Chapter 34

I have never seen a girls’ soccer game this busy at our high school. In the three years that I’ve been playing for the team, no matter who we’ve played or where we’ve been hosted, we muster no more than fifty or so people watching. We had the one-off game earlier in the season when our boys’ football team wasn’t playing, but this is on another level.

It appears that the entire school has decided to come along.

Coach has had to move our game onto the men’s soccer pitch just so that there is enough seating for everyone who has decided to attend. We have all the food stalls open, and the parking lot is overflowing with cars and pedestrians, with people flocking into the school from the roads as they’ve had to walk from further down the street. It’s almost like they believe there’s actually a football game on and not a girls’ soccer match.

I think I have Clay and his football buddies to thank. They’ve been drumming up hype all week surrounding the game, and I know that Derek is throwing a party after the game for anyone who attends the match tonight.

“It’s a victory party.” He smirked at me as he ran off down the hall holding a fistful of flyers. “I want people to watch my superstar take her team to State.”

Rumours have been flying around that Clay and Derek will be policing the gate to Derek’s mansion estate, and people have to hand over a ticket stub to tonight’s game, or they’re not allowed in, but I’m pretty sure that’s just a scaremongering tactic to get more people to grab a ticket. It has actually worked though, much to my surprise. I can hear the sounds of feet stomping above us whilst we’re sat in the changing rooms.

Calico state, and Mackenzie’s ex-girlfriend, are in the changing rooms right next door.

The air is tense and crackling with electricity, barely anyone in the team talking to anyone. Most people are going through their pre-match ritual, whether it be stretching or chanting, or listening to music. The locker room is silent.

Gemma is wrapping and rewrapping her hands, the only noise coming from her being the sound of her Velcro ripping apart and the heavy music blasting from her headphones. Raven is sat with her elbows resting on her legs, her fingers deftly spinning the cross on her necklace between her fingers as she mumbles a small prayer.

I’m doing the same thing I always do. I tie my laces. I tie them, undo them, and tie them again. I wrap the laces underneath my cleats and tie them in a double knot, then I pull the knot apart and start again. It gives me something to concentrate on; it stops my hands from shaking and my nerves getting the better of me because all I am currently thinking about is getting the knot as tight as possible.

It gives me something to zone in on, allowing me to calm my breathing and get into a zone whilst music is blasting in my ears. I can focus on nobody else, on nothing else.

“You’re getting twitchy.” April’s voice sounds deafening as it cuts through the silence of the changing rooms, her slender hand gripping onto the fabric on my shoulder. “Nobody likes to see their captain out of the zone and twitchy.”

“I was in the zone.” I deadpan, my fingers quickly correcting the knot my best friend forced me into fumbling. “I was doing very well at staying calm, collected, and in the zone, and then you jolted me out of it by calling me twitchy.”

April chuckles, sliding onto the bench next to me and placing a comforting hand on my knee. “This game will just be like any other, Alex.”

I laugh, but it comes out humourless and dry. “Yeah, just another game in front of more fans than ever against the team that Mackenzie used to play for, and her ex, who cheated on her, by the way, still plays for. So yeah, just another game.”

I do manage to find humour in the way April’s face goes slack, her eyes darting across the room to where Mackenzie is quietly sitting by herself, earphones in and eyes closed.

Even watching her from a distance makes my cheeks flush. Her short hair is tied back into a small bun, her baby hairs held from her face by a thin headband. Her bee stung bottom lip is held captive by her teeth, her head tilted back and leaning against the locker behind her.

Even doing something so criminally simple, my girlfriend is effortlessly beautiful.

I flush at the word and return my attention to April, as she doesn’t make my heart flutter with nerves, which I definitely don’t need at this moment in time. She’s chewing her nails, a thoughtful look on her face as her eyes scan my expression. “Wanna talk about it?”

My smile softens and I place my hand atop hers. “No. But thank you. I think I’m going to get a sports drink from the vending machine, do you want one?”

