Chapter 13

I can’t breathe.

My lungs are on fire. Every cell in my body is protesting, begging me to stop, to catch my breath, to let me rest. This training session has sucked the life out of me, and I can say with assurance that I’m at my peak fitness. I can last a full ninety minutes during even our most competitive matches, and I can bring my heart rate down to near resting in less than five minutes.

Today, my breathing is laboured and uneven. My hair is clinging to my face and sweat is covering every inch of my skin. I hit the hour mark before I had to pull my shirt off, my dri fit making breathing difficult. Most of the other girls followed my lead, Raven and April both running around in just their sports bras along with a few of the other girls, including Mackenzie. Usually I’d be in two minds about whether or not I want to stare at her exposed skin, but so much is going on and there is so much to focus on that I daren’t spare her a second glance in case I miss something.

“Alright girls.” The main UPenn coach, who’s name I found to be Coach Mellor, calls a halt to our sprint and shoot drill. I let out a breath of relief, shooting no where near my strong suit. There haven’t been a lot of defensive drills so I haven’t been able to show off, the training session focusing on dribbling, passing, first touch and of course shooting. Mellor didn’t even add defenders to the shooting drills so I haven’t been able to show him just how capable a defender I am. “For the final half an hour, you’re going to play a game. Coach Sanders has told me your names and positions so I’m going to pick the teams at random.”

I breathe a sigh of relief as I sneak a sip of my water. Most of the girls look exhausted but relieved, a match can give them the break that they need to get their breaths back. I smile when I realise that I can show my defensive capabilities off when I’m marking Freya, if she’s on the opposing team.

Coach Mellor rattles off name after name, Raven and I not playing on the same team for the first time in a while. I’m put onto the non bibs team, a welcome thought. The bibs smell like dried sweat and they are just an extra layer I’m not interested in wearing. Out of my friends I have Gemma, April and Elise. One of Freya’s friends, a quiet but bitchy girl called Savannah, is on Raven’s team, and Emma is put on her team shortly after. The teams are pretty even, and I grin when Freya is put on the opposite team, the way she swears quietly under her breath has my chest puffing out.

She knows that she’s not getting past me.

“Final forward, Mackenzie Daniels, you’ll be on the bibs.”

I let my gaze fall onto Mackenzie and watch as her eyes fall on me. So she is a forward. I think to myself and look at Mackenzie again. Like everyone else, her skin is glistening with sweat and her chest is heaving erratically but she still looks incredible. Her legs are bronzed and lean, her shorts making her thighs look bigger. She still her has shirt off, exposing her toned stomach and sharp collarbones. Her grey eyes are glued to mine as I smirk at her, knowing that she’ll be the player I choose to mark today.

She’s seen me defend in training but I’ve never seen her attack as a proper forward. This will be the first time I’ve seen her play as an out and out striker, and I blow her a kiss and watch as she pretends to catch it and tuck in into the waistband of her shorts.

God this girl drives me crazy and in all the right ways.

I take my place in the centre of my back four, flashing a thumbs up to Elise on my left, and a sophomore girl who’s got some incredible raw talent called Sophia on my right. Coach Mellor blows his whistle and bibs kick off, Mackenzie passing the ball back to Raven who carries the ball upfield.

April puts in a strong tackle and kicks the ball my way, allowing me to put my foot on the ball and look around the pitch. Most players are marked on my team and Freya is sprinting towards me to put on some pressure. I grin wolfishly as I lay the ball to Sophia on my right, who hefts a perfectly weighted ball down the right for one of her friends on JV to chase after. Freya curses as she dives into the pass late, making herself look silly as I easily side step her attempt at a tackle.

“Press.” I call to my backline, and watch as we move up to the half way line in a perfectly straight line, putting Freya and Mackenzie offside as we watch the game unfold in the final third. Our JV right winger has pulled the ball back and laid it off to April in the middle, who puts in a lofted pass over the top of the defence for our striker to volley straight at the keeper.

