Chapter 7

Clay and I have been more distant than ever. I stayed for paella on Wednesday but every conversation we had felt forced and unnatural, the way it never used to be but always seems to be now. His abuela picked up on it as well, I could tell by the small pointed stares she was making at me and the subtle attempts at steering conversation she was doing.

I love her, but I don’t think getting us to talk about what I’m wearing to April’s party was really going to fix anything.

As fate would have it, Clay had football practice Thursday lunch and then had a debate team meeting today at lunch so I haven’t seen him. I think even our friends know we’re getting to breaking point because even April won’t bring up Clay, and I know how much she likes to talk about him to me.

Sense the sarcasm.

I think everyone has noticed I’ve been drained of my usual energy and enthusiasm. I’ve been kind of quiet during lessons, trapped in my own head as I think about Clay and I’s situation. Is there any chance of us fixing it, do I even want to? He’s been my best friend as long as I can remember, and I know I love him, but am I in love with him like I should be? The fact that I’m finding my eyes wandering from him is a bit of a big signal, but I don’t know if its just because I’m confused about where I stand.

Mackenzie Daniels is either the sign I’ve been looking for, or a passing distraction until I fix things with Clay. I’m not stupid and I’m not going to deny my attraction for her, even if she has been ignoring me all week. The fact I’m constantly finding myself checking her out or just looking at her in lessons to try and catch her smile is a sure fire sign that I’m not seeing myself as being with Clay, at least not emotionally.

God I sound like such a horrible person.

The worst part is I can’t even talk to anyone about it. Nobody, not even April, knows that I like girls, so I can’t exactly go up to her and say “Hey, just for background context I like girls, but tell me how to stop emotionally cheating on my emotionally distant boyfriend with a new girl who currently doesn’t like me.”

Yeah, not gonna happen.

“Hey!” I hear a voice call my name and I look over my shoulder to see the centre of my turmoil Mackenzie sliding through the crowd towards me. I can’t help but feel my lips curl at the sight of her, her presence somewhat refreshing. Her hair is straight, the strands appearing white in the cheap lighting of the hallways. She looks great, as per usual, even when she makes minimum effort in a ratty band tee and a pair of figure hugging blue jeans with rips in the knees. I scold myself when I realise I’ve fallen straight into the Mackenzie Daniels lust trap I’ve been finding myself in this past week. “Come on Alex, just wait!”

I stop suddenly and feel her crash into my back, her hands going to my waist in order to steady both of us. I turn and glare at her, her face mirroring mine.

“Why didn’t you stop?”

“Why did you stop!”

We both look at each other with annoyed looks on our face until Mackenzie cracks a smile, her teeth bared as she starts to laugh. I release a breathless laugh of my own and push my hair out of my face, my eyes looking down to see Mackenzie’s hands still situated on my waist. I clear my throat awkwardly and she removes them like my skin is lava and burning hot to the touch. “Did you need me for something?”

Mackenzie shrugs as we walk side by side to our last lesson of the day, which just so happens to be the english class that we both share. She’s walking so close to me due to the crowds of students rushing to their next lesson, and every time someone bumps her, her long slender fingers clash into mine and make my skin feel hot.

I can’t remember the last time Clay’s touch set my skin alight.

“Can’t I just want to walk with you to class?” She says nonchalantly, her grey eyes occasionally side eyeing me.

“Not when you’ve been in a mood with me all week.” I shrug, my voice unintentionally full of hurt and annoyance. I agreed to drop it when she refused to tell me about it at trials on Wednesday, but I can’t help but still feel slightly annoyed about the fact she still hasn’t spoken to me since then. “Mackenzie, this is the first time you’ve spoken to me since trials.”

“I’m sorry.” She says just as we get to the door of our English class. She pulls me to one side and pushes me into an alcove before I can walk past the threshold, my back against the wall as she peers at me. “Really, I am. I had no right to be annoyed, but I felt awkward trying to talk to you because I knew that you were annoyed with me.”

