Chapter 4

That’s it! Sara thought with relief. She forgot her phone! That has to be it! She does like to stay up late. She…she slept in a little this morning, got a late start, rushed to work, and in her haste she just forgot it. So she couldn’t call and tell me, and she also can’t E-mail me. So, that…that’s it! It’s gotta be! Oh, thank God; it all makes sense now! I feel so much better. Maybe she could’ve called with someone else’s phone, but…oh well.

Even so, as she drove home from work, her normally zealous belting out of her favorite songs was lacking a bit of her trademark enthusiasm. The tiny bit of doubt still loitering in her mind robbed the heart from her voice.

She…totally just forgot her phone. She had to’ve. That’s it. I’m right. I’m absotively posilutely sure I’m right. Completely certain.

Wednesday, March 26th, 2014, 6:19 p.m.

Sara waited till she knew Mel’d be home, and rechecked. Still nothing. She dialed.

Ring…ring…ring…click. “…Hello?” said a familiar but sad voice.

“Hello”? Didn’t she look at the caller ID? “…Mel?”

“Yeah, Sara!” she chuckled. “What’s the deal, babe? Ya forget who I am or something?”

She’d asked this question as a joke, but Melleny’s only response was a dismayed sigh.

Sara was getting a little scared. “Whoa, Mel, sweetie, I was just kidding! Hon…don’t get upset, I really was just playing,” she clarified. “Is…are you okay? Is something wrong?”

Sara’s heart accelerated again, but this time she was afraid. “Mel, talk to me. If there’s something wrong, I wanna kno—no, actually, check that; I need to know. Mel, please.”

“…Sara…I’m…I’m not sure I wanna talk about it.”

Sara felt something very frightening descending on her. It was as if Mel didn’t hear a word of what she’d just said. Either that or it was so bad she couldn’t tell her at all.

“Melleny…y-you’re not…breaking up with me, a—…are you, sweetheart?”

“‘Not exactly‘?” Sara repeated worriedly. “What does that mean, ‘not exactly‘?”

“Okay, no, Sara, I’m not, no.”

Oh. Whew. ‘Kay, no big deal, I only just realized I’m in love with you last night, that’s all!

“Well, thank goodness! Gosh, Mel, you scared me there, babe! Well, was…was there anything I said? Something I did wrong?”

Another sigh. “…No.”

“Well, then what? Baby, what? Tell me what’s bothering you! I wanna make you happy!”

Nothing. Silence. Crickets.

For the first time, she hated the sound of her own name. She didn’t push.

“All right,” Sara calmly acquiesced, not wanting to aggravate. “Well, sweetie, I won’t force you if you don’t want to, but I want you to know I’d do anything to make it better.”

“Okay, fine, I’ll tell you,” the voice came sharply through the phone, startling Sara.

“You really don’t hav—”

“Sara…” Mel cut her off. “I had a really terrible, awful day…but I’m afraid to say why.”

“You’re afraid to?” Sara felt her blood temperature plummet. “Melleny…darling, are you in some kind of trouble?…Are you in danger?”

“No, no, it’s not like that…I just…couldn’t stop crying all day,” Mel confessed.

Hearing that cut deep into Sara’s heart. Poor Melleny sounded just so defeated. Sara was obviously familiar with bad days, but up to this point, Mel’d always seemed at least halfway cheerful. Was her perception just clouded by all the fun they’d been having together? Holy smoke, Sara said to herself. Twenty-four hours ago, everything was fine!

“Oh gosh, Mel,” she said softly, feeling her apprehension overcome by sympathy. “I’m so sorry, honey, I…” She tried to think of anything she could do. “Well…hey, why don’t you let me come over? I could try to help you through it.”

“Sara…I just dunno…I mean, I don’t even know how to explain it…I feel so upset, like I…like I just can’t turn anywhere.”

Oooh. Hearing that felt like being kicked in the stomach. Once she let it sink in, Sara realized just how plaguing the situation before her was. Her girl( )friend, the person with whom she’d just madly fallen in love, was suffering inexplicable pain, and she could do nothing visible to make her glad. She felt so helpless. She took one more stab, trying to throw more pleading into her voice.