I clap and encourage the girls as we drop back as a unit. I hear Gemma calling at me to be aware of the bounce and I drop again, knowing its easier to run forward and attack the ball than it is to back pedal.

The goalkeeper kicks it out of her hands and sends the ball flying straight towards me. I call my name to make sure nobody contests for it, and smell the scent of vanilla and coconut before Mackenzie is right beside me and jumping for the ball. How can she work her ass off for over an hour and a half and still smell like her shampoo?!

I get to the ball first, but I think it might’ve been because I had a head start. Mackenzie is lightning quick, a trait I’m excited to utilize when we’re playing on the same team, but I manage to head the ball upfield towards April before Mackenzie can get to it.

“Gotta be faster than that.” I tease as I jog upfield to play the attackers offside, Mackenzie staying by my side. “I’m the brick wall of women’s soccer for a reason.”

“Your ego is so sexy, Alex. I love a girl with a giant head.” Mackenzie rolls her eyes as she slaps my ass and jogs back to help with the defence. I laugh but stay where I am, seeing Freya glaring at me out of the corner of my eye.

“She’s just jealous Mackenzie is slapping your ass and not hers.” Elise says with a shy smile on her face. I look at her and smile, my cheeks flushing at the fact people saw her do that. I don’t think my embarrassment is obvious because my face is no doubt already the colour of April’s hair. “I mean its obvious Mackenzie isn’t interested in her and she’s just annoyed about it.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t take joy out of it.” I say as my eyes scan the game, only to slap my hand over my mouth and eye Elise warily. “Please don’t tell her I said that.”

Elise laughs and we both go back to watching the game, Emma tackling our winger and attempting to bring the ball out of her half. “Don’t worry, Alex. Your secret is safe with me.”

“Slide across!” Sophia shouts as the ball escapes April and Emma starts to run down the wing. I switch on now, not willing to get caught out in front of college coaches. Emma knocks the ball in front of her, taking Sophia out of the game as Emma is easily the fastest player on the team, except for maybe me and now Mackenzie. Sophia is struggling to keep up so I sprint over to cover, watching as Emma eyes up a pass to Mackenzie as she runs on her inside.

That ball is mine as soon as she releases it.

Mackenzie sprints for the ball but Emma didn’t weigh the pass perfectly enough, and the ball is passed almost straight into my path. I see Mackenzie has almost reached the ball so I slide, my front foot knocking the ball out of play whilst my body becomes a tripping obstacle for Mackenzie, who dives straight over the top of me to avoid getting her feet caught.

Emma groans and mutters something vicious under her breath, her eyes glaring holes into the back of Mackenzie’s head. “Goddamn dyke.”

I didn’t hear the first part of what she said, but I sure as hell heard the second part. A few of the other players did as well, and the way Mackenzie’s face darkens, her eyes turning the colour of pencil lead, I know she did too. I rush myself to my feet and grab the ball before Emma could, my voice dangerously low as I bring myself eye level with her. “What did you just fvcking say?”

Her pale yellow eyes widen and panic washes over her face. Whilst she’s entitled to her own views, I will not have her talking to her team like that, especially in my presence. She knows I’m mad, and píssing me off could have dire consequences for her. “Alex, I…”

“I don’t want excuses. I don’t want apologies. It’s not me you should be saying sorry to.” I shove the ball into her chest and rest my hand there, her heartbeat thumping erratically under my palm. “Do not speak like that for the rest of the game and I’ll come find you in the changing rooms. We’ll talk after training has finished, you got that?”

Emma nods her head and swallows harshly as I stalk back to my position in the centre of the pitch, dragging Mackenzie with me. She struggles in my grip but I just hold her more tightly until her skin starts to pale around my fingertips. She winces and stops glaring at Emma, her furious gaze falling onto me. I don’t even flinch, if anything I steel my shoulders and expect her to resist me further. I’m not letting her go over there, both as her friend and as her captain, because things could really kick off. “Don’t go over there and start something, Mackenzie. I know what she said and I’ll deal with it. Don’t make it worse.”

