Chapter 29

Sasha entered the rowdy locker room, the sound of her teammates laughing and talking loudly pouring out of the door as she stepped through.

After an hour and a half of practice, she was exhausted and couldn’t wait to get home to crash. Unfortunately that wouldn’t be possible since all of her teachers decided to give massive amounts of homework and reports right before the winter break.

Not to mention, the midterm project that was due for her African American Lit class was to be turned in on the first day that the break was over. While at first her and Lux were on a roll with getting the three part book report finished – with all the drama of the past month it kind of got pushed behind.

Apart of her didn’t mind all the busy work, which would ultimately keep her mind off all the drama at home. She still hadn’t exactly grasped the idea that her father had really left, as the naivety inside of her wanted to believe he would come home later that day – stating that he just had a bad day.

The chances of that happening were slim, since Joseph barely wanted to be home the past few months as it was – and the only thing that would be changing now was that his family had to fend for themselves. Q

That part worried Sasha immensely, as ending her senior year homeless wasn’t exactly ideal.

“Y’all ready for that game on Friday?” Amber asked, pulling her hoodie over her head, “We’re playing dirty ass Dobbins”

“Oop, don’t play my old school like that” Crystal jokingly rolled her eyes, “But yeah, they’re going down”

“4-0 bitches!” Roxy exclaimed, “Nobody is stopping us, period”

“Ay Sasha, you ready to kill em?” Amber asked as Sasha began to rummage through her locker.

Sasha who was too into her thoughts didn’t respond.

“Damn, what we do to you?” Crystal laughed with a scoff attached, “You haven’t said a thing since practice started”

“Who, me?” Sasha asked snapping out of her daze, “My fault – didn’t hear you. What did you say?”

“Just forget it, we clearly see that you aren’t very team spirited these days” Roxy rolled her eyes, “Oh by the way – we had it lit at my house this weekend. You know, where we celebrated the teams success”

A light bulb went off in Sasha’s head as she suddenly remembered the get together at Roxy’s that she swore she would be in attendance for.

“I had some stuff going on, it slipped my mind” Sasha admitted, “But that’s wassup – what did y’all get into?”

Amber perked up, “Well first, we —”

“None-ya” Roxy interrupted Amber, “Maybe next time when you come, you’ll know”

“Okay?” Sasha replied with an awkward laugh, throwing her bag over her shoulder, “Again, I was busy. But next time”

She smiled sweetly next exiting the locker room. Roxy rolled her eyes as Sasha was too nice – making it impossible to be snarky towards her because all it did was roll off of her back. Sasha on the other hand had too much on her plate to worry about smart remarks that at this point she was used to.

The girls on the team were nothing like her guy friends or Lux for that matter – and that sucked because she always pictured being really close with her teammates whenever she was actually allowed to play on a team.

Entering the gym once more, Sasha spotted the cheerleaders as they poured out of the dance room – their new practice space that was more convenient than the gym. She watched as Lux and her friends conversed amongst one another, a smile being brought to her face as she witnessed Sasha staring at her from across the gym.

“Heyy, how was practice?” Lux asked approaching her.

Sasha shrugged, “It was cool, how about yours?”

“The norm, a bunch of bitches arguing about the next step” Lux half joked, “You heading home?”

“Yup…gotta get started on all of this homework eventually. Call me later?”

“I will…see ya peaches”

With a wave, Lux sprinted back over to her friends – creating a snicker in between Sasha’s lips. She kept her vision forward, dragging her feet to the back exit. Usually she looked forward to the walk home, however things were different this time as she was dreading even going there.

After Joseph left, Myda had spent the better half of the morning sobbing hysterically – her hands shaking as she tried to dial out to his cell phone that went to voicemail every time. That was the main reason Sasha was so late; With the help of Quan, she got the smaller kids ready for school while their mother paced the living room floors, stressed being an understatement.

Pulling her headphones out of her pocket, she connected the wire to her phone, next shuffling through her playlist. Kur Honey Woods blasted through them, draining out her thoughts as she began the semi-long walk home. She was grateful that school had ended hours before – giving her freedom of the small sidewalks that were usually filled with rowdy school kids packed amongst each other.

As usual she passed the DoughBoy pizza parlor, the cemetery that wrapped around an entire two blocks of her neighborhood, next the project homes that she was used to seeing Quan in – except today. Sasha furrowed her eyebrows as she scanned the spread of square shaped homes that all possessed the same drabby yellow tone, no Quan in sight. Shrugging, she figured she’d catch up to him later.

Making her final turn, it was a bittersweet feeling to be home – the empty side of their driveway where her Dad usually parked causing the uneasiness in her stomach to resurface.

