Chapter 15

Okay, so it was simple, the plan was to fuck it out of my system. Fuck her out of my system.

I’ve had issues before I even knew what the meaning of the word is and for a long time, they had full control over me… Until I found ways to get rid of them. Or rather, forget them.

And now I have what seems to be a minor issue that I’ll obviously get rid of the only way I know how to. The easiest way there is because I don’t like the hustle of taking the other way. Shocker.

Anyway, this problem seems to make its solving more difficult than it needs to be. This so called “minor issue” was there with me all the time.

Get stoned, I think of it. Get wasted, it’s still there. Fuck some stranger, I still think of it while doing that. Hell, I was wasted at the moment but I was still thinking of it… of her. Stupid fucking Sparks.

But! I’m smart, and earlier I thought of a plan to fuck her out of my system. If I wanted to get rid of her, then I would use her. After all, that’s all I seemed to think of. So why not do her to stop thinking of her? Smart, I know.

The only problem is, doing that seems to be impossible. I mean don’t get me wrong, the chase is hot and interesting, but I wasn’t used to this and I didn’t want to chase and beg some girl. I was no one’s bitch. I just want her out of my head and if she would just let me-

“Come on Gomez, fill her up” I tap my glass as I look at the man behind the counter.

“Should I ask what’s going on with you?” he smiles at me his normal creepy grin flashing his gold pre-molar and canine.

“No, you should fill her up” I tell him looking around the crowded bar.

“Come on Nine, talk to me” he chuckles as he slides a glass over to me.

“Hey, I’m drunk… But not that drunk” I point him and burp a little after taking the shot of whiskey in one gulp. Holding back a gag because I asked for this, I can’t show any weakness.

“Is this about your old man? Heard he was back in town again.” And just like that, I stiffen, slightly sobering up as Gomez pours a bucket icy water all over me. What the fuck? I ruffle my untamed hair and slide him back the empty glass trying hard to compose myself.

By now you already know the old man and I don’t get along, but he always ignores the fact that I want nothing to do with him. He followed me the first time I ran away from home, made some friends and started businesses here, as far as I know this bar belonged to him and so did Gomez.

When that wasn’t enough for his greedy ass, he bought my gym when I was still struggling to pay the rent of that building and made me buy it from him. He likes torturing me, both mentally and at times physically.

“Keep them coming” I mumble.

However, what I wanted to say was… What do you mean my old man is back in town? Are you fucking kidding me? Have you seen him? Spoken to him? Why was- Ugh don’t kid yourself, you know why he’s here, Ali.

I remember one of the last times I did his dirty work for him, it had me traumatized for years and I still can’t get those images out of my head. After that I just couldn’t bear doing anything for him… Or looking at him for that matter. The man didn’t care about me or anyone other than himself and his business. It was fucked up that he made me do things for him, things no one should have to do to make their parents proud.

“You’re no one’s bitch, Alison” he said “If he tries to fuck with you, then you fuck him up” he grinned and 18-year-old me nodded listening to him as if my life depended on it. Taking in all his bullshit.

This however, led to me standing next to an unconscious person with bloody hands and a thousand questions.

Was he okay? Was this worth his approval? Was my dad right? Was I just like him? Had I… Killed?

I ask myself the last question pretty often because I never got to figure out the answer. The old man wanted to celebrate after I beat up a guy close to death or to death… I don’t fucking know, okay? I don’t even know why I was sent to beat up the guy in the first place.

I couldn’t go back to that… As much as I’m not a good person, I’m also not evil to that extent. I already had one guy’s blood in my hands, I couldn’t be responsible for more, it wasn’t worth anything. Not his love, not his approval, not for him to just say that he was proud of me for once in his fucking life. I could end up in jail for fuck’s sake or worse… Dead.

I take a deep breath but I’m not sure if my lungs are working anymore. I have so many scenarios playing in my head, blood in my hands, my dad’s voice at the back of my head encouraging me. Encouraging me to do something unacceptable, the man begging, saying he didn’t want any trouble, apologizing for whatever he did to my old man. His grunts, groans… He just fell silent at some point. And I just went on and on with Nik’s voice in my head. I had to make it up to him.

The room seems small, congested, the red lights are too bright and the noise- Fuck the noise. I try to breathe but I could swear my lungs weren’t working anymore, the world spinning at a dangerous rate as I try to rub the sudden sting in my chest.

“Cain are you okay?” I look up at Gomez loudly gasping for air and I guess he sees the fear in my eyes as I slowly try to stand up from the stool but stumble back.

He walks around the counter to get to me. “You feeling okay?” Something is chocking me.

I feel a rough hand on my shoulder and move without a second thought. Someone was chocking me and I had to protect myself.

I’m all you have, Ali.

“Don’t touch me” I pant, my blurry sight slightly clearing up to reveal Gomez on the bar floor glaring at me.

