Chapter 23

A couple of weeks had passed since the whole girls’ night situation. It was nearing Thanksgiving, and my workload had been steady.

The night was quiet, one of those rare evenings when JJ and I actually got to just hang out. We were cuddled up on the couch, legs tangled, holding hands.

JJ raised my hand to her lips, kissing it. “So when we were in Philadelphia, do you remember when I left your room?”

I tilted my head, a smile tugging at my mouth. “Yeah… when Emily cockblocked you?”

Her laugh was quiet, warm against my skin. “She had the worst timing in the world. I was this close to kissing you as soon as you opened the door. No, but when I said the “L” word.”

“Lesbian?” I teased.

JJ rolled her eyes, swatting lightly at my chest. “Nooo —’I love you’.”

The butterflies in my stomach erupted, fluttering so wildly I thought I was having a heart attack.

“I haven’t really thought about it,” I whispered, my voice unsteady. “I thought it was a freudian slip.”

She sat up, getting close to my face. I could feel her breath on my skin. “Well, it was a slip, but I really do.” Her eyes sparkled as they searched mine, lingering on my lips like she was daring me to close the gap.

My chest tightened, warmth rushing through me so fast it almost left me dizzy. “JJ…” I murmured, my voice rough with everything I’d been holding back. “I love you too.”

Her smile softened, almost relieved, and she pressed her forehead to mine. “Finally,” she whispered with a laugh, brushing her thumb along my jaw. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that?”

I didn’t answer with words—I closed the space between us, kissing her slow and deep, like I’d been waiting my whole life for that moment. Her fingers slid into my hair, mine wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer until there was no space between us.

And then—bang, bang, bang. A sharp knock at the door shattered the quiet.

JJ groaned against my lips, pulling back just enough to mutter, “Who the hell is that at this hour?”

“I don’t know,” I grumbled, already standing, “but whoever it is is about to have my foot up their ass.”

Before I could answer, the door opened and Strauss stepped inside like she owned the place, her heels clicking against the hardwood.

“Agent L/N. We need to go. Now.” Her gaze swept over the apartment, sharp and assessing, before landing on Jennifer. “Agent Jareau… I didn’t expect to see you here. And, I have to say, this is highly inappropriate, if this is what I think it is.”

JJ stiffened, her eyes widening. “Uh… yes, well—”

Strauss cut her off with a sharp glance. “Agent Jareau, if you could give y/n and I the room. This is classified.”

JJ looked at Erin with a mix of disbelief and irriation. “Seriously? Why can’t this wait until a normal hour,” she mutter under breath, crossing her arms.

I kissed JJ’s temple reassuringly. “It’s fine, Jayje. It’ll only take a couple of minut-“

Strauss cut me off sharply. “Agent L/N, pack a bag. You’re coming with me. I planned to brief you here since I assumed you were alone, but clearly there’s company. I’ll explain everything in the car on the way to the airport.”

“Airport—where are we going?” I began, but my words died on my lips. I knew Strauss wouldn’t let me finish.

She shot me a sharp look. “No questions now. Once we’re on the move, I’ll tell you everything. Your life outside this mission is off-limits. Discretion is mandatory.”

I swallowed hard, looking at the top of JJ’s head. “Give me a second Erin. I need to take care of a couple of things. I’ll meet you in the garage.”

Strauss walked out slamming the door behind her.

“Look Jayje, I don’t know what’s happening but I guess I got to go.”

JJ looked up at me. “Y/N…”

I pressed my lips against hers, fierce and desperate, trying to memorize every second. JJ responded instantly, wrapping her arms around my neck, pulling me closer.

I finally pulled back, breathing heavy, forehead resting against hers. “I’ll come back, I swear,” I murmured.

I grabbed my go-bag that was already pre-packed. I tried to scan my bedroom trying to figure out if I’m missing anything. I went towards the door JJ walking with me.

JJ pulled me back into a rushed kiss. I held her tighter, letting the kiss linger just a heartbeat longer than I should. The sound of Strauss pacing impatiently in the garage snapped me back.

I took a deep breath, forcing myself to step back. “I have to go,” I whispered, brushing a stray lock of hair from JJ’s face. My heart was pounding, every step toward the door heavier than the last.

JJ’s hands lingered on my chest. “Promise me you’ll come back,” she murmured, her voice trembling.

“I promise, I love you.” I said, gripping her hand tightly one last time before letting it go.

“I love you too baby.”

I met Strauss in the garage and I stepped into the blacked-out Suburban, sliding into the back seat, Strauss taking the seat next to mine. The driver quickly got us moving, the Suburban gliding silently through the dimly lit streets.

“Listen carefully. What I’m about to tell you cannot leave this car. Not a word. Not a hint to anyone—not Hotch, not the team, no one outside this vehicle. We may have a tip about a major operation in Oregon—something on the scale of Waco,” Strauss said, her voice low and urgent.

I nodded, heart pounding. “Understood.”

Strauss exhaled sharply, leaning closer. “You’re going in deep. We need you to infiltrate a cult. Blend in, gain their trust, and report everything back to us. One wrong move, one slip, and it’s over. You’ll be cut off from everyone—friends, loved ones. Your only focus is survival and gathering intel.”

