Chapter 21

Cold, my living room is so fucking cold, contradicting the rising temperature of my sweaty hyperventilating body. I could feel the little salty drops of sweat rolling down my skin, taunting and teasing me like the stupid fucking voices and memories. Whispering, yelling, laughing…

The air is suddenly tight in the room, my lungs fighting no one in particular to get some oxygen in my already failing body.

I don’t think I’m in my living room anymore… No. I was in hell.

The special kind that Nik created for me.

**
“Come on sweetheart, he knew what was coming for him” Nik whispered his voice soothing. I looked at my bloody hands and cut knuckles, then looked up at him my body shaking and chest heaving from my panting.

“I… Is he?” I couldn’t even finish my sentence; I couldn’t get the word out. The warm tears rolled down my cheeks, the chilly night doing nothing to cool me down. The wind would normally soothe me but not tonight, it just felt… Cold.

Nik looked behind me at the body lying unconscious then back at me the grin never leaving his lips.

“Don’t worry about him, you were just getting the job done and you did it well” he nodded then paused gritting his teeth as he leaned closer to me. “So, I do not fucking understand why you’re crying!” Nik barely raised his voice but when he did it was followed by me having to stay home for a week to avoid questions from my friends about the black eye or weird knife cut. That’s I instinctively jump back and look away from him

“S-sorry” I stammered before looking behind me at the man lying there. He was young, maybe in his late twenties.

Did he have a family? Had I ruined someone’s family? Would I go to jail? I was about to turn 18 my life was only beginning; would I spend the rest of it in jail?

“Listen Ali, don’t you ever cry because of something as foolish as this.” Nik speaks demanding my attention “You killed, so what ?! That’s just the circle life” he laughed shrugging like it was nothing… It wasn’t because he’d confirmed it…

I ki…Killed? I… I took someone’s life. What the fuck?

My chest suddenly felt tight, making it painful to breathe. I’d never felt like this, I looked down at my hands trembling bloody hands. You’re fucked up, Ali.

“Now come on, wipe those stupid tears and let’s go celebrate, my men will take care of the rest.” I-

**
Screw him.

“Screw you!” I crash the pack of cigarettes in my hand and throw it across the room snarling at the mocking soft noise as it lands on the carpet somewhere.

Nik did this. He made me the fuck up I am today. And for what?

I never asked for too much from him. I never asked for all this…

In the midst of all this confusion and conflict, I watch with a hazy sight as Sparks bends down and picks up the pack of cigarettes then looks at me eyebrows raised. Then it hits me… He knows her, he’s met Sparks.

What the hell would he do to her? Kidnap her? Kill her? Sell her body organs? Damn it, I was running out of air again, my lungs growing tighter, my breath growing heavier, my chest in pain…

“Oh my God, are you okay?” Flame’s eyes are wide as she stumbles on her own steps rushing over to me.

I bend, propping my hands on my knees, trying to slow my breathing as the image of that unconscious man quickly flashes through my mind. The image of Sparks talking to Nik, his fucking grin. I could hear my own heartbeat… Slow, painful, and probably mocking me like the rest of my body. Because I was fucked.

“Mmhm, yeah” I groan finally raising my head and facing her as her small hand rubs circles on my back.

“I… Shit” I let out a breath. “You look tired, you should probably sleep here, I’ll drive you home tomorrow.”

She was drunk and I honestly wasn’t in the right state of mind to be behind a wheel right now. Damn right I’m responsible.

“Okay” she eyes me suspiciously. “But it’s you I’m worried about, want to talk about it?” she asks follows me as I walk towards the front door to lock it.

I know there is no need for him to be back again tonight but I can never be too safe with the fucker.

“I’m not about to talk about my family and fears to some drunk girl, this isn’t a movie” I walk up the stairs to my room with Sparks following close behind until we get to my closet.

“I’m not just some drunk girl, Cain, I’m your friend.” Yeah right… Friend. I throw her one of my t-shirts.

“Put that on. I would offer you pants but I’m having a terrible night and you walking around with a t-shirt would make it a little better” she frowns but says nothing as she proceeds to undress.

I walk to the bathroom and splash some water on my face, wincing as the cold tap water cools my skin. I feel as it runs down my face, washing away the sweat, angry tears, my sins. When I look up and stare at the mirror, the reflection stares back at me blankly. But my sins are bigger, right? Way too big to be washed away by water.

