Chapter 24

Sharini was like a kid who ate a piece of candy before bed. 

Hyped in sugar. 

Fully of energy. 

She sang all her way home, danced as the door opened. She tossed away the keys, swung her shoulder bag and threw her hands up into the air. She kicked the door shut while trying to spin around like a ballerina.

When she reached the bedroom, she flopped face-down on the mattress, giggling and kicking her feet like a teenager. ‘Gosh, what had gotten into me?!’, she chided herself, pressing her face into the pillow and groaning. 

She couldn’t believe where she got the courage to do that. ‘Like, excuse me, but who was that? Me? ‘

She shook her head, once, then again, and brought her fingers up to her face, pinching the air like she could physically grab the smile and pull it out of place, trying to draw focus and failing miserably. 

Her mind replayed the scene anyway, over and over in her head, like a worn out tape recorder that refused to stop. 

The energy continued to follow her into her day of work. She parked at the teacher’s parking in the campus, and walked with a pep in her step, tossing the keys in the air and catching them with practiced ease. 

“Good morning, Shanti miss!”

“Good morning, Avantika!”

“Heyyy Rosy!”

She greeted everyone with a full-blown smile plastered on to her face,so bright that it turned contagious. 

The assembly didn’t bore her like usual. She sang along to every prayer song, listened to the news with interest, and even helped her peers line up the kids. 

She handled a class of thirty screaming second-graders with a terrifying amount of patience. 

When a boy accidentally knocked over a jar of yellow paint, she didn’t sigh. She handled it with a laugh, helped him clean up. 

Somewhere around the morning break, she checked her phone to see a couple of messages from Sheetal.

Tubelight👀:

‘We reached around 9.30, and got to meet the shop manager. Had breakfast on the way.’

‘Sushmi will be handing things over to me today. That Malavika already started yelling at everyone, I think it will be a busy day. I’ll call you once we wrap up.’

You:

Okay. Saptiya?

Tubelight👀:

Haan. Nee?

You:

Saapten. 

Sharini stared at her phone for some seconds before the bell rang. She went on about with her day, which by the way, was a very productive one. She had a bunch of kids to work on a theme for the notice board decoration, she called and made arrangements with a craft emporium to make a bulk purchase of table cloth material and some paint. 

When evening bloomed, the energy started to fade like a soda that was left open. Sharini started dragging her feet against the tiled corridor, each step feeling heavier than the previous. She kept looking at the clock, and the rush of kids running out the gates, but made no move from where she sat.

The staff room was almost empty when Leela walked in and noticed a forlorn Sharini staring ahead at a rather bewildered science teacher. Though she knew that Sharini must have been lost in thought, she would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy seeing how that clueless man wiped his forehead with a handkerchief.  

She couldn’t blame him. Sometimes, Sharini did seem like a serial killer plotting gruesome ways for her next victim when she just silently stared.  Her fingers ferociously pulling out strands from an unruly paint brush didn’t help either. 

“Akka”

“Akka!!”, she nugded the latter’s shoulder first, then shook the woman, successfully pulling her out of her trance. 

“Haan”, Sharini jerked her head to the other direction, “I’m listening Leela, tell me, what else did Ashok say?” she blabbered, making the other snort. 

“I just came ka. I didn’t tell you anything yet, and I never mentioned Ashok. Where are you lost?” Leela quirked an eyebrow at the elder whose eyes widened and shrunk for a second like a deer caught in the headlights. 

Sharini let out a gust of air through pursed lips, and uncurled her fingers, letting the now almost-bald brush drop onto the table. “Sorry d. Just…. I don’t know.. It’s..”

“It’s okay. Relax. It’s just us,” Leela spoke, her voice gentle. She looked at the phone on the table, which was lit with the contacts app open to Tubelight👀.

“Did you have a fight with Sheetal akka again?”

“What? No. What do you mean again?” Sharini asked confused, turning away from the other and reaching for her phone. Her hands quickly fumbled to close all apps and lock the screen. “Nothing like that Leela. What made you think that?”

Leela looked a little skeptical, but trusted the other. “Sorry. You seemed like you have been overthinking something,” she pointed to the pile of uprooted bristles on the table, “plus when you two came over to our house the other day, both of you were acting… distant. It seemed like you didn’t want to be in each other’s presence. Or at least that’s what it looked like to me when Sheetal akka came in and you ran into the kitchen. I wanted to ask you right then, but I wasn’t sure if it was my place to interfere,” she said hesitantly. 

“But then you seemed to be fine after that, even this morning you were all bright and happy,” Leela dragged, as she placed her hand over Sharini’s, seeing the teacher gently smile even as she looked down, but that smile quickly vanished. 

Not wanting Leela to dig more, Sharini quickly put on a neutral expression. “It’s nothing like that, Leela. We are fine.  I’m just a little exhausted from running all day.”

“If you say so. You know you can talk to me, right?” Leela pressed, genuinely hoping that the other was comfortable around her. She had grown a special kind of affection and respect for the elder over the time she spent in this school. 