“Yes, but only if it’s blue raspberry,” April says, pulling some change out of her bag and pressing it into my palm. “I don’t like the watermelon one they’re stocking at the moment, it’s gross.”

I smile and stand up from my seat, the quiet clicking of my studs against the tiles the only noise in the changing room. Mackenzie’s eyes open and she smiles softly at me, nodding her head when I silently ask her if she wants a drink.

Agh, I am so obsessed with this girl.

I shake my head to free it from the thoughts fangirling over my girlfriend and step out of the changing room and into the tunnel, where just ten yards away, Mackenzie’s ex-girlfriend is sitting in a changing room in her school’s colours, waiting to meet us on the field.

The worst part is, I don’t know what she looks like, and I know Mackenzie won’t tell me. I don’t even know the girl’s name, so I haven’t even been able to search for her on social media. Mackenzie sure as hell isn’t going to still be following her, and the only person I can think of that’ll know her is Whitney Sandoval, and I’m sure as hell not following that bitch on Instagram over a possibility.

I won’t give her the opportunity to be smug and hold it over my head.

I walk over to the vending machine and see blue raspberry, so at least April will be happy prior to the start of the game. I know that Mackenzie will want one of those as well, so I might as well just get three, and then everyone is hap–

“Alex?”

I spin on the spot and turn to the sound of an unfamiliar voice calling my name. I come to face a girl with dark hair, tanned skin, and pale green eyes standing in the tunnel, almost as if she doesn’t really know where she is supposed to be. She’s not wearing a soccer kit, which suggests she’s not playing today, and she has an old, crumpled copy of a book in her hand that appears to have been read one too many times.

Then it clicks.

“Giovanna?”

The slow-spreading smile on her face leads me to believe I’m not wrong, though my memory of that night at Old Man Irish’s is very hazy. I do, however, remember meeting her at that bar and letting her order before me. We didn’t talk much, if at all before Mackenzie came over and wrapped me up in her intoxicating arms.

“Long time no see, college girl,” Giovanna smirks at me, tucking her book tightly under her arm.

“I could say the same to you.” I raise an eyebrow her way, pulling the third and final bottle of Gatorade from the vending machine and gathering them all under my crossed arms. “As far as I was concerned, you were older as well.”

Giovanna smiles in a way that’s coy, as if she knows everything about you but is trying to remain completely innocent in her interaction. She bites her lip and raises her eyebrow, a move that no doubt gets the boys flustered and lined up to grasp at a sliver of her attention. However, I see straight through it, and due to my complete and utter infatuation with my girlfriend, I am not in the slightest phased by the fluttering of her eyelashes.

“Is there a reason you’re in the tunnel to the changing rooms or…”

“Oh yes!” She jumps, her hand digging into her bag and rummaging for something. She appears to have gotten so caught up in talking to me that she forgot her original task. I almost smile as I see her fingers grasping at a bottle of Gatorade, the exact same reason as to why I’m in the corridor myself. “My sister is playing, and she messaged me in a panic saying she’d left her drinks in the car. I’m her knight in shining armour.”

“I can see that,” I muse, my eyes drawn to a pair of feet coming down the stairs behind Giovanna. “Well you better get them to her quick, I think the coaches are here to give their team talk.”

I smile and point at the door across from myself before waving goodbye to the mysterious brunette, quickly dipping inside the changing rooms before Coach sees that I haven’t been focusing on the game ahead.

“Coach is here, girls, music and stuff away, it’s game time,” I shout as I re-enter the changing rooms, tossing a drink to both Mackenzie and April whilst the rest of the team scramble to put away anything that could distract them from the team talk that is about to take place.

Coach Sanders walks in to silence, every pair of eyes aimed at her. Mr. Walker is stood behind her, watching everything and jotting down notes in his little black notepad. He looks slightly nervous, his thick eyebrows pinched in concentration. I’ve never really paid much attention to Mr. Walker whenever we play soccer; he always seems to stand behind her and doesn’t make much conversation.