My stomach tightened. “Months undercover?”

“Potentially,” she said. “Hotch will monitor remotely, but the fewer who know, the better. This is delicate and high-risk. You’re the only agent we trust for this.”

I swallowed hard, thinking of JJ, of how long I could go without seeing her, without holding her. But there was no time for hesitation. This mission came first.

I drew a deep breath, steadying myself. I couldn’t get JJ’s face out of my brain, I don’t know how long I could go without seeing her beautiful face.

Strauss’s eyes softened slightly, almost imperceptibly. “I know this isn’t easy… especially on a personal level. But you’re the best we’ve got. You’ll have to compartmentalize—emotionally and professionally. This mission leaves no room for distractions.”

I swallowed hard, trying to shove down the image of JJ’s smile. “I understand,” I said, though a part of me ached at the thought of months apart.

She placed a firm hand on my shoulder. “Once you’re in, you become them. Your life outside this mission—friends, loved ones—they’re off-limits. Focus, blend, survive, and report. That’s all that matters.”

I nodded, already feeling the weight of her words settle in my chest.

“Once we get you to the airport,” Strauss continued, pulling a worn envelope from her bag, “you’ll have $150,000 in cash, and you’ll be staying at this,” she said, pointing to a photo of a dilapidated trailer. The siding was peeling, the windows streaked with dirt, and the front steps looked like they’d collapse at the slightest weight. “It’s not much, but it’s off the grid. Perfect for someone in your position.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Charming,” I muttered under my breath, though inside I knew this would have to be my new home for the foreseeable future.

“From there,” Strauss said, sliding the folder across to me, “you’ll get intel on the syndicate’s local operations, key players, and contacts. Learn them, memorize them, and don’t slip. One wrong word and they’ll know you’re not one of them.”

I opened the folder and flipped through the pages, noting safe houses, vehicles, aliases, and routines. Each detail made my stomach tighten with a mix of anticipation and dread.

Strauss’s eyes hardened. “We’ve coordinated with Hotch. He’ll be monitoring your communications remotely. But for everyone else—you’re invisible. You disappear into their world until you’ve done your job. Understood?”

“I understand,” I said irritably, tucking the folder into my coat. “Let’s get this over with.”

Each step toward the jet felt surreal, like I was leaving pieces of my life scattered behind me. Once aboard, I settled into my seat, eyes fixed on the horizon, already rehearsing the persona I would need to survive the coming months.

I arrived in Oakridge, Oregon. A quiet town, the kind that looked innocent on the surface, but I knew better. My contact met me at the small, nearly empty airstrip—a sharp-suited man with a tablet and a serious expression.

“Agent L/N?” he said, scanning my credentials.

“That’s me,” I replied, keeping my voice steady.

He handed me a duffel bag. “Everything you’ll need is in here. Weapons, cash, documents. Your cover identity is already set. You move in as of tonight.”

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. The weight of months alone—deep undercover, no one to confide in—hit me like a wave.

He motioned toward a beat-up truck waiting by the hangar. “We’re taking you to the safe house. Learn the neighborhood, meet your contacts, and remember: trust no one. Not yet.”

As the engine came to life, I glanced out at the darkened horizon. Oakridge looked peaceful, but every shadow felt like a threat. My life as I knew it was officially on hold.

We arrived at the beat-up trailer that would be my home for the foreseeable future. The siding was warped, the paint peeling, and the front steps sagged dangerously underfoot. A single dim light flickered above the door, casting long shadows across the dirt yard.

My contact jumped out of the truck and swung open the trailer door. “Welcome to your new digs. Not much, but it’s off the grid, and no one will know you’re here. You’ve got two weeks before your first meet with the cult leaders—plenty of time to get settled, learn the area, and get into character.”

I stepped inside, scanning the sparse interior: a threadbare couch, a small kitchen with outdated appliances, and a bed that looked like it had seen better decades. My heart sank slightly, but I knew comfort wasn’t the priority. Survival was.

The contact handed me a duffel bag. “Everything you’ll need is in here—cash, documents, burner phones. Memorize your new identity, know your story, and blend. One misstep, and they’ll know you’re not one of them.”

I nodded, gripping the bag tight. “Got it.”

He gave me a last, hard look. “Remember, trust no one. Keep your guard up. I’ll check in periodically, but mostly, you’re on your own until you report back.”

As he walked back to his truck, the sound of the engine fading into the night, I let out a shaky breath. Oakridge might look quiet, but the weight of what was ahead pressed down on me. Months undercover, infiltrating a cult, cut off from everyone I loved… and all I could think about was JJ’s face.

I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, letting the cool metal steady me.

(Jennifer’s POV)

The morning light streamed through Y/N’s apartment windows, but it did nothing to brighten the pit in my stomach. Y/N had left hours ago, whisked away by Strauss under some top-secret pretext I wasn’t allowed to know. The apartment felt emptier than ever—too quiet, too still.

I sank onto the couch in my pajamas, curling into myself, replaying every moment from last night. The kiss, the whispered promises, the way Y/N’s hands lingered in mine… and then Strauss barging in, dragging her away before I could even process what was happening.