I frown, but decide to accept her apology anyway. There is no point dwelling on it, and if she’s going to be on the soccer team I want us to be friends. But the fact she was irritated me to begin with is still nagging me, so I decide I’m going to ask her to clarify. Worst case she denies me again and drops it so I don’t really have anything to lose. “Are you going to tell me why you aimed your annoyance at me? Or am I going to have to stay sat in the dark?”

Mackenzie smirks, her grey eyes teasing and full of amusement. I sigh in relief at the fact we’re friendly with one another again. She puts her hand into her pocket just as the bell goes signalling one minute until class starts, and instead of giving me an answer she thrusts her phone my way. “Give me your number and maybe I’ll tell you after lesson.”

I roll my eyes and laugh breathlessly, trying to ignore the flushing of my cheeks. I type in my number and save my name as “Alex” with a winky face before locking her phone and giving it her back. The teasing look on her face has my stomach in knots, strands of guilt tied and interwined with the excitement and attraction I feel whenever I’m around her. I cough and straighten up, forcing  Mackenzie to take a step back. “I don’t want to be late to class.”

I walk past her and into my lesson, trying to ignore the sound of her muttering behind me as I take my seat. The seat right next to hers.

This lesson is going to be a long one, I can tell.

~•~

The lesson dragged but now it’s finished. I could feel Mackenzie’s eyes staring at me every now and again during lesson but I forced myself to keep my eyes staring at the board or at my notes. I heard her sigh deeply a couple of times, but otherwise she didn’t say anything.

I can’t trust my feelings when I look at her. Her good looks, mixed together with her funny and teasing personality just make me like her more than I used to and the guilt for feeling this way kills me. I have a boyfriend for gods sake.

When the bell went I took off like a rocket in the direction of the football pitch. Clay and Derek have a scrimmage with the JV team mixed with the varsity subs, and I promised everyone I’d go and watch. I think it’s a practice match before homecoming in a few weeks time and because they’re playing all four quarters they’ve opened it up for the rest of the school to come watch. I heard it’s going to be quite full. I think if I didn’t want to come to the scrimmage I’d have an excuse, what with Clay and I arguing constantly and not exactly acting like we’re in a relationship. But, Derek is still my friend and I did promise today at lunch I’d go.

I wanted to ask Mackenzie to come but I knew that I’d spend most of the time staring at her instead of the game. That wouldn’t go down well and it sure as hell would raise a few questions and it wouldn’t make me look that good.

I walk to Faye on the way over to the stadium as I have to go past her locker. She’s placing some books inside, her face the description of boredom as she blows a giant gum bubble and pops it with her long acrylics. “Hey, are you still coming to watch the football game?”

Faye’s gaze flickers up to mine and she breaks out into a smile, slamming her locker shut and walking with me when I walk past. “Thank god you’re still coming! I don’t think I could’ve stood being there with just April whilst she drooled over Derek.”

“Oh come on.” I knock shoulders with her teasingly as we walk out of the sports doors and in the direction of the stadium gates. The crowds of students are getting a little bigger but I can see April firmly holding onto two seats around her, glaring at anyone who tries to sit down in them. “You have to admit that those pants make their asses look great.”

Faye groans as we make our way up the bleachers, April’s face a bright grin when she realises both of us kept our promise to come watch. She scoots over to the spot by the railing and let’s myself and Faye sit down. The game is about to begin, the guys adorning their different jerseys based on the team they’re on. I see that Derek is wearing a black bib, whilst Pete Morrison, the guy from my English class who’s friends with Clay, is wearing blue on the opposite team.

Maybe it’s not just varsity versus JV, maybe their coach has really mixed the teams up because I know he’s first string.

“Don’t those uniforms make their asses look great!” April gleefully exclaims, clapping her hands excitedly. I hum in agreement whilst Faye just grunts.