Mr. Walker is what most girls would find conventionally attractive, in a Matt Bomer kind of way. Long brown hair, stubble, bright blue eyes. He’s a little too boy-next-door for my taste, but I know that a lot of the girls on the team – as well as quite a large proportion within the school – find him very, very dreamy.

April included.

“Now I know tonight is quite an important match, and I don’t want to put any more stress on you than I deem necessary, but I’d rather you girls know from me.” Coach starts, and I can feel the hair on my arms start to rise. “I want to let you know that scouts have come tonight to watch you play.”

The changing room erupts with nervous chatter, girls all showing various emotions regarding this news. Some are showing excitement, some are showing obvious fear. I catch a slight glimpse of an unreadable look on Freya’s face. Her eyes are cast down to the floor, her fingers locking and unlocking on her lap, her bottom lip clasped between her teeth.

I almost want to say it’s nothing to worry about, although I can’t fully understand why she should. If she wants to impress the scouts, then she’ll have more than enough time on the pitch. We play 4-4-2, which is a formation that definitely plays into her strengths as a fast poacher. Whilst she can’t hit a barn door from long distance, our pace means we can get in close up front.

And then it’s gone.

She breathes once out of her mouth, a quick and short burst, before steeling her expression and looking up at Sanders. Now, I can clearly see the determination in the pinch of her eyebrows and the purse of her lips.

“Now I know a few of you seniors are hoping for athletic scholarships to your dream schools, so I am going to read out the list of universities that are here, just so you know whether or not you’re being watched. Stanford, University of Florida, Yale, Michigan, and Harvard.”

Both Mackenzie and I breathe a barely audible sigh of relief. I have no issue with being watching,; I’m narcissistic enough to know I perform well under stress, and I would have no issue with performing in front of scouts. I’m confident in my ability on any game day, so a scout wouldn’t hinder me.

I’m glad that the UPenn scouts aren’t here because this game was going to be stressful enough for Mackenzie without the pressure of her scholarship at her heels. She’s going to be seeing her cheating ex for the first time since they split and she moved here, and no doubt Whitney Sandoval will be here to rub that fact in.

I can only guess she’ll be the loudest bítch in the stands tonight.

“Now that that’s out of the way, Mr. Walker has asked if he can coach this game tonight. I have said yes to letting him take charge as I believe he’s watched and aided you in coaching enough to be competent in taking this team to another win.”

Mr. Walker smiles at Coach before stepping forward, his fingers flipping through his book quickly before stopping on a page, clearing his throat briefly and letting his eyes scan the group of us. “Thank you, Coach. Girls, I know I haven’t taken a big role in the team as of yet, but I know our strengths as a team and I believe–no, I know that this game will be an easy win.”

“So let’s make this team talk brief, and then we can go out and kick their asses.”

Safe to say we all cheered at that.

/

Mackenzie’s breathing is short and stressed. I guess it’s understandable given the circumstances. I’m on edge too, and I believe that is down to the nerves of not having her ex, Gee, pointed out to me. I try to present myself as a girl with confidence, as a girl with an ego. It’s been very easy to live out this fantasy as it helps me captain the team efficiently. I am confident in our abilities, in my ability, and this helps me boost the team.

Personally, though, I am so insecure. It may not seem like it at first, but I always thought that Clay would find someone better or that Mackenzie would grow tired of me. The period of time where Clay and I were struggling over summer, I was sure he was sleeping with someone else. I feel that was what ruined the intimacy of our relationship, why I struggled to give him the affection he craved after we got together.

