words felt like a dagger to my heart. Had I truly misunderstood her so much? Was she really just a teenage girl, hurt and flawed like we all were, beneath the devilish facade?

“I am sorry, Jen,” I whispered apologetically. Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close. I placed a kiss on her forehead. “I just… I have my fears, too, you know? I want you to be okay, trust me.”

Jennifer’s shoulders tensed, but she relaxed again when I kissed her forehead. “I know,” she whispered in a small voice, “I want you to be okay, too. I would never hurt you.”

“I just need you to promise me one thing. You will try not to kill people. You will find a different way to feed.”

Jennifer sighed, as if I was making things difficult for her. For a moment, I thought she would disagree and we would have another heated fight. To my surprise, she nodded.

“I don’t mean to kill people, either. I don’t want to forget who I was, who I still am. Will you keep reminding me, no matter what? That’s my condition.”

“You have got a deal,” I smirked playfully and gave her a kiss on the lips. She grabbed my face and deepened the kiss.

“Then I suppose we are official?” she asked.

“You bet we are,” I giggled, bringing her down on top of me.

We spent the rest of the night blissfully. I even slept over, this time with no interruptions. Just Jennifer’s body keeping me company throughout the night. I couldn’t be more content.

But, of course, my happiness was not going to last.