Mackenzie’s glares hardens as she rips her arm from my grip before stalking across the pitch and swapping sides with Freya. “I can defend myself, Alex. I’ve been fighting my battles long before I met you.”

I growl and spit on the floor, deciding I’ll sort this out after I’ve kicked ass in the final half an hour of training.

~•~

By the time practice has finished my anger is boiling over. What happened with Emma already had me riled up and Mackenzie is ignoring me because I stuck up for her and keeps talking to Freya whilst looking over to make sure I’m watching. I don’t know what she’s doing, and I can’t understand why its getting me so riled up, but I’m reaching my breaking point.

“Yes you do.” The voice in my head says to me, winding me up further. “You’re jealous.”

“Shut up.” I hiss to myself as I push open the changing room doors and head straight for Emma.

I just can’t help but think how I’d feel if Emma said that to me. I clench my jaw when I realise it’s not going to be a case of if but of when, because I have a feeling I’m going to do something stupid at some point this year that’s going to get me caught. Deep down, I know that if she’d have said that to me, to my face, I’d have hit her. I know my reaction would’ve been the exact same as Mackenzie’s, only I wouldn’t have listened to whoever tried to stop me.

I find her sitting on one of the benches with her head in her hands, her two friends on the team sat on either side of her. Marie, her friend with dark skin and long, inky curls, sees me before anyone else and nudges her friend with her shoulder. Emma looks up and her face pales as I point to the shower room. I know nobody will be going in there yet because we’re supposed to be waiting for Coach Sanders, but she’s in a deep discussion with the UPenn coaches so I know I have time to bury this before she gets here.

“Alex, I’m sorry…” Emma starts, but shuts up quickly when she sees the murderous look on my face.

“I don’t want to hear you ever, and I mean ever, slandering anyone on our team again, do you understand me.” I growl as I get right into her personal space, my eyes narrowed on her and only her. “We’re a team, from now until state chamionships. Mackenzie is a member of our team regardless of her sexuality and your opinions on it.”

“But it’s not natural!” Emma exclaims quietly, her voice a whisper in comparison to the background noise of our team in the changing room five feet away. “I can’t work well with her when I know that she’s going against the will of God, you have to understand that, Alex. You go to the same church as me, you know the teachings!”

“Nowhere in the bible does it outwardly state that homosexuality is wrong.” I hiss. “Homosexuality didn’t even exist as a word when the bible was written, and sexuality wasn’t a thing. Leviticus talks about condemning idolatry and God tells you to love your neighbour as you would love yourself. Would you like it if everyone went around slandering your name and making you feel worthless?”

My body is heaving with fury, and never have I had to use the Christian teachings to defend my belief or someone else. I was so scared I would be rejected by my family if I ever came clean to them that I found passages in the bible to defend my case. Never did I think I would have to use them on anyone but my parents. Emma’s bottom lip is wobbling, her eyes cast to the floor, her posture the definition of defeat. I sigh and slump my shoulders, resting my hand on Emma’s shoulder.

“Emma, you are allowed to believe what you want to believe, as am I. But I will not kick Mackenzie off the team just because of who she falls in love with. I didn’t do it with Freya and I won’t do it with her. It isn’t her choice to be gay, not like it’s our choice to buy a pair of shoes or play soccer. I want you to apologise, but only when you feel you truly mean it. You managed to work out your issues when it came to Freya, all I’m asking is that you give Mackenzie the same courtesy. If you don’t feel like you can play on the same team as her then you’re welcome to leave, there is nothing stopping you.”

I leave with my head high, Emma following me shortly after. I take a seat just as Coach Sanders walks through the changing room doors, my eyes staying glued to her and never straying. I know people are wondering what words were exchanged behind the doors of the showers, but I’m not going to say anything. I’m not going to drag this out. This is between Mackenzie and Emma now, I’ve given her her options and its now her choice what she decides to do.