Sure, if she was being honest she had only witnessed the wagon in its rightful spot a few times the past few months – still, it always came back; But this time, it wouldn’t. Her mother had her own car, fortunately a fifteen year old blue buick that was the only true thing that she had managed to own while with her husband.

At least that was one thing he couldn’t take from her – and even in the event that Sasha was sure he felt like he was doing them a favor by letting them keep the house, he still managed to strip away everything with a snap of his fingers.

“Finally” Ty sighed as Sasha stepped through the door.

“What’s going on?” Sasha asked kicking off her shoes, “And why does it smell like —”

“Pinesol? Mom” Ty gave his sister a knowing look, “She’s been cleaning since we got home from school. She won’t say anything – just cleans and burst into tears whenever something doesn’t get clean enough. I didn’t know what to do so I called Aunt Evie” he shrugged.

Her mother was one for the dramatics, Sasha thought to herself.

“Well, did you guys eat?” She asked, picking up Baby Joe.

“Nope” Mikey replied, popping his P, “And I’m hungry”

“I bet” Sasha snickered, “I’ll see what’s in there”

Placing her youngest brother down, Sasha retreated to the kitchen only to scrunch her mouth at a nearly empty fridge. She perked her eyes up the last few packs of noodles on top of the fridge, counting out just enough for the three to eat and be held over until they could get some real food.

“Noodles on the stove” She said heading towards the steps, making a beeline for her room.

The last thing Ty wanted was the struggle meal – but sucked it up as he was sure this was just the beginning of them actually struggling. Out of everyone he missed the home cooked meals the most, and while he was old enough to understand the gravity of what his parents were going through he was also young and naive enough to believe it would all be over soon. Sasha, who at first believed the same quickly came to realization.

Before entering her room fully, she took a peek into her parent’s – or newly known as just Myda’s room as the door was wide open. She could hear the sound of her shifting around, and if Ty was correct she was still deep cleaning despite his efforts to bring her back with the call of their aunt.

Although Sasha hadn’t exactly gotten over their argument from earlier that day, the good in her wouldn’t allow her to be neglective of everything that was going on and much bigger than her.

Her eyes shifted to the luggage on the bed – Myda folding everything in a sloppy fashion as she packed as if she was in a hurry.

“Mom, where are you going?” Sasha asked, genuinely perplexed.

“We’re going back to D.C” Myda replied.

Sasha felt her heart plummet into her stomach – her world now crashing down. The mere thought of Philly paralyzing her, as this was the only place she truly felt home.

January 28th, 2014
Dear Son…

March 3rd, 2015
Dear Son…

September 12th, 2016
Hey Son, Me again…

Tears that were too heavy to hold began to fall from Zay’s eyes, crashing into the pile of letters that were spread onto his father’s bed. The dates traced back to years that he was only a child – pain being an understatement as he had no idea why his Dad would hide them from him. Sure, he never expressed to William how much it hurt to see his Mother one day making him his favorite meal of Mac and cheese, to being nowhere in sight the next.

Mainly because his Father told him his that his Mother had chosen to leave, because she wasn’t happy with the family she had built with him. At such a young age Zay didn’t fully understand – however he knew that if his mother didn’t want him, he didn’t want her either. He tried his best to hate her – only to yearn for her love for year after year – just to find out she had been doing the same. He was now more confused then he had been in his entire life.

After reading the first letter, Zay had to find the others – in hopes that his father hadn’t been cold enough to trash them. He was relieved when he came across a box underneath his bed, and it was as if God had made it that easy on purpose.

An hour had passed, and Zay hadn’t even managed to make a dent in the tower of letters that contained details of what his mother had been up to all these years.

“You will have a sister soon, I’m not sure what to name her. Any ideas? lol” He read the six year letter aloud, “I’m thinking of something with a Z, but I know how you dislike sharing”

He laughed out loud, a hint of pain still in his tone but overall a better reaction than he managed to sum up the entire time. His phone began to interrupt the silence of the room, and he looked down to see Valencia calling.

“Damn” he cursed to himself before answering, “Hey Vee, sorry I got a little sidetracked”

“It’s okay, I’m outside of your house” Valencia replied, causing a dip in Zay’s forehead.

“Like, right now?” he asked, glancing at himself in the wall mirror – his dried tear stains not exactly sexy, “…I’ll be down in a second”

Disconnecting the call, Zay rushed to the bathroom to rid his face of the evidence he had been crying. He returned to his Dad’s room to gather the letters and placing them back into the box, next relocating them to his room to read later.

When all was put away, he rushed down to the front door to see Valencia – her small stature dressed in the black and white cheerleading uniform as she waited patiently for him to answer. He shook his head – as it seemed like whenever he had a chance to make things right, the universe created a block he felt he just couldn’t get around.

