Chapter 32

So we didn’t end up having sex, much to my disappointment. Mackenzie thought it was too fast, didn’t want me to rush into anything. She also didn’t want to do ‘it’ completely off the cuff and with her brother in the house, which I understand and completely respect.

Doesn’t mean that my raging hormones calmed down and I suddenly wasn’t hörny.

April and Faye knew that I had gone out with her over the weekend, and they knew that we’d gone on a date. So their incessant questioning didn’t stop for a whole two days before they realised some things I wanted to keep to myself, and the happenings of that date were for Mackenzie and I to know, and us only.

A part of me didn’t want to tell them that I had a girlfriend, simply because I couldn’t trust them to keep quiet. It’s not that I don’t trust them generally, it’s just that April has a habit of being a blabber mouth and she blurts things out she’s not supposed to. It’s always accidental, and I know she feels bad about it afterwards, but I don’t want to risk being forced out of the closet by an accidental slip of the tongue.

Plus, the much larger, selfish part of me wants to remain in this bubble with Mackenzie for a little bit longer, just the two of us.

The weeks went by pretty quickly, soccer practice and homework filling up both of our times to the point we barely saw each other outside of school.

My parents were also barely around, their work life massively outweighing the responsibilities being a parent carries. I can’t blame them, my father was planning a massive piggyback surgery, and my mother had landed one of the biggest cases of her career. Now that my brother and I are older, I know they want to let their careers take the front seat. Only problem is, I’ve been in the backseat my entire life. The only things that makes this more apparent is the fact that Will isn’t here anymore to distract me from how alone I actually feel in my own house.

Because of this depressing fact, I spent most of my time after school in my old Japanese hideout, Gina helping me with my homework whenever she could, feeding me unholy amounts of sushi and teriyaki until I felt a food baby growing. Whenever the restaurant got quiet, she’d come and sit with me and talk to me about school and soccer and Mackenzie, questions I hadn’t even been asked my own parents in god knows how long.

It felt nice, having someone ask about how I was doing and what I was doing with my life. I couldn’t remember the last time I got to whine about how soccer training was gruelling and how my history teacher was busting my ass with additional work.

I almost felt like I had a parent.

The bell rings and snaps me from my bittersweet reverie, my eyes looking up from the work I’ve been completing for the past half hour. My teacher, Mr. Sampson, is reminding us to all make our choices for the senior trip before the end of the week, his eyes settling into a pointed stare at myself as I shrink into my seat.

I haven’t been able to make my mind up between Miami and the Rockies, between sun and sand and skiing and snow, my friends and Mackenzie. I know that everyone on the soccer team has put down Miami, wanting to get their tan on before the state championships. They want all of the seniors on the team to go, kind of like a last meet before we part ways at the end of the school year. They definitely want their captain there.

The only thing stopping me is how desperate I am to go away with just my girlfriend. Mackenzie hasn’t mentioned the trip to me since we spoke about it, and I know she’s waiting on me to decide where we go before she puts her name down for anything. I bite my lip as I think about how we’d share a room and all of the stuff we could do without all of our friends hounding us for details, or sending us knowing smirks when we look at each other for too long.

“Alex!” I hear Faye call, and I look over my shoulder as I pack my things into my bag, my bubbly best friend beaming at me as she slaloms between the desks. I haven’t spent much time with her recently, our schedules not really matching up with her cheer practice and my soccer always seeming to fall on opposite days of the week.

I feel bad, because we all used to be joined at the hip. Senior year is just getting on top of us and kind of pulling us apart.

“Hey.” I smile slightly, shouldering my bag as I lean against my desk until she approaches. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

Faye nods her head, her giant grin softening slightly, the corners of her lips carrying a slight sadness before she wipes the change in mood from her face. “It’s something neither of us have been able to help.”

We walk side by side out of the classroom and down the hall, dodging the hustle and bustle of our high school hallways. She smells of peppermint and burnt marshmallows, her blonde hair in its signature cheery ponytail. I’ve honestly missed Faye.

“Who brought you to school today?” I ask as we get to the parking lot, my eyes scanning for any of our friends, her usual lifts into school nowhere to be seen.

The quickly cooling November air makes me shiver slightly, making me despise my choice of outfit today. My cropped top is doing little to protect myself from the bitterly cold wind, so I wrap my fleeced denim jacket tighter around my body.