“Did you just punch me?” he cups his jaw, his eyes wide in disbelief, and I take a step back shaking my head. My hand goes around my neck, rubbing it to confirm that nothing was around it slowly strangling me.

“I do- I don’t know.”

_

Before I realize it, I’m out of the club and in the dark alleys, my shaking hand tightly clutching my phone.

“Hey, what’s going on?” he speaks immediately after answering my call.

“Austin-” I breathe feeling a sharp pain in my chest “Please.”

Is this what dying felt like?

“What the fuck! Where are you?” I don’t know why he sounds panicked, I’m the one dying.

I inhale deeply struggling to get oxygen in my lungs and I end up coughing and wheezing.

**
“What?!” Drew yells still pacing around the living area and I nod.

“You’re fine Cain, we’re here” Austin whispers into my ear refusing to let me out of his embrace. I couldn’t complain though, not today when it felt safe.

“Ugh, yeah. You’re fine… We’re always here, don’t stress over it” Drew mumbles joining us on the couch.

“What do you mean don’t stress over it?” I frown “The devil himself is here and it’s only a matter of hours, if he’s taking he’s sweet time, days, before he finds me.”

“Hey, shut the fuck up, no one is finding you” Drew half yells causing me to lean more into Austin.

“Yeah, he’s right… The only thing I want you to worry about now is washing your hair” Austin rests his chin on my head “Damn, it stinks.”

I push him off me and glare at him.

“What? I sweat a lot” I defend and he chuckles, so does Drew.

“Should I smell it?” he asks Austin and I shove him back too.

“You guys stink” I laugh but then recall something funnier “I punched Gomez.”

“You what?” Drew laughs harder.

“I don’t know how, it just happened…”

“Poor guy” Austin laughs.

“He asked… Did you just punch me?” I chuckle throwing my head back, it felt good to laugh.

“You asshole” Drew chuckles and I cover my mouth to stop my laughter. I really didn’t mean to punch him. My instincts just take over sometimes.

“Seriously guys…” my tone changes as the laughter quiets down. “What do I do?” the mood shifts again and the room grows quiet.

“Well… Nothing” Drew shrugs and I look over at Austin expecting something better.

“Yeah… He hasn’t found you yet, or tried anything, so you just need to chill” he agrees.

I guess I wasn’t getting anything better.

“It’s only a matter of time” I nod to myself staring off into space now.

“Yeah, and we got you” Drew says “But until then, please calm down… you had a panic attack for fuck’s sake.”

“I agree with him” Austin mutters and I nod.

“I don’t agree with you guys but there’s nothing we can do” I whisper.

“Yeah… Except wash your hair” Austin reminds and I push him off the couch watching as he lands on his ass on the carpeted floor.

“Fuck off” I chuckle.

“Ouch, we’re getting violent now?” Austin groans and I glare at him ruffling my hair. It’s not that bad considering I just has a panic attack that felt more like a heart attack.

I might laugh right now, but deep down I know I’m screwed. So screwed. Good to laugh when I still can.

“Tell you what? How about Aus over here finds us something to get your mind off shit while you go wash up” Drew suggests and I sigh running a hand down my face.

_

After minutes of washing up and really concentrating on my hair for everyone’s sake, I walk out of the bathroom drying my hair with a towel and my lips slowly stretch into a smile as I enter the living room.

“Smells good in here” the boys both look up at me from the couch.

I sit cross-legged on the floor next to the couch and look up at Drew, “Pass it on.”

His low sleepy eyes study me carefully before puffing out the smoke and passing the joint over to me. “Are those my clothes?”

“Mmh” I hum, allowing myself to feel the effect of the one drag I took. It wasn’t much, but enough to relax my tense muscles a bit.

“You’re staying here tonight, right?” Austin confirms and I open my eyes and look at him.

“Do I have a fucking choice?”

“Well honestly, no” Drew yawns.

“Yay… Slumber party” I whisper, my face blank.

**

I’ve been cautious, quiet, invisible… or at least trying to be. With a terrible hangover, my eyes sensitive to light, ears twitching at anything high-pitched, and my brain drowning in thought, making me a jumpy, angry mess. I push my way through people in the hall leading to the exit doors, hurrying to make it to the parking lot and out of this place.

Since the news of my old man’s arrival, I’ve been locked up in Drew’s house for almost a week this is my first time out and I needed to get back in.

Other than the thought of one of my father’s hench men finding me and telling the old man where I was, I also didn’t feel like socializing at all.

“Damn I missed you-” I scream internally the moment I hear that voice. Why today? I almost made it… so close. Only one more turn to my motorcycle, my ride home and out of here. What the hell world? “Come on, not even a hello, Alison?”

You’re no one’s bitch, Alison.

“Not today, Justin” I warn him without turning hoping he’ll get the message and fuck off. Unfortunately, I hear his quiet steps and I swallow hard contemplating my next move, hoping he’s walking away and not towards me.

