Chapter 56

His words are re-playing over and over again at the back of my head as I walk to my door. See this man is smart, he figured that if he threatened me I wouldn’t budge so he went straight for what would make me budge and fall on my knees. It was kind of funny when you thought about it, I’ve grown enough balls to stand up for myself and risk getting hurt by him but not enough to watch him do that to the people who brought light and happiness into my life. I was weak, I couldn’t fight for the people who I know would fight for me til the end.

“What the fuck ? Took you long enough, I was about to buy a gun and come searching for you” Austin says the moment I open the door.

“Where did he take you ?” Drew asks and I exhale deeply looking between my two friends. Drew looked angry as usual with a hint of curiousity and concern, Austin on the other hand just looked generally concerned but a bit relieved.

“Nowhere, just drove around the neighbourhood” I shrug trying to hide the fact I was having an anxiety attack.

“Are you okay ?” Flame appears next to Drew her eyebrows raised with a small frown on her face. What would I tell her ?, should I lie ?.

“S-sure” I shrug again.

“Good enough for now, cammon” Austin slings his arm over my shoulder pulling me along with them to the living room.

“It wasn’t a good idea to go with him Cainine, that was irresponsible of you” Sparks scolds, sending me a disapproving look and all I can do is just look at her.. just look at the girl who’s apparently the most amazing female I have ever met and is also suprisingly my girlfriend.

“I know” I agree with her. She has no idea just how much I agreed on her with this one. Maybe if I hadn’t gone the night would still be peacful and we would all be happy, maybe I wouldn’t be feeling like I was a shitty person for actually considering staying here and risking my friends’ and girlfriends’ lives.

“What did he want anyway ?” Drew asks crossing his arms across his chest and leaning against the wall. This.. this was a tough question, that I couldn’t answer just yet.. what would I say ? ‘he threatened to end all of you if I refused to go with him ?’. Yeah that would probably be a good and honest answer.. but what was the point ? they would only hurt themselves when trying to find a solution to the problem that can never be fixed.. the problem that is Nik.

“Nothing really, you know him and his stupid shit” I wave them off.

“Yeah that’s the problem, we thought the stupid shit would have ended by now” Austin says and I look between all three of them, eyeing me suspiciously, arms crossed across their chests.

“Same here” I scoff a laughter to try and take the edge off the emotions going on.

“Yeah okay…” Austin nods slolwly still eyeing me like he suspected me in some type of way “Whatever shit he’s trying to pull off at the moment though, will be dealt with tomorrow, it was supposed to be a good night tonight, and I’m not giving up on that”. Austin points all of us and I feel myself calm down abit, he was right, tonight was supposed to be a good night, tonight was my last night with my family and it was supposed to be a happy night.. a night that I wouldn’t forget, a night that would make them not forget me.

“Agreed” I point Austin “Bring the marijuana out” I half yell earning a laugh from Drew and a small laugh from Sparks but with a glare my way.

“Your wish is my command daddy” Austin laughs walking to what I assume is the kitchen and I push all the worrying thoughts that made me want to throw up back and pulled Sparks to me, feeling way more than calm the moment I engulf her in a hug.

“I have to say though Cain, your dad has a pretty punch-able face” Drew comments making me laugh and look from Sparks to him “One look at him and I just want to punch him and everything around him”. He chuckles and I laugh along with him, because this was true, it was all so true.

“Tell me about it, I got pissed the moment he opened his mouth” Austin agrees as he walks into the living area.

“How do you guys think I feel ? I’ve lived with the asshole almost all my life” I ask chuckling.

“You are indeed the strongest one in this group” Austin makes a point to bow and we all laugh.

“Thanks for stating the obvious idiot” I snatch the blunt from him before he can even light it. I was going to get high, stay calm and spend this night with these idiots and my girlfriend laughing, just as planned. Jokes on you Nik, you didn’t ruin my night, just the rest of my life.

I sit back on my previous bean bag and pull Sparks to her previous position hoping she wouldn’t make a big deal about the ‘marijuana’ smoke, I wanted.. no, needed her by my side all night. I needed to remember why I dreaded following Nik’s orders but why I had to follow them.

