Chapter 16

                                                Chapter Sixteen

    ~~~~~ Alex – An Impossible Will Always Stay An Impossible ~~~~~

Kylie in a simple sun dress is sexy. Kylie in her cheer leading uniform is sexy, hot, stunning, amazing, just phenomenal, and leaves me breathless by just looking at her as she’s walking down the stairs.

The uniform itself  is plain, expressing the school’s initials and colors. The skirt is way too shirt for her to be exposing her legs in public like that. Don’t get me started on that top that barely covers anything. If she were my girlfriend, I would have a few words with her before she even thinks about wearing that in public. If it was hard to handle guys staring at her, now I will kill anyone who dares to touch her even if it is by accident.

‘Stop staring, she’s looking at you.’ I see Kylie grinning at the bottom of the stairs looking up at me amused. She turns around and walks off to the kitchen laughing softly after I look away.

I shake my head trying to get the image of Kylie in her uniform out of my mind. Having no success I just give up and follow her to the kitchen.

It’s very hard looking at her and not to stare at her perfection with an mouth open. Avoiding her has to be the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. Kylie tries to make small talk but I simply ignore her or make a random conversation with Mike or Rachael. She seems mad even a little hurt, but I can’t bring myself to look or talk to her about our previous encounters. 

School was boring like always. I fell asleep as the teacher put on a national graphic movie and didn’t wake up till the bell rang. The other subjects were hell. Math was terrible since I had nothing to do but think about… You guessed it – Kylie Balthazar.

That damn girl and her sexy legs. Her long muscular arms. Her blinding smile. Her fricking cute intoxicating self. 

I seriously need to stop thinking about her, or I’ll loose my mind.

‘you lost that the day you looked into those blue eyes.’ will I ever get it back? ‘maybe when you decide to forget about her, and her existence.’ so never. ‘yeah pretty much.’

“Sabes cual es el problema de esta escuela?” ( you know what this school’s problem is?) I look over to my right and see Ismael leaning in his seat. His voice barely above a whisper. 

‘he speaks Spanish?’ He’s in this class? Wow that was a slow moment. I really need to get Kylie out of my head.

To answer his question I shake my head no. 

“tenemos tantas personas que persiguen a Kylie y a Anthony, que nadie se preocupa por aprender.” (we have so many people following Kylie and Anthony around that they don’t even care about learning.)

I looked at him weirdly. Why is he telling me this?

He went on saying that Kylie was the queen bee of the school. Kylie and Anthony own the school. They are the schools hottest couple and high school sweethearts. They are like gods. They are part of the ‘it’ crowd. So to my understanding, Kylie pretty much ran this school.

After our conversation, Ismael and I went our separate ways. I arrived at my locker and put my stuff inside. Kylie arrived later with a smile upon her beautiful face . Once again I had to fight the urge to stare at her and just simply look at her. ‘?’ yeah I don’t get it either, but I’m trying to.

“about yesterday…” I looked at the ground embarrassed. How do I even finish that sentence? God can my cheeks get any redder?

Shock could clearly be seen in my face as Kylie grabbed my chin making me look her in the eyes.
Her touch made everything go away. All the insecurities, all the confusion, all the questions were answered with one simple touch.

Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I misread the situation. Maybe I saw something that never existed. Maybe I fell to quickly. But Maybe I didn’t. If I did, then she wouldn’t be here right now with me. She wouldn’t be looking at me with those captivating eyes begging for me to do something we both want. She wouldn’t be with me, but with Anthony.

But the truth hurts. She is not mine nor will ever be mine. Anthony has her. He has all of her. He can kiss her. He can hug her. He can take her on a date, while I can’t.

Seeing them kiss brought me down from that cloud I’ve been on since I met her. The illusion stayed an illusion. Reality hit, and it hit me hard. Kylie was taken. There is no Kylie and I, there is only Kylie and Anthony. There was nothing going on between us nor will there ever be.

The kiss meant so much. I couldn’t bring myself to watch anymore. Tears were building in my eyes threatening to come out any second. I tried to blink them out but it barely helped. It was just too much.
I never imagined what pain was capable of. The death of my parents, the physical pain uncle inflicted, even the pain of him inside me, was not as bad as this. 

This pain tore me up from the inside out.

I allowed myself to feel again. I allowed someone in. I did this even when I promised myself I wouldn’t. I brought this on myself.

I ran out of sight. I just can’t take it. He was doing everything I couldn’t, everything I wasn’t allowed to do. 

Kylie was and will always be an impossible. She is beyond my reach. No matter how badly I wish she were mine, she isn’t. She may never be mine.

The tears finally stopped after a few minutes in the bathroom. I tried to tell myself that everything is going to be fine. That this will pass. But who am I kidding? This won’t pass because I’m in too deep. She took everything I had, and I do not know how to retrieve it. And maybe I don’t want to. 

The walk to the lunchroom was painfully slow. She didn’t leave my head, not even for a split second. Every second was devoted to Kylie and her beauty. Tears were threatening to come out again but this time, I fought and came in victorious.

‘You’re getting stronger.’ yeah but with what price? 