“Oh don’t be such Debby Downers.” My excitable red headed best friend scolds, slapping both of us wherever she can reach, which just so happens to be the back of my head. “At least try to pretend you want to be here.”

“I want to be here.” Faye drawls as she pops a bubble with her teeth. “I just don’t want to listen to you talking about our friends and how hot they are.”

I snicker but keep my eyes on the players, trying to work out which one is my boyfriend. It doesn’t take me very long to work it out based on the fact he’s one of the few boys arrogant enough to wear a cropped jersey to show of his abs. I can see the toned skin all the way over from my spot on the bleachers, and I can see the tattoo he got for his abuelo after he died earler this year on his ribcage.  I roll my eyes at the way girls are swooning over him even though I’m literally sat here, their voices loud enough that I can’t block them out.

“Clay Ramirez is so hot!”

“The things I’d let him do to me!”

“I wonder if he screams in spanish.”

I cough slightly and smile oversweetly when the girls whip around, their faces burning crimson when they realise I heard everything they said. “For your information, he does like to shout in spanish, but only when he’s really turned on. You have to work him up to it.”

The girls look horrified as they turn around and return their attention to the game, a triumphant smirk on my face. I hate it when people talk about Clay like he’s a piece of meat, and I hate when they do it when I can hear.

“It’s a good thing they don’t know you and Clay haven’t actually done anything.” Faye mutters in my ear, too quiet for anyone to actually hear what she said. I felt my cheeks grow hot at her mentioning my lack of action these last few years.

“We might not have had sex, but I’ve still given him a few reasons to talk dirty to me in spanish.” I smirk as I overshare in her ear, watching as her face morphs into one of blatant disgust.

“TMI, Alex. Far too much info passed between us.”

“Oh you’re my best friend.” I mutter teasingly, punching her shoulder lightly. “There is no boundary for TMI when it comes to us.”

“There should be.” She shoves me out of her personal space, her nose scrunched up in annoyance.

I laugh as we return our attention to the game as it’s about to kick off. Clay steps forward as captian of the black bibbed team, a sophomore on the JV team stepping up for the blue bibs. They’re deciding who kicks and who recieves, but my attention is immediately drawn to the incredibly sexy blonde that has my pulse going haywire every time I see her. She’s with Freya, something I find quite irritating, and she’s making her way over to that group of girls.

I shouldn’t really be staring at her, but in a way I want her to know that I can’t help but find my gaze drawn to her like a moth to a flame. Eventually her grey eyes flicker up to mine and I smile slightly, offering her a small wave. She just raises her eyebrow and dangles her phone from her fingertips, like she wants me to check mine.

I rummage in my pocket and pull it out, seeing I have a text from an unknown number that’s obviously her.

UNKNOWN:- isn’t the captain supposed to congratulate her new players for making it onto the team?

I grin, completely forgetting that the results of trials were posted today, my mind too caught up in my fvcked up feelings to remember. I look back at her to see her watching me intently, a cute look on her face whilst she waits for me to reply. I smirk and look down at my phone, my fingers clicking rapidly against my screen.

ME:- come to April’s party tomorrow and I’ll congratulate you in person

I smirk at the casual yet flirty undertone of my message. It could be taken one of two ways, both of which work out well for me when it comes to her because she’ll take it as me trying to be friends with her, which I want, or she’ll take it the way I wrote it, which I also want.

I hear the shrill whistle of the referee starting the game and I flinch like I’ve been slapped. Here I am, in my own little Mackenzie Daniels shaped bubble, conveniently forgetting that I’m sat in the crowd at my boyfriend’s football scrimmage.

God I’m fvcked up.

I feel my phone vibrate in my hand as April starts to clap enthusiastically, Faye’s eyes zeroed in on the game. I unlock it to see another message from Mackenzie.

UNKNOWN:- I’ll see you there

And then I knew I was royally, royally, screwed.

Because suddenly, Saturday can’t come quick enough.