As for Mackenzie. Well, I’m paralysed at the thought that she’ll leave me for a girl she can be out and proud with. I’m trying so hard, but there is this gut-wrenching fear that I’m not going quick enough, or that eventually she’ll stop waiting for me

I feel a hand brush against my own, and I quickly snap out from my pit of self-depreciation to see Mackenzie stood beside me, a look on her face I can’t quite decipher. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know.” She says honestly, her bottom lip captured between her teeth. “Before you start to feel self-conscious about why I’m nervous, it isn’t because I’m expecting all these feelings to come rushing back when I see her and that I’m going to immediately fall in love with her again and…”

“Mackenzie,” I say sternly, smiling at the way her cheeks darken with embarrassment. “It’s okay. Just tell me what you’re actually feeling. That’s good enough for me.”

“I don’t want her rubbing the fact that she cheated, and she’s still with Whitney in my face.” She blows the stray hairs from her face and looks at me with those piercing grey eyes of hers. “I also don’t want her working out I’m with you and then start putting things in your head that aren’t true.”

“I’m sure it won’t work like that,” I say, casting my eyes over her shoulder to see the rest of our team coming over to the bench following the completion of their warm-up. Mackenzie and I were warming up Gemma, so we finished ages ago. I quickly place my hand over hers and squeeze gently before letting go, watching with glee as her face lights up at the contact. “We just need to kick their asses today and then it’ll be fine. We’ll never see them again.”

“Thank you.” She smiles, her hand curling around my own before swiftly letting go when the team comes over for the team talk. “Why are they still not on the pitch,? We’re about to kick off.”

Surely enough, we are the only girls on the pitch. Mackenzie’s old school is nowhere in sight.

“Probably a scare tactic,” Raven mutters as we huddle together on our half of the pitch. It’s just us players now. Coach Sanders and Mr. Walker have both taken up their positions in our dugout, leaving the final team talk to me and April.

“Let’s not think about them,” April says sternly, capturing the attention of everyone in the team. “We play our game and we control them, do you understand?”

“April is right, girls,” I say, wrapping my arms over the shoulders of my teammates and dragging them into a huddle in our half of the pitch. Slowly, the sound of the crowd and people cheering seems to quieten down into nothing. Only the sounds of slow breathing and April and I’s voices can be heard. “The only people we need to think about on this pitch is ourselves. We need to think about our game and how we want to play. We don’t care what they’re doing.”

I hear the referee blow the whistle to signal for captains, so we break the circle and the team takes up our positions as I make my way over to the centre circle. There is a girl already waiting for me there, her face set like stone as she stares emptily my way. Their team literally just appeared out of nowhere and suddenly they look like the more organised of the two sides.

I can’t help but let my eyes wander over their players, trying to work out which of the eleven girls stood before me used to be more than just friends with Mackenzie Daniels.

“Away team, heads or tails.” The referee calls out, and I watch as the stony-faced girl picks heads, and I watch as the coin falls on the opposite side. “Home team, kick-off or not?”

“We’ll kick-off,” I say, offering my hand out to the opposition captain. “Good game.”

“Good game.” She says, gripping my hand far stronger than I thought she would, given her height and frame.

I jog back to my starting position, seeing Mackenzie’s pale face and the tight smile she sends my way, which leads me to believe she has spotted her cheating ex, a thought that makes my throat dry and swallowing difficult.

I try and pay attention to the game, but all I find myself doing is scanning the opposition to see who is paying too much attention to our star striker, or someone who is trying a little too hard to get her to look their way. Because of this, some of my passes have gone astray and I’ve been slow to react to the balls over the top.

So far, nothing in terms of girls looking at her for too long. And that makes me nervous.

“Hey.” Raven’s stern voice snaps me out of it, and I turn to look at the sour look on her face. “Concentrate. You’re all over the place. You’re the captain, sort your shít out!”

I scold myself and concentrate. I shouldn’t be letting personal problems affect the way I play. It’s exactly why I created the persona with the ego. So I could separate personal from football. Tonight, I let them cross and it clouded my judgement; I’m furious with myself because of the fact.

I shake my head and put all of my focus into the game, the only player I am now analysing is their single girl up front. She’s tall, so she’s ideal for the crosses, but she’s also fast, so she’s good for a long ball over the top.