“Are you okay ?” she whispers the moment she sits on my lap and I look at her my responce getting stuck in my throat immediately my eyes land on hers. How could I lie to her when she was looking at me like that ?.

“No” I shake my head and watch as her face twists into a frown “But I will be, just don’t leave my side… please” I was begging her not to. Not only at the moment but forever. That was fucked up and hycritical of me, don’t you think ?.

“I won’t” she answers as if she sensed I needed this one thing from her.

“Hey Cain, remember that blonde chick you were fucking with ?” Austin… damn it Austin, I can feel the mood change between Flame and I as I slowly turn to glare at Austin “Sorry” he raises his hands in defense as Drew chuckles.

“Language dude, her girlfriend who knows about Cain fucking everything with shoulders and long hair is sitted right there… infact sitted on her lap” Drew fucks up the situation even more.

“What about her ?” I try to end this topic as fast as I can as, my hand tightening around Sparks’ waist.

“I’m not saying that I fucked her but she has a birth mark on her right thigh” Austin smirks waving his eyebrows at me.

“And how the fuck am I supposed to know that ?” I raise my eyebrows at him as I signal Drew to to pass me the lighter.

“Well be-” Austin sighs in disappointment “Because you were once between those thighs” he looks at Sparks “I apologize I’m just trying to make a point, your thighs are the only thighs I want Nine to be between”.

“Austin shut the fuck up” I warn him as I light the joint between my lips looking away from Sparks’ side.

“No, let the boy speak” Sparks says and I turn to look at her, wondering why she was entertaining Austin’s stupidity and why she was smiling while at it.

“Yeah, thank you my lady” Austin points her.

“You’re so stupid” Drew interupts chuckling “How do you expect Nine to notice a birth mark on a lady’s thigh and remember it, how many has she seen and been between”.

“That’s it, this topic is over !” I announce making Drew laugh harder and Austin join him.

“But I haven’t made my point yet” Austin whines.

“You’ve fucked her, we get it, damn” I roll my eyes.

“Bingo!” Austin yells looking generally excited and this gets Drew and I to laugh. I turn to look at Sparks who hadn’t left my side as agreed upon and although I knew this was an uncomfortable conversation she had a smile on her face as she looked at Austin as he explained his night with Tia. She had a really beautiful smile, a smile that slowed my heart rate in a good way.. this woman right here could kill me without even knowing it with how often she messed around with my circulatory system.
_

The night flows as smoothly as intended earlier with alot of laughs, that was always expected when there was marijuana, alchohol and my friends. I would miss this, I don’t think anyone would ever make me laugh like these guys did.

“Seriously though…” I point them “You guys know that what’s mine is yours right ?” I was just abit tipsy, calm down folks.

“Are you hearing this Flame” Austin points Sparks who’s relaxed, resting her head on my shoulder and I snort a laugh.

“Don’t even go there, I’ll fucking kill you” I point him and hear Sparks laugh, infact they all laugh, I wasn’t joking so I don’t know what the laugh was for “Seriously, I would not hesitate murdering anyone that tried to get with you, or actually got with you”. Would she move on with someone when I left ? Would it be a boy or a girl? Does it really matter, I’d kill them either way.

“Yeah right” Sparks laughs again.

“Who do you think would try to get with her, when you’re by her side at all times?” Drew asks his eyebrows furrowed.

“Talk about clingy” Austin mumbles and I shoot him a glare.

“Yeah” I exhale “Right”. Anyway… “I was talking about the gym” I change topic, “You guys would take care of it right ?” I ask hoping it doesn’t sound suspicious.

“That’s a weird question” Drew points me.

“Of course we would, it’s our gym too idiot” Austin waves me off “But D’s right that’s a weird question”, Austin sits up straight, eyeing me suspiciously. Damn, did I blow it ?

“No it’s not, it’s a normal question, and I was just wondering” I wave them off.

“Wondering if we’d take care of your gym if you were absent ?” Drew questions.

“Exactly” I point him.

“What do you mean by absent ?” it’s Sparks’ turn to question as she raises her head from my shoulder.

“I don’t know… just absent” I shrug and avoid the three pairs of eyes on me. I think I’ve blown it.

“Why would you be absent ?” Austin asks.

“I don’t know… things happen” I shrug.

“Yeah right…” Austin drags his words.