“hey Alex come sing for us!” Once again Ismael’s voice came through the speakers getting my attention. He was up in the stage looking in my direction with hopeful eyes. A huge smile came upon his face as he saw me approaching the stage.

“what do you want me to sing?” I ask him jumping on the stage. A moment of silence happens as he stares with his mouth open at my actions.

‘you should really learn how to lay low and not freak people out. How about you use the stairs next time?’ yeah good idea.

“what do you want me to sing?” I ask him again.

“Whatever you want. The stage is all yours.” he says coming back from wherever he was.

I took his word and got a guitar that was on a stand. I thanked Ismael as he adjusted the microphone. I put the guitar over my head and adjust the strap. 

“well, does everyone have a drink in their hands?” I grab my Mt Dew bottle and open it. Everyone raises a milk carton or a bottled drink high in the air. I smile as I see many Mt Dew bottles up. Smiling at them I raise the bottle in their direction. 

“you guys may not like, if not  even hate country music, but this song is in my opinion, an awesome song that is appropriate for any occasion.” a few cheers were heard in the crowd as well as groans and a boo as I mentioned country. “Seriously people you live in Kansas for crying out loud! And plus this song is by a fellow Kansan.”

‘lets show them what modern country music sounds like, shall we?’

I put the bottled drink down and go to Ismael and his band. I tell them the song and give them some instructions. They have never heard the song but we got it down after a few moments of me giving them the notes and beats.

We all take our positions and get ready. “if you know the song feel free to sing along.” the crowd gets bigger when people spread the word that I was going to sing.

‘This has to be the work of your fan club.’ ugh! where is Kylie when you need her. ‘With Anthony.’ seriously? Just shut up and don’t talk to me.

“Today i wanted to write a tune 

started strummin’ this little groove 

i could have wrote about love, or money, 

something sad or somethin funny” 

All thoughts leave my mind. No problems exist. I’m happy here. She’s where she needs to be and I’m here, trying to move on. If Kylie can be happy with Anthony, why can’t I?

“But hey hey hey what’s so wrong 

with one more drinkin song 

hold up your cups and sing along 

to one more drinkin song” 

I would give anything for her to open her eyes and realize that I just dont want to be her friend. I don’t just want a hug. I don’t just want a smile. I don’t just want her friendship, I want all of her. 

“And If by chance this brings you cheer

maybe someday you’ll bring me some milk

or not to mention my favorite drink

A cold can of Mt Dew the beach “

I changed the lyrics since it is not school appropriate but I also changed them because I don’t drink nor plan on it. The man who have hurt me were drunk. They were violent and cruel due to the fact that they had too much to drink, so no, I will never drink.

I know I should move on. I know I should forgive and forget. I know I should let go of this past that is consuming me little by little. But I can’t. I can’t forgive them. I can’t forget their actions. I can’t erase the scars they left. 

“hey hey hey what’s so wrong

with one more drinkin song

hold up your cups and sing along to one more drinkin song

So here’s to cheap water and fine milk

buyin’ them cartons and pick-up lines

and here’s to lunch ladies tryin’ to get paid

while all of us are trying to get…..” 

The lunch ladies raise their own milk cartons toasting, having fun dancing and singing along. Everyone is already singing along enjoying themselves. Maybe I can’t fix their lives. Maybe they have it worst then me, maybe they don’t. But if I can make their day better by singing a song that will put a smile in their faces, then I’ll do it.

“Hey hey hey what’s so wrong

with one more drinkin song

hold up your cups and sing along to one more drinkin song

Hey hey hey what’s so wrong

with one more drinkin song

hold up your cups and sing along

to one more drinkin song”

As the song ends I see all their faces. Some are extremely happy showing a brilliant smile. Some show encouragement by clapping and screaming at the top of their lungs. Some are just standing there looking at me with criticizing eyes, watching my every move.

And then there is Ismael. He has a curious look on his face as he steps closer. I know this look. I’ve seen it too many times. He doesn’t want friendship. He doesn’t want a brother-sister relationship. He wants something more. Something I simply can’t give him, because someone already beat him to it.
I let him grab me by the waist and bring our bodies closer together. I know it’s coming. As he leans closer I see Kylie in him. Her face replaces his. I don’t see Ismael but the girl I want to see. The girl I want but can’t have. 

He comes closer, our lips almost touching. The fantasy disappears leaving the truth in its place. Kylie is not about to kiss me, but Ismael is. Kylie is kissing Anthony, and I’m about to be kissed by… Ismael?

I snap out of it and move out the way. Ismael stumbles when his lips kiss nothing but air. I can’t do it. I can’t kiss him. My lips already belong to someone else. My lips already have an owner.

I shake my head trying to put this together. Ismael was going to kiss me, and me thinking it was Kylie was going to let him.

‘yeah that’s how it basically happened.’

I see a familiar face full of tears. This time she is not a figment of my imagination. 

“Kylie! ” I try to go after her, but she disappears in the crowd.

She was standing right before me. ‘but why was she crying?’ it all just happened so fast.

~~~~~

So, Should I continue?

-Alba Luz :^)