I look at my wet, cold, shaking hands then back at my reflection, my cold stare making me question myself even more. I think we all have that moment where we just stare at ourselves in the mirror and question our actions… All our actions.

“You killed so what?!” his words play at the back of my mind and I blink slowly still staring at the person staring right back at me. So what?!

Nik did this to me. To you, Ali.

But staring at the person before me, I know it’s not all his fault. It was just as much mine as it was his.

After all, it wasn’t him that beat someone up to death-

“Want to come to bed?” a voice snaps me back to reality, sweet, sweet reality.

I look at the reflection of Flame and smile then decide it isn’t enough so I turn and look behind her. Her long dark hair was dangling behind her back with some stray strands brushing her face, her short black dress replaced with my t-shirt, exposing her thighs and sexy legs.

“Yeah, definitely…”

**

“So that’s your dad, huh?” she mutters after we settle in bed both lying on our backs.

“Yes.” I don’t want to have this conversation neither do I want to seem too defensive.

“You didn’t look too happy to see him.”

“I wasn’t.” Let it go, Sparks.

This is not what I had in mind for the night. I knew it would end up with me and a girl in bed just not like this.

“Why is that?” she goes on, I bet her shrink brain was itching to dig into my daddy issues.

“Well, he doesn’t exactly make me feel happy” I grumble.

“Mm, I noticed” she drags her words. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I just want you to know that I’m here” I feel as her fingers slide in my hands and intertwines with my fingers, spreading warmth all me.

This was not what I planned for the night but I’m not complaining that much.

“That’s very comforting to know Sparks” I mutter knowing she couldn’t do much, but this felt okay… It felt peaceful.

I don’t have that most of the time. It felt like I could only think of one thing when with her… Her. And the thought of her brought some sort of calm inside me.

She turns and I feel her intense stare almost burning a hole in my skin before I turn to stare down at her. “What?” I whisper.

“You’ll be okay” she gives me a small smile and I just stare back at her.

Tempted a little, I stretch my hand and tuck a few strands of her hair behind her ear.

“It’s not that easy you know” I tell her.

“Why?” she asks. Damn she’s so pure, so soft, so… Innocent. Did it mean that me being close to her like this would make her impure? Would I stain her with my deeds?

“I’m not a good person, Sparks” I look away avoiding those pretty angelic eyes, dropping my hand from her cheek. “I don’t even know why you talk to me.”

“Hey, don’t say that. First, we both know you’re the one who forces our conversations” she scoffs a laugh and I chuckle a little. “And no one is all good. We’ve all made mistakes doesn’t matter if it’s big or some small, they’re all just mistakes.” Her hand squeezes mine gently.

“You don’t get it” I pull my hand away. “I…” I sigh feeling the sharp pain in my chest. “I get angry Sparks-” I remember the blood, the grunts, the pressure he put on me, the anger I had as a kid “I did things- I just… Fuck.”

I gasp when her hand cups my cheek and she forces me to look at her just as I feel the stupid stinging of tears.

“I don’t know what you did, but it’s all in the past Cain, let’s live in the present, yeah?” she speaks so softly her voice compels me to nod. “You can still make up for that one wrong thing you did, Cain.”

Although I’m convinced I can’t, I nod again.

I’ve lost myself in her bright, sincere eyes. They were as bright as the stars, you could say I was lost in the milky way.

I find myself slowly leaning into her, her magnet working overtime and before I know it, our lips are locked in a sweet, simple kiss. She leads the way this time and I sigh quietly for the first time feeling vulnerable in someone’s arms as she caresses my cheek softly. I pull her closer as her lips calm me and her actions tell me exactly what I want to hear.

The she pulls away, smiles sweetly, and kisses my cheek. “Good night, Cain.”

“Good night, Sparks” I whisper back, grinding my teeth to hold back a cheesy grin.

She gets comfortable resting her head on my chest, her leg on top of mine, and her arms around my waist.

A lot has happened tonight and I’m still so unsure of what I’ll do tomorrow but the one thing I’m sure about is that drunk Sparks, might be my favorite human on this planet.

I smile to myself, my tongue darting out to slowly lick my lips.

**

Re-editor me here, I’m glad I’m almost half way there in this journey of editing my poor editing, and I can’t wait to work on the new chapter after this, see you there I guess. Comment and vote don’t be shy, I keep telling you guys this.