Luckily, she isn’t faster than me, so for the rest of the half, she’s in my pocket.

Unfortunately, Mackenzie is in the pocket of her old defence as well. Seeing as though she has played for this team, it’s unsurprising how they know her every move and what her strengths are, and it’s visibly frustrating her. Because of this, we have been unable to score and both Coach Sanders and Mr. Walker seem to be at a loss.

“That’s half!” The referee calls following the shrill blow of his whistle. I kick the ground as we are still at a stalemate, annoyance radiating off all of our players, whilst excitement and amusement are coming from them like a stench you can’t get rid of.

“Girls! In, quickly!” Mr. Walker shouts and we all jog in, grabbing our water bottles before huddling close so the opposition can’t hear us. “The half was great defensively. We pressed high and didn’t give them much time on the ball in our half. They struggled to pass around us and that is brilliant from us. However, we have struggled to get the ball past their back line and I fear that is because they know Mackenzie and how she plays.”

“We need to use Freya,” I say, my breathing laboured as I pour water from a height into my mouth. Freya looks just as surprised as the rest of the team when that sentence comes out of my mouth, her eyes slightly wide and her eyebrow raised in my direction. “Think about it, we drop Mackenzie behind Freya, play her as the only man up front and she’s got more pace than any of those girls. We get her close enough to the goal, and she’s our girl. They haven’t even given Freya a second glance as they’ve been proving a point that they own Mackenzie all half.”

Coach Sanders and Mr. Walker exchange a glance before nodding. “Good plan, Alex. Freya, you’re up top on your own. Make the scouts proud, kid.”

Freya nods, her face set in determination. She looks at me once, for a split second, before looking away and drinking her water. The look almost seemed to be one of respect or admiration, but it was gone just as quick as it was there.

I try to find Mackenzie’s gaze, but she’s too busy looking at the opposition, and I know that I won’t be able to fully concentrate until I know who her ex is.

Once the huddle is broken and we start to head back to the field, I pull her to one side, my fingers drawing circles on her wrist. “Which one is she, Kins?”

“What?”

“Mackenzie. Which girl is Gee? You can’t concentrate, you’re not focused up front. I told him to pull you back into midfield so you didn’t get benched. Which one is she? For both our sakes.”

Mackenzie sighs and pulls her arm from my grip, a movement that I don’t think she meant to hurt me with, but it felt like rejection, and it stung. “Why does it matter which one she is?”

“Because it matters to me,” I say, feeling my walls slowly going up. I have done everything she has asked of me. I haven’t pushed about her ex because I know it’s a sensitive subject, and I have been patient and waited for her to tell me anything, and she has just sat in silence and refused to tell me anything. She has asked me to open up to her, and I have been nothing but honest with her, and now she can’t even do this for me. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter.”

Mackenzie grunts with visible annoyance but grabs my arm the same way I held hers a few seconds ago, however, her nails are digging in slightly more than mine was. “Alex. Look. I’m sorry. It’s difficult to talk about–she’s difficult to talk about. I don’t want to point her out because it makes it more real that she’s here and you know about her. You really want to know who she is?”

“Yes!” I say with exasperation. I feel like throwing my arms in the air to prove the point further. “I really do.”

“She’s the goalkeeper, okay!” Mackenzie fumes before storming off to her starting position.

And I’m stood staring at the face of the girl who, without a doubt, broke her heart.

/

Hey guys!

I’m glad to say that I’m back and with new motivation!

I’ve started writing again, and I’ve got new stories on the table in order to salvage my creativity 

I also have to give an especially massive thank you to pinksterr12 because without her I don’t think I’d have finished this chapter quite as quickly as I have done  these past few weeks 

She’s done a great job helping me find motivation, and even proofread this chapter as well as gave me some ideas and inspiration as a fan, so thank you Jade!

Lots of love guys, I hope you enjoyed!

Lauryn