I pulled my phone onto my lap, fingers hovering over the screen, debating whether I should try to reach her. But I knew better. Whatever she was involved in was off-limits. “No contact,” Strauss had probably said somewhere in the shadows of her mind.

I ran a hand through my hair and let out a long sigh. The weekend stretched ahead, but I couldn’t enjoy it. Not without her here, not without knowing if she was safe. I wrapped a blanket tighter around myself, trying to hold onto something that smelled like her.

*Monday Morning*

I never left her apartment. I couldn’t. Every part of me clung to the hope that she’d walk back through the door, maybe tired, maybe bruised, but still her. She didn’t. Not now, maybe not for a long time.

But waiting wasn’t enough. Not for me. I needed answers, and I didn’t care what Strauss said. I was done sitting on the sidelines.

I threw on jeans and a jacket, determination burning hot in my chest. If Strauss thought she could swoop in, take Y/N, and leave me in the dark, she was wrong. I’d find out where she went, one way or another—even if I had to go through Strauss herself.

As soon as I pulled into work, I knew exactly what I was going to do. Today, I was telling Aaron that Y/N and I were a couple. I didn’t know how he would take it, or if it would even matter with her gone, but it was the only way to cut through Strauss’s wall of secrecy.

The elevator ride up to the BAU felt heavy, like every floor between me and Aaron was daring me to turn back. But I didn’t. My hand tightened around my badge as the doors opened.

My pulse was loud in my ears as I reached Aaron’s door and knocked.

“Come in,” his voice called from the other side.

Hotch was already buried in files when I stepped inside, his eyes flicking up briefly before settling back on the paperwork. “What’s going on, JJ?”

I closed the door behind me, needing the privacy. My palms were sweaty, but I forced myself forward, standing in front of his desk. “I need to tell you something—something I should’ve said a while ago.”

That got his attention. He set his pen down, his gaze sharpening. “Go on.”

I took a deep breath. “Y/N and I… we’re together. We’ve been together for a little while now.”

His eyebrows lifted slightly, but he didn’t look surprised. If anything, there was a flicker of understanding in his eyes, like he’d already put the pieces together. “I see.”

“I know Strauss would call it unprofessional, or a conflict of interest,” I rushed out, “but this isn’t about that. She took Y/N, Aaron. She showed up in the middle of the night, dragged her off God-knows-where, and I’m supposed to just sit back and pretend it didn’t happen. I can’t. Not when I—” I stopped myself, my voice breaking. “Not when I love her.”

Hotch studied me carefully, his expression unreadable. For a moment, the silence pressed in heavy, and I worried I’d just put both of us in a worse position.

Hotch let out a quiet sigh, folding his hands on the desk. “JJ… listen to me. I know you want answers. But the truth is, I don’t have them. Strauss kept this sealed tight. Whatever Y/N is involved in—it’s black-level clearance. Even I’ve only been given the bare minimum.”

I blinked at him, disbelief crawling up my spine. “You? You’re Unit Chief. How could you not know?”

His tone didn’t change. “Because I’m not supposed to. The less I know, the less I can be forced to give up. That’s how these missions work.”

The words cut sharper than I expected. “So what am I supposed to do? Just wait around? Hope she comes back alive?”

Hotch leaned forward slightly, voice firm but quieter. “Y/N can handle herself. She’s trained for this. But if you push now, all you’ll do is draw attention to your relationship—and Strauss will use that against you both.”

I swallowed hard, my throat tight like I was sick. “She already knows. She saw us together when she came for Y/N.”

Hotch didn’t flinch. “The mission comes first, and Strauss knows that. You can’t change it. What you can do is make sure you don’t give Strauss a reason to pull you off the team—or make things harder for Y/N while she’s under.”

The bluntness of his tone left no space for argument. I pressed my lips together, holding back the thousand things I wanted to scream.

Hotch’s gaze softened just slightly. “Jennifer… I know this isn’t easy. But right now, the best thing you can do for her is trust her training. And wait.”

*One Month Later — Jennifer’s POV*

Thirty days. That’s how long it had been since Strauss walked into Y/N’s apartment and ripped her away. Thirty mornings waking up without her beside me. Thirty nights wondering if she was safe—or if she was even alive.

The BAU hadn’t slowed down. Cases kept coming, one after another, pulling me across the country and back again. I threw myself into the work, hoping the exhaustion would numb the ache of not knowing. It didn’t.

Hotch stayed tight-lipped. Every time I asked, he gave me the same line: “It’s classified, JJ. You know I can’t say more.” I wanted to scream at him, but I knew he wasn’t the enemy. Strauss was the wall I couldn’t break through.

At home, it was worse. Her hoodie still hung on the back of a chair, her mug still on the counter, like she might walk through the door any second. I caught myself reaching for my phone constantly, knowing it was pointless, but hoping anyway.

I kept hearing her last promise in my head—“I’ll come back, I swear.” But the longer the days dragged on, the harder it became to believe it.

All I could do was wait… and hope. Somewhere out there, Y/N was alive. Somewhere, she was fighting her way through whatever hell Strauss had thrown her into.