“…Not even to me?”

Melleny said nothing. Sara, desperate, still didn’t want to give up.

“Mel, darling, I really wanna cheer you up,” Sara tenderly entreated. “Wh—can-can I come over, please? I’ll-I’ll br—I’ve got a frozen pizza I’ve been saving just for you. I know how much you love pizza. I’ll make it for supper, I’ll bring a comforting movie or something? Anything! Want me to get some milk and cookies? I’ll get you anything you want! Mel, I’d do anything for you. Please, let me come over, you can tell me all about it. You can have both my shoulders as long as you need ’em…okay?”

She didn’t expect an answer right away, and she didn’t get one.

“…Ok-okay? Please, Mel?…Please?“

Sara perked. Her heartbeat quickened again.

“…Aw, what the hell.”

Gosh. Don’t overexcite yourself about it. But Sara didn’t care. She was just so happy Mel would let her come over, she didn’t worry about it. “Oh, good!” she smiled, feeling relieved again. “I’ll be there before you know it, hon, I promise. Just hang in there, it’ll all be okay. I’ve had bad days too; it’s no big deal! If that’s all it was, we’ll get through that!”

A sudden, long, cold silence followed.

“…Did…did you just say…’It’s no big deal’?“

Sara detected a hint of something not very good in Melleny’s voice. It sounded like…hostility. Rather…scorned hostility. Sara sensed she may have taken a bad turn.

“W—…well, honey, I didn’t mean anything by th—”

The next sound Sara heard broke her heart. A tearful sniffle trying to hold back a sob.

Sara gasped. “No, no, no, Mel, I didn’t mean anything by that, I swear!” she insisted. “Mel, honey, please don’t cr—”

She was interrupted again. “I gotta go.”

Sara’s eyes widened. “Oh, no, Mel, no, please, just wait a m—” Click.

She’d hung up. Sara removed the phone from her ear and stared at it in a mix of shame and panic. Oh, God! she thought like a small guilty child. I…I made my girlfriend cry!

And Sara was the sensitive one. She’d always thought that in a relationship she would be the weeper. She felt horrible. She’d tried to make things better and inadvertently made them even worse. Oh God, what’ve I done?? She immediately called back. But this time there was no answer. Sara waited for voicemail, and spat out a quick message to bridge things until she could get to Melleny’s house.

“Mel, babe, I’m so, so sorry! I didn’t mean it! I didn’t mean to say anything that could’ve hurt your feelings. Melleny, I swear, you’re my angel. I wouldn’t try to hurt you for anything in the world. I mean it. I-I did mean that. Okay, Mel, sweetie, I’m gonna come over now. All right? I’ll-I’ll bring the pizza. I’ll see you in a little while, okay, Mel? I’m coming right over. I’ll see you then. I love you. Bye.”

She grabbed her keys, phone, purse, and the pizza from the freezer, jammed her feet back into her shoes and jumped into the car in a worried, hurried rush. She was still feeling terribly guilty on the way. She didn’t have the peace of mind to sing; all she wanted to do was punish herself.

What is WRONG with me?! she self-berated, shaking her head. She’s supposed to be my girlfriend! Good girlfriends don’t make their girlfriends cry! And the worst part is I don’t even know what happened to make her day so bad!

Finally, she made it to Mel’s house. She thought it might’ve been a good idea to stop for flowers, but she didn’t want to make this trip take a minute longer than necessary. She was very nervous on the way to Mel’s door, not knowing if she should be expecting a trusting smile or a smack on the nose. But whatever happened, she’d be ready.

That last part of her reasoning was faulty.

Once she placed herself between the screen and front doors and timidly knocked, it promptly opened. Sara barely said or did a thing before Mel flung her arms around her in a powerful embrace. She pulled Sara right into her and squeezed with all her might.

Sara wasn’t ready for that. But it seemed like good news to her. She certainly wasn’t about to object to Mel deciding to forgive her—if that was in fact what was happening—but she was also curious exactly what was going on. She’d sounded so heartbroken on the phone. And now, twenty minutes later, clamping onto her in a big bear hug of love??