Coach doesn’t seem to notice the underlying tension in the locker room as she rattles on about how impressed she’s been with us today and how she’s going to be making us train to college standard every week. I want to groan, just like a lot of the other girls do, but all I can think about is how much better the team will be, and how it puts us one step closer to winning state.

I want nothing more than having the title of captaining the state champions under my belt. It’ll look great to college scouts.

“We’re going out for food, courtesy of the school sports budget, so as soon as you’ve finished showering and getting changed, rush your asses to the coach because I’m craving Italian.”

I can’t help but grin as coach Sanders and Mr. Walker wander out of the changing rooms, the way she can go from serious to goofy in a matter of seconds is her brilliant way of lifting the mood. Maybe she did notice the awkwardness in the changing rooms, or maybe she used her eyes and noticed my altercation with Emma on the pitch and figured she needed to make sure there wasn’t any bad blood.

Sometimes I forget that she’s not stupid.

I strip down to my underwear once both coaches are out of the room and grab my towel, wash kit and my clean matching underwear set. I slip my feet into my sliders and pad towards the showers like everyone else, wanting nothing more than to scrub the thick layer of sweat and grime from my body along with the top layer of my skin. I didn’t notice when I was in here fifteen minutes ago, but the showers aren’t communal, thank god. I hate the thought of someone staring at me when I’m showering, it feels weird.

I grab one of the showers tucked at the far end of the room and hang up my towel and underwear, tipping my head when April picks the one next to me. I know she’s going to be asking me to slip my shampoo etc underneath the stall walls so it’s just easier if we’re adjacent.

The warm water soothes my aching limbs, the water making me feel clean after an eternity of feeling the exact opposite. I massage my raspberry shampoo into my dark hair before sliding it to April on the floor, barely hearing her mutter thanks as I put my head under the water almost straight after.

I finish off my routine before turning off the water, slipping my hand out of the stall to collect my towel and underwear, giving April my wash bag so she can put everything back. I quickly dry my body and pull on my underwear, stepping out of my stall whilst towel drying my hair, almost colliding with another body as I do so.

“Hey!”

“Watch what you’re…”

I stop when my hazel eyes lock with grey ones, my anger vanishing. Mackenzie, like me, opted to leave her clothes in the changing room, her athletic body wearing nothing but a matching pair of blue laced underwear. I swallow and look above her neck, her face no doubt a similar colour to mine. She’s trying to smile but I can tell she was looking at me the same way I was looking at her.

Her blonde hair is wet and curling at her shoulders, her grey eyes the colour of molten silver. Her bottom lip is caught in her teeth and her ears are tinged bright red. Her eyes are trying to stay locked with mine, but even she can’t help but let them wander behind me and then all over my body. I swallow harshly as she doesn’t increase the space between us, if anything she closes it, her breath coming out uneven and against my cheek.

“After you.” I say breathessly as I break the moment, stepping out of her way so she can get past. I can’t allow myself to do anything stupid whilst I’m still in a relationship, no matter how much I want to. Clay deserves better than to be cheated on, and with a girl. He was my best friend first, and he is still my boyfriend, even if I feel awkward and tense in his presence at the moment. I think Mackenzie is starting to figure out that I’m crushing on her a little bit and I needed to put a stop to it before something else happened.

I try to hide the flush in my cheeks with my towel as I lower my eyes to the floor. Mackenzie sighs slightly, muttering a small, deep thanks as she walks quickly past me, the smell of her vanilla shampoo lingering by my nose.

I watch her go, my gaze lingering on how good her ass looks in those blue brazillians before looking to see if anyone noticed. Everyone else seems to be leaving to get changed, so I breathe a sigh of relief, glad that I wasn’t caught again.

“I think you might have something to tell me, Alex. Don’t you agree?”

I jump, spinning around to see April standing with her arms crossed and her eyebrow raised my way. I feel my eyes widen in panic, the blood draining from my face when I realise April must’ve seen that.

Oh God, I wonder how much she saw!

The stern look on her face leads me to the realisiation that she saw enough, and I know that I’m going to have to come clean to her, and I’m going to have to do it soon.

~•~