This time being his feelings, as he was sure there was no way he would be good company when all he wanted to do was finish reading every letter his mother sent him. Sucking it up, he took a deep breath and pulled open the door.

“Hey” He greeted her with a tiny smile.

“Hey…you okay?” She asked, immediately sensing his energy.

Zay, who wanted so badly to say yes shook his head instead, averting his eyes to his feet over the walkin mat.

“Actually I’m not, and I’m sorry you came all this way” He told her, his eyes still shifted, “Can we do this another time?”

Valencia tilted her head. A part of her wanted to believe that something was seriously wrong with Zay, however with his tract record it could all be a facade because he decided to spend his time with another girl instead. That, sounded more like him.

“Sure” she nodded understably, despite the rejection in her head.

“I’m really sor—”

“It’s okay” She cut him off with the turn of her back.

Zay frowned, knowing better than to believe that it was really okay that he was canceling the very plans that he begged out of her. He was guaranteed that he looked like a jerk at the moment – but he honestly couldn’t shake the dreadful feelings he was experiencing. With a shake of his head, he went to close the door only to be halted moments later.

“You know what, it’s actually not okay” Valencia corrected herself, her hand holding the door open, “You don’t get to do this”

“Do what?” Zay asked, knowing exactly what she was referring to.

“This” She pointed in between the two, “Where you keep stringing me along and I come when you call because I just must be so desperate to be around you”

Zay kissed his teeth, “I never said that, that’s not how I feel”

“Well I can’t tell, but you know what it doesn’t even matter. Just, keep walking when you see me in the hallway”

Letting her hand fall, Valencia turned back once more – this time, preparing to keep going and not looking back.

“Valencia, wait. Don’t —- fuck!” Zay slapped himself in his forehead, frustrated with the fact that he just couldn’t win.

He stepped out onto the cold sidewalk in just his socks, his teeth chattering as he rushed behind Valencia. He was happy to catch up to her and succeed in grabbing her hand to stop her from moving any further.

“Ve-ee” Zay stammered, “I promise, I’m not bull-bullshitting you. I’m just going through something and…I don’t know how to process it”

“Let me guess, one of your little girlfriends —”

“This has nothing to do with another girl” Zay assured her, his eyes begging for her to believe him.

Valencia had to admit to herself that while Zay was good at playing different roles, it was clear he was hurting.

“Fine” She finally replied, her expression softening as her shoulders dropped, “I hope you feel better”

“I’ll feel even better if you come inside with me” Zay gestured towards his house.

“You sure? I was being dramatic, if you’re having a problem -“

“No, you were right. You don’t deserve to be turned away. Anddd, I probably could use some company anyway to stop myself from going insane”

Zay smiled in relief as Valencia nodded with a smirk of her own, allowing him to escort her back to the house and inside. He was glad to feel the warmth once more since he wasn’t sure how much longer he could be out in the winter weather. He insisted Valencia take a seat wherever she felt comfortable, excusing himself next as he entered the kitchen to prepare some hot chocolate for the two.

“Aiight man, get it together” Zay whispered to himself – reaching up to the cupboards to find glass mugs, “Don’t screw this one up cause yo ass wanna cry about mommy”

He opened the fridge to grab the milk and chocolate powder, his mouth still mummering his thoughts audibly. He hadn’t even realized Valencia’s presence as she slowly approached the kitchen island, her brows knitting together as she listened to Zay’s rambling.

“You okay?” She blurted out, striking him.

Zay chuckled, trying his best to play off his moment, “I thought I told you to take a seat”

“Sorry, I got restless” Valencia shrugged, “So…do you always talk to yourself?”

“I like to call it thinking out loud” He said handing her the warm mug, “Be careful, it’s hot”

Valencia carefully brought the cup to her nose, taking in the notes of cinnamon and nutmeg, “Thank you, and I will”

“So…how much of that did you hear?” Zay asked, pulling out a seat.m

“Mhh…up to the part where you said you would be dead before you ever spoke to your Dad again” Valencia recalled his last outburst, “Is that really how you feel?”

Zay looked down at the cup of bubbling chocolate. It was funny really – the weird relationship between him and his Father never really bothered him, as their arrangement of small talk in the mornings that consisted of only talks of sports and his grades proving to be suffice for years.

William wasn’t the one for feelings, that his son could tell, however Zay always respected the fact that when his Mother walked away William stood by and did good by his son unlike his Mom. Growing up, despite the fact that the two barely had a relationship due to his Father’s busy work and travel schedule, he was his hero. All of that was now being questioned; Zay, for the first time in his life feeling as if he really didn’t know who William was. More importantly, why he didn’t want Zay to know his Mother was out there looking for him.