“Ok-nga periya manushi, looks who’s talking like a grown up all of a sudden!” Sharini teased, ruffling Leela’s hair much to the latter’s dismay, that reflected in her crunched up face and hand that swatted away Sharini’s. “Sheetal has gone to Pondidherry for work, that’s why I’m just sitting here and wasting time. It’s gonna be boring once I get back home.”

“Is that so? Do you want to come over to my place then? You can use the other room. Ashok is making–” Leela rambled with excited eyes. 

“Cha cha. Thank you, but don’t worry. It’s not that big of a deal. I can manage. I definitely don’t want to be a third wheel between you two. Plus I’ve got this notice board thing going on.” Sharini cut her off, and gave her a tired smile. She then got up, hunting for her keys. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Leela.”

The sun was setting, casting an orange glow on the city’s streets. The bustling traffic with swarming people, the constantly honking horns and the dark fumes of smoke from the government bus in front of her didn’t bother Sharini today. 

When she got home, she contiued to keep herself busy with some chips, an idea map and some slow music in the background. About 2 hours, a full bag of green lays, a kitkat and some bovonto later, the notebook in front of her had several dots, looking like the work of an eighth grader’s biology answer sheet. That one exam where they’re asked to draw an amoeba. 

She stared at the notebook seriously for a couple more minutes, if looks could burn, the paper would now be dust. Then she closed it shut and pushed it away. The couch looked more inviting, so she dusted the crumbles off her hand and dived onto it. The silence of the house was haunting. 

She didn’t know how much time had passed when she got up and noticed the room. The single brush in a cup by the wash basin, single pair of sandals at one corner at the doorstep, her solo tea cup on the table. Then she noticed the clock. It was way past their usual dinner time. She checked her phone again. No calls. No messages. 

She checked the time again.

9:13 p.m. 

Sighing, she walked to the kitchen and took a look around. She didn’t have a mood to cook, nor the appetite for real food, probably because of the junk, or the silence. 

She turned the knob on the gas cylinder, shutting it off. Slowly, she moved herself across the house, locking all windows and the main door, turning off unnecessary lights. She didn’t bother changing into night clothes, sometimes, the exhaustion overweighs the  discomforts of sleeping in a saree. 

She lay on the mattress, one arm flung over her eyes, the other loosely holding her phone against her chest. 

Just when sleep was about to take her over, the phone buzzed. 

Heart hammering, her hands scrambled to hold it properly, and then she saw what she’d been waiting for. A call from her Sheetal. She quickly fixed her hair and checked herself on the screen, before fumbling with the green icon, sliding it across, and the voice that had been missing in the house came flooding through the phone. 

“Heyyy, were you asleep? Did I wake you up?”

“No no. I was just laying down.” Waiting for your call, she wanted to add.

“Ok, perfect! You know what? Soooo much happened today gurrlll! It’s just the first day, but I already got to talk to live audience… And did you know something?” she whispered, bringing the phone closer to her mouth, and holder a hand over “I have… fans… hehe!!” she giggled with cresent eyes crinkling at the ends.

Sharini saw that Sheetal was still outside, probably on a corridor, climbing up some stairs as she continued to talk about how Malavika slept with her mouth open throughout the journey but started barking orders as soon as they reached, and how Ravi threw away the biscuit he was biting into when she yelled from right behind him. 

Sheetal walked into her room and closed the door shut behind her. She threw her slippers, not caring where they landed, and flumped on the bed. “-and in the evening we were arranging some lights and speakers, before the customers started to pour in. The store is quite big, Sharini. The manager made his staff stand in line like you do with your kids in school. We had this thing like a lottery-“, she continued, voice rising and falling with animation. 

Sharini smiled, eyes half-lidded. 

By now, she had balanced her phone against a water bottle, placed in a way it faced her, while she laid on her side, humming here and there, when Sheetal paused for breath. 

“One little girl kept waving at me every time I spoke. And then there were these two college boys. They kept asking me where I was from, or if they can take a selfie. One of them even asked for my number.”

Sharini raised an eyebrow at that. “Did you tell them?”

“Tell them what?”

“That you are taken.”

The was a pause. Then both broke into laughter. 

“Don’t worry, he called me akka. I was just thankful they didn’t call me aunty.”

Sharini shook her head, smiling into the pillow. 

“You should have been here, di,” Sheetal added casually. “You would’ve laughed so much. You miss all the fun.”

“Mmm,” she murmured, “Next time.”

Sheetal kept talking. About how her feet hurt. About how the samosas at the snack counter was “the best” she’d ever had. About how tired she was, but happy. So happy. 

Sharini listened wihout interrupting. Her breathing slowed without her realizing it. When Sheetal noticed, she called out to the other. “…Sharu?”

No response. 

Sheetal smiled softly, adjusting the phone closer. She watched the teacher as she snuggled into her pillow and then spoke again, quieter, feeling a little brave in the safety of the other sleeping. 

“After what you did this morning, see how you are sleeping so peacefully. Sleep sleep. I can’t sleep though. Every time I close my eyes, I can feel the kiss. You’ve stolen my sleep, but that’s nothing for you to worry about. You sleep. You demon.” she chuckled to herself.

