Chapter 21

JENNIE

For almost four years now it was me and Ella.. I found myself into very tough situations but I rose from my ashes like the Phoenix.. I managed to find a job and at least be able to send Ella at her school and pay for a roof for our heads.. All these years I depended only to myself and to no one else.. Only for our food and that was because Mr Yanni insisted.. But now, now it was different.. I was finding myself being depended on Jisoo and that was killing me..

I know I am stubborn.. I am a big stubborn and very proud myself.. Jisoo is an angel.. She took good care of me when I was in that condition.. I felt safe being with her and living together wasn’t strange. In the beginning it was but day after day I was getting use to having her around.. To move around her without having any problem.. Ella was like she was living here for ever and everything were going well.. Then we kissed and now we are together..

The time was coming for me to take my casts off and I knew what I had to do.. I couldn’t stay with her anymore and that because we were together now.. So if I stayed with her it wouldn’t mean only that I needed her help but we would live together as a couple.. I don’t know if I was ready for that yet and I don’t think that Jisoo was ready..

She caught me off guard though when we were at the fun park.. I didn’t expect her to ask me to stay with her.. When I told her that we would stay at the motel she started telling me about how shit that place was.. I already knew that.. That wasn’t something knew.. But the way she said that it just made me feel less than a mom to Ella.. Like I couldn’t give her what she deserved.. If I had the tons of money I had this wouldn’t be the case.. Ella and me we would live in my luxury apartment, she could have whatever she wanted and I wouldn’t get worry about everything.. But I wasn’t that rich anymore, and the only thing I could do for us was to rent that room..

“Jisoo, just drop it. Okay?”

“If you don’t tell me why..”

“Because I want to be able to support Ella.. I want to be able to give her that.. Thank you for taking care of us all this time and I will be grateful to you forever but.. I just don’t want..”

“You don’t want to stay with me?”

Now she was thinking that I didn’t want to stay with her.. That wasn’t even the case.. Why we had to do this conversation here.. Aggrrr.. That was frustrating..

“No, it’s not that.. Just.. Let it be Jisoo.”

“Ella is happy here.. You don’t have to worry for pimps and whores.. Why you are being so stubborn Jennie?”

I really didn’t want to have this conversation here especially when I saw Ella coming to where we were.. Ella was a kid but she was a smart kid..

“The conversation is not over.”

“Whatever.”

Ella was in her happy place.. With so much candy she was already in candy world.. Jisoo and I weren’t talking from the moment we got inside her car and it was a good thing that Ella didn’t realise anything because then I would have to explain things that I couldn’t.. I caught Jisoo though looking at me several times.. I never looked her back..

“I am sleepy..” Ella said while rubbing her blue eyes.. After the day she had she exhausted herself and now she wanted to sleep.. It was kind of late though.. It was already 8pm..

“Well we are almost here baby girl.. Then we will take our bath and sleep.”

“Ok, mommy..”

That was all I said in our one hour drive back to Jisoo’s apartment.. Jisoo didn’t say anything.. I knew she wanted to but it wasn’t the right place or right time..

When we were outside her building she exited first from the car and opened the door to Ella’s side and took her in her arms.. I still couldn’t do that because I had my cast on.. We took Ella in the bathroom so she could have her bath before she would go to bed.. Jisoo was there with me.. I could bath my child without any help but she was still there waiting in case I needed something.. That’s what I was saying.. I couldn’t depend on Jisoo.. I wasn’t that person..

“Ok.. Say goodnight to Jisoo honey.”

“Goodnight Jisoo.. I love you.” Jisoo didn’t look at me but leaned to Ella’s bed and gave her a kiss on her forehead saying those three words back to her..

“I love you too princess.” I kissed Ella and followed Jisoo to the living room where I found her waiting on the same couch we kissed so many times..

“Could you please sit Jennie?” I walked and sat in the opposite couch. When I did I saw her face.. She was sad and I really didn’t want to be the one to cause this..

“Look Jisoo..”

“Let me talk first please. Okay?”

“I guess.”

“We are living together for a month now. I really can’t see where the problem is.”

“I think you don’t want to see where the problem is.”

“Enlighten me.”

“I told you before.. I am going to be grateful to you for everything that you did for me and Ella.. But now there is no reason.. I am taking my cast off tomorrow and then I’ll be back to work.. So I really don’t see why you insist of us staying here?”

“Because clearly you are so stubborn and proud to accept my help that you can’t see that you have a child that is four year old and stays at a motel that the best person there is a whore. That’s why.” That was a hit under the belt.. Wow..

“Really? Really Jisoo? You just met me and you are going to tell me how I am going to raise my child? MY child Jisoo? Were you there four years ago? Were you there when I lost all my inheritance just to save my sister that could not be saved? Were you there when day by day people were coming in my home taking everything away because I didn’t have the money to pay electricity? Eh? You weren’t there because you didn’t know me.. You don’t know what I would do for that child.. I had to try really hard for us to survive.. I tried really hard to be where I am today just for that kid.. And you are telling me that I can’t see what I am doing? Do you think that I am that naïve Jisoo? Let me tell you that I am not.. I know what a shit hole that motel is.. I know.. But I don’t have the money for anything else.. With the money I make Ella goes school.. I care for her education.. Okay?”