Faye sighs in frustration, her eyes rolling as if she’s just realised something. “Damn. April brought me but she said she’s heading over to Derek’s to finish up some schoolwork.”

A thought pops into my head and I smirk slightly at her. Neither of us are heading towards practice, and I can only assume with it being a Thursday neither of us have any plans. “How about we head to Benny’s and have a catch up, just the two of us? It’s been too long since we’ve gossiped about stuff and then I’ll drop you home after?”

Faye looks at me and smiles, her arm linking with mine as we walk towards my car. “I think it’s about damn time we saw more of each other, and I’m craving halloumi fries and a banana milkshake.”

We laugh as we settle into my car and pull out of the parking lot, my eyes barely registering the sight of Derek getting into Raven’s car before I head towards Benny’s.

Then it clicks.

If Derek is with Raven, then where the hell is April?

~•~

Faye and I  slide ourselves into one of the booths at the back of Benny’s, milkshakes and fries on our trays. I’ve missed the hustle and bustle of this retro diner, feeling guilty at how little I’ve been here recently.

Senior year has seriously got on top of me more than I have realised. I’ve been so focused on my grades and soccer and Mackenzie that I’ve barely made time for friends and a social life this year. Hell, I even missed Peter Jackson’s annual Halloween bash because I had a project due on the following Monday and a game the day after.

I look across at Faye, who’s happily tucking into her halloumi fries whilst she looks out of the window , and I realise how much I’ve neglected our friendship these past few weeks. To be honest, it’s very likely that I’ve neglected all of my friendships, with Clay and Derek alike. I have only seen April at practice and the only person I’ve been hanging out with is Mackenzie outside of school.

Guilt pools in my stomach. Maybe if I had paid more attention to April and my friends, I would know more about what’s going on in their lives. Like who April is sneaking off to meet today.

“I’ve missed these so much.” Faye squeals with delight as she dips her second halloumi fry into the complimentary sweet chilli dip beside her plate. The tips of her manicured fingers are glossed slightly with the grease on the fries, but my skinny, toned, blonde best friend really doesn’t seem to care. “We haven’t been here since your first soccer game.”

“I know, and I feel bad that we haven’t spent much time with each other this year.” I sigh, and watch as Faye frowns slightly, her hand coming to rest in top of mine.

“Don’t blame yourself, Alex.” She says sweetly. “Soccer and school have been burying you, and cheer practice as well as travelling for the boys football team has taken up all of my time too. It’s nobody’s fault. We all knew senior year would be crazy, but we didn’t expect it to be like this.”

I nod my head as I pick a sesame seed off my burger bun with my nails, my eyes searching Faye’s face for any sign of annoyance. I don’t find anything, just her usual cheer and trusting eyes.

“Hey, can I ask you a question?” I say to her, watching as her pale blue eyes snap up from her plate to look at me, her lips pulling into a smile.

“You just did.” I roll my eyes as she giggles at her own dad joke, unable to stop the creeping of my own smile to match hers. “I’m kidding, of course you can. What’s going on in that head of yours, you’ve had this look on your face since we got here that looks like you want advice.”

I run my fingers through my hair and push it out of my face, my hands shaking slightly at what I’m about to ask. Whilst I have been putting it off for the last few weeks, I really need advice and Faye has a right to know as she’s one of my best friends. She’s also got a mouth that stays sealed, no matter how much alcohol she’s drank, and right now she’s stone cold sober.

“I don’t know where to go for the seniors winter trip.” I say, watching as she laces her manicured fingers together as she sits back in her seat. “I know that all of you guys are going to Miami for the trip, and I really want to have one last hoorah before we go off to college.”

I struggle getting the next bit out, so much so that I just stop talking all together and start picking more sesame seeds off my unfinished burger. The poor bun is ruined now, chunks of bread now missing from the final layer of the burger. It kind of looks like a rat got into the bread bin and nibbled at it before it was given to me.

“But.” She says when I stop talking for a few minutes. Realisation dawns on her after a couple more seconds of silence surround us. “But you want to also go to the Rockies with Mackenzie.”