“Yeah…it is” He replied with a clenched jaw, “He did something I would never expect from him…shit, anybody”

“Is that why you wanted to be alone? Wow, I feel impulsive” Valencia scoffed at herself.

“It’s cool” Zay snickered, “You had no way of knowing, and clearly you were fed up”

Valencia raised one shoulder, “More or less. Still…I should’ve believed you. I’m sorry”

“To be fair, in the past I haven’t really proved myself to be trustworthy. So, I’m sorry…too”

The two stared at each other, both giving off a reassuring smile as they sat in the silence that followed. Zay gazed over her rustled hair that was twisted into a bun, her sideburns spiraling down the sides of her face – her right index finger dancing around one in particular.

Zay made his way around the island and approached her, not hesitating to give her a much anticipated kiss. Valencia kissed him back – his hands finding their way around her waist.

“You want to go upstairs?” He asked in between kisses.

“Zay —”

“I meant, to watch movies” He interjected with a smile, “Promise – I won’t try anything”

He put his hands up as if to claim his innocence, earning a giggle from Valencia. “Okay”

Satisfied with her answer, Zay led the way. It was true that for once he did just want to watch movies, instead of the ulterior motive he was sure Valencia believed he had. Which he also couldn’t blame her due to his tract record.

“What’s this?”

Forgetting about the letters he never fully put away, Zay regretted leaving them out for Valencia to see.

“Nothing, give me a second I’ll clean this all up” he said grabbing the box.

Zay scrambled to gather every single opened and closed letter from the bed, filling them completely into the box this time. Picking up the last folded paper, he spiked his brow at a picture that fell from the flaps and onto the floor. Valencia reached down to grab it, next flipping it over to reveal it.

“Is this your Mom? She’s pretty. And look at you, you were sooo cute”

Zay took the picture from her hand, both in efforts to see it for himself and save himself from anymore embarrassment, “Yeah, it’s…”

His words began to drift as a flashback quickly took over.

“Isaiah! You could’ve gotten killed!” Tanya shrieked, grabbing him from the middle of the street.

Isaiah’s eyes grew wide, his heart beating rapidly as his Mother viciously held onto his arms – tears streaming down both of their faces.

“I’m sorry” He cried, “I just -“

“Don’t ever do that again, okay!?”

He nodded silently, wiping his tears away. Tanya’s facial expression softened as she couldn’t help but notice the look of fear on her son’s face. She immediately felt horrible for her reaction, however the thought of him getting hurt or worse paralyzed her.

“I’m sorry too” she sighed, “I should’ve been watching you instead of cleaning my…junky car”

Standing up, Tanya looked both ways before crossing the street and retrieving the blue ball. Zay’s eyes lit up.

“I have to wipe it off first, who knows where’s it been” Tanya snickered, grabbing a wipe out of her pocket, “And then…you can have it after you buckle yourself in. Deal?”

“Okay!” Zay exclaimed, climbing into the car.

Tanya did the same, pulling her body into the front seat and searching for her kleenex wipes; After finding the pack, she wiped the ball clean next giving it her nod of approval.

“Here you go” She smiled, handing it back to Zay who gladly accepted it.

“Thank you Mom…and I’m sorry I ran out into the street” Zay apologized, “I bet you wished you would have left me home huh?”

Tanya snickered with a shake of her head, “Of course not, I will never leave you”

“Never?”

“Never”

“Right before we took this picture, I almost got ran over by a car” Zay shared out loud as he continued to look at the vintage photo, “Trying to get that ball”

“Wow” Valencia giggled, “Well, I see you got what you wanted”

“Yup” He laughed, placing the photo down.

“So…is that who all these letters are from? Your mom?” She asked.

“….Yeah. Turns out, my Pops been hiding them from me all these years” Zay half scoffed, half laughed, “Whole time I just thought she forgot about me”

“I don’t think that’s possible….she looks like she really loved you. Still…loves you. Do you know why your Dad would do such a thing?” Valencia asked, plopping onto the bed and moving the letters around.

“That’s what I’ve been wrecking my brain about for an hour. He told me she didn’t want me”

Valencia raised her eyebrow, “I don’t mean to be judgemental but…no parent should ever tell their kid that. Whether it’s true or not.”

“My dad isn’t a normal parent” Zay chuckled, “But yeah…that’s what I’m dealing with”

Valencia nodded, silence taking over the room as she allowed him to take a moment to himself. Zay closed his eyes, flashes of his mother playing in his mind.

“You should write her back”

Zay’s eyes peeled back open, “Huh?”

“Write her back” Valencia repeated, “And you’ll get your answers”