Chapter 19

     The sun had long set, but my eyes were wide open. The moonlight streamed through my open window, the old branches of the oak tree shadowing upon the floor. I sighed, staring at the ceiling, huffing to myself, my hands splayed on my stomach.

    “Boo.” I heard a whisper, jumping with a sharp inhale as I twisted to look back. I was nearly about to scream bloody murder when I realized I perfectly recognized the face outside my windowseal.

    “You’re not supposed to be here,” I reminded sharply, switching on my lamp. She gave a quiet chuckle, swinging her leg through the open window and stepping inside with a common familiarity.

    “Can’t stay away,” she murmured casually, stalking closer, her hands tucked into the pockets of her jeans.

    “Ellie- I- …we…can’t,” I sighed as if the words personally offended me, struggling to get them out.

    “I don’t see why not….your dads never caught us before…” she trailed off and then gave me a pointed look, that routine smirk on her lips. “Has he?” She promted. I rolled my eyes, playfully glowering.

    “Well…no, but-,”

    “Exac-“

    “But,” I continued promptly. “But now he’s all overprotective because I left and he’s been checking more. If he see’s you, we’re both dead,” I sighed, slowly sitting up farther in bed, slowly standing.

    “Eve, don’t be such a goody two shoes,” Ellie chuckled.

    “Not wanting to die means I’m a goody two shoes now? That’s a new one,” I huffed.

     “We won’t die,” she groaned.

    “You know my dad.”

    “I’d keep you safe.”

    “Oh, my hero.”

    Ellie stared for a long moment before her hand slid up my neck, her eyes becoming darker, and my breath caught. Her lips captured mine again, and my brain told me to pull away, but my heart said to give in. I froze, mind short circuiting as I tried to think- think, think, think-

           She pulled away, lips leaving mine as her eyes bore into me, softer now. Her brows were furrowed, and my expression dropped into something of remorse.

          “I’m sorry-,” I began.

          “No,” she said quickly, interrupting me as she took a step back, her hand parting from my jaw. It left an odd sense of emptiness that wasn’t there before. “No, I’m sorry. You- you were right, Eve, I shouldn’t have come, I’m sorry, I can’t-,” she rambled nervously. I couldn’t help but interrupt, grabbing her face to shut her up, watching her with wide eyes as I tried to decide my course of action.

          “Stop….stop apologizing. You don’t have to be sorry, there’s nothing for you to be sorry about,” I insisted. I hesitated for a long moment before pulling her back down to my level, connecting our lips, her mouth on mine, warm and soft. It was scary, I had never kissed anyone prior to this, but she felt so right. I knew that she was right. Even…even if the Bible said otherwise. Even if Dad said otherwise. Even if this made something in me ache with uncertainty.

         Ellie tilted her head and I followed her lead, unsure of what to do, but wanting to do it correctly. She smiled against my lips, I could feel it, a soft quirk, opening her mouth a bit. She grasped onto my waist and pulled me in closer, our bodies flush against each other, and I instinctively wrapped my arms around her neck.

          “Ellie,” I gasped as I opened my mouth for her. I didn’t know what it did, but I had heard my friends talk about it before. They talked about it with boys, though…

          “This is what I’ve been wanting for so damn long,” she muttered, causing me to giggle gently. She pulled back a bit and smiled, her eyes flicking over my face. “You’re so damn cute…” she murmured.

          “Stop cussing,” I whispered playfully, my lips brushing hers.

          “Just kissed ya and all you’ve got to say is “stop cussing?” She teased.

          “It’s naughty,” I said, smiling as I leaned up a bit, yearning for more.

          “What’s naughty? The kissing or the cussing?” She chuckled.

          “The- well…both. But I like one a whole lot more than the other. And I don’t wanna stop,” I hummed.

          “Oh, is that so?” Ellie teased, warm breath fanning over my face in a way that had me delighted. I had never felt alive like this before.

          “Why, yes ma’am, it is…”

          She leaned in again and this time, I didn’t hesitate. I kissed back immediately, content with the feeling of love between us despite what I had been taught. Yet, there was still that nagging in the back of my mind, and an uneasiness in my stomach. I ignored both best I could, refusing to give in, because this felt too good to quit.
I heard a faint click of a door somewhere and I jolted, flinching back as my eyes went wide, my hand freezing in Ellie’s hair. I scrambled back, pulling back my covers and pushing her towards the window. However, I heard the footsteps – too late. I pushed her to the closet instead, throwing her inside like a crumpled sock an closing it as quickly and quietly as I could, climbing into bed. I got under the covers and yanked them over my head, heart racing, blood pumping audible in my ears just as my door creaked open. I closed my eyes, trying to seem relaxed, like I was not completely out of breath and panicked. The sounds stilled for a long moment, just simple silence and observation from who was presumably my father.

     Eventually, I heard the shuffling of carpet again, and the door closed with a click. I waited a long second until I was sure this was not some cruel test and I slowly tugged the blanket down just enough to peak around, one eye cracked open. I let out a sigh of relief, kicking the covers off me and sitting up slowly, surveying my room carefully. I heard the creek of the second to last stair, the sign we were in the clear now. I got up from bed, walking to the closet, and slid back the bi-fold door, revealing Ellie where I had hastily stuffed her.

     “Uh…sorry,” I said awkwardly. She stared at me for a long moment before laughing, unable to help herself, covering her mouth with her sleeve. I smiled but stifled my giggles, tugging her out of the closet by her shoulders. “Told you you shouldn’t be here,” I taunted quietly.

     “Well, even if you’re kicking me out now, it was definitely worth my time,” Ellie whispered, leaning down, our faces nearly touching. I laughed gently, sighing a bit and running my hand over her shoulder.

     “Bye…” I murmured reluctantly. I took a step back, my eyes flicking to the window. I did not necessarily want her to leave, but we could not get caught, not like this. I would be grounded for life.

     “Bye,” she said, turning for the window. She made a smooth escape, swinging her legs out and hopping to the branch. I leaned over the windowsill, watching as she scaled her way down the tree, reaching the ground, and looking up with a dorky wave. I snorted, waving back as I watched her run across the yard and across the street, back home. My heart ached with that familiar guilt as I slowly bit my lip, my eyes so fond and soft for her and only her. All the while, the pit formed in my stomach, nagging at me for the behavior I had just displayed, and I fought with myself to decide whether it was love or lust.