“Me and Mackenzie are the only people yet to pick where we’re going. I know she’s waiting on me before we decide, but I know she wants to do something just us.” I sigh. “I want to do something with just her, but I don’t want to let you guys down.”

Faye shakes her head and smiles softly. “Oh Alex. You’re not letting us down in the slightest if you want to spend time with her. When else are you going to get the chance to have time just the two of you for a whole week. We’re all going to Florida for spring break anyway, so it’s not a big deal.”

“Can I admit something?” I say quietly, Faye nodding her head a silent acceptance. “Mackenzie and I are official now. That makes me want to spend even more time with her, as my girlfriend.”

Faye’s eyes light up, and she claps her hands with such excitement it feels contagious. I can’t help but smile too as her infectious enthusiasm seeps into me. “Oh my God. Alexandra Doherty why didn’t you tell me!”

“I didn’t want it to get out.” I whine. “You know what April is like, she’d have blurted it out by accident!”

Faye nods in understanding before socking me hard in arm. I wince and glare at her whilst I rub my arm, the skin starting to throb underneath my fingertips. “You still could’ve told me, I would’ve kept it quiet.”

“Noted.” I grumble sulkily as I return my attention to my burger, pretending to ignore Faye considering she hurt me. “So do I go to the Rockies, or do I go to Miami?”

“Rockies.” She says instantly without missing a beat. “Without a doubt.”

“Okay then.” I say, unable to hinder the smile creeping onto my face. The fact that Faye is being both supportive and nonchalant makes the decision about going to the rockies that much easier. Sure, our friends will be slightly annoyed, and it may ask questions as to why just Mackenzie and myself are going away, especially with the girls on the team who don’t know about us.

I have to come out to them at some point.

We stay for at least another hour, talking about random, pointless things that we used to talk about all the time, from what makeup we’re buying at the moment, to who we think our friends are crushing on. That question was aimed specifically at Faye, and the crimson blush in her cheeks gave her away, even after she flat out refused she had someone.

“Fine.” I say cheekily, my wide smirk obviously making her uncomfortable. “I’ll find out eventually. I’m just glad I know you’re finally putting yourself out there and getting a boyfriend. Or girlfriend, we both know I’d be supportive either way.”

Faye smiles, but she mutters something under her breath that I don’t quite catch.

We eventually get up to leave, dropping our empty food wrappers in the bin before jumping into my car. The air has picked up a frosty chill that always comes in November, the odds of snow falling in the coming weeks highly likely. We get to the car and jump in, turning the heaters up to full blast and laughing as we both immediately go to warm our hands up.

This afternoon just hanging out with Faye has made things feel like they used to, when we used to head over to Benny’s after school every day, when our schedules weren’t so hectic and our lives weren’t getting in the way. I decide there and then that I will plan something with my girls, whether that be a small party at my place or just a meal on a weekend. We need to get the gang back together again. I can’t remember the last time I chilled out with Derek and that makes me sad because that boy has been like a brother to me since we met.

“I’ve decided to plan something for the gang.” I announce to Faye as I pull my phone from my pocket. Her face lights up and she grins, nodding her head enthusiastically. “Drinks at mine the weekend before we go away for the senior trip. We’ll get the guys and April there, as well as some of the girls from football and cheer. It won’t be a big thing but it’s going to happen.”

“I think that sounds like a brilliant idea.” Faye gushes as she pulls on her seatbelt. “With Christmas break right around the corner, we could have a secret Santa and just have a chill night in where we hang out with our friends with no expectations and no distractions.”

“Secret Santa! How did I not think of that!” I grin and high five across my handbrake, Faye dancing happily in her seat as I put my car into reverse.

We drove and blasted out crappy pop songs, planning the gathering to the very last minute detail. The guest list is small, just of our closest friends who we know won’t leak the details regarding the party. We’re definitely going to have to swear April to secrecy, her blabber mouth cannot be the reason why everyone in school finds out.

I find myself driving around randomly just to extend the amount of time I spend with Faye, my heart enjoying her bubbly company, feeling the least alone I have in a long time.

I pull up outside her house and find myself saddened by the fact she’s leaving, knowing that all that is waiting for me at home is emptiness and showroom furniture. I smile at Faye, and although it doesn’t quite reach my eyes I know it’s soft.