“Good night, Raatchasi. En azhagaana raatchasi.“

**********

18 October

The bus came to a hissing stop, metal groaning under the mid day rush. It was almost nearly impossible to walk among the swarming crowd of people, courtesy festival time. 

Sharini stood at the platform, bag slung over her shoulder, hair braided neatly, eyes scaning the buses at various boarding points. 

She found a conductor beside a bus to Cuddalore, clad in blue uniform, a leather bag in his hand. She enquired him of when the bus would start. As she was about to step in, she saw another bus pulling out right beside. 

Pondicherry – read the name plate on it.

Her phone buzzed. She checked her phone for the notifications. Nothing important. She looked at the bus again. 

Her heart thudded. Her feed moved before her mind could interfere. She almost ran to cover the distance, hands extended to get a hold of the railing. 

The conductor barely glanced at her as she handed him the money. “Pondy”, she said, her breath steady, despite the pulse in her ears. The bus pulled away, and she exhaled, half laugh, half disbelief. 

“What am I doing?” she mumbled to herself as she found a seat. 

Four hours flew by as Sharini sat in the bus, her stomach housing a hoard of animals, mind running a hundred possible reactions she would see on Sheetal’s face. She kept imagining what their exchange would sound like, what would be the first line she says when they meet.

As the bus came to a halt, Sharini got down and stretched a little. Chennai Silks stood right opposite the bus stand, impossible to miss. 

 The store was already alive when she reached. Speakers crackled. Wires ran along the entrance. 

The world slowed for Sharini when she spotted her a little farther away in the center of the gathering. 

There she was. Standing on a small podium near the entrance of the store, mic in one hand, the other gesturing animately as she spoke. Sheetal wore a simple blue chudidar, her short hair styled and brushed, few loose strands framing her face. 

Her posture was relaxed, confident. 

Sheetal was glowing, but a different glow. Something she’s never seen before. 

Laughing into the microphone, teasing the crowd, reading out names with a dramatic flair. “And our next lucky winner is-” Sheetal paused, squinting. “Okay aunty, unga kai ezhuthu kathakali aadudhu (your handwriting is very artistic, it is almost dancing) – Mr. Ramesh!”

Applause erupted as another man from the crowd stepped forward, a little hesitant but a delighted smile on his face. Sheetal pointed him toward the shop owner, grinning as the prize was handed over. 

Sharini felt pride bloom from within, this was Sheetal outside the walls of their home. Outside fear. Outside hesitation. 

In her element. 

The draw continued for a while. Laughter, claps, gifts and smiles. After the last gift was announced, the crowd started to disperse, a few young girls came forward for selfies, giggling as Sheetal leaned in obligingly, adjusting the mic away.  

Sharini found a spot by a table at the snacks counter, and ordered two samosas. She stood there, watching as Sheetal was talknig to some of her colleagues and about to turn away. 

That’s when she felt eyes on her and looked up. Their eyes met. Sheetal’s lips continued to move around trying to make coherent words, her eyebrows pinched together, as she tried to believe what she saw. 

Sharini lifted her hand, unsure whether to wave or not. When Sheetal was sure she wasn’t dreaming, she smiled. Wide. 

She quickly whispered something to the person beside her and rushed to where the teacher stood. 

“Sharu?” Her voice called, a little breathless, and in total disbelief. 

“You- what- how are you here?” she blurted out, then laughed, running a hand through her hair. “Are you real?”

Sharini held out the paper plate. “Eat first.”

Sheetal stared at the samosas, then at her, then laughed again, taking one. 

“You are supposed to be in Cuddalore,” she said, accusation laced with wonder. 

“Yes.”

“You changed buses and came all the way to Pondy?”

“Yes.”

“For this?’ she gestured vaguely between them, the store and the samosas. 

Sharini met her eyes, steady. “For you.”

There she goes stealing my heart all over again. Sheetal thought, as she continued to look into the teacher’s eye, like she was trying to memorize the moment. 

Sharini broke eye contant first, biting into the samosa with a satisfied hum. “Not bad. I didn’t exactly believe that this samosa was worth the hassle, but seems like it beat my expectations,” she said, mouth half full. 

“Looks like someone’s hungry”, Sheetal said, and just smiled as they shared the snack in silence. 

Sharini checked the time. “I have to go,” she said gently. “Cuddalore bus.” 

Sheetal nodded, swallowing. 

“Can’t you just come to Cuddalore as well, once you wrap up tomorrow?”

Sheetal smiled weakly, “I have work all through the weekend, Sharu ma. You know how it is during festivals.”

Sharini nodded in understanding.  

“Happy Deepavali” Sheetal said. 

“You too.” 

Sharini turned before either of them said something that would make leaving harder. 

“Hold on,” Sheetal said, held her arm and turned her around. She wiped some crumbs off her face with the end of her dupatta. “There. Go.”

From the bus window, she caught one last glimpse, Sheetal was still standing there, waving. 

The bus moved forward. Sheetal’s silhouette grew smaller, then indistinct, then gone. 

Sharini leaned her head agsint the window, her heart still racing. She closed her eyes. The festival lights of the town blurred behind her, the road opening ahead.