“I mean I could fuck off if you have me a hug” he chuckles and I feel his hand lightly grazing my shoulder.

If he tries to fuck with you, then you fuck him up.

Come on Cain breathe.

I didn’t like physical contact most of time. My body is very away of the tiniest touches and I almost always respond defensively, call it a coping mechanism. So, you can imagine just how tense I am when this guy fully grips my shoulder when I’m trying so hard to relax.

I just needed some space.

“Come on, we can head over to the bar…” he whispers getting closer than allowed. “Get wasted-“

You know what? Fuck it. Fuck laying low…

I turn, my clenched fist immediately connecting with his jaw. I just… I needed an outlet and he was making it so convenient.

“You really want to do this right now?” I glare at him as he tries to pick himself up still recovering from my blow.

This has not been a good week for me and I guess I was about to ruin his too.

“I wouldn’t mind-” he grins baring his bloody teeth. The audacity.

I scoff, lifting my leg and giving his face a nice kick, driving him back to the tarmacked ground.

“Okay” I spit and kneel next to him, panting hard from the adrenaline kick.

I don’t waste any time clutching his shirt and landing a blow right on his ugly crooked nose, it cracks. Well, that’s fixed. Fuck that was oddly satisfying.

Not hard enough, Ali.

I’m not even seeing him clearly as I grunt, “Is this what you want?” I land another punch on his jaw and this time my knuckles crack. I groan clenching my fists harder… Damn, it felt good to let my anger out.

I lift him by the shirt, realizing how sluggish and unresponsive he is now, ready to land another punch that’ll definitely jump start him when I’m suddenly pulled back. Who the fuck? –

I thought Drew wasn’t in school. I scramble to my feet quickly, staring at the crowd that had formed. Way to lay low Cain. I hadn’t noticed the crowd before to be fair.

As if the crowd would stop me from ruining Justin’s face.

“What the fuck Cain?!” one of Justin’s friends and Drew’s teammates yells taking a step towards me and I take one towards him. I could take him on right now too if that’s what he wanted.

“You want to go?” I clench my jaw and he scoffs and looks aside “Yeah, you better get him to the hospital.” I point Justin and his friend glares at me, sighs, and walks to his buddy.

Yeah, he better go.

I sigh and turn to face Drew’s wrath. Since Justin was our team mate, I knew he wouldn’t let this go.

“Look before you start, he started-” it wasn’t Drew.

“So what? You’re a murderer now?”

I immediately smile at the question. Wow no one other than Drew breaks up my fights, but she did and asked me a tough question while at it.

“What’s it to you?” I ask trying to conceal my smile.

I had the sudden urge to grin looking at the look of disappointment and anger in Sparks’ face.

“You can’t hit someone like that… you might end up in jail. In fact, I’d be surprised if you don’t after this” she frowns.

“Well… Sparks” I Spit her name “he fucking started it” I point behind me without looking.

“So, you break his face?” she scolds.

“Uh huh, in fact he’s lucky” I look back to find the crowd dispersing and Justin being helped up as his friends and some people from the crowd glare at me.

If they had something to say why not approach me?

“You have a problem” she states a very well-known fact and I nod.

I was so caught up in my mind and the ugliness around that I had forgotten a beauty like this exists.

“I know” I mumble as I stretch my fingers looking down at my bloody and bruised knuckles.

“You should get that checked” she says.

“What? This?” I point my hand “Uh this is nothing” I wave her off. It was cut pretty bad but nothing I couldn’t handle. For an ugly face he’s got a pretty strong jaw.

“No, I mean your brain” she says and I look up at her and chuckle. Wow.

“Damn” I nod “That’s noted.”

Her presence almost distracted me… Almost. I needed to head back home nowhere was safe. “Nice seeing you Sparks. I have to go now” I take a few steps back nodding before she speaks.

“You know, disappearing for days and hitting someone almost half to death on the day you show up isn’t very ideal of you” I smile hearing the humour in her tone.

I hear a lot of things but one is more important.

“You noticed I wasn’t here?” I raise a brow and she sighs rolling her eyes.

“Please, your presence is so annoying it’s hard not to.”

“Wow” I clap my hands “Another score for you Sparks” I nod in approval “You’re very good with words.”

“I know” she shrugs then clears her throat uncomfortably looking away “Is everything okay?”

I feel that weird flutter in my chest as she avoids eye contact. It doesn’t matter; there was no going back from that question.

I walk closer to her “You want to find out?”

“Yeah, that’s why I asked genius.”

“You sure you want to?” I raise my eyebrows and she glares at me “Come on” I push for a final approval.

“Yes” she sighs and I grin wider.

It was good to think of something other than the devil lurking in the shadows.

**
Woooo !!

**
Re-editing me here, how are you guys doing? Comment, vote… make your presence known, dont be shy.