Chapter 3

PAT’s POV:

I used to think growing up meant leaving things behind.

The old streets of San Juan.

The afternoons spent walking home.

The little promises we made with our pinky fingers.

But I was wrong.

Because no matter how many years passed, there was still one thing that never changed.

Katherine Reyes.

My first friend.

My constant.

My home.

The only difference was…

I started noticing things I never noticed before.

The way she smiled when she was happy.

The way she pushed her hair behind her ear when she was nervous.

The way she always said my name like it was something important.

I noticed everything.

And that scared me.

Because I wasn’t supposed to.

Kat was just Kat.

My best friend.

The girl who shared her snacks with me.

The girl who waited for me after class.

The girl who promised she would always be there.

So why did my heart feel different every time she was near?

“Pat!”

I looked up from my phone.

My teammate was staring at me.

“You’ve been smiling at your screen for five minutes.”

I immediately looked away.

“I wasn’t.”

She laughed.

“You’re terrible at lying.”

I rolled my eyes.

“I was just reading something.”

A message.

From Kat.

**Kat: Did you eat? Don’t skip meals again.**

I stared at it longer than I should have.

A normal friend would probably just reply.

But somehow, even a simple question from her could change my entire mood.

I typed back.

**Pat: Yes, mom.**

A few seconds later:

**Kat: Good. Someone has to take care of you because you don’t know how.**

I smiled.

She always did that.

She cared too much.

And maybe…

Maybe that’s what made everything complicated.

Because I didn’t just want her to care about me.

I wanted to be the person she looked for first.

The person she chose.

The person she couldn’t imagine losing.

I hated admitting that.

Especially because I knew Kat.

She loved deeply.

She cared about everyone.

She was kind to everyone.

So maybe I was just another person in her life.

But she was never just another person in mine.

She was the reason I looked forward to going home.

The reason I smiled when I saw her name appear on my phone.

The reason every place felt less lonely when she was there.

I don’t know when it happened.

I don’t know when my childhood promise turned into something else.

Maybe it happened slowly.

Maybe it happened the moment I realized I didn’t just want to walk beside her anymore.

I wanted to stay beside her.

Always.

But I never told her.

Because what if I did…

And everything changed?

What if she looked at me differently?

What if the one person who always felt like home became someone I could lose?

So I kept it to myself.

A secret I carried quietly.

A feeling I wasn’t brave enough to name…

—

Back then, everyone already knew about us.

Pat and Kat.

Kat and Pat.

No one even questioned why we were always together.

They just accepted it.

Like it was normal.

Like it was expected.

But sometimes, people would look at us differently.

“Are you two dating?”

I remember almost choking on my drink when someone asked that.

“What?”

My classmate laughed.

“You heard me.”

I looked at Kat, expecting her to laugh too.

She did.

Of course she did.

“That’s impossible,” Kat said.

I don’t know why those words bothered me.

Impossible.

She said it casually.

Like the idea was funny.

Like it was something that could never happen.

I smiled along.

Pretending it didn’t affect me.

Pretending my chest didn’t feel strangely heavy.

Because what could I say?

That I sometimes wondered what it would be like?

That I wanted to hold her hand not because we were crossing the street…

But because I wanted to?

That I wanted to be more than just the person beside her?
I couldn’t.

So I stayed quiet.

—

High school was full of moments I never told anyone about.

Like the time Kat fell asleep on my shoulder during a long class.

I remember sitting completely still.

My arm was already numb.

My back hurt.

But I didn’t move.

Not even once.

Because Kat looked peaceful.

And somehow, making sure she was comfortable mattered more than my own.

Or the time she got sick before our exams.

Everyone told her to rest.

But she still tried to study.

So I brought her notes.

Bought her medicine.

Stayed on call with her until she fell asleep.

She thanked me the next day.

“You always take care of me, Pat.”

I shrugged.

“Someone has to.”

But the truth was…

I didn’t do those things because someone had to.

I did them because it was her.

—

The worst part was when I started noticing other people noticing her.

Boys would talk to her.

Ask for her number.

Wait for her after class.

And every time it happened…

I felt something I didn’t understand.

Annoyance.

Jealousy.

Fear.

I hated it.

Because Kat deserved happiness.

She deserved someone who would make her smile.

So why did a small part of me hope that person would never come?

Why did I want to be the only one who knew her favorite snacks?

The only one who knew when she was upset?

The only one she ran to?

That’s when I realized.

This wasn’t just friendship.

Friends cared.

Friends worried.

Friends protected each other.

But friends didn’t feel their heart race whenever the other person smiled.

Friends didn’t memorize every little thing about someone without trying.

Friends didn’t wish for forever this badly.

I loved her.

The realization was quiet.

Almost terrifying.

Because it didn’t feel like something new.

It felt like something that had been there all along.

I just finally noticed.

—

I never told Kat.

I couldn’t.

Because losing her was something I couldn’t survive.

So I kept my feelings hidden behind jokes.

Behind teasing.

Behind the simple words:

“Best friend.”

Even though deep down…

She was never just my best friend.

She was the girl I loved.

And maybe she always had been.

✦ Author’s Note ✦

Have you ever loved someone so deeply, but the thought of losing them was scarier than keeping your feelings hidden?

This chapter is for the people who stayed quiet.

For the ones who were afraid that one confession could ruin years of memories, comfort, and the only person who ever felt like home.

Sometimes, the hardest love isn’t loving someone.

It’s loving someone while pretending you don’t.

Pat’s story is about a feeling that grew slowly
—
from childhood promises, small moments, and a friendship that meant everything.

Because sometimes, the person you want to confess to is the same person you can’t afford to lose.

– tatine ♡