Chapter 9

Sharini’s POV:

This is it.

I’ve ended whatever we had.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t say anything till now, Sharu.”

I should just go awa-… What?

” I should have told you sooner. I’m sorry I kept you in a dilemma all this time. I-I felt the same way about you.”

I looked up to see she was still facing away from me. Palms still clamped shut, by her sides.

“I’m sorry but there is nothing I can do about it. I-I can’t. I – you…”, she finally turned towards me.

“You and I… we- we can’t. We can’t be. I’m sorry.”, she spilled steady words. And to be honest, I know that “we” is not something destined for us, but some urge in me wanted to push.

Why, you ask? ‘Cause she likes me too. And she is worth fighting for.

“Why?”, the involuntary question came out of me.

“At least not in this life. I wish we could, but it is impossible, Sharu.”

“I love you, Sheetal. Do you love me?”

“I do, I’m sorry”, she said.

“If you love me too, then why can’t we be? What can we not be?”, I stepped closer to her. Yes I want to fight, but not if she isn’t aboard. I can fight for her and fight with her, but I don’t want to fight her.

“Why? You’re asking me why? Can’t you see why? Because we are we, that’s why.”

“Cut to the point, will you? Tell me precisely, why.” I pushed.

“Are you dumb Sharini? We are not living in America. We both are girls, this is a village and I’m Sheetal Samuel and you are Sharini Muthuraman. Can’t you really not see why?” she sighed, gently pushing me away by my shoulders and walking more into the waters.

I stood there with a thousand thoughts running through my mind, and feeling numb at the same time, unable to utter words. It is not like I haven’t thought about these. But I am just not ready to face it.

I only wished to cherish a few moments, few sweet trickling seconds, where it was just us, the first rain drops of our happiness, the mirage of our togetherness.

She kept walking into the waves and I followed her. “Forget the world and our names for a minute, Sheetal. What about you? Just you. Do you not want this? Us?”, I reached out and gently held her hand, weaving our fingers together. I nudged our joined palms towards my heart, pulling her to face me.

It was silent again until another wave crashed against our knees. She sighed again before tilting her head up to look me in the eyes.

“I have had these feelings for you, for sometime now. Like the eagerness to see you, wanting to be with you, to grow old with you. But let’s wake up, Sharini. That is a dream and it will remain to be. We are girls. Two silly friends. That is all we are allowed to be”, she paused, I see her hesitate before pulling her hand away from mine, ” let’s go back home and forget this ever happened.”.

She started walking away from the sea, dusting the sand off her pants and feet. She grabbed her sandals in one hand and both our bags in the other and trudged away, leaving me to run behind.

“Sheetal wait!”, I breathed when I caught up with her. “If it is just the family and society that is bothering you, we can… you know… go somewhere… away”.

The next moment, all sadness in her voice was replaced with anger. “So that is the first thing you can think of. When faced with a problem, you want to run away from it. Wow. Run away and do what? Go where? It isn’t even a whole hour since you confessed, but you want me to leave my family, my home, my brother, my place, everything I have ever known and loved, for you? Well, you know what Sharini, my father was right. This kind of love only breaks, it makes you want to break relationships and families. What I never expected was that you will be the one to prove it. It crushes me so bad to say this, but I don’t want a love that makes me run away from family.”

“Woah, woah, there, hold on a minute. Was it that easy for you to paint me as the villain here? Doesn’t matter whether you reciprocate it or not, you have no rights to comment on my feelings. I did not want to run away because of love. I wanted to go away from my so called family anyway. Love is what I want to run into. And I wanted that with you.” I was cut off by the ringtone of her phone.

She quickly silenced the device and tried to speak back but I jumped in, I wasn’t finished yet.

“And what is the deal with family anyway, when all they do is use us for their own selfish needs. It’s not like they gave us a good childhood or love. Have you already forgotten how our parents treat us?”, my head was pounding. How can she frame me like that?

“Well I’m sorry, because unlike you, I love my family and my family loves me too. It’s just you. Not ‘our’. Not ‘us’. I know my parents mean well. Whatever they do or say, at the end of the day, their lives revolve around me and my brother. Just because you have a bad patch with your parents, doesn’t mean the world works the same for everyone.” Her words ended and my throat clogged.

Maybe she’s right. Maybe I am the broken one. She has better people. She doesn’t need me. In fact, nobody needs me.

“I’m leaving. I will take the bus or an auto. Go home or go away, wherever you want. It is not like I can tell you what to do.”, Sheetal spat the words and walked away, throwing my bag at me. I didn’t realize I had been standing at the same spot, staring at her fading away. I also didn’t realize the tears that clouded my vision.

Swallowing hard I composed myself, quickly wiping away the tears. I put on my shoes, the wet sand pricking my feet did not seem to bother as much as whatever I was feeling elsewhere. I waited aimlessly, near my scooter, thinking that she is still somewhere around and will come back to me. 10 minutes turned to half an hour and Sheetal didn’t turn up.

I drove to the nearby auto stands and bus stops. Gliding through the streets, all the way back to our colony, I found her paying for the auto and going into the compound. I glanced at the window of my house on the 2nd floor of one of the blocks. Probably I was the one at fault. Maybe my parents were right in ignoring me or accusing me. Maybe I was the reason they fought. Maybe I should leave.

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A/N: Phewww… That was tough.