“There’s something you’re not saying” Sparks speaks up again. This was exhausting, why would they suspect me?

“What the fuck are you guys going on about, I wouldn’t hide something as crucial as a life threat from you…  Who do you think I am ?” I scoff “A liar, I’m not”.

“What the fuck are you talking about life threat Cainine ?” Austin frowns. Uh oh… this is the moment I regret drinking and walk out of my house, never to be seen again…

“Cainine-” Drew calls out my name “What are you going on about ?”. I look from his frown to Austin’s, then to Sparks’, it’s like they were joining forces and just staring at me.

“Nothing, I’m just drunk honestly” I shrug.

“What did Nik want to talk about ?” Drew stands up from his position eyeing me intently “Try going into details this time, will you ?”.

“I told you guys, his usual B.S”. I really didn’t want this night ruined more than it already was, I had forgotten about the feeling of worry and sadness that was slowly eating me up and now that they were all looking at me like this, it was coming back to me. Double the pain.

“What did he tell you Nine ?” it’s Austin’s turn to stand up “Did he threaten to kill you ?” he frowns harder if possible and I scoff.

“What is this ? Calm the fuck down guys”.

“No” Sparks pushes me off her standing up “Answer the questions” she seemed angry. Why would she be angry at me ?, I was only trying to protect them.

“You guys wouldn’t do shit about it even if you knew” I stand up to come face to face with them.

“Oh so he did tell you something you’re hiding from us” Drew raises his eyebrows.

“What is it ?” Sparks pushes on “What did he tell you Cainine ?”. I had already put them through enough of my bull crap and them knowing this would make it hard for me to leave… they’d make me want to fight a losing battle. It was all fucking pointless.

“Nothing, can you all just fucking lay off already” I groan throwing my head back.

“Don’t fucking lie to us Nine” Austin points me “Just tell us and we’ll figure shit out”.

“Whatever it is we’ll solve it” Drew says and I scoff a laughter. That… that’s it.

“Who said I needed your help ?!” I yell “I don’t need any of you, all you guys do is give me false hope for a better future with happiness, something I’ll never have… you guys are worse than him” I point all of them. I was getting pissed now, I was tired of them always having my back and telling me that it would all be okay when it was all a lie.

“I’m not asking you again Cain” Drew rubs his eyes with his thumb and fore-finger “What the fuck did he tell you?”. They looked disappointed, pissed, hurt by my minor outburst but these stupid people were still here wondering what Nik told me. Ugh, if that’s what they wanted, then I’d give it to them.

“He told me he’d end you guys if I chose to stay here and not go with him, okay ?!” I yell “Is that what you want to hear you stupid fucks? That my own father doesn’t want me happy to a point where he’s willing to take out the only family I’ve ever had and the girl he knows I love ?!”.

“Fuck” Drew turns and looks away from me, Austin looks down at the floor and Sparks puts a hand over her face… great, I give out all that energy and they can’t even look at me after. I push my hair back, close my eyes and look up, I needed to calm down, I know I needed to, but the lump in my throat, the shortness of breath, the thought of losing these people fucked me up.

“Wait…” I look down when Drew speaks “And you… you were to leave without even telling us because that’s how your stupid brain works?”. I can’t believe he just asked me that.

“What the fuck do you expect Drew? Me to stay and risk you guys getting hurt?” unbelievable “I can’t do that, it’s not worth it, you can always find another friend or partner but when you’re dead, you’re dead and I won’t let you guys get hurt because of me”.

“Oh so that’s it?” I look to a pissed Austin “You were going to just replace us?”.

“Repla-” I scoff “What the fuck are you talking about? It’s not even about that, it’s about you guys being alright and safe”.

“Yeah, well to us it’s about having you here and safe, and it’s so twisted that you’d think to leave without telling us!” and for the first time Austin raises his voices in anger… at me? “That’s fucked up Cainine, so messed up!”.

“Why did you think I did that?!” I yell back “It’s because I knew that if you guys knew, you’d try to get me to stay and that would risk you guys’ lives, I cant do that, I can’t have that… don’t you guys see, there is no winning with Nik, he always gets his way, and I’d rather take all the hurt than be here and watch you guys get hurt because of me, I’m not selfish… not when it comes to the people I care about”. I exhale in exasperation as I look at the three of them, all their looks hurt me but Sparks, Sparks’ look brought that stinging to my eyes. I loved her, and I would leave her. I would leave her because I loved her.

