Chapter 8

“Look for Imperial Panda and Kaufman Shoes,” Robin told Dustin, who was using his binoculars to spy on the men delivering packages.

“They’re with that whistling guy, ten o’clock,” Dustin said, pointing at one of the men.

“What do you think’s in there?” Steve asked.

“Guns, bombs?” Dustin said

“Chemical weapons?” Robin added.

“Whatever it is, they’re armed to the teeth.”

“Great. Perfect. Guns, bombs and chemical weapons in our place of work. Just what we need,” Claudia said.

“Hey, what’s in there?” Robin asked, as a pair of big metal doors opened.

“It’s just more boxes,” Dustin said.

“Let me check it out,” Steve said, attempting to take the goggles from Dustin.

“No, I’m still looking.”

“Let me see it.”

“Hang on!”

A loud thud sounded as the binoculars were dropped. Everyone gasped as they ducked down behind the wall, Claudia instinctively grabbing Robin’s hand. Robin felt butterflies spread across her stomach, as the unknown feeling that Claudia had gotten earlier arose in her chest once again. They let go of each other, panting heavily.

A man yelled in Russian, heading up to the roof to find that the four were gone.

“Well, I think we found your Russians,” Robin said. 

——————————

“That keycard opens the door, but unfortunately, the Russian with this keypad also has a massive gun,” Dustin said, “Whatever’s in this room, whatever’s in those boxes, they really don’t want anybody finding it.”

“But there’s gotta be a way in,” Robin said.

“Well, you know,” Steve said, “I could just take him out.”

“Take who out?” Claudia asked.

“The Russian guard. What? I sneak up behind him, I knock him out, and I take his keycard. It’s easy.”

“Did you not hear the part about the massive gun?” Dustin asked.

“Yes, Dustin, I did. And that’s why I would be sneaking.”

“Well, please, tell me this, and be honest, have you ever actually… won a fight?”

“Okay, that was one time-“

“Twice. Jonathon. Year prior?”

“Listen, that doesn’t count.”

“Why wouldn’t it count? Because it looks like he beat the shit out of you. You got a fat lip, crooked nose, swollen eye, a lot of blood.”

Claudia and Robin zoned out of the conversation, looking up at the vent. Claudia turned to Robin, as if to ask if they were on the same page. “That just might work,” Robin said.

The two got up, Robin took money from the tip jar, and they began to run out of the store. “Guys. Hey, guys! Hey! What are you doing?” Steve asked.

“We need cash,” Claudia said.

“Well, a third of that’s mine. Where are you going?”

“To find us a way into that room! A safe way!”

“In the meantime,” Robin said, “Sling ice cream, behave, and don’t get beat up. We’ll be back in a jiff!”

“I don’t think he’s gonna be able to do that last one.”

“Well, we can hope.”

——————————

“It is fascinating what twenty buck will get you at the County Recorder’s Office,” Robin said, placing blueprints down on the table, “Starcourt Mall. The complete blueprints.”

“Not bad,” Dustin said.

“So, this is us, Scoops, and this is where we want to get.”

“I mean, I don’t really see a way in,” Steve said.

“There’s not, if you’re talking exclusively about doors,” Claudia said.

“Air ducts,” Dustin said.

“Exactly,” the two girls said in sync.

“Turns out,” Robin said, “This secret room needs air just like any old room. And these air ducts lead all the way…” Robin drew a red line from the secret room to scoops, “Here.”

Steve took off the cover to the air ducts with a screwdriver. “Flash light,” he said. Dustin handed him one. “Thank you.” He shone the flash light into the air duct. “Yeah, I don’t know, man. I don’t know if you can’t fit in here. It’s, like… super tight.”

“I’ll fit,” Dustin said. “Trust me, no collarbones, remember?”

“Uh, excuse me?” Robin asked.

“Oh, he’s uh… yeah he’s got some disease. Uh, it’s chrydo… um. Something. Yeah, I don’t know. He’s missing bones and stuff, he can bend like Gumbo.”

“You mean Gumby?” Claudia asked.

“I’m pretty sure it’s Gumbo.”

“Steve, just shut up and push me!” Dustin yelled.

“Okay, I’ll push you.”

Steve grabbed Dustin’s feet.

“Not my feet, dumbass. Push my ass.”

“What?”

“Touch my butt! I don’t care! Come on! Harder!”

“I’m pushing!”

“Push harder! You’re playing with my legs!”

“I’m not playing, I have terrible footing.”

“Come on!”

“I’m gonna just shove you, ready? One, two…” Steve shoved Dustin, but didn’t manage to move him. “That work?”

“One more time.”

The bell suddenly rang, and Claudia turned around to see Erica. “Ahoy, sailors! All hands on deck! Ahoy! Come on. Get over here and serve me some samples.”

To put a long story short, they asked Erica if she could fit through the vent. She shone the flags light into it. “Hmm, I don’t know,” she said.

“You don’t know if you can fit?” Dustin asked.

“Oh, I can fit. I just don’t know if I want to.”

“Are you claustrophobic?” Robin asked.

“I don’t have phobias.”

“Okay, well, what’s the problem?” Steve asked.

“The problem is, I still haven’t heard what’s in this for Erica.”

Robin, Steve and Claudia all scooped a ton of ice cream for Erica, sitting down at the table with all of us. Steve slid an ice cream boat along to her, and she slid it back.

“More fudge, please,” she said. “Go on.”

Steve got up to add more fudge to the ice cream, and Robin pulled out her blueprint. “All right. You see this? This is route you’re gonna take. Then we just wait till the last delivery goes out tonight. Then, you know out the grate, jump down, open the door.”

“Then you find out what’s in those boxes?”

“Exactly.”

“Mhm. And you say this guard is armed?”

“Yes, but he won’t be there,” Dustin said.

“And booby traps?”

“Booby traps?” Claudia asked.

“Lasers, spikes in the wall?”

“What?”

“You know what this half-baked plan of yours sounds like to me? Child endangerment.”

“We’ll be in radio contact with you the whole time-” Robin attempted to reassure her.

“Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! Child endangerment.”

“Erica?” Dustin said, “Hi. Uh… we think these Russians wanna do harm to our country. Great harm. Don’t you love your country?”

“You can’t spell ‘America’ without ‘Erica’.”

Claudia thought for a minute. She was right. “Uh, yeah,” Dustin said,” Oddly; that’s, uh, totally true. So, don’t do this for us. Do it for your country. Do it for your fellow man. Do this for America… Erica.”

“Ooh! I just got the chills. Oh, yeah, from this float, not your speech. You know what I love most about this country? Capitalism. Do you know what capitalism is?”

“Yeah,” the three said in sync.

“I’m surprised you do,” Claudia said. As far as she was aware, Erica had only just hit double digits.

“It means this is a free market system,” Erica said, “Which means people get paid for their services, depending on valuable their contributions are. And it seems to me, my ability to fit into that little vent is very, very valuable to you all. So, you want my help? This USS Butterscotch better be the first of many. And I’m talking free ice cream for life.”

Little did Erica know, there soon wouldn’t be anymore ice cream to serve.