“Hey.” She says, the look on her face all knowing. I forget that whilst I haven’t seen her for ages, she can still read me like a book. “My mum is making Mac and cheese for tea and we should really get started on the homework for AP bio, Dr. Goodison wants us to start our practical assignments next week in class. Wanna stay?”

I smile brightly, my heart soaring more for Faye than it has in a very long time. She knows my situation at home, and she knows full well how empty my house is, even when Will was at home.

“I love your mom’s mac and cheese.” I gush, turning off my engine and grabbing my school bag from the back seat. We both get out of the car and start walking up the steps to Faye’s, my hand sliding around her forearm and squeezing gently. “Thank you.”

“I’d hold on the thanks until after we’ve finished our work.” She smirks, her hand gently resting atop mine. “You’ll be regretting that when I don’t let you take breaks.”

“Oh god.” I giggle, bumping my hip with hers as we get to her front door.

~•~

I felt a lot lighter walking into school following my talk with Faye. The decision of where to go for winter break had been lifted from my chest as I knew where I was going and who I was going with.

Speaking to Faye had definitely cleared a lot of things up for me and made me feel better for picking Mackenzie.

I don’t feel guilty.

I see her leaning on her locker as I head towards mine, her bright blonde hair tied up in a bun, and her tanned skin showing through the rips in her shirt. She isn’t with anyone, a rare but unsurprising occurrence, considering we’re nearly half an hour early for school, so I wander over and lean next to her, pretending to be looking wherever she was.

I couldn’t see anything particularly interesting at the end of the hall, but I succeeded in getting a reaction from my girlfriend, going by the small upwards quirk of her lips.

“Morning.” She says quietly, her soft eyes coming to rest on me. I notice that her eyes are a much lighter grey today, holding an excitement I haven’t seen for a while. “How are you feeling?”

“Good.” I smile, letting my hand gently brush against hers, my heart desperate to tangle our fingers together. I refrain for obvious reasons and instead opt for running my fingers across the exposed skin of her wrist, watching with glee as her cheeks redden and her lips turn upwards into a smirk. “I have exciting news.”

“Oh do you now?” She teases, her eyebrow raising slightly as she turns to face me against the lockers. With it being so early the hallways are practically deserted, only the teachers and eager students are really here.

“Walk with me to Mr. Sampson’s class and I’ll tell you.” I say cheekily, knowing full well I’ve just given the surprise away.

The way my girlfriend’s face lights up solidifies the decision I’ve made. “You’ve picked the rockies?”

“I’ve picked the rockies.” I confirm as she beams and squeals, picking me up and spinning me around the empty hallway. Our laughter echoes and bounces off the empty corridors, and my arms find their way around Mackenzie’s neck. She stops spinning me and looks around quickly before pulling me in for a brief, soft kiss.

The action makes my heart flutter inside my chest, warmth spreading throughout my body like a wildfire at the simple yet affectionate action. I almost forget that we’re in school, my fingers tangling with the hair at the nape of her neck as my lips press roughly against hers.

“Maybe we should save this kind of kissing for the rockies.” I say almost breathlessly, coming to my senses as I finally pull away from my girlfriend’s addictive lips. “We’re in school.”

Mackenzie nods her head in understanding before stealing one more kiss. I laugh as she finally lets me go, the blatant happiness on her face makes me know I made the right decision, excitement building in my body at the thought of a week with her.

And I honestly cannot wait for it.

~•~

OKAY SO BEFORE YOU GUYS FIGHT ME FOR NOT UPDATING, I HAVE NO EXCUSE AND IM GENUINELY SORRY FOR NOT POSTING.

Honestly I’ve just really struggled finding motivation to write this book, so this chapter has been really really hard to write. I’ve been opening and closing this chapter, reading it and trying to find an angle to write or ideas to put to paper and I’ve genuinely struggled.

I don’t want to give you guys half assed chapters but I also don’t want to leave you guys hanging so I took time out and really knuckled down these past few weeks to come up with something.

This chapter, luckily for you, has given me some ideas on what to write, especially for the next few, so hopefully inspiration will come to me and I won’t have you waiting four months for a new chapter 😬

Thank you for staying interested and staying loyal to the book, and I hope you’ve enjoyed this chapter.

Lots of love and appreciation from me,

Lauryn