I didn’t know how to managed not to raise my voice while telling her all that.. I don’t know how much I tried not to leave her apartment right away because I needed to breathe..

“Why can’t you accept that I want to help? Why is that so difficult for you to put that inside your stubborn head?”

“Because I don’t want your help.. I just don’t want to depend on you..” I now was standing up raising my voice.. She stood up and came right next to me trying to relax me..

“I don’t think you are depending on anyone Jennie.. I offered you my help.. You work so you could pay things for the house.. I am just saying that you would be more safe here.. And I want you here.. That’s all.”

“Why you want me here.. Why you want us here? We just got together.. Don’t you think we are moving a little too fast?”

“Ohh.. I see.. That’s your reason.. That I want to live with you when we are not even together for a month.. Only three days.” she left my side and started to walk to her room.. Not mine.. “Well Jennie, to me, this thing between you and me is anything but fast.. I can’t explain it.. But if this is how you feel about me and how you feel in general about me and my intentions, the door to your exit is right there.. Tomorrow you can go back to your motel.”

“I.. I didn’t say that..” she didn’t hear me though when I said those words.. She was already inside her room.. I didn’t say what she just told me.. Just fuck..

I slept all alone.. Jisoo wasn’t next to me as every night holding me and I realised that I didn’t say those things but probably I meant them.. Jisoo wanted to help and I just snapped..

Next morning I woke up and Jisoo was nowhere to be found.. Usually she would be at the kitchen cooking breakfast but she wasn’t.. Her room was empty.. When I got at the kitchen I saw a note on the refrigerator..

‘I had to go to work.. I am sorry I can’t be with you today.. I already called a taxi to come and get you so you can go at the hospital and take you cast off.. Don’t wait for me tonight..’

Okay.. What was that? Did we just break up? And what about that ‘don’t wait for me tonight?’ I called her phone right away but she didn’t pick it up.. She had a caller ID.. So of course she wouldn’t pick it up.. This was my fault.. Now what the fuck just happened?

I woke up Ella, I made her breakfast while my mind was still on Jisoo.. The taxi came and we first took Ella at her school and then he took me at the hospital.. All the time I was trying to reach Jisoo that she still wouldn’t pick it up.. I texted her I don’t know how many times.. I guess that was my answer.. She broke it off.. And if that was what she wanted that was ok by me..

I took my cast off, I came back home and I started packing our things.. She said not wait for her tonight? Well.. I wasn’t planning on wait for her.. She chose to leave me like that.. With a note.. Very mature.. When I packed all our things I called a taxi and went to pick Ella from school.. We were going back to our motel..

When Ella got out I saw her looking at me strange.. All this time it was me and Jisoo that were waiting for her.. Today it was me and the taxi driver..

“Mommy? Where is Jisoo?”

“She couldn’t come baby girl.. Actually she had to leave for a while and now we need to go back to our place.”

“Why couldn’t we stay with her? I like her home.”

“Well sweetie.. We can’t stay alone in her house if she is not there.”

“Are we going back when she returns?”

“I don’t know baby girl.”

“She doesn’t want us there anymore?” I didn’t expect Ella’s questions.. And it was hard..

“Of course she does.. She just had to leave for a while and she will be back.”

“And then we can go back and live with her?”

“We will see. Ok?”

When we reached that area I felt my heart beating fast and not in a good way.. I really didn’t miss it and I hated to admit that Jisoo was right.. But I fucked up..

I paid the man downstairs for the room and we got back to our room.. It wasn’t the same we had.. Of course he would give our room to someone else..

“Mommy.. I don’t like it here.”

“I know sweetie.. I promise I will find something else.. It’s temporary.. Ok?”

“I miss Jisoo.” and I did too..

I helped her undress and I had already made some sandwiches from Jisoo’s apartment so we didn’t have to go at Apollo’s today.. We laid there and helped her with her homework till it was time for her to go to bed..

When she closed her eyes I stayed there looking at her and I was thinking of what Jisoo said.. I had to think of Ella and Ella’s good.. I guess now that Jisoo wasn’t talking to me it was too late.. I closed my eyes and tried to hold my tears back..

In the middle of the night I woke up because of the screams that were coming from the next room.. It wasn’t new considering where we were but then I heard things crushing and something was happening that was really bad.. The guy was screaming at the girl and then I heard BAM..

“Oh, my God.” Ella opened her eyes from the gun shot and I tried to tell her that it was nothing.. Just a car downstairs.. But I was trembling.. Someone maybe was dead in the next room.. I had to go to see if they were okay.. Whoever that might be..

I was scared to open my door but I had to help.. If someone needed my help the least I could do was to call for an ambulance.. The door to the next room was open and no one was inside except from a woman’s body in the floor.. What I saw from the door I was standing was.. Oh my God.. The girl was dead with a bullet on her head.. Ella.. I had to take Ella away from here.. I got inside my room and call the only person that I needed right now and could help.. Jisoo didn’t pick it up from one more time.. I texted her..

“Someone is dead to the next room.. I am taking Ella and we are leaving.”