When they finally did break about thirty seconds later, Mel took a moment to shut the door, then switched gears and proceeded to shower Sara with kisses. All over. Again, Sara had less than no clue what the deal was, but she wasn’t going to complain. When Melleny finally laid off with the affection, Sara spoke, choosing her words very carefully.

“Um…so…does…this mean I’m forgiven?”

Mel gazed at her with all the love two teary cobalt blue eyes could hold.

“You are the most perfect treasure to ever enrich my life.”

Wwwwwow… thought Sara. I…dunno what I apparently did between home and here, but whatever it was…go me!

Perhaps a less than great idea to bring it back up, but she had Sara’s curiosity piqued just a bit high. “I…kinda thought I…hurt your feelings,” she confessed sheepishly.

“But then you told me you loved me!” exclaimed Melleny, glowing with limerence.

I…did? Sara didn’t actually remember saying that at all. But there was no way she was admitting that right now. If it—whenever it may’ve occurred—was what suddenly turned Mel’s entire day around, by gosh, she’d stand by it.

“Well…of-of course I did!” Sara chuckled. But, uh…when, exactly, again?

Mel threw another hug on her. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that!” she wept into Sara’s shoulder.

…No, no, I guess I don’t! Eh…PLEASE, God, remind me when I said that again?!

God heard her this time. Mel released her and retrieved her phone. “It was like a life preserver!” she cooed. “Like a ray of hope suddenly shining down on me! Oh, I have to hear it again!” She played Sara’s message and pressed the speakerphone button.

Whoa, I did say it! It was almost tossed in there as something of a reflex, a verbal aside as casual as had she been talking to her folks. She honestly hadn’t even noticed she’d said it. The whole message was kind of a blur as she was just trying to get it all out and scoot. But there it was, right there in living sound. The emotionless voice menu gave Mel some options of what to do with the message. She saved it, put down her phone and sat them on her couch so they could cuddle up and talk.

“Sara…” she said in a much different tone than before, coating all four letters of her name in a thick sheen of affection. “There’s…something I wanna tell you right now. Things…um…things’ve been kinda rough for me lately…”

Really? Again, something she’d never have guessed. You could’ve fooled me, sweetie!

“…And, today was no exception. I’ve been thinking a lot about us lately, Sara. And…I never told you this before, but…sometimes I get these…spells, you might call ’em. When I just…kinda get sad. Real sad. I, eh…I have hereditary clinical depression.

“And you know…I was with my Mom and Dad last night,” Mel went on. “Which hasn’t been so much fun since we all met my sixth brother-in-law. Sara…almost all my sisters are married, and the one single one has a serious boyfriend. And, my folks are just…”

Sara thought she saw where this was going. “…Not so crazy about you being gay?”

“No, actually, not really that at all, but I get the feeling they’re a little…disappointed, in my inability to find someone to love.”

Sara smiled and slid her arms around her a bit tighter, planting a kiss on her shoulder.

“And see, that got me thinking,” Mel continued. “And, I think I reached this point today when…something clicked inside me. I mean, sure, my parents’ approval’s important to me. But just as important, Sara, it’s like all the time we’ve spent together’s built up this big ball of bliss in me, and…I think today I learned it’s there to fill something in me that was empty. Thing is, though…before we started dating, I didn’t even know that empty part of me existed. Now, when I’m with you, it’s like that bliss ball swells up and makes me whole. And when we have to leave each other, it shrinks, and I feel hollow again.”

Sara could start to feel herself “meltin’,” just as her officemates indicated.

“And now that I know that empty space’s there,” proceeded Melleny, “…I can’t ignore it. Y’know? I-I can’t not know it’s there now. So when we’re apart, that emptiness hounds me, and torments me, and won’t leave me alone. So, today…it was like my depression spells met up with my empty space, and…they double-teamed me. Suddenly…all I could think of was you. How you weren’t with me, and you had to be somewhere else, and we couldn’t be together, and I just…lost it. And, outta nowhere I just started crying, and I just…couldn’t stop. That was when I realized, Sara…I need you in my life. I…