“Earlier I was thinking of how much you guys have done for me” I speak quietly now “And I knew… I knew that I would never make you guys feel as special and accepted and cared for as you guys do for me, but now I can… now I can do it by leaving and letting you guys live”. I inhale a shaky breath “You guys are all I have, I can’t lose you just because I’m too selfish… please understand” I try to control my breathing but at this point I was already crying and it was hard to control anything.

“Ugh we understand” Austin is the first one to give in and walks towards me forcefully hugging me like he always does during moments like this, this makes me cry harder because I know no matter how annoying him hugging me felt and feels, I appreciated it and I would miss it.

“It’s going to be fine Cain” Drew adds and I feel his arm on my back. He almost always says this, and I believed it most of the time, but today it was just words… it was words he told me to comfort me, it would never be okay if he was still on this earth or a free man.

_

“One more thing before we leave…” Austin points me “We know you care for us, and you show us that in your own twisted way, I’m not letting you do this because you think it’s your way of showing us that, I’m letting you do this becuase you seem to think it’s the right thing to do at the moment”.

“You don’t have to prove anything to us Cain” Drew nods “And we’ll always have your back even if you think we’re stupid fucks, because family always sticks together and that’s what we are” he points me and for what feels like the thousandth time since I told them the truth, Austin pulls me in for a hug except this time Drew joins in.

“You take good fucking care and don’t take his shit” Drew mumbles.

“I will” I sigh.

“We’ll be here early tomorrow morning” Austin announces when he pulls away. “See you tomorrow” he looks to Sparks who hadn’t spoken for a while and she nods waving a little to Drew before they both walk out.

I slowly turn to look at Sparks hoping she wasn’t mad at me, I couldn’t afford that tonight, I find her looking at me intently.

“You think this is the right thing to do ?” she questions her voice strained.

“It’s the only thing I can do to keep you safe”.

“The one moment you actually decide to listen to me and follow my advice and I fucking hate it” she scoffs pushing her hair back and I laugh a bit.

“This is me facing my problems head on Sparks, just like you told me”.

“Wrong… I wanted to be by your side while you did” she inhales deeply “You wanna know why?”. When she finally looks into my eyes I can see that hers are sparkling, not the usual way though, they were sparkling with tears and sadness.

“Why?” I ask.

“Because I love you too”. I feel almost all my problems disappear the moment she says this and I can’t help but smile as I watch her walk to me. I pull her in for a hug in silence and though I was sure I couldn’t cry anymore I feel the tears rolling down my cheeks.

“I love you” I breathe. It felt so good to say it to her, I felt liberated “You’ve done so much for me and I love you so much Sparks, I do” my arms tighten around her and I rest my chin on her head as I hear her sniffle. It hurt to know she was crying but I couldn’t do anything about it at the moment except hold her like I would never let her go. Hold her like tomorrow wasn’t coming.

“You’ll come back to me”. It wasn’t a question, it was a statement that she sounded sure of though her voice cracked… She was sure of it and though I was done believing in happily ever after… I would believe it just this once… For Sparks.

“I’ll come back to you” I assure her placing a kiss on her forehead. Her hands clutch tighter on my t-shirt and I close my eyes and just let myself feel the peace she brought me, feel the love she made me feel… I knew it would be long before I ever felt this.

**
THE END.

I am emotional 1. because I have never finished a book, this is my first time and well, it feels good and sad at the same time, I’ll miss my characters, for the short time while we’ll be apart.

2. It is an emotional ending, that well… yeah it is, I was planning to just make Cain leave without informing anyone but that would hurt me a lot so I changed it at some point and it doesn’t feel so bad I guess.

Anyyywayyy thankyou guys so much for being here until this point and bearing with me, it means a lot and I am so thankful.. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter or atleast felt something, I felt alot, I hate it. You guys have a good night or morning, or afternoon, whatever you’re experiencing at the moment… and yeah, I enjoyed my journey with you guys in this book, hope you guys did too. And I hope it’s not the end. Byeeee.